(no subject)

[alkali]

Rules:

1. Post your character.
2. Other characters review your character in the style of Amazon.com reviews.
3. Profit! (With a low monthly fee of $39.99!)
4. Bonus: Describe your character's 'product features'.

OPTIONAL:
Amazon formating to leave your Character details:
(to change star rating, change the number in "i_starsX.gif" to desired number of stars and X.X out of)
<div class="contents usercontent"><div class="inner"><div class="comment-content"><a href="PROFILE LINK HERE" _fcksavedurl="PROFILE LINK HERE" _fcksavedurl="PROFILE LINK HERE"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);"><span style="font-size: medium;">CHARACTER NAME</span></span></a><h1>PRODUCT OFFERED</h1> <div><span data-asin="B001GNBJXC" data-ref="dp_top_cm_cr_acr_pop_"> <span> <img alt="" src="https://www.azcentral.com/ent/calendar/imgs/i_starsX.gif" _fcksavedurl="https://www.azcentral.com/ent/calendar/imgs/i_starsX.gif" /><span>X.X out of 5 stars</span> <br /></span></span></span><br /><span data-ref="dp_top_cm_cr_acr_pop_" data-asin="B001GNBJXC"> </span> <hr /></div><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">List Price:</span> <strike>PRICE</strike><br /> <span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Price:</span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">SALE PRICE</span></strong></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">You Save: </span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 51);">Up to</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 51);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"><strong>AMOUNT OF DISCOUNT</strong></span><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 0);"> (10</span></span><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 0);">0%)</span><br /><br /><span style="color:#CC6600; font-weight:bold; font-size:1.5em;">Product Features</span><br /><ul><li>FEATURE 1</li><li>FEATURE 2</li><li>FEATURE 3</li><li>ETC</li></ul></div></div></div>

OPTIONAL:
Amazon formatting to Leave Review:
(to change star rating, change the number in "i_starsX.gif" to desired number of stars.)


<img alt="" src="https://p.dreamwidth.org/df51423e2889/-/www.azcentral.com/ent/calendar/imgs/i_stars5.gif" _fcksavedurl="https://p.dreamwidth.org/df51423e2889/-/www.azcentral.com/ent/calendar/imgs/i_stars5.gif" _fcksavedurl="https://p.dreamwidth.org/df51423e2889/-/www.azcentral.com/ent/calendar/imgs/i_starsX.gif" /> <b>REVIEW TITLE</b>, REVIEW DATE<br />By <b><a href="PROFILE LINK" _fcksavedurl="PROFILE LINK" _fcksavedurl="PROFILE LINK">CHARACTER NAME</a></b><br /><br />REVIEW INFO HERE

Adapted from onegoodman

Comments

[fastestalive]

BARRY ALLEN

SPEEDY MCGOFAST

4.2 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: 23,999
Price: 23,279.03
You Save: Up to $719.97 (3%)

Product Features

• So fast you can't see her move!
• 2% more adorkable than previous formulations!
• Runs on standard human fuel!*
• Multiple vibrating frequencies and patterns!

*Requires considerably more human fuel than non-speedster models. Recommend speedster-grade high-caloric protein bars for maximum efficiency.

kylo ren ( STAR WARS ) ota

[vaderstan]

BEN SOLO KYLO REN

UP AND COMING DICTATOR

out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $5000
Price: $3.50
You Save: Up to Just take him (100%)

Product Features

• Kills old white men Baby boomers probably hate him for this reason
• Actual Fascist Dictator
• A Hot Mess
• Weird creepy hobbies like talking to old burnt up helmets and gathering his enemies' ashes!!!
• May burn down his own house on accident???
• Chokes people real good
• hard to tell what he's feeling at any moment
• Possible member of daft punk

[rexque_futurus]

ALLIE PENNINGTON

ONCE AND FUTURE KING - PROPHECY FULFILLED - RARE!!!!

5 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: England
Price: United States of America
You Save: Up to ....democracy? (0%)

Product Features

• Guaranteed to bring about a modern golden age or your country back!
• Backwards-compatible with previous iterations of Camelot products!
• Pocket-sized for easy travel!
• Any sword in her hands becomes Excalibur!

Peter Maximoff | X-Men: Apocalypse | M/M for smut

[iwillcatchup]

Peter Maximoff

Flattery at the Speed of Light

4 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $500
Price: $399
You Save: Up to $101 (80%)

Product Features

• Ego boosting that is 100 per cent truthfully
• Able to bring tokens back quickly and efficiently
• Adorable in his own cockiness
• In high demand

Oni Girard | World of Darkness (garou OC) | ota

[naturaldisasster]

ONIDA GIRARD

VERY NEARLY HOUSE-TRAINED

1 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $299
Price: -$299
You Save: Up to WE'LL PAY YOU TO TAKE HER (200%)

Product Features

• COLD HEARTED BITCH
• BITES HARD
• EASILY BRIBED WITH FOOD
• MAY PISS ON YOUR BELONGINGS OUT OF SPITE

[hollow_man]

Brilliant!, OCT 2018
By Jono S

Don't understand the negative reviews - must be left by Americans. Very sassy so don't bother if you can't handle a blow to your ego now and then. Loads of fun, very cuddly, and fit.

Does eat rather a lot. English function sometimes fails.

[finalizes]

Only awarding 2 stars for intermittent usefulness, JUN 2016
By tiredtalon

Very underwhelmed.

Drinks too much and talks too much and hangs around too loud places. Poor decision making choices. Too homid by far. Not recommended unless you want to acquire a headache.

Cassian Andor | Rogue One | OTA

[seenitbefore]

Cassian Andor

All-Purpose Rebel Operative

3.7 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $59.99
Price: $47.99
You Save: Up to $12 (20%)

Product Features

• Extremely convincing, versatile puppy eyes
• Tragic yet lightweight backstory folds down small for easy travel
• Compatible with a wide range of anti-Imperial agendas
• For experienced users only

[leaderofrebels]

The best investment you can do for $47.99,
By Mon Mothma

The product may be a little rough around the edges, but it does gets the job done with no compromise. I picked pone of these up many years ago and I've never regretted it. This is a product you can confidently put your faith in.

[dyatlov]

James Buchanan Barnes

WINTER SOLDIER (2014 MODEL)

4.1 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $17
Price: $9
You Save: Up to $8.00 (48%)

Product Features

• 99% reliable killing machine
• Vintage design with chrome accents
• Frost-resistant, rechargeable

[unliberty]

GOOD PRODUCT, TERRIBLE DELIVERY, April 4, 2014
By Steven R

Product was good but delivery took 70 years. Some parts were missing on arrival.

[speed_of_snark]

NORTHSTAR

FRENCH-CANADIAN MUTANT - FAST LIGHTBULB VARIETY (ONE OF TWO)

3.5 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $10,000
Price: $1!!!
You Save: Up to 99,000 (99.99%)

Product Features

• FASTEST MAN ALIVE
• INDESTRUCTIBLE EGO
• BITCH RATING OF 100+
• WITHSTANDS COLD TEMPERATURES

Used but in fair condition! Light feature may or may not work without complementary AURORA model. Emotion and filter functions broken. Occasionally simply refuses to operate at all. Requires ample fuel.

[naturaldisasster]

Advanced Users Only, 10/2018
By o.g.

Product works as described, but buyers should remember:

• fuckboys can get out of here with their lame nonsense, or
• unit will destroy you with words that burn like hot coals

The following bonus features are available, just apply alcohol:
1. Disdain for Americans
2. Jock Mode: Not only knows what curling and skijoring is, but will totally own your ass at it.

Wynonna, | Wynonna Earp | OTA

[unraisehell]

Wynonna Earp

EARP HEIR (Refurbished Model, Mild Damage)

3.5 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $50.00 CDN
Price: $20.00 CDN
You Save: Up to NOT ENOUGH (100%)

Product Features

• Descendant of Legendary Lawman Wyatt Earp!
• Comes with accessories! Magic six-shooter and half-empty bottle of bourbon.
• Info about Earp Curse bug fix TBA
• Resourceful, determined, durable! Discounts not applicable to younger, smarter sibling. See listing for Waverly Earp (1, Sold Seperately)

[finalupgrade]

RK900

HI-SPEED POLICE ANDROID

5.0 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: 85000$
Price: 85000$
You Save: Up to NOTHING (0%) Why discount perfection?

Product Features

• Upgraded version of the canceled RK800
• Better, faster, stronger and more
• Will lick everything you need analyzed
• Extra strong minded to deal with any of your worst attitude officers
• Stylish turtleneck
• NOT DEVIANT
• Dreamy eyes
• Upgrades available
• Factory standard blocked use of "I'm the android sent by Cyberlife" and "Can I ask you a personal question" issues of previous model
• AND MORE

[adderalfueled]

1 of 5 stars Terrible all around, 2018-10-07
By M. Stilinski

Terrible attitude, sadistic tendencies, ego the size of the sun and potentially the end of humanity. DON'T BUY.

nakahara chuuya | bungou stray dogs

[indensity]

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

MINI MAFIA

out of 5 stars

---

List Price: ¥323,000
Price: One bottle of Petrus
You Save: Up to Nothing (0%)

Product Features

• Will defeat all your enemies.
• Removes spiders from high ceilings.
• Hat non-removable in later versions.
• Contains one (1) free god of calamity within.

[fumitory]

BENEDICT DEARBORN

DEMONOLOGIST (not exorcist*!)

★★★★★ 4 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: PRICE
Price: (just don't tell the diocese that I was here)
You Save: Up to your entire soul (100%)

Product Features

• *Exorcist, of demons severe or lesser (possessions of people, homes, etc)
• Would really love to be able to teach with this doctorate in religious studies someday
• Not a priest! Can give you guidance on or banish many demons from the world over
• Has banished tens of demons over the span of over a decade
• Too much of a do-gooder to do this for money (but returned favors always welcome)
• Exorcism wingman is his guardian angel
• Demons hate him, people tolerate him
• Fidgety

[cardic]

[A MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY], September 9 2018
By Cardinal Copia

This is a very dedicated young man, but I worry about where he puts all those bright thoughts. One cannot let an obsession overtake their entire life this way! He is far too uptight. I am giving five stars because I am a generous, hopeful sort of man, and because I assume that a higher rating might mean some bright-eyed young suitors might take an interest in him as well.

Please give this man something else to think about besides work! (Perhaps then, he will stop bothering my congregation.)

[midship]

HORATIO HORNBLOWER

NAVAL OFFICER IN NEAR MINT CONDITION

1 out of 5 bars

---

List Price: £100.00
Price: £22.50
You Save: Up to £77.50 (78%)

Product Features

• Generally broken in (some recklessness left but easily buffed out)
• Uniform hasn't actually fallen apart yet
• Comes pre-loaded with duty/guilt dual-processing
• Runs on very cheap coffee (not included)
• Slightly scuffed from Spanish prison but 99% of scarring emotional & easily hidden
• Started too late in life but tries stupidly hard to compensate

[gabz]

GABRIEL

1 OF 4 LIMITED EDITION ARCHANGELS

4 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: A prayer to intercede for you at the throne of divine mercy
Price: ABSOLUTELY FREE!
You Save: Up to A LIFETIME'S WORTH OF UNANSWERED PRAYERS! (100%)

Product Features

• Heals your illnesses!
• Keeps temptation at bay!
• Nags you over your poor moral choices!
• Reminds you to go to church!
• She saw your browsing history last night
• She isn't even angry, just disappointed
• Now available in physical form perceivable to the human eye!

[channingchanningchanning]

Major Channing Channing of the Chesterfield Channings

Very handsome werewolf, rare!

1.2 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: 50.000 £
Price: 39.000 £
You Save: Up to 10.100 £ (20%)

Product Features

• Excellent fighting condition, will lead your soldiers with confidence (allow for sufficient cool down period after returning him to peace status)
• Excellent optics, comes with his own uniform, sturdy, no wear and tear even after years of usage, easy maintenance!
• Warranty expires if used in social situations.
• Stow away safely during full moons.

[finalizes]

Bob Laughs-at-the-Storm

Top condition, almost out of stock rare! werewolf

1.7 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: 5.000€
Price: 50€
You Save: Up to 4.950€ (99%)

Product Features

• Very fluffy! Fur so soft you'll want to bury your face in it!
• Easy maintenance, hunts his own food, won't even accept yours if offered so no worries.
• Especially recommended for the experienced non-human buyer, many special features!
• Can come with add-ons, select in menu
• Compatible with many other werewolf TM models

Colossus | Deadpool Movies

[yourpoorwife]

PIOTR RASPUTIN

CHROME-PLATED BOY SCOUT (COLOSSUS)

3.7 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $2000.00
Price: FREE
You Save: Up to $2000.00 (100%)

Product Features

• LONG-WINDED SPEECHES ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING, MORALS, AND BEING A HERO.
• TOTALLY MADE OF METAL. SERIOUSLY, DON'T NUT-SHOT THIS GUY UNLESS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR BALLS OF STEEL.
• RUNNING THE ENTIRE XAVIER INSTITUTE BY HIMSELF DUE TO BUDGET CUTS AND A LACK OF CAMEOS.
• TOLERATING WADE WILSON.

[terrorify]

WINN

Your personal unknowable, undefinable, infinite eldritch BFF!

5.0 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: ∞
Price: FREE!
You Save: Up to ∞ (100%)

Product Features

• Get the constant companionship of this eldritch being for life! They can and will come in ANY shape, size, or color you can imagine, and some you can't!
• Has the ability to communicate telepathically, but use with care as this feature has been known to cause issues in alternate timelines!
• Never run out of adventures or things to do ever again! Winn opens you up to infinity (and beyond)!
• Loves animals of all kinds, and loves to cuddle. Get yours today and NEVER look back again!

[lacunoisy]

Hell Yes, DATE_ERROR
By ????????

tried it out and now i can taste time and hear space. cured my anxiety. 10/10 jobs are for nerds

[aulieu]

AREN GIROUARD

SCRUFFY IMMORTAL HERMIT

3 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $5
Price: $2
You Save: Up to $3 (60%)

Product Features

• Unable to die or be killed since 1732!
• Will do some weird shit with your trees if left alone long enough!
• Usually comes back if he disappears without warning!
• NO REFUNDS IF HE DOES NOT COME BACK

[enharmony]

Just fine, I suppose, 18 November 2016
By Alexander Kincaid

Haven't yet seen the stuff with the trees but I imagine it's pretty brilliant. This review is mainly for the time spent with him several hundred years ago. Do heed the warning about the disappearing and never coming back, that happened to me and it was pretty awful, but maybe I deserved it. No one here is perfect. Aside from that, I'd say he was definitely a solid investment for the time we did spend together. Maybe someday I'll see those artful trees.

[avarexis]

AVEXIS LA BETIVET / LEXAUNDRE VALLES DE GRANVILLE

2-IN-1!!! Powerful Megalomaniacal Id Being AND Vessel

5 out of 5 stars

---

List Price: $1,000,000
Price: $999,999
You Save: Up to $1 (0.0001%)

Product Features

• Want to expand your territory? Look no further!
• Creative and charismatic!
• Will make you plenty of friends, but don't worry, It's Not A Cult
• Uses only the physical matter of other worlds renewable resources!

[belongingness]

Relatively pleased, today
By Mirinda Mender

The price was too high, but you really can't deny the benefits, of which there are several.