bakerstreet | Sexting Tuesday

Sneaky son of a bitch! [ sputtered as she overcorrects to avoid collision and veers into the wall. Jess catches herself, hand braced against it, with her other splayed across her heart. Despite its continued jackhammering, she drops her arms to her side as if she's regained any composure. ] Yeah, so are you. [ she glances down at his glass, unsure what he meant to be doing with it before she nearly splattered it onto the ceiling. ]

Jesus, sorry. [ he didn't mean to freak her out that bad. or at all, obviously. he palms his glass and moves in to put his hand around her shoulder, pulling her forward into his chest if she'll let him. ] Yeah, we just got back. Did that dumb fuck wake you up?

[ because she's still groggy, Jess concedes a step and sways into him. plus, while this groggy, it's easier to glean what he's been up to when he's this close. he doesn't smell or look freshly washed nor beaten but that doesn't account for his chest or arms. she needs to take a good look at his hands to know for sure. ]

Kind of. [ she rubs at her eyes with a knuckle, refreshing her vision with vanishing spots ] What are you doing?

[ his hand snakes around her and he kisses her temple, just because it's there. ]

I dunno... nightcap? [ he holds up the now sticky glass and shrugs a shoulder. she can see his knuckles and they're as clear as they were before he left. ] Then maybe a shower, if you wanna join...

[ frank seems... calm. really calm. maybe too calm. ]

[ no shit. he doesn't smell like bourbon, either, so what gives? ]

No. Thanks. [ she puts a parting hand to his chest as she retreats to the bedroom. her new plan is to refill her empty water glass in the kitchen, logging the whereabouts of her jacket and boots on the way to and from. maybe by then the vibe coming off him will make sense to her. ]

[ uhhhh okay. he takes a minute to be quizzically annoyed at that, then takes a sip before spinning on his heel to follow her the two paces inside the alcove of a room. ]

...Did I do something? [ wrong, he means. her vibe is all... something, too. it's only once he gets a good look at her that he realizes she's been crying. should he not have left? frank sits on the edge of the bed so when she walks past he'll get another glimpse of her, sipping his drink while he waits for her to decide if she hates him randomly or something. ]

[ he didn't. she's disgusted with herself and doesn't know how to be around him after the night they had. however long he was gone, it seems to have done him a little good. Jess can't claim to have used the time as well ]

No. Part of me's surprised you're even alive. [ especially since she stuck around. if something truly terrible is going to happen as a result of the trust she placed in him, it won't be longer than a few days, if that. fucked up shit usually can't wait to happen to her. she grabs up her glass and faces him, softening her stare without success. ]

[ it hits him like a physical blow. he recoils before moving to set his drink on the table, legs splayed and hands clasped between them as he looks up at her soberly. did he think about getting in some trouble after what she told him? hell yes. that's why he brought rocky, that's why he talked to maria. he's done nothing to make her assume the worst and yet he can't be mad, not really. because it's his true nature, isn't it? she knows that. ]

Yeah, well. I am. Sorry to disappoint. [ he's not mad, but it won't stop him from being petty either. ]

[ there's not enough sleep in the world to put up with that tone but if by some miracle there were, it wouldn't be two hours. her posture crinkles, a hip cocked to plant her there. ]

That's not funny. [ does he think she was being sarcastic? her sarcastic voice and tired voice are nearly indistinguishable and frequently overlapped. her own train of hard earned indignation chugs considerably slower than his had and she can't be quite as upset by it either, on top of how wrung out she is from everything else, but still. she doesn't always leap to slicing wit as a defence mechanism anymore, progress noted by apparently nobody. ]

[ it's noticed by him!!!! he's just not allowed to actually vocalize anything... ever. or so he feels. he shakes his head, still confused, a little hurt. mostly worried. ]

I wasn't joking. Look, we're making a go of things here, aren't we? Trying to be regular fucking people.

[ that's what he thought they were doing anyway. ]

What do you want, Jessica? From me. I feel like I'm walkin' on eggshells one minute then everything's good the next, and I... I just need to know we're in this together. That we can talk to each other, that we can trust each other. I'd trust you with my life, yeah, in a heartbeat. You trust me like that?

[ one foot swings idly just above the floor. he's still calm, just... he needs to know. he's put a year into this. he doesn't think it's too crazy to ask if she's committed. ]

[ she's equal parts confused and put off, which is an improvement from the 30/70 split a couple seconds prior. Jess looks down at the glass being balanced between her hands and sets it back on the nightstand. it's the second time since waking up she feels like she's missed something. she thought she proved her answer last night. ]

I wouldn't be here if I didn't. [ crossing her arms, glowering at him. she can't say that other stuff, she's preoccupied wrestling down the urge to implore him not to trust her like that. every life put in her hands burns, breaks or bleeds. his, too. ]

[ the pause and her expression has him nervous, hingeing on her until she says the words. and then he's breathing out definitive relief, nodding his head and ducking it down to look at the floor a moment. he's no longer scared she won't be there when he looks up. ]

I just... I had to go out, clear my head. I brought Rocky so he'd keep me out of trouble.

[ they both know he wouldn't go hunting down someone if it meant putting him in danger and he reaches out to scratch the dog's spine in a telegraphed Good boy even without the words. ]

And I thought you might want some space too.

[ he looks from the dog back over at her to see if he guessed that part right or horribly, horribly wrong. ]

[ if he was keeping himself out of trouble (with a dog's help), what exactly did she think would befall him? she has no worst case scenario that leaps to mind, just the pall of dread that's enveloped her for placing him in an unknowable crosshairs. Jess rubs her temple, then drops her arms to her sides ]

Space never stopped me from getting somebody killed. [ the shot at glibness tires her out, coaxing her onto the edge of the bed ] You could've been here the whole time. I'm still... glad you're not a corpse. [ or a zombie slave. at the drop of a hat, she can come up with thousands of horrifying words and yet not a good substitute for the lameness that is "glad" ]

[ he nods because he gets it, and the second she's next to him, his hand slides around her middle, fingers still cold from the outside lifting her shirt to press against her warm skin. his head dips down to rest on her shoulder, it's his turn to be the tired one. ]

I'm okay, Jess. That's why I told you to have your phone, you could've called me if you were worried.

[ instead she was here, freaking out. he's just as bad. he was out there worried about her in here. how good are they? ]

I'm real glad you're not either. [ a corpse. the last of his tension decompresses when he's able to have her this close, and he shuts his eyes, trying to convince himself he won't see the same thing he always does when he closes them: maria getting her head blown off two inches from his face. and that's only when his brain is nice to him and doesn't replace her face with jessica's. but he has maria on his mind, he'd been talking to her for a while, something he's hemming and hawing over whether to tell jess. ] But I had to get some advice.

[ did he tell her that? huh. she probably heard it. remembering is a different story. ]

What kind of advice? [ she can't really look him in the face but turns hers toward him anyway, her chin to his cheek. Jess can barely tell if they're clarified the current miscommunication, now there's this opportunity for a brand new one. there's no one he could see at this hour for a professional psychological opinion, and what friend does he have to consult them on his fucked up girlfriend at the speed of an emergency? because if they exist, she will kill them.

if he was lamenting her misfortunes to rando homeless people on the street, that's fine. ]

[ a small smile curves his lips, both at her suspicion and the way she presses her face against his. he turns more fully into her, wrapping both arms around her now and bracing his forehead against hers, one knee folding against the bedspread. ]

I went to see my wife.

[ it's impossibly soft, hoping it won't upset her. sometimes when he's having a moral dilemma seeing that gravestone is the only thing that can set him right again. ]

[ She puts an arm around his back though she still doesn't know what's going on. The second that ignorance is gone, Jess regrets taking it for granted. she props her chin on his shoulder, content with the embrace if it spares them looking at each other. he's not testing her but she's mystified as to what else he means by telling her this. ]

Frank... [ if he's not done, she needs to hear the rest. she's anticipating the cruel sense she ascribes to the dead that haunt her, even though it would be directly at odds with his demeanour since returning. Jess has endured worse about-faces with less warning. ]

[ he can't tell if he's making her uncomfortable or not, but he needs to tell her this. he's been holding it in for too damn long. like kilgrave, he thinks she knows the highlights (lowlights) but he needs to tell her fully and in his own words. ]

I still dream about that day, all the time. Her face that morning. It was the morning after I got back, Jess, I told her I was done. That I wasn't goin' back. It felt right, you know. I was at peace and I could tell she was too, things were just easy. And then we went to the park...

[ she knows the rest, everyone does. ]

But in my dreams, we never make it to the park. She never even makes it out of the bed. And I'm— [ he swallows thickly past his sudden upset, rubbing his face against hers for a beat. ] Since we started this... this thing, what we're doing, it's you. It's you there next to me, that I'm telling, and then...

[ god, whatever, this wasn't even the point. but if she ever needed confirmation that he's desperate to hold onto her even at the detriment of his own sanity sometimes... here it is. sadness is quickly replaced by a wan sort of mirth as he explains himself finally. ]

She said you were good for me. Maria. She and I hashed a few things out. That's all.

[ She listens while watching Rocky sleep nearby. Once Frank gets going, she ends up simply suspending her gaze on him. He isn't barreling towards an abruptly warranted rejection like she had been preparing for, and she doesn't have the heart to heap her insecurities on him again so soon. he went to a graveyard to crawl himself out from the last deluge.

Maria's wrong. but that's not what this is about. ]

I don't know if I can live up to that but... [ Jess murmurs as a fragile reminder, slipping her head off his shoulder and touching her forehead to his instead. she's trying. she won't succeed, she just has one more dead person to fail, but she genuinely is trying, she can't help it. if there's no hope anyway, maybe there's no harm in trying a little harder. ]

[ he gives a puff of air, bemused though it's not funny. he's just tired and he knows often dramatic. frank draws back enough to gently kiss her lips then rests his forehead against hers, doing his best to pass his calm onto her. he doesn't want her to feel like she has to live up to anything, let alone his dead wife's approval. he always feels like he's said the wrong thing, so instead of continuing the conversation he'll ask again, ]

How about that shower?

[ meanwhile, she's maintained her loser's streak when it comes to making people feel better. and he succeeds effortlessly with just a kiss. Jess flattens her lips apologetically after they come apart, then nods with visible relief. her clothes feel grimier than they should, as if she slept longer than she did, the inside of her mouth tastes like her clothes feel. most importantly, they won't be diving into another deep conversation in there. ]

I think I changed my mind.

[ he gives a rattling little chuckle and nods, it's not like he feels any less gross at the moment. frank turns, grabbing her arm as he goes to tug her along without thinking about it. ]

Stay here, Rocky.

[ even if he badly needs a bath too. frank takes the few paces to the bathroom before letting her go, already stripping out of his shirt on the way to turn on the shower. ]

[ half her steps are tugged along and the other half keep pace with his. as soon as her feet hit bathroom tile, she starts to undo her jeans. Jess shucks them off with her underwear and socks, dropping them near his shirt. then her shirt and bra. before she gets in, she combs through her hair with her fingers and frees up a couple of loose tangles ]

[ frank watches her as he unbuckles his belt and pulls down his jeans and boxers in one assembly. everything's left in the pile as he hops out of his socks and just barely remembers to close the door behind them to trap the heat inside. towels are carted closeby before he's climbing in after her, the water still heating up they both went so fast. there's no hesitation in the way his hand reaches out to settle on her hip, head bowing to kiss the top of her shoulder just above the jut of her clavicle. if anything, after she told him what happened, he's more at ease with her - with them - even if they did have a moment out there. even that cemented things for him. what they have is real, which ups the likelihood of destroying it, yes, but it also means it's worth protecting with everything he's got. ]

[ Jess fans her fingers against his skin, painting his abdomen and ribs in wet streaks while the water beats against his shoulders. she welcomes into her arms, breathing easily for the first time since waking up. she dips her head in next to his, nudging his head back. ]

Hey. [ gently, as water drips from his chin to her nose. ] Thank you. [ she's grateful that he told her, that she didn't scare him into stowing it in a shallow grave, and she's grateful he bears with her through the painful unearthing of her own conscience. Jess kisses his throat, hands slipping around his back ]

Sexting Tuesday

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