1sts (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
1sts) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2019-09-13 10:27 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2019-09-13 10:27 am
Entry tags:
1. Dare I ask what made me a better choice to text at this hour than your ex?
2. Yes, I would like clarification on what you mean by 'Topless pictures of you have been distributed to the whole of the Resistance'.
3. The fact that you're sexting me would be the most obvious hint that something is happening.
4. Hey, sorry I chocked you last night. I was just really excited to see you.
5. I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
6. ( text him! )
You start it!
[She is the maker of bad decisions]
Oh. Erm. Exactly what I said?
[She is the maker of bad decisions]
Oh. Erm. Exactly what I said?
01. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
02. pack a bag. don't ask questions.
03. My phone says I texted someone at 4:30 saying let's fight. Then I texted them again an hour later saying thanks.
04. I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold.
05. It’s good I’m only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
06. You took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
07. [Choose your own adventure.]
02. pack a bag. don't ask questions.
03. My phone says I texted someone at 4:30 saying let's fight. Then I texted them again an hour later saying thanks.
04. I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold.
05. It’s good I’m only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
06. You took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
07. [Choose your own adventure.]
1. After a certain blood-alcohol level, the droid is in charge.
2. I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
3. I said "one day" and that day is not today
4. There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
5. Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
6. [text her]
2. I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
3. I said "one day" and that day is not today
4. There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
5. Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
6. [text her]
Edited 2019-09-13 14:38 (UTC)
Lady Ray, is that day tomorrow? Or the next day? How does one decide which day is the fortuitous day?
1. Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
2. You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
3. This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
4. I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
5. [Text him!]'I just got captured' handcuffs or 'I'm having a good time' handcuffs?
1. I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
2. I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
3. ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
4. Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
5. [Text him!]1. I'm getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
2. I just really need a hug
3. I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
4. Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
5. [text her]
2. I just really need a hug
3. I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
4. Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
5. [text her]
1: Why and how is there fire on top of the ocean?
2: I'm never going to be able to think of the word "sandwich" the same way again.
3: Last night is exactly why you don't drink and boat.
4: The sun has betrayed me. I must use my boyfriends' pants to shield my eyes.
5: You are strong, confident, and in possession of an amazing ass. Now go out there and take on the world! This has been your daily confidence booster.
6: Text her!
2: I'm never going to be able to think of the word "sandwich" the same way again.
3: Last night is exactly why you don't drink and boat.
4: The sun has betrayed me. I must use my boyfriends' pants to shield my eyes.
5: You are strong, confident, and in possession of an amazing ass. Now go out there and take on the world! This has been your daily confidence booster.
6: Text her!
you would not believe how flammable magic and fire is at the same time
1. i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
2. He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
3. last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
4. Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
5. Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
2. He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
3. last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
4. Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
5. Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
1. I woke up under your bed. Explanation?
2. Sometimes I think people go out of their way to ask me to do things because they hate me.
3. Can I find our enemies sexy or that illegal?
4. I can't see anything in that picture. Or is that the point?
5. Text him!
2. Sometimes I think people go out of their way to ask me to do things because they hate me.
3. Can I find our enemies sexy or that illegal?
4. I can't see anything in that picture. Or is that the point?
5. Text him!
illegal is a strong word.
frowned upon probably fits better.
so... no, it's not illegal.
frowned upon probably fits better.
so... no, it's not illegal.
a. Hey, did I get punched in the face last night?
b. Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flerken, asshole.
c. You poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for them to drink out of/make out with.
d. Or text her!
b. Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flerken, asshole.
c. You poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for them to drink out of/make out with.
d. Or text her!
1. all i want to do is fuck in the goddess tower before i leave this school. is that too much to ask?
2. let's play a little game called "chill the fuck out" - you're our first contestant.
3. professor needs to stop cancelling class. bad things happen when i have too much free time on my hands.
4. you know you go to a religious academy when you are considering doing drugs with sothis.
2. let's play a little game called "chill the fuck out" - you're our first contestant.
3. professor needs to stop cancelling class. bad things happen when i have too much free time on my hands.
4. you know you go to a religious academy when you are considering doing drugs with sothis.
1 - do you know who the rando who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
2 - my stomach is making terrible sounds, probably because there is nothing but tequila and semen in it
3 - my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf, wide open to suggestions
4 - [text him! cross-canon/medium and misfires are go! (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧]
2 - my stomach is making terrible sounds, probably because there is nothing but tequila and semen in it
3 - my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf, wide open to suggestions
4 - [text him! cross-canon/medium and misfires are go! (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧]
sure know how to make a guy feel special
1. Don't know if he's gay or not, but there is something about the way he looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
2. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
3. before I went to bed I wrote myself a note that says 'I feel all swirly'.
4. If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think I ever will.
Text him, if you dare to.
2. Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
3. before I went to bed I wrote myself a note that says 'I feel all swirly'.
4. If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think I ever will.
Text him, if you dare to.
Yes. Remarkably only once. There was a tousle about how you were certain that someone's wife was cheating on her husband.
There were punches and tears. And a lot of shouting.
You're lucky you didn't end up in a jail cell.
There were punches and tears. And a lot of shouting.
You're lucky you didn't end up in a jail cell.
1. moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
2. seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
3. i'm high and craving hash browns from mcdonalds. please pick me up. i also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. thanks.
4. you hurt me so bad and it feels so good
5. text him! info in the journal!
2. seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
3. i'm high and craving hash browns from mcdonalds. please pick me up. i also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. thanks.
4. you hurt me so bad and it feels so good
5. text him! info in the journal!
1. you drunk? cuz i have a terrible idea
2. i just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies
nothing is safe anymore
3. your text makes more sense read in reverse
4. did i put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!
5. text him!
2. i just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies
nothing is safe anymore
3. your text makes more sense read in reverse
4. did i put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!
5. text him!
Oh Prompto-- you know that I don't need to be drunk to listen to your terrible idea-- I'm game totally sober. But I won't say no to a margarita
1. pack a bag, don't ask questions
2. moral of the story: i’m going to stab everyone
okay maybe i just really need a hug
3. last night is exactly why you don't drink and boat
4. can i find our enemies sexy or is that illegal?
5. there’s something about the way you look at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me”
i might have no choice but to oblige
6. [ text her! ]
2. moral of the story: i’m going to stab everyone
okay maybe i just really need a hug
3. last night is exactly why you don't drink and boat
4. can i find our enemies sexy or is that illegal?
5. there’s something about the way you look at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me”
i might have no choice but to oblige
6. [ text her! ]
Edited 2019-09-13 15:08 (UTC)
Listen, the other boat had it coming anyway.
My boat survived.
Clearly it's fine.
Except for him demanding payment for said sunk boat from the collision.
Personally, my payment should be telling him he needs a new boatman because his boats are too shoddy if they can't stand a tiny collision during a celebration.
My boat survived.
Clearly it's fine.
Except for him demanding payment for said sunk boat from the collision.
Personally, my payment should be telling him he needs a new boatman because his boats are too shoddy if they can't stand a tiny collision during a celebration.
1. i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
2. we couldn't find his phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
3. you rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. naked.
4. i am seriously only coming over if there are mcnuggets. i want 10.
5. i could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
6. text him!
2. we couldn't find his phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
3. you rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. naked.
4. i am seriously only coming over if there are mcnuggets. i want 10.
5. i could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
6. text him!
1. I'm getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
2. Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex-related demon summonings
3. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST TRACY CHAPMAN IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN
4. You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
5. [text him!]
2. Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex-related demon summonings
3. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST TRACY CHAPMAN IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN
4. You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
5. [text him!]
jfc this is what siri was designed for, i am begging you to commit to the modern age
how are you getting out of handcuffs
how are you getting out of handcuffs
01. Pretending to care about people's feelings is becoming a full time job.
02. I said "I'm straight." You then replied "Haha."
03. You left your Hero Relic but took your sandwich with you.
04. I don't like threesomes, they're too much effort.
05. ( or text him! )
02. I said "I'm straight." You then replied "Haha."
03. You left your Hero Relic but took your sandwich with you.
04. I don't like threesomes, they're too much effort.
05. ( or text him! )
1. Are you still mad at me for correcting your grammar while we were sexting?
2. We are playing family charades. My sister pointed at me. Everyone guessed disappointment.
3. No amount of under eye concealer can cover up how tired I am of this world.
4. Text her.
1. I still maintain that he broke his own jaw.
2. You know you need to get laid when getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense lesson turns you on.
3. I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about Batman.
4. Text him.
His medical records tell a different (more accurate) story.
a Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
b This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
c at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
d text her
b This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
c at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
d text her
1. You thought there were infected attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle.
2. You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
3. I can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore.
4. Text him.
Page 1 of 12