The Parenting is Hell Meme

[foundparadise]

The Parenting Is Hell meme

So it's finally happened, after however long planning (or not planning at all) nine months of carrying it (or looking) and more hours than we'll think about of labor (or a grueling last stage of the process) you have a wee little bundle of joy in your arms. You think it might be smiling! It's so magical and adorable and wonderful, you just know your life is going to be different forever. From now on everything is going to be amazing and perfect and fuzzy and wonderful and storybook and...

No.

No it isn't.

You just signed up for hell in a swaddling blanket.

Step One: Post with your character, including name, series and prefs in the subject, especially if you'd prefer the cliche-prompts or not.
Step Two: Others go to RNG and roll up a scenario, and optionally a relationship to share the suffering with.
Step Three: Optionally NPC or bring in a different person to play the child, if you want, or just discuss it without having the child there.
Step Four: Suffer.

Prompts 1-10 are straightforward, prompts 11-20 play with kidfic cliches.

1 - Shut it offffff | Baby is adorable except when you haven't slept in a week because it. won't. stop. crying. whenever you to go bed. How is it so LOUD?

2 - BABY COME BACK | Teaching baby to walk is a brilliant idea until it's up and running around everywhere, trying to trip you up every time you're not looking. What have you unleashed?

3 - So you're a wise guy huh | Good news! The tyke can verbalize what it wants without just crying all the time. Unfortunately its favorite words are 'no' and 'mine'. Arguing is fun! Are you seriously getting baited by a toddler?

4 - JUST END IT | You didn't sign up for a hellion like this. You never signed anything! They can't make you put up with it! Just drop it off at Disneyland and run or something, MICKEY CAN HANDLE IT! THE MOUSE MUST BE QUALIFIED BY NOW! YOU WON'T TELL, HONEST! YOU CAN START AGAIN!

5 - And the award for worst parents go to | IS IT BLEEDING? I THINK THAT'S BLOOD. You only looked away for a second and now it's BLEEDING. That's a LEGIT SCRAPED KNEE. Or maybe even something worse, who cares, baby tyke is hurt and it's totally your fault. WORST PARENT EVER. YOU ARE THE WORST.

6 - WHAT THE HELL, SCHOOL? | Did your baby just come home with a bruise? Oh, hell naw your kid is not going to be bullied. YOU'LL GET THAT KID ARRESTED OR SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW.

7 - YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME | WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY RAN AWAY? Ran WHERE? WHY?! COME BACK! COME BACK RIGHT NOW!

8 - I'M NOT CLEANING THIS UP | Did they seriously think you weren't going to double back and make sure they weren't holding a party while you went out on your holiday? Not smooth, kid.

9 - But it's cool! | You are apparently no longer cool enough to be seen in public with the kid who you buy everything for, and also you're ruining their life by being stuffy and all parent-y and saying no. Discuss.

10 - Oh yay a--wait WHAT | In 2.5 minutes your baby will be marrying off with someone and moving away. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? IT'S BEEN LIKE FIVE MINUTES. THIS ISN'T FAIR!

11 - What did he just say? | That baby is...really, really smart man. Is that even possible? It'd be cute if it weren't so unnerving.

12 - Mirror image | When they said baby was a chip off the old block, they weren't kidding. It's like living in a house with TWO of your significant other. Or two of you. Or a frightening yet uncanny match up. That's so weird

13 - In their shadow | Did baby just save the world? Without your help? What the hell was in your coffee this morning?

14 - A certain set of skills | OH NO Baby has been kidnapped! Someone is going to be paying a ransom, but is it going to be you or the kidnappers?

15 - WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT SPOILERS? | Baby just came back from the future. Apparently you HAVE a baby in the future. You'll never guess who with! Wait why did they come by again?

16 - How do you spell that? | Your sappy and thoughtful name was great until they're being picked on in school EVERYWHERE for having six names. What were you even thinking?

17 - Cheaper by the... | What, are you like trying to start your own country or something?

18 - That's just not fair. | Your kid is like perfect at EVERYTHING and incredibly beautiful and enchanting and charismatic and everyone loves them. To an absurd degree. Where did they even get the rainbow eyes gene? Good for them, but come ON it's like a unicorn just vomited them up. Is there any shared genetics?

19 - But Vegas PROMISED! | Wait wait wait. The kid is your secret lovechild with WHO? SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE GIVING YOU ANSWERS RIGHT NOW. IT WAS ONE TIME

20 - So no pressure then? | Your baby is the chosen one. Begin dealing with it. It probably involves trying not to die tragically every weekend.


Optional Relationship:

1 - Significant Other: You're in this together.
2 - Friend: Did you sign up for baby-sitting duties and late-night calls from frazzled parents?
3 - Parents: Looks like karma has finally come around!
4 - Family: Another child? THE child? A sympathetic sibling?
5 - Stranger: Oh you shouldn't have asked anything.
6 - Enemy: Delight in all the details of their suffering!

Comments

Finland | Hetalia | OTA

[moimin_papa]

Aaron Livesy | Emmerdale | See below

[teenagebadboy]

((OOC: So this guy is gay which makes parent/significant other a bit tricky. Other than that I am open for anything. I am also open to playing the child as a third PC in a thread. Saving the world may not fit with this guy's canon though. I could always AU that. Have in mind that Aaron was a troublesome kid when he grew up.))

Axl Johnson | The Almighty Johnsons

[friggmagnet]

[justwonthegame]

[It's been a couple years now since his mum left him alone with his brothers, and Mike thinks he's starting to get the hang of this. Small mercies that Axl was out of diapers when Mike turned twenty one, but it's still been an adventure in learning how to make the little jerk actually listen to him. He'll be so relieved when Anders actually moves out like he's been threatening to do for a month now, and stops being the worst possible influence.

It's Saturday, anyway, and Mike's left Axl to his own devices for a while whilst he adds up their expenses at the kitchen table. Fuck budgeting. He thinks they might have to move if they keep on like this.]

Jean Louis Duroc | Silver Wolf (modern AU)

[population_ctrl]

[Everything about this is pretty much doomed to be terrible. -_-]

LOL, yes, 8

[unreadability]

[They don't reserve their weekends for Esmeralda. By now, she's reached an age in which one must expect her to be perfectly capable of responsible behaviour - if nothing else, then considering the tuition fees that Tressanger is paid in tribute every single month, to school her into something a little less imperfect that what was handed into their care five years ago. As such, the trip to Paris had been carefully arranged and Esmeralda instructed to stay at home, hopefully in order to pay a considerable percentage of her attention to her homework.

As Mireille steps out of the hallway, into the living room, into an impressive... mess, she ensures to note that perhaps they should. In the future. Make their weekends Esmeralda's, too. So that she doesn't lay claim on what isn't hers, not even by inclusion.]

rapunzel ✄ into the woods/once upon a time

[bemoans]

[ooc: distressed mother of twins. ]

Naoto Shirogane ⊗ Persona 4

[pishirogane]

[OOC: Dad is the least of that baby's troubles.]

John Marston | Red Dead Redemption

[onlycompass]

[OOC: He may not be the best dad, but he tries.]

John!

[thegoddessizanagi]

[And this would be your daughter trying to figure out how one actually rides a horse.

Granted, the thing seems to like her quite a bit, but she's never done this before.]

Erin Sterling| We make our own rules

[wateronthebrain]

"Nate!" Erin storms into the house after school looking annoyed. She had joined this family after a complicated situation. Her Father had needed to make sure his little princess had stayed safe so she had become another one of Nate's wards. She has no idea how long this is going to last but it's okay.

The girl isn't used to adults being directly involved in her life. Eliot is her 'older brother apparently and she keeps protesting about how unfair it is even if she secretly loves having someone care enough to get bossy.

"Eliot's being a jerk!"

Okay she is pretty mad right now. Eliot had been a big jerk at school. Over a boy flirting with her. URGH. "Tell him to stop! Please?"

Wait.... Sterling as in James Sterling?!

[minitreiver]

"I was not!"

Eliot stormed into the house on her heels. "Dad! These guys at school keep acting like they think Erin's a whore. And she's not. Tell her she's not allowed to talk to them!"

john watson | bbc sherlock | ota

[unattached]

Marion Scotts | Original Character | OTA

[didnotwant]

Erik Lensherr }{ XMFC

[ferros]

[ OOC: Adoptive and critical father of mutant bbs. Can be pre or post-Cuba. ]

Is no1 and role 5 OK?

[teenagebadboy]

[One thing was sure and that was that Aaron had drunk a little bit too much yesterday at his mates party. He would prefer to just have a clam down at work or even better not go to work at all. But of course his Cain wanted to make things worse for him and send him into town for some important parts. Despise being hungover and not being able to drive. So he had to take the buss. The part he was picking wasn't a large one so he would get it onboard. Things might have been alright id it wasn't for that crying baby who just wouldn't stop. He had sent the father a few glares but finally he had it.]

Oi, will you make your baby stop?

Katie Bell ❇ Harry Potter

[gryffindorbell]

[Good with any number; men for significant others]

Jet Jenkins | Way of the Samurai 4

[jetrolled]

(As a parent, Jet'd be less watchful than recommended and wouldn't lecture his kid about anything ever. He'd also volunteer for every school fundraiser. I'm sorry, hypothetical kid.

It's also cool if Jet's a family friend or whatever - he'll want to get involved either way. We can NPC the kid or have them be gone for whatever reason. Whatever you want to focus on most!)

Have a kid who is basically the epitome of "teenage rebellion." sob.

[flowing_kinetics]

[Congratulations, Jet, your precious gift has just been told to go home for starting a fight again.

And is currently just sitting in the principal's office waiting for you to come and get his stupid ass.]

Regulus Black || Harry Potter (AU) ||Prefers M/M but het arranged marriages might be worked in

[theheartofleo]

[Reg's always wanted kids, jsyk]

Phillipa Coulson (rule!63) • MCU

[in_triplicate]

(replace actual kids with adults in brightly-colored pajamas and this is basically canon.)

Edogawa Conan | Detective Conan

[consultantsson]

[ This is the kind of kid that is reason parents resort to medication. ]

[ No seriously, good luck. ]

13 I tl;dr'd I'm sorry.

[inventedconsultant]

[damn it.]

[four consecutive foodless days. four consecutive sleepless nights. the number of hours spent chasing the paper trail of one of the most notorious and well-publicized thieves in the country just shy of the triple digits, and his body had given out.]

[he'd been so close. he was sure of it. time was of the essence, and just as everything had begun clicking into place, one ill-advised collapse onto something remotely soft to think had shut him off like a light.]

[that something hadn't been his bed, but it's where he's slowly, ever slowly, resurfacing from hibernation. cracking open his eyes, the light of dusk or dawn peeping in from beneath the curtain is hardly any indication as to how long he's slept. he peers around, fumbles a moment, and eventually snatches his mobile from the bedside table and—oh christ.]

Conan!

[disentangling himself from his sheets, the detective hauls himself upright and stumbles to his feet. a day and a half. a day and a half..! the trail would be stone cold by now; four days wasted, squandered on account of his carelessness. there'd probably already been another break-in. perhaps the boy would at least have a handle on the situation so they could start again.]

Sherlock Holmes | BBC Sherlock

[annoyingdick]

[Bring it.]

Annette | Castlevania | OTA

[alwayskidnapped]

[ Annette is a good mother. Really.

Really. ]

[masterofthewhip]

((To be clear, we're doing the AU from the nightmare fuel meme, yes? Would you like to start us off?))

Integra Hellsing | Hellsing | OTA

[integra_hellsing]

Charles Xavier | X-Men: First Class

[wedonot]

[Keywords, basically.]

[burnmythoughts]

[Jean crosses her arms with a huff.]

I don't see why I should be grounded.

Erik destroys public property all the time.

Bruce Wayne (Batman) | DCU

[capedcrusading]

[Batkids, what did you do now.]

hey she's only half family. Have a not-grandkid?

[ichoosefight]

[ Steph rocks a child in her arms, who she thinks is the tiniest adorableist most precious little thing in the whole wide world. Most of the time, anyway. She coos to him as he drifts off to sleep. ]

It's not as hard as they make it sound, you know.

Twisted Fate | League of Legends | OTA

[thecardmaster]

North Italy/Feliciano Vargas | Hetalia

[morethanpasta]

Aristeo Regis / OC

[betteroffdead]

England | Hetalia | OTA

[pillarsofsand]

[...perfect.]