Trapped in Ikea

[dadsocks]

from source

Surviving IKEA

1. Never enter near closing hours.
   
2. Do not mispronounce IKEA product names. What you summon will haunt you.
   
3. Do not trust the arrows.
   
4. Walls shift and new ones appear out of nowhere.
   
5. Avoid, at any cost, staying after closing hours.
   
6. Do not ask employees for directions to the exit. Most of them have been trapped inside the building ever since they signed the contract. These once happy and good people have grown spiteful. Do not trust them. They want you to stay.
   
7. Make the bed after trying it out. It makes them less angry.

In case you are trapped:

1. Find John. He has lived in the store for six years, unnoticed.
   
2. Avoid eye contact with employees roaming around.
   
3. Hide whenever possible.
   
4. The ghost families living in the showrooms won’t betray you.
   
5. Do not steal any pencils. It will give away your position.
   
6. Avoid walking through the bed area. The creatures sleeping there won’t appreciate your presence.
   
7. When music from the 30s starts blasting through the speakers, Walter, the handyman, has noticed you and wants to drive his screwdriver through your ear.
   
8. Run.
   
9. He often shouts jokes chasing you followed by the laughter of IKEA personnel echoing throughout the store. Never let your guard down.
   
10. Open as many wardrobes as you can. Some of them are magic portals. Pray that you find one in time before he finds you.
    
11. Only go through a portal when absolutely necessary. What you find on the other side is often not pleasant.
    
12. If there is no other option, try pronouncing the name of the IKEA furniture closest to you. The ground will start to shake. Prepare yourself for the worst.

∅ You are now trapped in Ikea after closing.
∅ There is no escape.
∅ Good luck.

Comments

Prodigy/David Alleyne - Marvel-616 - OTA

[helpdesk_hero]

Crowley | Good Omens

[sauntered_downward]

lmao hello

[salutosinedelectat]

He didn't ask for this. In fact, he didn't ask for anything, he doesn't even like the furniture in here. Not his taste.

Pretty sure it was glass number--bottle number-- oh, he doesn't remember. It was a whole lot of wine and scotch and inane conversations in the back of his shop, and now they're here and he hates it.

"Is this place your doing?" He'd suggested they followed the arrows. They have been following the arrows for a very long time. There are a lot of chairs on the walls. "This is absolutely miserable."

Illya Kuryakin | TMFU

[notsochillya]

Finn Mertens | Adventure Time

[finnality]

[Ad...venture?]

Ben Hargreeves | Umbrella Academy | OTA

[hauntedcalamari]

[Spooky flat packed ghost.]

teenage eldritch demon thing meets adult eldritch ghost?

[mytearsaremine]

Jolie has never actually had the joy of being in an Ikea before, to be honest. It's not something she'd ever had the opportunity for before the whole family-got-possessed-by-an-alien-hybrid thing, and she hasn't actually been anywhere with Ikeas before now.

So now she's lost in this one, wandering around, confused, shadow-tentacles held close to her back and eyes glowing dimly in the dim after-hours lights as she frowns at the various pieces of furniture and tries to find the way out. "Okay, there's got to be a door out of here somewhere."

Elena | Final Fantasy VII

[petitepistol]

 

Badou Nails | DOGS: Bullets and Carnage

[brokeassgoing]

 

leonardo da vinci | ikemen vampire

[compagno]

time to actually step on him

[hoasen]

[She ended up trying to climb over a few bunk bed displays in order to get back to the main maze, but unfortunately the store has already closed!

Guess it's time to raid the refrigerators for some dry meals.

But while she was thinking about how she needed to cook some food, she tripped over what she thought was a soft body pillow which ended up being a solid human being who just happened to be dead asleep, and then accidentally stomped all over his stomach when trying to regain her balance.

Which then leads to her freaking out and trying to check him.]

O-oh my goodness?! Are you alright?!

Prompto Argentum | Final Fantasy XV | OTA

[guntography]

[halfspirit]

( it says you are cool with assumed cr on your profile. i hope this is okay! )

"Let's go look at the new Ikea store," he says. "It's going to be fun," he says. "We can chillax together on the bed," he says! [Zakuro spits this out with as much frustration as she could possibly muster. In her case, it was a lot. She bares her teeth at Prompto, showing off the sharp glint of her incisors. Both of them quickly fled the bed section of Ikea when they noticed something crawling out from underneath the beds. She would have fought the creature had Prompto not pulled her with him.] I'm never letting you pick an outing ever again after this.

[This was utterly humiliating and she couldn't believe they were trapped after hours in this giant furniture store. A sudden screech from across the Ikea store has her ears perking up from their folded position on her head, pupils dilating from the high pitch keen.] Fuck.

We should keep moving. That sounded really close. [In her hands was her short dagger-like sword, ready to gank anything that might come at them unexpectedly. She tenses a little, shuffling to press against Prompto so that she could whisper to him, ears straining to pick up any noise.] I saw an office door just a little further back. We can hide there instead of staying out in the open. If we are going to stay here until morning, I want to be safe.

William | Westworld

[omniavincit]

Harrison | Camp Camp | ota

[abracaowned]

Amane Nishiki | BlazBlue | OTA

[busin]

Prompto Argentum ☆ Final Fantasy XV OTA

[chocoboboy]

[Don't know where this will go but I feel this is something that fits this guy here.]

[honorofhome]

[The Sun has already set, even if it was high up when Titus entered the building. He just wanted a set of towels and a glass to replace the one that broke the other day. It was supposed to be a fast mission, a routine one without any complications. But then, the exit disappeared.

It would be a lie if Titus said he didn't expect this to happen, he was just trying to avoid it every way possible.

Now he had to get out as soon as he could. So he wanted to go for it. But as he was heading for the nearest safe are he spotted someone. A kid. A kid who would hang out with the Prince regularly, looking lost.

Titus hissed to himself as he hurried toward him, holding out his hand.]

Come with me if you want to live.

claude von riegen | fire emblem: three houses

[riegency]

Gwen Stacy | Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse

[flic_flac]

[Having a Spider-Sense comes in pretty handy in these type of situations.]

Aziraphale | Good Omens (TV show)

[salutosinedelectat]

Magnus Burnsides | The Adventure Zone: Balance

[proficienciesouttheass]

Adam Young | Good Omens (tv show)

[perfectlyhuman]

second | original character

[secondbell]

[ May appear to be something spooky, especially with the faintly glowing eyes, but he just wants to get out of here as badly as you do. ]

[softlyandsuddenly]

He's not scared of being hurt, of losing himself in the strangeness, but he's also not sure how to get out either. The fact that the Ikea keeps turning around on him, shifting and rearranging itself, is frustrating, but he's not upset about it yet.

He's a little unnerved at not seeing anyone, however. The idea of being trapped is fine, but being trapped alone is... Well, he's standing on a bed, occasionally jumping to get a little more height, and looking around to see if he can spot anyone to maybe talk to or even ask for help.

When he spots the man not far, he brightens, hopping down and darting over to him. It doesn't even matter to him that the other is a little off, a little more dead than he's used to encountering in corporeal form, but that's fine.

"Hi," he blurts out. "Are you lost? Cause I kinda am."

Sarah Williams | Return to Labyrinth

[notimefordreams]

[... Was that wall there a second ago?]

steve harrington | stranger things

[douchehair]

wade wilson | xmcu

[babylegday]

Aziraphale | Good Omens

[goodoldfashioned]

[In his defense, he blames Crowley.]

[sparkofgoodness]

Evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction, and Crowley has long found that his best schemes are no different in that respect.

Here Crowley is, then, staring at the entrance to an Ikea store and desperately trying to think of a new tactic to put Aziraphale off going inside. If it had been down to him, they'd just miracle some furniture and be done with it. Fine, though, admittedly they probably need to cut down on the miracles given recent events and the whole not drawing attention tactic. Yes, he understands, Aziraphale likes being real physical things with all their quirks. Ikea, though? He'd have thought Aziraphale might be more the reproduction antique furniture sort, assuming they weren't buying real antiques, but the humans enjoy Ikea so of course Aziraphale wants to try it at least once. It's stylish and modern, apparently something he believes will appeal to Crowley. It would in any other circumstances.

"Listen," Crowley says, "we need a plan. This place is huge and if we just dither we'll never escape it."

Anyone would think, from his tone, that he's planning a dangerous mission rather than just to enter a furniture shop.

They're one and the same.

Toki Wartooth | Metalocalypse | ota

[krigstann]

[Hello darkness my old friend]

goro akechi | persona 5

[justesse]