shitglasses (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2018-09-21 11:02 am
shitglasses) wrote in bakerstreet2018-09-21 11:02 am
Entry tags:
1. he was cute in a sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way
2. made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES SCREW YOU WALKERS AND GRAVITY
3. i wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
remember how good string cheese was???????
4. i'm not allowed to use the flamethrower because they're worried my hair'll get caught in the flames
5. [Text Beth. Interested in both canon and cross-canon CR, happy to do things in her worldbut with texting, your character's world, or a jamjar! Misfires and legit texts both welcome.]
2. made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES SCREW YOU WALKERS AND GRAVITY
3. i wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
remember how good string cheese was???????
4. i'm not allowed to use the flamethrower because they're worried my hair'll get caught in the flames
5. [Text Beth. Interested in both canon and cross-canon CR, happy to do things in her world
girl that's why u need to get a cute af butch haircut
001: Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
002: She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
003: Its not like I paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
004: She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
005: You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
002: She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
003: Its not like I paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
004: She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
005: You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
1) I asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
2) You got into an extremely loud argument with a fascist and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
3) I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
4) I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let a wookie hit on me.
5) Be careful, there is sex in the air.
6) I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
7) [ Text Him! ]
2) You got into an extremely loud argument with a fascist and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
3) I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
4) I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let a wookie hit on me.
5) Be careful, there is sex in the air.
6) I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
7) [ Text Him! ]
01) I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
02) She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
03) I just high fived your brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
04) My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
05) We can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
02) She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
03) I just high fived your brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
04) My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
05) We can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It is quite unfortunate how you've finally discovered my one and only weakness.
1. hospital jello is aggressively red.
2. "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is going to be your epitaph at this rate.
3. i feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice.
4. we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up their car with crumpled newspaper. it's juvenile, but as long as they own the newspaper, it won't be worth the paper it's printed on. makes it satisfying.
5. [Text him.]
2. "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is going to be your epitaph at this rate.
3. i feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice.
4. we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up their car with crumpled newspaper. it's juvenile, but as long as they own the newspaper, it won't be worth the paper it's printed on. makes it satisfying.
5. [Text him.]
But it always seems to taste better than normal jello.
001) Bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
002) Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
003) Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
004) 04. Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
005) You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
002) Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
003) Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
004) 04. Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
005) You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Congrats. You must be very proud of yourself.
A. all I ever wanted was my bed, tylenol, and total darkness. instead I had a pervert with a animal costume fetish (different from all the other ones) who blames me for the current state of the economy, had a sword on the q train, and kept calling me tootsie pop. But enough about me, how was your saturday night?
B. she told me she had super powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits. i'm not clear on whether the two are related.
C. that gang calls themselves the foursome.. so they're probably into that, good news for lonely singles i guess. is it too soon to make a 'smuggling sausage' pun? too late, that's what i think they're smuggling
D. i wish there were more things in the cosmos as wonderful as string cheese
E. [text him!]
B. she told me she had super powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits. i'm not clear on whether the two are related.
C. that gang calls themselves the foursome.. so they're probably into that, good news for lonely singles i guess. is it too soon to make a 'smuggling sausage' pun? too late, that's what i think they're smuggling
D. i wish there were more things in the cosmos as wonderful as string cheese
E. [text him!]
comicbook logic means never having to explain what the fuck is going on.
spidersman
- 2018-09-21 16:40 (UTC) - Expandwhispers i was a dp fan before i ever cared about spiders.....
spidersman
- 2018-09-21 19:15 (UTC) - Expand01. He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
02. I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
03. This baby is an asshole
04. And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
05. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
02. I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
03. This baby is an asshole
04. And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
05. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It can't possibly know enough words for that kind of reputation.
1. I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
2. I hadn't the slightest idea it was coming, so to speak. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! The sex!
3. friends are allowed to bugger on New Years. its the other new years tradition
4. he had to get 3 stitches but it was hilarious
5. It was the most artistic dick pic ive ever seen
6. [ Text him! ]
2. I hadn't the slightest idea it was coming, so to speak. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! The sex!
3. friends are allowed to bugger on New Years. its the other new years tradition
4. he had to get 3 stitches but it was hilarious
5. It was the most artistic dick pic ive ever seen
6. [ Text him! ]
Edited 2018-09-21 16:08 (UTC)
guy: (jake peralta voice) look at me. do NOT blow this for me
fuckingdesolate
- 2018-09-24 04:43 (UTC) - ExpandI: Did you really just send me an instagrammed dick picture?
II: Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
III: Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IV: He called himself Excalibur. That's all I remember.
V: Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
II: Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
III: Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
IV: He called himself Excalibur. That's all I remember.
V: Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Look
I don’t know what sort of fucking platform I’m supposed to use for that sort of shite
[Because clearly it’s the “Instagrammed” part that he assumes is the problem.]
I don’t know what sort of fucking platform I’m supposed to use for that sort of shite
[Because clearly it’s the “Instagrammed” part that he assumes is the problem.]
1. We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
2. My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
3. I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
4. He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my pants when I woke up.
5. I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
6. Text him!
2. My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
3. I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
4. He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my pants when I woke up.
5. I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
6. Text him!
1. You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
2. Haha, just learned changing others communicator passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
3. whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
4. Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
5 Text her.
2. Haha, just learned changing others communicator passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
3. whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
4. Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
5 Text her.
1. wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
2. it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
3. I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
4. i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
5. choose your own adventure
2. it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
3. I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
4. i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
5. choose your own adventure
Edited 2018-09-21 16:30 (UTC)
ok but your new name is senor stacy. i don't make the rules.
1. This is the second time I've feigned a lack of fluency in any language other than German today
2. I am over 1,000 years old. I do not have the desire to lower myself to arguing with a teenager.
3. He used my scented candle as a shot glass. My scented candle.
4. I cannot be the only person to ever eat cheetos with a spoon to avoid getting their hands covered in dust
5. You raised a sword over your head and you screamed at him. What else did you think could have possibly been the outcome of that situation.
6. [ Text him! ]
2. I am over 1,000 years old. I do not have the desire to lower myself to arguing with a teenager.
3. He used my scented candle as a shot glass. My scented candle.
4. I cannot be the only person to ever eat cheetos with a spoon to avoid getting their hands covered in dust
5. You raised a sword over your head and you screamed at him. What else did you think could have possibly been the outcome of that situation.
6. [ Text him! ]
1. You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
2. She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
3. I need to hump something, right now.
4. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
5. [ Text him? ]
2. She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
3. I need to hump something, right now.
4. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
5. [ Text him? ]
1. I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
2. Last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
3. Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how normal am I?
5. Text him!
2. Last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
3. Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
4. On a scale of 1 to 10, how normal am I?
5. Text him!
Edited 2018-09-21 16:55 (UTC)
Mackenzie "Kenzie" Haynes ♦ Werewolf: the Apocalypse (OC) ♦ ota
ragefeathers
2018-09-21 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
2. The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. I'm gonna propose.
3. i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
4. She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
5. I'm super disappointed in my clit.
6. Text her!
2. The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. I'm gonna propose.
3. i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
4. She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
5. I'm super disappointed in my clit.
6. Text her!
1. I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. THAT
Is class
2. I woke up with a pine cone in my hair. A full pine cone. How the hell
3. Apparently some kid came into the headmaster's office and tried to explain why he was sent there for through interpretive dance
4. Don't worry. There's gonna be two dogs there to provide supervision
5. you need to stop yelling "IT'S NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person in the snow
Is class
2. I woke up with a pine cone in my hair. A full pine cone. How the hell
3. Apparently some kid came into the headmaster's office and tried to explain why he was sent there for through interpretive dance
4. Don't worry. There's gonna be two dogs there to provide supervision
5. you need to stop yelling "IT'S NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person in the snow
((Preferences.))
1. There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here...
2. Ok, lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
3. Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in the office double as a napping surface.
4. No way... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
5. Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn?
1. There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here...
2. Ok, lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
3. Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in the office double as a napping surface.
4. No way... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
5. Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn?
Pidge Gunderson aka Katie Holt ♦ Voltron: Legendary Defender ♦ ota
sweatysometimes
2018-09-21 04:22 pm (UTC)(link)
1. yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
2. Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
3. Why am I always the sober one?
4. Lion onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
5. I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
6. Text her!
2. Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
3. Why am I always the sober one?
4. Lion onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
5. I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
6. Text her!
Edited 2018-09-21 16:22 (UTC)
1. My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
2. i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
3. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
2. i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
3. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh god. You specifically told me this because you know I can't correct him didn't you? 😖 The engineer in me is CRYING, Colin! 😭
1. I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
2. I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
3. Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
4. I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
5. [Text him!]
2. I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
3. Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
4. I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
5. [Text him!]
Edited 2018-09-21 16:24 (UTC)
1. I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
2. Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
3. Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
4. He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
5. Text her.
2. Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
3. Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
4. He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
5. Text her.
1. It's ok if we get pulled over I'll tell them I'm a cop. You can't arrest a cop it's illegal.
2. On the minus side I don't think this is my house because my keys aren't working. On the plus side this dog is really nice. I named him Fred. Say hi to Fred.
3. Note to self open the windows when spray painting because I'm fucking flying right now.
4. I have so many feathers in weird colors and glitter in here that I could either start a rave or an arts and crafts show and no one would question either.
5. It's nothing that sex and self loathing can't fix, don't worry.
Or text him.
2. On the minus side I don't think this is my house because my keys aren't working. On the plus side this dog is really nice. I named him Fred. Say hi to Fred.
3. Note to self open the windows when spray painting because I'm fucking flying right now.
4. I have so many feathers in weird colors and glitter in here that I could either start a rave or an arts and crafts show and no one would question either.
5. It's nothing that sex and self loathing can't fix, don't worry.
Or text him.
Edited 2018-09-21 16:27 (UTC)
1. You poured all their beer into ziplock baggies so it would be "better on the go"
2. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
3. I need to hump something, right now.
4. Did you really light your hair on fire?
2. I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
3. I need to hump something, right now.
4. Did you really light your hair on fire?
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