bakerstreet | I don't want the world to see me

Entry tags:

[meme] shipping

I don't want the world to see me

hidden relationship;

The fact that you're in a relationship with this person isn't public knowledge. Actually, no one knows about it except for the people involved. Maybe you guys are just private like that; on the other hand, it may be a necessity to keep things a secret from others. Maybe you're both team mates, and others on the team would give you grief, or you're not supposed to be dating, or you're not the type to usually date and you're only testing the waters. Perhaps it's the combination of you two, possibly an odd couple, that would bring some controversy or some teasing. Or, you know, you could not want to deal with friends and relatives being busybodies. Your reasons are your own.

Are you content with stealing moments to be together as a couple? Do you want to make your relationship known and the fact that you can't drives you batty? Remember, there are lots of benefits to dating in secret. You can be yourselves completely, away from prying eyes, and get to know each other better as potential longterm romantic partners. In a way, it's ideal.

...still, do you ever wish you could scream from the rooftops how much you care for your significant other?

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[ what do you call a relationship that you honestly don't have a clue you're in? that you'd never share with anybody or tell anyone about, just because that's private, but you also kind of don't even know there's anything to tell in the first place? the funny thing is, they've just always been this way, he and ignis. they've been inseparable since they were little kids. ignis babying him, following around, being totally dedicated to his every whim, no matter how stupid, is just par for the course. when they were small, sometimes they'd curl up together in bed like pups in a basket, so it only follows that they'd do the same thing when they get older, right? and so many other things, too—it just made sense. it's just an unquestionable staple in his life, having constant access to ignis and him basically being his. there's really nothing less stressful than having to wonder about whether it's weird that sometimes they just hold hands but, like, on the low-low, or that he would instantly flip the shit out of anyone who stepped in-between them for any reason. because it's not. duh. it's just ignis and that's how it is.

but also it's really fucking weird. it doesn't really lend itself to the satisfaction of what people in an actual relationship would experience and complicates things in the most lovely ways. like, it was just an average day if he decided to change clothes and walk around buckass naked in front of ignis before, but now that he lives alone in his own apartment and does the same thing, somehow it's different? or whatever? or there's going to be some kind of dance at school and he categorically doesn't want to go because he can't take ignis along but that's not gay or anything, he just wants his security blanket? obviously? (but also it's kind of gay? isn't it weird how we haven't, like, made out or something? wait, is that weird?) the only time he ever actually stops to think about it is when he doesn't want to. most of the time he just doesn't. which worked before, when puberty was content to only bug him sometimes, but doesn't work as much now that he's getting older.

like today. he gets home from school, ignis shows up and does literally everything for him as usual, then they hang out on the couch. ignis whips out his latest sewing project (gladio quite literally ripped his pants a new one during training) and the tv's on and like an obnoxious cat, he clambers all over ignis's work and gets all kinds of in his way to sprawl out on the remaining space on the couch with his head in ignis's lap. and that's normal. or is it??? who knows? who cares? naptime. ]

[ Ignis has probably been painfully aware of their situation, his feelings and the consequences of all of these moments together for far longer than Noctis has even noticed they were closer than necessary for a future king and his advisor-in-training. He'd been promised this position by Regis and, in turn, had a promise to keep Noctis company that he'd made to Regis. As a child, that promise was easy to accept. It was simple and weightless. What child didn't want a friend with such a sweet and welcoming expression? Even if it meant he had responsibilities that other children never had to worry about from that day forward, it still meant he'd never be lonely again. Neither of them would. They were tied to the hip by duty and fate.

At the same time, he had failed, utterly, to keep his position beside him professional. He had only gotten better at hiding his attachment and how deep it ran as the years went by. He'd probably received some talking to as a child from the adults he was studying under to be more detached, but he'd never accomplished it. Noctis was... his world. He had no one outside of him. And, in all honesty, it got to the point where he didn't need anyone but Noctis. As long as he could be by him, supporting him and caring for him, it would keep him going. The little intimacies between them were casual and acted like a balm over the desires he had that he could not admit to. This was enough because it had to be. Noctis had duties and Ignis had duties to attend to make sure those duties were met. Things just had to stay the way they were.

If only he were stronger, he could deny himself everything he wanted. But Ignis has never been as strong as he wanted to be. The warmth of Noctis's hand in his and the way he stood close any time they spoke... even now, he can't turn him away. He wants to connect, even if those connections are brief and simple.

Noctis doesn't seem to have a care in the world about the whole thing. For him, he just likes that Ignis enables his childishness. Ignis knows this and, unfortunately, does nothing about it. He's unsurprised when Noctis worms halfway into his lap, ornery as he's ever been when they're alone, and disrupts his work completely.

Ignis huffs and looks down at him seriously. ]

If you're tired, you should just retire to bed. Though, it's a bit early.

Who said I'm tired?

[ well, the fates decree that he is always, a hundred percent of the time, tired, but that's neither here nor there. he could sleep through an unearthly cataclysm signaling the end of days and wake up not caring what he missed, but that isn't the point of this—exercise. it's just bug ignis time. since he moved out of the citadel and started high school, there hasn't been quite as much time as there used to be for being in each other's business every minute of every day. he forgets it's significant until something reminds him, like ignis needing to skip a day because there's business to take care of elsewhere, leaving him to tend to his own needs, which is an utterly hopeless endeavor in every aspect. in the obvious ways, like how he's either going to starve to death or burn the apartment down if he's left unattended in the kitchen long enough, but also in those we don't talk about that ways. like how ignis's thigh muscles are harder than a fucking rock but he still makes a better pillow than any of the stuffed-with-magical-chinchilla-fluff-or-whatever pillows on his bed. don't ask him why, them's just the facts. he hasn't gotten this far in life by questioning them.

he rubs his cheek all over ignis's pantleg as if he's determined to skip his obligatory skincare routine by exfoliating right here and now. it's fine. ]

[ What a question. This is Noctis. He knows he's more self-aware than that.

Ignis pats his shoulder. A silent, gentle chide. ]

Your posture speaks volumes. No one needs to say a word.

[ He opts to abandon his sewing project for now. Noctis is just not going to allow him to finish. Sorry, Gladio, your pants will have to wait. The prince wants attention and Ignis is terrible at denying him.

Ignis looks down at him and watches him squirm about. He's odd sometimes. He worries about how much Noctis has sheltered himself growing up when he sees him act like this. It's a shame, because it is... cute? That's not a good word to use, but he can't lie about it. Still, it's childish and while he can't expect proper decorum from Noctis, he does at least think he should act his age.

He tries to sound mild about it. ]

Just what are you doing?

I'm just getting comfortable.

[ comfy, as the kids at school would say. more and more slang is creeping into his dialect these days, but he tries not to confuse ignis too much with all that. after all, he doesn't go to public school for the fun of it, and he's never seen fit to mingle with commoners just because he can. he's as snooty as they come, no two ways about it. but that's kind of one the thing he loves— likes— u-uh— about him. other people might be put off, but he's never found him pompous. maybe just a stick in the mud sometimes. but it's mud he's permitted to wallow in as much as he pleases, so it's fine. it's all fine. ]

You just don't want me to fall asleep. Then you won't have anybody to complain to.

Very comfortable, it seems. Are you sure you're not trying to nap just a few hours before bed?

[ Noctis has been known to do it. If competitive sleeping had been a sport in high school, he'd have gotten a scholarship (not that he needs one. Ever.). He's really made it an art. It worries Ignis like many things do. He should be doing more. He's got a lot of responsibility ahead and it's coming up fast. He should start to dig into his preparations.

But that's why Ignis is a stick in the mud to most. He's stuck in a position where he has to be the one looking forward when really, he just wants to look down at the prince taking residence in his lap. ]

I only complain because you need someone to complain.

Sleep before I sleep? Sounds nice.

[ and can i get an extra helping of sleep with that? thanks. he's really not that tired, though. that's likely to change if ignis lets him be long enough, though. his lap is a nice place to crash, and it has the added benefit of trapping him here. like having a cat sleep on you, what do you expect to do? make it get up? illegal. can't be done. ignis will just have to stay forever. what a shame. it's not as if he never sleeps over, but between being busy and having things to do and just—not sleeping here, it's sort of rare. he's never really thought to ask why. maybe he just likes his alone time, or something. it make sense, since so does he. it's just that with ignis, it isn't a breach of alone time at all. he's just—part of the experience.

rolling onto his back, he changes up his "just getting comfortable" position so that he can look up at ignis, his face petulant but placid. at least we know he's not out for a wrestle. sometimes he pretends to forget ignis doesn't rough house. ]

The kids at school would say, "quit your bitching."

That's too self-indulgent, even for you.

[ He can't abide by it. They'll both get an earful if Noctis starts sleeping that much. This somewhat leisurely lifestyle he has right now is already questionable to some. Ignis understands Regis's intentions, though, and even if it's wrong he still wants Noctis to enjoy his youth while he has it. He's been willing to give up his own youth to accommodate for it. That's how deep his dedication to Noctis goes.

Whatever he can do for him, he will, no matter the cost.

Giving up goofing off is a small sacrifice to make if it means seeing Noctis act this content. Ornery, but content. He might be a smartass, but it's the way he's learned to be playful. It's partly Gladio's fault and partly his own. They reap what they sew.

He brings his hand down and pinches Noctis's nose closed. ]

If you start to use language like that, you'll make trouble for yourself later, you know.

[ it won't last for long, this. being a kid. maybe always a kid at heart, but the time for getting to act on it will be over before he even has the chance to understand he should've appreciated it more. but that's still a bit of a ways off. for now— for now, he laughs like a kid, snorting unattractively when his nose is held shut and sounding equally unattractive, nasally when he speaks. ]

Gladio says it!

[ gaddio sez id. not in polite company, he doesn't. but since when do ignis or even the prince count as polite company? they don't. they aren't. they're just guys being dudes unless someone's watching them. which... is probably more often than not, but still. not here, in the safe haven of his apartment. someplace he can actually be himself, with the select few people that let him. ]

Bet you do, too. In secret. In your diary.

[ That laugh is an instant deal-breaker when he tries to be stern. He can't fight it. He has no defenses against it. It melts all his efforts to be professional and mature immediately.

He ends up smiling, letting his nose go and patting his cheek as he chides him. ]

Gladio knows when he shouldn't. You should learn, too.

[ He will get him to understand decorum. He will. If it takes all his life force, he will get this prince he has, possibly more than anyone, spoiled rotten to understand it. His future depends on it.

He lets out a small, amused breath through his nose. ]

A diary? I've no time for such a thing, you know. But I'd be lying if I said I spoke like I'm in front of military leaders all the time when I'm withs friends.

[ Friends?

Friend. Singular. He has one. It's Noctis. Gladio only counts as a half at this point. ]

Oh, yeah? You don't have to talk like I'm someone important, so I better count.

[ hah, obviously. at this point, it's almost silly when he does. when he's obligated to, at the citadel or in front of others, when things like highness is not only appropriate but obligatory. but he doesn't have to offer the same amount of respect. ignis is just ignis no matter where they are. there's only really one person that he has to speak up to, and that's his father. everything else is just ignis, get me this and ignis, do that.

seeing a crack in the facade, noctis does what he always does and needles into it, poking at it, trying to pick at it and make it bigger until the whole thing collapses. he's usually pretty good at it. ignis doesn't make it difficult. at least, he doesn't think so. ]

"Quit your bitching." That's absolutely in your vernacular. Let's hear it.

Of course, you count. When we're in a casual atmosphere. There's a certain decorum we need to follow when we're dealing with business matters. You'll have to get used to that.

[ His tone is firm and serious. He wants to get the point across. It's not like he has an option to act friendly and familiar when they're dealing with politicians.

But, once he's finished his little speech, he smiles again. He pats his hand against Noctis's chest. ]

But that doesn't change our friendship. Even so, I'm not playing your game, so you'll have to give up now.