yoloed (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2019-02-23 04:40 pm
yoloed) wrote in bakerstreet2019-02-23 04:40 pm
Entry tags:
1. No one wanted to sell vodka to a 13 years old, that's why I stole it. It's mine, don't touch it.
2. I can't hear the question if your face is pressed against the couch but the answer is still no.
3. Being called an ‘angel’ is actually a nice compliment if you interpret the word to mean ‘divine tool of righteous vengeance and wrath.’
4. You turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
5. [Text him!]
2. I can't hear the question if your face is pressed against the couch but the answer is still no.
3. Being called an ‘angel’ is actually a nice compliment if you interpret the word to mean ‘divine tool of righteous vengeance and wrath.’
4. You turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
5. [Text him!]
[ ( from here ) ]
1. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
2. I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
3. were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
4. Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
5. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
1. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
2. I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
3. were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
4. Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
5. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
[ continued from here ]
( 001 ) A shower wasn't enough to wash off the shame, but at least it took care of the blood.
( 002 ) [ 1/2: ] Thank you for always being there for me. [ 2/2: ] Sorry, wrong number.
( 003 ) I find it astounding you spelled "drunken" wrong but "pterodactyl" right.
( 001 ) A shower wasn't enough to wash off the shame, but at least it took care of the blood.
( 002 ) [ 1/2: ] Thank you for always being there for me. [ 2/2: ] Sorry, wrong number.
( 003 ) I find it astounding you spelled "drunken" wrong but "pterodactyl" right.
[ continued from here ]
( 001 ) What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
( 002 ) I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
( 003 ) I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling me I was on fire.
( 001 ) What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
( 002 ) I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
( 003 ) I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling me I was on fire.
1. Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
2. I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room.
3. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES N FOR NO.
4. I just apologized to a wet floor sign I walked into.
5. No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
2. I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room.
3. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES N FOR NO.
4. I just apologized to a wet floor sign I walked into.
5. No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
[ continued from here ]
( 001 ) This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
( 002 ) I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
( 003 ) IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP.
( 001 ) This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
( 002 ) I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
( 003 ) IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP.
[ from here ]
Your ego must be the size of Jupiter if you actually think I care if you find me 'charming'.
Your ego must be the size of Jupiter if you actually think I care if you find me 'charming'.
[ Continued from here ]
1. Hades just decided to start barking at the TV; it’s paused on the news, and on Theresa May’s face. This is like in movies when dogs start growling at the demon lurking in the corner. They just know.
2. Well the original text you sent was ‘I JUST WNAT! TO LIVE IN THE FORESTS! TREEES1!’ but you then sent it half a dozen more times trying and failing to rectify the spelling errors. I’m sorry to say you didn’t manage to, but I support you anyway.
3. Tonight is a ‘sad movie and drinking myself to sleep’ kind of evening. I can feel it in my bones.
4. I guess I’m just trying to say thank you for last night. I had a good time.
5. I spent last night drinking and deep cleaning my apartment. I literally dusted each of my fairy lights individually. I don’t know if this counts as some kind of quarter life crisis.
6. I told you once that I might like men in uniform, and you spent the entire night spamming me with pictures - including, but not limited to - the following;
- a clown, because ‘even the circus has uniforms’
- an ice cream man
- an American high school mascot
- a ‘kindly janitor who clearly has secrets’
- Santa
1. Hades just decided to start barking at the TV; it’s paused on the news, and on Theresa May’s face. This is like in movies when dogs start growling at the demon lurking in the corner. They just know.
2. Well the original text you sent was ‘I JUST WNAT! TO LIVE IN THE FORESTS! TREEES1!’ but you then sent it half a dozen more times trying and failing to rectify the spelling errors. I’m sorry to say you didn’t manage to, but I support you anyway.
3. Tonight is a ‘sad movie and drinking myself to sleep’ kind of evening. I can feel it in my bones.
4. I guess I’m just trying to say thank you for last night. I had a good time.
5. I spent last night drinking and deep cleaning my apartment. I literally dusted each of my fairy lights individually. I don’t know if this counts as some kind of quarter life crisis.
6. I told you once that I might like men in uniform, and you spent the entire night spamming me with pictures - including, but not limited to - the following;
- a clown, because ‘even the circus has uniforms’
- an ice cream man
- an American high school mascot
- a ‘kindly janitor who clearly has secrets’
- Santa
1. My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
2. The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
3. When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
4. So you threw a sword at me last night
2. The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
3. When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
4. So you threw a sword at me last night
a. It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
b. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
c. What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
d. I just wanna fuck your sister. Sorry if thats a crime.
e. or text her!
b. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
c. What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
d. I just wanna fuck your sister. Sorry if thats a crime.
e. or text her!
Edited 2019-02-23 23:27 (UTC)
oo1. No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
oo2. I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oo3. The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
oo4. Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
oo5. text him!
oo2. I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
oo3. The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
oo4. Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
oo5. text him!
1. The twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture.
2. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow.
3. Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way.
4. Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly. Romantic.
5. text him!
2. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow.
3. Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way.
4. Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly. Romantic.
5. text him!
1. come over. bring booze. my sister is making cookies. she took valium, they’re gonna be some badass cookies.
2. the spirits say you’re a nerd.
3. i mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex. i have to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body and that’s not how i want my first time to go.
4. i'm not sure you can trust me alone in the car with twenty dozen donuts
5. [ text him! ]
2. the spirits say you’re a nerd.
3. i mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex. i have to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body and that’s not how i want my first time to go.
4. i'm not sure you can trust me alone in the car with twenty dozen donuts
5. [ text him! ]
I've literally never thought of that, wtf.
God can you imagine...
God can you imagine...
1. Nothing says ‘Friday Feeling’ like having an emotional breakdown in a book store.
2. The neighbour’s cat is on my doorstep. I’m too intimidated to move it to get into my own flat so I’m sitting on the curb until it leaves.
3. Did you clean my apartment after I fell asleep?
4. Alright, I’m finally going to say it. I’m writing a chapter in my book about you. Yes, I know this sounds weird. And… I’m absolutely open to chapter title suggestions.
5. [ text her! ]
2. The neighbour’s cat is on my doorstep. I’m too intimidated to move it to get into my own flat so I’m sitting on the curb until it leaves.
3. Did you clean my apartment after I fell asleep?
4. Alright, I’m finally going to say it. I’m writing a chapter in my book about you. Yes, I know this sounds weird. And… I’m absolutely open to chapter title suggestions.
5. [ text her! ]
[ continued from here ]
1) You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
2) ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
3) Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
4) long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
5) [text him]
1) You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
2) ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
3) Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
4) long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
5) [text him]
[ from here ]
1. it’s not even a love triangle
it’s a love square
and it has come back to haunt me
2. i just walked into a room at this party
and someone yelled dibs
3. wait
did we get engaged last night???
4. i assume i’ve stopped bleeding because i haven't passed out
but i can't verify currently
5. [ text her! ]
1. it’s not even a love triangle
it’s a love square
and it has come back to haunt me
2. i just walked into a room at this party
and someone yelled dibs
3. wait
did we get engaged last night???
4. i assume i’ve stopped bleeding because i haven't passed out
but i can't verify currently
5. [ text her! ]
1.Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow.
2.I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
3.Hey, I didn't think I could be this stupid either but you don't see ME getting all judgemental about it
4.its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
5. Text him!
2.I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
3.Hey, I didn't think I could be this stupid either but you don't see ME getting all judgemental about it
4.its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
5. Text him!
1: He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
2: PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
3: I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
4: I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
5: For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Or you send one!
2: PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
3: I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
4: I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
5: For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Or you send one!
[from here]
[She's happy enough to let him take the lead, really, despite her longer stride.
It's his show for now.]
Good enough that I'm going to call it a sure bet, but there's always a freak chance, the outlier.
[She's happy enough to let him take the lead, really, despite her longer stride.
It's his show for now.]
Good enough that I'm going to call it a sure bet, but there's always a freak chance, the outlier.
a. The last thing I recall was yelling 'if you stay ready, you don't have to get ready' from the roof. Tell me: how fantastic was I after that?
b. He bought me a block of knives as a gag gift. I spent the night throwing them at his family photographs. It's the best birthday I've had yet.
c. Ran out of red wine. Now I'm drinking poisons. I may be crying blood. Or sweating it, I'm not certain.
d. If you wanted to be romantic, you would have set the bed on fire with us in it. I'm disappointed.
e. You can't die, I've been fantasizing about your assassination for months.
b. He bought me a block of knives as a gag gift. I spent the night throwing them at his family photographs. It's the best birthday I've had yet.
c. Ran out of red wine. Now I'm drinking poisons. I may be crying blood. Or sweating it, I'm not certain.
d. If you wanted to be romantic, you would have set the bed on fire with us in it. I'm disappointed.
e. You can't die, I've been fantasizing about your assassination for months.
( from here. )
You wound me. ( which is to say, you've scuffed his ego just a little bit, there. )
I will not have so little faith be stored in me. Tell me what it will take to convince you, rheoul*, of my mettle?
You wound me. ( which is to say, you've scuffed his ego just a little bit, there. )
I will not have so little faith be stored in me. Tell me what it will take to convince you, rheoul*, of my mettle?
Edited (*'ruby') 2019-02-24 13:55 (UTC)
1. i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts.
2. you broke a window with your face. i don't think the building manager will be as impressed as we were.
3. about 90% sure i fell off a roof. ow.
4. there are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
5. standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. i love my youth.
2. you broke a window with your face. i don't think the building manager will be as impressed as we were.
3. about 90% sure i fell off a roof. ow.
4. there are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
5. standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. i love my youth.
1. What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
2. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
3. just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
4. Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to knit. It’s called balance.
2. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
3. just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
4. Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to knit. It’s called balance.
1. why are you hurting?
2. pardon. i don't want a turtle.
3. how do you tell a boy he needs to wear a shirt when he meets your family? sorry.
4. no. you tried to trade me for a shot of whiskey.
5. a reward? yes. i'll think of something.
2. pardon. i don't want a turtle.
3. how do you tell a boy he needs to wear a shirt when he meets your family? sorry.
4. no. you tried to trade me for a shot of whiskey.
5. a reward? yes. i'll think of something.
[from here.]
yes. they do. but you can't breathe if you're drowning in other people's fears.
give him a chance.
pardon.
me too. you need to meet him.
yes. they do. but you can't breathe if you're drowning in other people's fears.
give him a chance.
pardon.
me too. you need to meet him.
1. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
2. I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
3. they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
4. I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
2. I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
3. they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
4. I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
Klaus Hargreeves/Number 4 | Netflix!The Umbrella Academy
icdedpplwensober
2019-02-24 12:16 am (UTC)(link)
01. I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
02. I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today.
03. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES AND N FOR NO.
04. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow.
05. What use have I for dignity? It just gets in the way of the really fun stuff.
06. Topless, eating sour gummies, knitting in bed, at 4AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
07. The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions.
02. I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today.
03. ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES AND N FOR NO.
04. Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow.
05. What use have I for dignity? It just gets in the way of the really fun stuff.
06. Topless, eating sour gummies, knitting in bed, at 4AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
07. The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions.
a. Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room
Now they bring dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods
I literally have to hunt and gather just to get high
b. He just looks like he'd be good in bed
He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my ass I'm cool with that
c. Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Now they bring dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods
I literally have to hunt and gather just to get high
b. He just looks like he'd be good in bed
He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my ass I'm cool with that
c. Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
{{Starter}}
I'll have you know that I bathe at least daily. Sometimes more than daily!
[Depending on how many times he needs to shock himself out of war flashbacks or cold sweats, at least.
He doesn't exactly interrogate his usual 'guests' about the go-to people when it comes to deaths. He's usually too busy going 'holy shit, it's working!' to think about that sort of thing.]
I'll have you know that I bathe at least daily. Sometimes more than daily!
[Depending on how many times he needs to shock himself out of war flashbacks or cold sweats, at least.
He doesn't exactly interrogate his usual 'guests' about the go-to people when it comes to deaths. He's usually too busy going 'holy shit, it's working!' to think about that sort of thing.]
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