bakerstreet | i am human and i will let you down

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[meme] shipping

i am human and i will let you down

DON'T SEE YOU AS "HUMAN" shipping meme

When you think about it, things like “humanity” and “personhood” are really just points of view. So what if your body or your abilities don't exactly match up to the Homo Sapiens norm? That doesn't defy your sentiency nor your agency. Does your body, similar or not so similar to humans, negate your thoughts? Your will? Your feelings?

...your feelings for someone else?

Ah, that might be the catch. The person is a friend, a teammate, or even someone admired from far away. You're conflicted over them. You may even love them. The problem is, of course, not that they don't see you in that way in return. Well, part of it might be, but the biggest part as they don't even see you as human enough to consider in a romantic way. They could be friendly, kind, indifferent, or, worst of all, treat you like a pet. Perhaps they know about you having a different form, if you do have one, perhaps not. The pain comes from the fact that you don't even register.

What will you do? Pretend you feel nothing at all? Try to get them to notice you? Stop being foolish? Just because you're not human doesn't mean you don't have a heart to break. Choose carefully.

Reply with your character, preference, role you'd like to play, the works.
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[ very much not human and usually okay with that, until he ostensibly catches feelings. ]

[ooc: Human]

[Not human; part of an alien race of gems who created people like her to be slaves at the bottom of their caste system. Will be helpful and sweet and likely unable to understand that she's caught feelings for someone or that anyone could catch feelings for a lowly Pearl.]

[ Well! Here I have a super genius who gets into all sorts of ridiculous situations. Otto here very easily falls for people who are kind and considerate, usually expressing those feelings with not a lot of subtly.

My immediate thoughts are something along the lines of Pearl is stranded somewhere due to space mishap (possibly they're mutually stranded on some third party planet or she's ended up on Earth) and he's just the man to build her a way home. But during the project, he's decided he'd really rather have her be his Pearl in a romantic sense and/or the fact he's a gentleman who treats her like a classy lady does things to her.

If that sounds like what you're into, I'm happy to kick us off! But if you've any additions/objections let me know. ]

[I'm somewhat canon blind but White Pearl is very kind and considerate as a servant, and would likely latch onto him after being stranded on Earth (there's a couple canonical reasons she has to have been there, so Earth works best) in hope she could be brought back to Homeworld with his help. And then somewhere along the way she'd start to realize he's treated her a lot better than she's ever been treated on Homeworld (see also: her last owner doing something that cost her her eye).

I'm totally down for this! I think the only thing I need to mention, since it might make you uncomfortable without a warning as a player, is that she might assume he technically owns her and so he might have to clarify a few times that's not what he's going for when he expresses his feelings.]

[ Short version- he’s a supervillain who really wants to be good now, but he still uses all his supervillain methods because being good doesn’t come naturally to him. However, he’s very sweet and attentive to those he cares for. Helping an unfortunate alien stranded on Earth is perfectly in the realm of nonsense he handles.

Also, as a megalomaniac, he may be inclined to clarify he wants to own her and be with her, if that’s a route your okay with. Not the sort of thing he’d express to a human, but he may consider that just how her species handles intimacy and want to meet her in the middle, which ties in with the theme of the meme. Otherwise, I’m happy to have him try to purely teach her love the human way.

Let me know if you have a preference and I’ll give us a start (in a little while, I’m on GMT and am off to bed). ]

[Honestly, that sounds both intriguing and still better than the raw deal canon gave her. I can see her being enamored and surprised by how nice he is and becoming fond of him from there.

I'm fine with him wanting to own her as well as be with her - I just wanted to throw that out there to be sure you were alright with it since that concept can be a bit of a squick for some people. If you're fine with it, then I'm fine with her being his new servant/love interest.

Don't rush yourself to put up a starter if it's late where you are. Real life is more important than RP and I'll be happy to reply whenever you get the starter up, no worries.]

[ Awesome! Here we go- I'm canon familiar with SU, so feel free to reference as much as you like. ]

Otto's life had always been a lonely one, right from his childhood sandwiched between a father who hated him for being weak and a mother who put a cost on her love, always alone amongst his peers. Bullied as a child, distant as a man, feared as a villain. Like many aspects of his life, most aspects of his life he now wanted to change that. It also meant he understood what it was to be different, trapped in a world that wasn't your own. He saw something of himself in the stranded Pearl when he pulled her from the crashed ship. A fascinating woman, on every level.

And an ideal lab assistant! The project to send her back to the stars was an ambitious one even for him, but they quickly built a rapport, a shorthand, that made the work not only smooth but enjoyable. But Otto was only human, with human needs. As much as he'd love to be lost in his work forever with her, he had to rest, eat, relax. Whilst he had none of those requirements, he still took invited her to join him- in particular, to share his interest in high culture. Opera and ballet, fine poetry.

Probably the moment he realised he smitten with her was when the soft clink of a plate being placed beside him on a workbench gave him a gentle start. He hadn't asked for food and realised she didn't have her own internal clock of hunger to gauge when he'd need to eat. In other words, she'd anticipated his needs and provided it purely out of kindness.

"Oh, my dear! There was no need," he said, pulling his eye protection up to look at her with adoring eyes. No need, perhaps, but clearly it made him very happy. What on Earth had he done to deserve this unearthly beauty, perfect despite her imperfections?

White Pearl had always had a role to play in life. She was a Pearl, something she had accepted early on meant that her worth was low. White Diamond cracking her had only made it outwardly apparent, and White Pearl's continued smiles after the fact had proven her loyalty. She knew her place, something she made clear when she sought to return to Homeworld despite everything.

She had not anticipated the human who had offered his expertise in science to aid her. He was... perhaps 'complex' was the best word for it. When Otto needed her help, he asked her without a threat in his smile the way White Diamond had. When he wanted to share something, he wanted an actual response, not a falsely positive default response. And when she used a Homeworld piece of jargon in place of a human one, he adapted to it. White Pearl had begun to relax in his presence, more than she could remember doing so in anyone else's presence before.

Helping him in the lab had become more than something she did to get her ship fixed. Seeing him pleased with his work was gratifying. Hearing him talk about his interests was pleasant. She'd taken to ballet right away, practicing in her idle time - and what a strange thing it was, to have downtime where no one had ordered her to do anything. Trying to fill the timeslot with productivity had driven her to clean both his lab and private dwelling, as well as make additions the internet indicated were optimal for maintaining a human's health. There were now several plants in the lab to help stimulate air circulation, as well as vitamin C tablets by his coffee maker to help counterbalance his lack of sunlight due to long nights in the lab, but perhaps the biggest addition she had made was that of regular food in his life, usually under the guise of wanting to try an Earth food.

By now, however, she felt comfortable enough to simply bring him a plate. There were steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, some leftover roasted chicken; it was not fancy, but it was adequate fuel, and she wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to be well taken care of. After all, he had done everything he could to take care of her, despite her being nothing more than a lowly Pearl.

Her smile was much less forced than it usually was. "I apologize if I have overstepped my bounds, but you expressed frustration with your habit of working through dinnertime. I wanted to help." Tilting forward slightly at an angle humans would not have been able to maintain, forever on pointe even when no longer hovering above the ground, she looked at his work and smiled encouragingly. "Your progress exceeds your own projected timetable. A break wouldn't disrupt your work, I think."

She didn't want him to worry about work, or about falling behind. She wanted him to sit back for a moment and rest. In a way, being around him was rest, compared to the strain of being perpetually paranoid and on alert when on Homeworld. That explanation didn't begin to explain the faint blue blush rising in her cheeks, but she told herself it was just pride in having completed her Pearl duties.

Otto appreciated every aspect of what she did for him. While he had thankfully overcome the habit, for the most part, he had once been known to put in as much as twenty hour days when it came to his work. Such self-destructive habits reared their head most when he felt alone. When he felt that the only thing of worth in his life were his scientific achievements. They had been, for a long time, the only things he received praise and admiration for. White Pearl clearly had that same appreciation for his mind, but she didn't just seem to care about the results- but also the man behind them. Her logical approach to assisting him in ways he felt unimportant to provide for himself did make his life better. He felt better and not just physically. He felt good about himself, in ways not connected to his narcissism that was more affliction than real confidence.

"Your help is welcome and your counsel is wise, as usual," he said as he stretched his arms and neck. He often took the time to make even the simplest of comments to her into compliments. He wasn't one for mincing his words, and the dedication he showed to his creations was just one sign of his powerful work ethic- though he had yet to broach the subject of the feelings that stirred for his elegant caretaker. Did she even experience such things? He had asked many questions regarding Gems and it seemed quite likely they did not, based on the information he had. But then she had taken so heartily to many things she'd never had a chance to experience before. Her ballet practice was breathtaking. Part of him still felt that perhaps it would best for them both if he completed her ship and they parted ways before his heart could take no more and he ruined the delicate and unique relationship they'd developed. Another sometimes considered sabotaging himself so they'd have more time together before the inevitable. He set that aside- how could he hurt her so, with such lies, when she showed him nothing but kindness?

"Whatever shall I do when you return to your home?" He asked it aloud, said it like a joke. But it was what he truly worried about in his heart. He rose from his seat, picking up the plate in one hand. Despite his history of mad science, he always practised proper lab precautions- wearing eye protection, labelling everything and only eating snacks in the lab. His phenomenal spider-powers allowed him to balance the plate perfectly on his fingertips whilst moving to the adjourning room- it had once been a rather ramshackle break room mostly used when he admitted defeat and collapsed on a couch. With her help, it was now much more comfortable and functional, taking a seat at an actual table- but not before pulling out a chair for her, as his etiquette demanded for a lady of her standing. Lowly in her society's, but very highly in his eyes.

There were only so many ways a Pearl could serve a scientist. Science was not her expertise, and furthermore, not her passion the way it was clearly his. He didn't push himself in his work out of necessity, but out of genuine pleasure, something she found fascinating and even admirable. She had grown bolder in actually engaging in Earth culture, bit by bit, seeing how it made him happy when she did so. She wished to do something he saw as good. White Pearl wasn't sure how to put it into words. She wanted him to keep looking at her with those thankful smiles that he shared with her.

Her smile in response to his compliment was warm, and she pressed the tips of her hands together in front of her chest, looking pleased. "Thank you. I endeavor to be a net positive addition to your life."

There was more she could say, if she could work up the courage for it, but for the moment she was content to simply be near him. While it was a treasonous thought, she'd considered sabotaging her ship more than once, if only she had the technical know-how to do so without him catching onto what she had done immediately. That would result in a direct confrontation, and she couldn't take that. She wanted to prolong her time here with him in a more honest manner. Betraying his trust would destroy the good feelings he had towards her and she couldn't lose those. They were precious.

He was precious. She trailed after him, closely, glancing at the table. She had picked it out because it was smooth glass, similar to some of the structures of Homeworld, but the room was full of warmth. Human warmth. Everything from the rug to the blankets neatly folded on the day bed made it feel lived in, in a way no space she'd ever inhabited had. And she wanted that, she wanted to live alongside him in quiet, warm places, to help him, to serve a master who she didn't fear.

With a thankful nod, she sat in the chair, legs crossed at the ankle, a model of good manners. Not meeting his eyes, her gaze dropped to her gem, thoughts of the ultimate taboo topic in her mind. She'd lived long enough to see the lead up to Gems fusing, the bonds formed before they ended up committing the crime, the bond that they shared that allowed them to stay fused after being shattered. Before, such a bond had seemed incomprehensible. Now...

"I do not know if I wish to go back," she admitted softly, quietly, looking up at him. "You are good to me, as no one have ever been. I think I want-" White Pearl swallows, abandoning that sentence and starting again, blue blush creeping over her cheeks in a mixture of emotions she cannot begin to identify. "That is to say, if you will take me, I could be a very diligent worker for you. I would take care of you, provide input on projects, and provide companionship, to the best of my abilities. You wouldn't have to be alone anymore, My Diamond."

That was not the term she'd intended to use, but once it slipped out, she found it fit perfectly. Otto was her Diamond, in the sense of what Diamonds were expected to be rather than what they actually were.

And every Diamond needed a Pearl.

The mere phrase 'I endeavour to be a net positive addition to your life' melted Otto's heart. Not only was the sentiment so sweet, but the phrasing was so logical. What a woman! How could he not fall for her? Even the monumental task she had dropped in his lap was not a theft of his time, but a welcome challenge. No wonder they had shared similarly underhanded thoughts, but not been able to go through with it for fear of harming the other. Most other humans would declare him cold, but they just didn't understand his passions. With White Pearl to stoke the flames, his humanity had blossomed into true warmth.

He had been striding to the opposite side of the table so he could look at her comfortably whilst he ate, expecting just another simple conversation. She'd been getting better at those since he'd been clear he wanted to hear her thoughts, not parrot back own opinions. He still tended to lead them, of course, but he was a naturally verbose sort and though his life had been so very much shorter than hers, he had lived it much more vigorously. But he froze in place when her first attempt at her confession began, turning to look at her with hopeful green eyes when the stalled sentence started again.

There was a rare moment of clear calculation on his face, the emotional hammer blow disrupting his genius. The calculation is not, however, confused or distraught. His smile is dumbfounded, but there. The second she had begun to express her feelings, 'Largo al factotum' had begun to play in his mind. Once the joyful lyrics hit their swell, White Pearl's blushing cheeks were held in his strong hands. Her devotion, her wish to be with him, her calling him by the title reserved for the very highest echelon of her race, the very ones she had been created to serve, it was all so...

Appropriate.

"My Pearl," he whispered softly, completely accepted she wanted to belong to him. It was, he reasoned, the greatest joy of a Pearl to belong to a master- and the greater the master, the greater the joy. Thus, to express his own love he would simply have to be the greatest master she could possibly have. "Oh, dear lady... What sort of fool would I be, to say I did not want you?"

He sunk to one knee, his hands trailing down her arms to gently grasp her fingers, holding one to his cheek. "I would be honoured, to have you be mine."

Edited 2018-11-01 12:31 (UTC)

Logic was part and parcel of being a Pearl, if one wished to be a Pearl and speak. While Blue Diamond had let her Pearl bestow small acts of consolation onto her now and again and Yellow Diamond had never been cross with her Pearl for speaking out on her behalf, White Diamond tolerated no such thing. She had been a cruel master, to say the least, and learning to express thoughts again with Otto was a slow process. She always worried her phrasing would anger him, but he had yet to react negatively to a single one.

Her body tensed of its' own accord when he paused, images of White Diamond's fury in her mind, yet did not move away. White Pearl could not have put it in words if her life depended on it, but she knew Otto would not hurt her or fly off the handle at her the way her old master would have. Her light grey eye met his, unable to stop herself from returning his smile as he touched her cheeks. Human hands were so warm, so soft even in their hardness, so comforting. She had wondered what a human touch would feel like more than once, and yet her idle thoughts as she had watched ballet dancers lift one another up paled in comparison to the real thing. Her cheeks were cool to the touch, blush a rush of cold, in counterpoint to human sensations, but he neither pulled away nor seemed troubled by this.

She was a broken Pearl to everyone except Otto. To him, she was as full and strong a Pearl as any. She was all he required. And words failed to do justice to how that made her feel, how she wanted to serve by his side forever now.

Bright, happy tears welled up in her eye when he called her his Pearl. Her thin, cool hand wrapped around his automatically, her other hand gingerly splaying out fingers to drink in the warmth of his human form. She had done nothing to deserve such a Diamond, she knew that, but she would endeavor to be worthy of this kindness with all her might. "I would be honored to be your Pearl. To stay with you, to help... to help you be less alone. You are a brilliant and kind man. You deserve better than this isolation, My Diamond. You deserve to be happy, and I - I know it is presumptuous, but I wish to aid you in that, as well as in your scientific endeavors. I long to see more of this world, with you. I know I am a cracked Pearl, but I can be good to you, I promise. It is my purpose."

It was what she did best. She simply never had a chance to realize before that her purpose could be fulfilling, could be contentment and shared conversations over a meal, could be so many small moments that built up to create a life she never knew she wanted.

It was heartbreaking and life-affirming at once how simple kindness had been so lacking in their lives and but that they had found each other, across the vastness of the universe to complete each other. Her most earnest desire was to make him feel less alone, which was all he had ever really wanted. He'd never had a master, cruel or otherwise, and he had experienced love and companionship. But fate had always seen fit to take it away from him. All of a sudden he had the most wonderful woman he'd ever met almost literally fall into his lap. He never wanted to her go and here she was, immortal and ancient, promising to be by his side forever. With his mind, he was sure that could be arranged.

Her cool body was different, yes, but not repulsive. The opposite. What sort of scientist would he be if the strange and different bothered him? One hand squeezed hers lovingly, whilst the other lifted a gentle finger to her cheek, wiping away those tears from a single source.

"I am certain you will succeed, my dear," he said with the same confidence he showed when it came to his achievements, though spoken in a softer tone. He doubted she'd question his certainty of her abilities because he was her Diamond. A role he was already internalising. Formulating the best way to fulfil, to benefit them both. "You are a Pearl and that is how a Pearl expresses her love."

A part of him felt it presumptuous call her feelings that, before she had said it herself or he had even confirmed she was capable of experiencing the emotion the same way a human was. But what else could it be? His hand moved down from her cheek, under her chin instead. So delicate and lovely... He'd always been bold but was it really boldness to kiss his Pearl? Was her purpose not to be his, to do so as he wished? Was it not his responsibility to care for her and do right by her? In the end, he made up his mind but explained himself first. "But I am a human and I wish to also love you as a human does. You've come so far under my care, I have no doubt I can teach you how- but it is your choice. If you are content to be mine, I am content to have you."

The kiss was gentle, chaste and short but no less loving for it. Another piece of Earth culture, a brand new one. Otto was in defiance as to what his high culture tastes and logical mind might indicate, a red-blooded man who had had many lovers in his life, a ladies' man who'd had many admirers. But he was no lech, leaping on her in this tender moment. She was special and he'd treat her as such. A precious jewel. "Pearl and Diamond. Man and woman. Human and gem. You and I."

Contained in those seemingly opposite words was his entire world.

"You too deserve happiness and will devote myself to that- if you'll allow me to be yours too..." He surprised himself at the way his fingers trembled and lower lip quivered. He would not be surprised if she reacted with confusion or even distaste at the idea. Perhaps it was even a misstep and he had already ruined the special link between master and servant she valued so highly.

But he couldn't live with himself if he had not tried and throughout all his mounting fears, the hope never left his eyes.

Among Gems, she was not ancient. She was a few hundred years old, and there was much she had done in those years she was not proud of. She had been ordered to commit terrible acts on pain of death if she refused, and had never had someone to speak to of those things. She had spent so many of her years in silence when she craved speech, only to find herself in the hands of a human who encouraged her to speak freely. Though she was not ready yet to go into the worst of it, perhaps would never be, at last she finally had someone to speak to who would listen. Companionship, in a way she'd never gotten to experience it before.

"There are other ways that Gems express love. However, I am... not experienced, at all, in such matters. I do not know, either, if it would mean as much to you as it might to me." She was timid as she admitted it, cheeks flushed slightly and face a portrait of uncertainty. There were some things that were simply not to be discussed on Homeworld - but they were on Earth, and here, there were no representatives of the Great Diamond Authority declaring such acts illegal. "But I realized that I am not afraid of attempting such things if you are present. I am never afraid in your presence. I feel whole, and valued, and I wish to return that love to you, if I can learn the ways in which human express such things. I wish to be yours, my Diamond."

She was unsure how to return the kiss properly, as any woman might be during her first kiss, but the warmth of his human body had her leaning in instinctively, smiling into it. Humans were so soft, so gentle, and she gingerly ran a hand through his hair, marveling at the residual warmth the strands carried. He was so beautiful, so distinct from other humans. Only the Diamonds were as distinct from each other as this - other kinds of Gems tended to have only minor variations. Some would doubtless find the breathtaking differences in humanity distressing, but she adored it, adored how it helped make Otto himself.

"I would like nothing more in all the galaxy," she told him softly, taking his hand that was still holding hers and placing it over her Gem, which pulsed sluggishly every so often in the closest approximation to a heartbeat that her people had. Throughout her time with Otto, White Pearl had always guarded her Gem, folding her hands over it protectively at times, rejecting clothes whose material might fall over it in an unpleasant way, always backing up when he eyed it too closely. Now, she let him feel its' smooth, almost silk-like surface and let out a soft shudder, though her softened expression indicated it was far from an unpleasant sensation.

She did not know how to initiate a kiss correctly, but she hoped, despite their vastly different species, that he would be able to understand the deeper meanings of this gesture, the trust and intimacy it conveyed.

Judgement was unlikely from Otto. He had in the past done horrid things of his own volition. He had no excuses and made none now- he was simply once a man who valued his own life, his own ego even, above the entire world. He would be ashamed to tell her of who he had been and what he had done. Once he had even sought to reduce the world she'd come to find her home to ashes. Leave only enough humans alive to let the species survive and never, ever forget him- the greatest man who had ever lived, the worst man who had ever lived. That was how starved of recognition he was. Now he had his Pearl, who appreciated even the smallest parts of his good nature. She was never afraid of him and never would be.

His head tipped into her hand, encouraging the contact. He was hers as much as she was his, though in different ways. That seemed so beautifully balanced, that they and their unique circumstances, had found an equilibrium in a chaotic universe. Their differences didn't need to be dividing when they could adapt to each other so perfectly. He waited with bated breath whilst her answer was coming, her affirmation making his heart beat wildly and smile wide. But there was a quiet sort of awe when she guided her hand to her Gem. He knew her nature and had been fascinated by it, but had soon realised it was something she did not want him to talk about or observe too closely. It obviously made her uncomfortable for him to look and knowing her history the last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable. So to feel that delicate surface, silken and the pulse of life within, was a show of trust he recognised without fail. His fingers move gently, stroking where the hard light of her 'body' meets her true self. It's curious to think that he could fit the entirety of her real self into his hands. He takes her hand and places it upon his chest, to feel his rapid and heavy heartbeat, the exact opposite of her languid pulses.

"Then, darling, we have much to teach one another," he almost whispers as he gently kisses her once more- this time however on her cheek, the opposite side to her cracks. They don't offend him, not in the slightest, but he worries they may be painful. Another subject yet to be broached. Several kisses followed, each as tender as the last and in a slightly different spot. Following her jaw, to that lovely neck. "My wonderful, perfect Pearl... Would you care to dance with me?"

In his old life, his old body, he'd not been able to perform the beautiful graceful acts of the danseurs he admired. He'd had no chance to dance a duet with a slender elegant lady. Now, physically fit and possessing preternatural agility, what better way to express their love than the link of the first thing they'd come to share an interest in?