Han Swolo (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hanswolo) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2018-09-07 12:10 pm
hanswolo) wrote in bakerstreet2018-09-07 12:10 pm
Entry tags:
1) Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
2) You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
3) woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
4) We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
2) You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
3) woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
4) We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
01. So I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a pink princess hat.
02. The D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond!
03. Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
04. What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into the room this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
05. I think the waitress doesn't believe I have friends coming. I've had four drinks and a large salad just waiting for you. Where ARE you?
02. The D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond!
03. Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
04. What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into the room this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
05. I think the waitress doesn't believe I have friends coming. I've had four drinks and a large salad just waiting for you. Where ARE you?
I AM sorry about that, and no disrespect meant. I was just taken a little off guard when you sent them to me. And I needed time to think about how to respond to that.
Edited 2018-09-07 19:21 (UTC)
no no no. i am only talking, and drinking, and eating. the first you must do before the knowing. also i'm hungry.
1. Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives.
2. You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
3. I'm looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
4. My mom asked me why I was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning. I answered "I was planking obviously" and walked away.
5. You're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the Earth?
6. Text him!
2. You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
3. I'm looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
4. My mom asked me why I was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning. I answered "I was planking obviously" and walked away.
5. You're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the Earth?
6. Text him!
so it was a good thing I let my nails grow out a little?
001 » In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
002 » I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
003 » Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
004 » BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
005 » I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
002 » I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
003 » Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
004 » BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
005 » I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
01. I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
02. They don’t call me fucking dumbass shithead idiot for nothing
03. He tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... I think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
04. ( send him something! )
should i be offended that you're stealing my nickname
1) You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
2) If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
3) It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
4) we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
5) [text him]
2) If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
3) It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
4) we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
5) [text him]
1) I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
2) He left a full hand print on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
3) It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom.
4) I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce.
5) [text him]
2) He left a full hand print on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
3) It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom.
4) I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce.
5) [text him]
FUCL YOUI COME AND GET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND dont eat my fries you little shit1) come home... im drinking and playing with knives
2) "uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire spanish language.
3) woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
4) at 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... naked. i wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
5) well i ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's a video
6) i think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters
7) text him!
2) "uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire spanish language.
3) woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
4) at 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... naked. i wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
5) well i ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's a video
6) i think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters
7) text him!
1) Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
2) we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
3) You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
4) I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
2) we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
3) You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
4) I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
1. You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
2. please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
3. You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
4. Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
5. At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
6. Questions: How did Betty get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
7. Fang's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
8. Send one to her.
2. please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
3. You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
4. Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
5. At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
6. Questions: How did Betty get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
7. Fang's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
8. Send one to her.
Edited 2018-09-07 19:21 (UTC)
1) Yeahh. I was on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it after me...
2) just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
3) so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
4) Good news! Blood’s flowing!
5) [text him]
2) just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
3) so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
4) Good news! Blood’s flowing!
5) [text him]
What a predicament you have there, number two.
Find a new bed mate, or go back to him.
Find a new bed mate, or go back to him.
( Aged up to at least 18+ thanks! )
i. he asked if i could not say his name while we had sex because he likes the girl in the apartment above me ...
ii. please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
iii. at like 8PM you were in the kitchen making nachos. naked. i wasn't sure what to do besides walk away
iv. it wasn't so much skinny dipping, it more like skinny walking through a fountain
v. or text him!
1. He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
2. I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
3. If I get anymore accidental texts I’m going to pour bleach in my eyes.
4. Choose your own adventure.
2. I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
3. If I get anymore accidental texts I’m going to pour bleach in my eyes.
4. Choose your own adventure.
He does not. He's just...Erik is just...
Misunderstood.
Misunderstood.
i. It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels.
ii. Because the last time I saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
iii. This is all my mother's fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my strange fascinations as a child.
iv. Listen, you can either give me alcohol or an orgasm. You decide.
v. Or text him!
1. I just walked into the kitchen and my uncle was having this really serious conversation. With himself.
2. Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
3. She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina?
4. I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my dazzling personality, and the fact that dogs love me.
5. Text him
2. Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
3. She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina?
4. I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my dazzling personality, and the fact that dogs love me.
5. Text him
01. Tell him I said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes.(or send him a text!)
02. We thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than to take you back home to pass out.
03. You walked all the way back at 2AM?
04. On a scale of 1 to I Should Hide, how deep did I dig my grave?
05. Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario. I'm just saying.
You broke into my apartment and covered my bed with mountain ash and mistletoe. Take a guess.
1. It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
2. the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
3. Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
4. I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
5. Text her!
2. the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
3. Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
4. I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
5. Text her!
i. You passed out in the backseat like a legitimate infant. A very drunk, very amorous infant.
ii. My suggestion is that you just get drunk and smash things.
iii. Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me.
iv. I just taught a 3 year old how to set shots of liquor on fire. I can't wait to have children.
v. Or text her!
1. I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
2. Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
3. But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
4. I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
5. We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
6. Text her!
2. Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
3. But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
4. I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
5. We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
6. Text her!
001 ➤ She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
002 ➤ If you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
003 ➤ You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
004 ➤ My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
005 ➤ Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those handcuffs.
002 ➤ If you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
003 ➤ You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
004 ➤ My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
005 ➤ Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those handcuffs.
We needed that flamethrower too! So you're welcome for telling you to search for it!
i. You fell while talking to a policeman, then proceeded to accuse him of intentionally tripping you. He was attempting to arrest you for public intoxication.
ii. We thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone than take you back home to pass out.
iii. False alarm. Still invincible.
iv. I know I shouldn't being spending random large amounts of your money, but I just bought us a sword. I will be the one to use it, of course.
v. Or text him!
1) HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
2) this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
3) So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
4) But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
(Someone gave her a braille thing again...)
2) this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
3) So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
4) But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
(Someone gave her a braille thing again...)
About how I expected. Shinra couldn't stop talking and ruined the mood and I just left him in a shadow ball.
1. I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
2. Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
3. I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
4. YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
5. Text her!
2. Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
3. I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
4. YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
5. Text her!
1. Bought 10 parakeets. Can only find 8. Is this a problem?
2. There’s no such thing as too many pancakes when you’re drunk.
3. I’m awake. And still drunk. Why are you texting me at 4am?
4. Choose your own adventure
2. There’s no such thing as too many pancakes when you’re drunk.
3. I’m awake. And still drunk. Why are you texting me at 4am?
4. Choose your own adventure
The other two have been in my office since this morning. I believe we need to have a talk.
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