bakerstreet | the picture prompt meme.

[See, this is what living means Kravitz. It's finding fun in things that aren't just murder. Besides, he gets the bonus of listening to the reaper laugh, which sends a bubble of joy through his own chest. Damn, why does it make him so happy to see him smile, this is illegal.

(He knows why. Oh, he knows. But there is no time to dwell on that now.)]

Is finding out my secrets not enough for you? I thought that was why you were chasing in the first place!

[He takes a quick chance, and when he blinks next, he actually doubles back to just behind Kravitz before he pops back in.]

Or are you looking for something more intimate?

[He could literally spit out the fucking gum in the ethereal plane and yet he refuses. It's so much funnier to see Kravitz fluster and try to figure out his secrets while also giving chase. Lifehack- if your boyfriend is too fucking smart but easily overwhelmed, overwhelm him. Foolproof way to get away with anything.]

[Don't @ him Don't @ him oh my god Don't @ Him.

He's trying to be smooth and composed over here. Like, he understands the words he said and he was trying to be flirty and coy and whatever, but he didn't expect him to just Do That-blink directly behind him. And suddenly it's just. He's out of his league. 100% failing this competition. Taako was always the winner and he was a damn fool.]

I wouldn't be, you know, opposed to a, um, reward of that nature.

[That accented voice is throwing him off though-hearing himself like that and he swivels around to see if he can just. Grab that blinky boy. Just pull him into his arms before he nyooms off again.]

[OH HE GONNA AND HE IS

This is all part of his plan anyway; Kravitz' hands do land, with just enough time for Taako to give a little kiss to his arm... and then blink out again. Poof, he's gone, taking Kravitz' sanity with him. He takes a second to laugh as he gets a few steps back, enjoying this wayyyyy too much before reappearing 10 feet to his right.]

C'mon babe! This how you beat necromancers? I'm runnin' magic circles around you! At this rate I coulda scrawled down a banish undead spell natch.

[It's not often Taako has an interest in playing rough, but he enjoys a challenge as much as Kravitz does. So own up buddy!! What's it gonna be??]

[It was stupid of him to think Taako would stay still after being caught, what with all his funky wizard powers. But he really, truly, thought that would be the end of it, and then he starts challenging him, his arm gets a little peck and suddenly-

You know what??

You know what????

That's fine this is fine because he needs the practice and honestly, there's no one more wiry or wild around. There's a couple enticing rewards in the near future that he's fairly certain he'll get. It's really a win-win situation. But first-]

If you insist.

[And like that, his body dissolves into a ball of blinding light and vanishes into the ceiling, or so it appears.

Where did that reaper boy go??? What a mystery!!]

[Oh, shit.

Something in Taako's posture locks when Kravitz actually calls his bluff, caught between some kind of weird pride and his mind rapidly recalibrating the circumstances. This is fine. This is so fine, actually, because he's beaten more things than Kravitz for sure. Besides, if the other man is going to go hard, so is he.

The blink spell is dropped and Taako slides his hand into his pocket, gripping around for components for a moment and whispering something under his breath. His free hand goes up to his eyes, two fingers extended as if he's putting in fantasy contacts, and as his fingers get right up to them they suddenly flash a bright, bubblegum pink.

It's true seeing time, baybee. He doesn't know if Kravitz even uses the ethereal plane, but he intends to find out wherever the hell he's coming from first. So let's go, reaperboy. Your move.]

[True seeing might help Taako, if he can catch the glimpses of blinding soul jumping from random item to item, like he's taking turns possessing different things. As if he's trying to leave a trail to be followed, to distract him, to give him time to stop him from casting blink so he can-

Possess a blanket and, if Taako doesn't move, he's gonna be enveloped in this ridiculous ass trap and be forced to become a blanket burrito.]

[See, the real question here is how hard Taako wants to go with this. Because on one hand, he has the logical capacity to know this is for fun, and there's nothing lost in letting him have his fun. On the other hand, he wants to fucking win and if Kravitz is playing hardball so is he.

So Kravitz absolutely gets to the blanket, and this leads to the only logical progression here.

Taako sets the blanket on fire.

It's not a high level spell, a quick fire of scorching ray, just one bolt to hit dead center. But it is like... very much on fire, and then he's just gonna turn and run the opposite direction. Byeeee.]

[HE SOMEHOW DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK???

He can feel his HP actually DECREASE and whatever pride is building in his dark, dead soul takes a pause as he reappears in a skeletal form, patting down his cloak like he's actually on fire. But nah, it's the blanket and he does stomp it out before the HOUSE GOES AFLAME.

And now he has to win??? Absolutely needs to catch this spicy elf because holy shit.

He's opening a goddamn rift and he's gonna attempt to just appear right in front of him.]

[Respectfully, Kravitz, how did you not expect this to happen.

Taako's just full tilt running at this point, brain thumbing through anything he has that might assist with this, and he thinks he finally gets it as soon as Kravitz appears. He sidesteps him with a flip wizard twist, trying to head for the door, and Kravitz maybe has a moment where he can lay down some capture.

Otherwise he's gonna cast expeditious retreat and practically go flying out of there. He's still laughing in that deep voice he's making through god-knows-what, obviously deeply enjoying himself.

Nerd.]

[GUESS WHAT PUNK

He uses his fucking mind powers to just slam that door shut the moment he makes eye contact with his goblin, shoving all kinds of items in front of it like he's trying to barricade the home from a zombie apocalypse. It's straining to move so much at once, but ya know. Ya know. Sometimes?? Yeah.]

I was going to ask you to surrender quietly until I figured out what you did, but-

[He doesn't want to admit he's gonna lose, but this damn wizard. Goddamn.]

I have a new proposition for you. How about a different kind of game?

[Okay, admittedly, that was a good move. Taako's got the spell on his fingertips, but the door shuts and the extra second he's going to need to re-open it just isn't gonna cut that one-- especially since this now looks like more of a barricade, and he has to choke down more hiccups of laughter in absolute glee of how hard Kravitz is taking this. Fucking incredible. This is the best thing he's ever done.

So instead of trying to dig through, or dimension door-ing outside, he decides to flip the script again. While his back is turned to Kravitz, he quickly spits out the gum and tucks it behind his ear as he turns into a fake swoon across the various furniture now being pressed against the door. When he speaks, his voice is his own again.]

Oh, looks like I've been trapped. What kinda game you thinkin', boyo?

[His smug face says he absolutely knows Kravitz is going to notice and get all up in it again, and he's just waiting to revel in it.]/small>

[This is the most baffling situation and granted, he can't look through 2000 spell cards or raid Garfield's Costco to figure out what the hell is going on, but he's sure as shit this man's cheating. And now his voice is his own again-one he vastly prefers.

He doesn't mention what kind of game. Not yet. It's pretty easy to figure out though, because he definitely gets very up close and personal to this special, special man.]

Oh, I think you'll like this one much better. I know I do.

[And he leans down, closer and closer. Trying to entice him long enough to keep the wizard from blinking away at a moment's notice. He lowers his voice a bit, running his hands up and down his arms in a very gentle motion, gliding them up his neck and down his chest and-]

[He can't find any GODDAMN ITEM with all his little touches and he just. Presses his forehead and against Taako's in utter fucking defeat.]

Please just-tell me what you did. You set me on fire-I deserve to know.

[He grins towards the other man with half lidded eyes, giving a little hip wiggle whenever Kravitz's fingers get close to where he can meet them. It's a moment of great sultry tension until Kravitz admits utter defeat, and he laughs again, hands reaching up to hold the sides of his face.]

Oh my god, you're precious. Babe...

[Taako pulls Kravitz in for a hug, and surreptitiously sticks the gum back in his mouth. This has now been in like 3 planes, behind his ear, and in his mouth twice. It's probably not the most sanitary thing in the world.

That doesn't stop him from letting Kravitz escape from the hold, pressing their lips into a kiss, and using his tongue to shove the wad of gum into Kravitz' mouth. He pulls back right after, tongue stuck a bit out and looking absolutely elated to watch the reaper try to put it all together.

That enchantment only lasts an hour. There's no way Kravitz would be quiet for that long.]

[There's-

Something in his MOUTH now and his face expresses the same terror one would have sticking their hands in a mystery box and feeling like slime or something. This is a cursed moment and he chews it only because he can't think under these conditions. He can't think with Taako here or when he talks to him and-]

What did you-

[And he stops.]

[Well, that's not the voice he was using, right?

Definitely not. That's-]

[He's still got this nasty thing in his mouth and he's lost in all ways, including being set on fire during this adventure. He didn't even really catch Taako, so much as the wizard let himself be caught.

But he sure looks vindicated as fuck right now. He knew this spicy wizard was cheating!!!! ]

There, was that so hard to admit? Enchanted gum. I knew this was the case.

[He had no idea??? Enchanted fantasy gum was a thing actually?? Let him have this moment. He's old and wants to be hip.]

I'm, uh, rather impressed it works so well.

[Taako just laughs as Kravitz goes through the 5 stages of grief right in front of him, leaning against the other man's chest as he wheezes. As expected, his voice is back to it's normal fluttery laugh that degrades into almost coughing when he's lost all the air from his body. That was so funny he almost can't see straight, trying and failing to speak about three times before he finally hacks it.]

It was worth it to watch your face! Oh my gods, fuckin' death god secretary here tries to feel me up as a last resort I'm gonna lose it--

[He just wheezes against Kravitz' chest for another few moments until he can come down enough to speak, a few giggles still following like the last steps of a staircase. He's still grinning though, as if to make a promise of "don't worry, he's still bastard".]

Have you never been to Fantasy Costco, my man? They got all kinds of good shit. How do you think we got that magic fork?

[Taako's cursed cackling is worth every second he spent on fire, though he would prefer that to never, ever, happen again. It's contagious, almost. There's a smile that tugs at his face with every wheezing laugh that comes out of his boyfriend's mouth. It was absurd, but he had to pull out all the metaphorical guns to get the answer!! And he got it!! Who's the real winner here??

Well, not him, because there's still used gum in his mouth and he's not sure what to do with it. So he-

Spits it into his palm, opens up a portal with the flick of his hand and-

Shoves it through. Shhh. It's fine. It's going somewhere else and in a few millenia, it'll be gone anyway. He put it in the Astral Plane or something. The souls in the stockade are criminals anyway. They won't care about some chewed up gum.]

I think that place needs to be investigated. Are you sure it's not some kind of illegal market? That fork is a crime against humanity.

[Gum is probably the least of his worries, and it should be with Taako in his arms, with the moment they have. The door is barricaded with furniture. The couch throw has burn marks. They both chewed the same piece of gum. The entire thing is a mess, and therefore so very, very them.]

Oooh, the big bad reaper, champion of a goddess, undone by a fork. 'Mm sure that'll be a real compelling case, broseph.

[Finally, his eyes drift to the menagerie of furniture blocking the front door, and snickers one more time.]

Tell you what. How about you take down the blockade, and we can do a little shopping. I think you an ol' Garf would get on great.

[Is he hoping Kravitz will get into a betting game of wits and wagers with Garfield? Yes. 100%. This is going to be fantastic.]

You know very well it wasn't just a fork.

[Literally took a bite of him, Taako. He won't forget that-ever. No matter how many times they lay together or set the house on literal fire.

But he's interested to meet the black market dealer that's behind this nonsense. It must be a powerful shopkeeper with connections to the seedy underbelly of the universe. He has a very specific image of this master negotiator-too bad he never felt a need to visit it prior. But that's fine. It's whatever. They have a chance now and that idea makes him slowly raise a hand to levitate the various items out doorframe, moving the couch, with them still on top, with the same gesture. Like they're riding some kind comfy car. Look, why move away from Taako if he doesn't have to? This is better.]

Very well. I'll lodge my complaint in person and then perhaps they'll offer us a discount and we can use it on, uh, something better. Anything. Maybe a fancy pen.

I tell you we're going somewhere that sells things that can let you eat any nonmagical thing in the world, and you wanna trade it for a pen.

[It's a hell of a thing that they're also having this talk while the room rearranges itself around them, but Taako of all people certainly isn't going to complain.]

Dream a little bigger, huh? Tell you what. Let me get him all primed for the sale, and you pop in for negotiations. I'm his favorite customer, after all.

[It would be a treat to see Taako work his magic on someone other than himself for once. Double teaming and harassing Garfield, the black market dealer, seems like a fun date for the afternoon. And his calendar's free, so-

He pulls himself off the man and stands back up, heading towards the now clear door to open it for him.]

Sounds like a date. Come on now-we best go before he closes up shop.

[Hey the words 'double teaming' and 'Garfield' shouldn't be in the same sentence, thanks. Regardless of that, up he goes to Kravitz' side, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek.]

That's my boy. C'mon, he won't know what hit him.

the picture prompt meme.

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1/??

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end

i love him so much

this is tERRIBLE

THEYRE IN LOVE

TERRIBLE LOVE

THE BEST WORST BOYS

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