angst .

[colorfulsock]

ANGST MEME


Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters can and will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.
- Go to random.org and roll.
- Play!


1. just depressed.
Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.
You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.
Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.
You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.
You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.
For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.
You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.
Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.
You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.
This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.
You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.
Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.
You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.
Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.
You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.
It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss
You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.
Combine some options or make your own!

Comments

[not_without_you]

That's a complicated question and Bucky has no idea what to do with it at first. He considers it. Considers what Steve probably expects to hear. Then, because he's not having this conversation like his, he shifts in the bed to crouch in front of Steve on his knees. He reaches out and grabs his hands in his, holding onto them tight.

"Yeah. I wish things were easier, again. I wish all we had to worry about was money and your meds instead of saving the entire universe. But...I don't want you going back to how sick you were. You have no idea how bad that was for me. Each flu was like watching you go to death's door. I still hate the winter because of it. Which...I guess is pretty funny, considering." It's not actually funny, but Bucky has a warped sense of humor.

"But...we can't go back. And even if we could...there's a lot about this time that is amazing. You have friends who care about you. A nation who adores you. You're...the guy I always knew you would be if people looked at you right. And me? I get to stand beside you every step of the way. It's...perfect for me. Because no, I don't get tired of looking after you. Steve..."

He's died twice now. Nearly died once more on top of that and went back into an indefinite freeze on top of that. How many times is he going to miss this shot? How many until the clock truly runs out?

Bucky inhales and moves closer, grabbing Steve's head between his hands instead, now.

"You don't 'put up' with people you love, punk. Understand? I don't put up with you. You mean everything to me, Steve.

"You are everything to me."

[pastpermission]

"I knew you'd say that," Steve replies, looking down at their hands that are intertwined together. "Things were a lot simpler back then. Kind of happier too, huh?" He chuckles, but it's half-hearted. "I wouldn't take being sick all the time, but you know, at least I knew you'd-"

He stops himself there, because what he was about to say isn't fair to Bucky. It's not his fault they keep getting dealt bad hands. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm good with how things are." Mostly. "And, yeah, there's some stuff I could do without, but I've got you back, and that's good enough for me." He squeezes Bucky's hands in his, hoping he conveys just how much he means that in that simple gesture.

"I meant it when I said there's no one else I'd rather be with." Steve knows he might have to be reminded once in awhile that Bucky's with him because he wants to be, not just because he's putting up with him. But what he knows without question is that he wants Bucky with him till the end of the line.

[not_without_you]

Bucky swallows hard because this is the worst time to do this, but he feels like he has to. His thumbs brush over Steve's cheekbones as he looks at him with tenderness. He leans in and presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes and just feeling his best friend so close to him. It's Heaven. It's the only Heaven he will ever need. His hands slide to the back of Steve's neck and rest there. Cradling it, feeling the long hair tickle his fingers.

"There's no one else I would ever be with, ever." The truth has been boiling inside of him for so long. Unspoken words all battling for their way out. He died with them twice. He refuses to risk a third time. "Stevie....Steve. You...You gotta know that you're it for me, right? The end of the line is you, pal. Everything...everything comes down to you."

He pulls back enough to look him in the eyes. Steve deserves that amount of courage from him.

"Steve. Pal. I've...since we were brat kids, Steve. You've been it. And shit's happened to both of us. But that hasn't changed. Never will. Understand? I don't...need anything from you. I just need you to know. Because it's killing me that I didn't ever tell you and nearly lost my chance. So... I just need you to know, Steve. Okay?"

[pastpermission]

As always, Bucky's fingertips leave little fireworks in their wake. Something about the other man's touch just thrills Steve in ways he can't quite put words to. If this is heaven, then Steve's on cloud nine.

He thinks back to how girls fawned over him after he took the serum. Those girls were nice enough, but they weren't the ones for him. Then there was Peggy Carter, who really was something special. But time got in the way, and they missed their chance with each other. That just leaves Bucky, although there's nothing "just" about the man who's with him right now. "Yeah. You're it for me too. You're- You're really all I have." Oh, he has friends who would die for him, and who he would do the same for in a heartbeat. But there's no one like Bucky.

And then he just leans into him like he never wants to be separated from him again. Time probably will try and screw them over, because it's a fickle mistress, but now it doesn't really matter. The cards are on the table, they know how the other feels, and that's what counts. He'd like to spend the rest of his life with Bucky, but just in case that doesn't happen, at least it's all been laid out on the table.

"I need you to know too. Just in case something happens, I want you to know that you're the most important person in the world to me. And, you're probably going to laugh, but you know what I want?" He smiles and reaches for Bucky's hand so he can brush his lips against it. "I want to grow old with you." Well, older, since both of them aren't exactly spring chickens here. The thought makes him chuckle just a little.

[not_without_you]

Bucky does laugh, but it's warm, bubbling out of him with disbelief and joy. He tilts his head and kisses Steve's cheek before leaving his face pressed close, right there. Breathing him in and nuzzling in closer, like he can't stand the separation between their bodies. Part of him really can't.

"Hundred ain't old enough for you?" He's teasing and he laughs even as he says it. This is the lightest he's felt in a lifetime. The truth is out there. It's bared between them, honest and open and nothing was ruined. Nothing broke. If anything, it all just got better.

Bucky tucks his free hand under Steve's chin and grabs a pinch of beard to lead his face back around. He's waited so long to do this that he's almost nervous. But there's no reason to be. This is his Stevie. And the two of them were made for each other. So he smiles as palm flattens against Steve's cheek and he finally leans in.

When their lips touch, he can see every firework from every one of Steve's birthdays explode right behind his closed eyes.

He leans in closer, keeping this as soft and gentle as he suspects they both need, right now. It's only a short peck, but as soon as he pulls away, Bucky is already leaning in for another one. If left to it, he could do this for the rest of the day, happily.

"I love you, punk," he breathes between the kisses, smile coming back onto his face. "Bring on two-hundred if I have you..."

[pastpermission]

Once their faces are close enough together, Steve just goes in, all thoughts of dignity and looking good forgotten. He mashes his lips against Bucky's, making the kiss as deep as he can, pouring all his love and longing into it. But there's something else he's getting rid of with this one kiss: the fear, the guilt, the sadness, all the negative emotions that have been burying him since the day he lost Bucky. Bucky's here, he's alive, and Steve knows he's going to hold onto this chance with all the strength he has.

"No, it's not. Ten lifetimes wouldn't be enough for me." Everyone dies, and some people die more than once. But Steve just wants whatever time they have left, and he wants to make the most of it. And then he pulls back, but then there's Bucky grabbing at his beard and reeling him right back on in. He's not complaining; kissing Bucky is a euphoric experience all in one, and it's one he'll never get tired of.

"I want you, Bucky. I'm gonna sound like the clingiest man in existence, but I need you more than I've ever needed anyone." Might as well bare it all right now, leaving all the regrets and fears on the floor. "Bring it on. I'm ready."

[not_without_you]

"You're not clingy. You at eight. That was clingy." Bucky doesn't even mean that because he'd been just as clingy right back. Their parents had tried nearly everything to get them apart for the night. In the end they'd had to handle sleepovers until, finally, that phase ended. Here it was coming around again.

Bucky is smiling as he leads Steve back down to the bed and wraps him up completely. As much as he might want to do more, this isn't the time. They had the morning and the next day and the next for learning each other's bodies. Right now he just wanted to have Steve relaxed and back to sleep. Lord knew he needed it.

"Put your head here," he instructs, leaving Steve's ear pressed against his heart. The thudding of his heart is steady, if a little fast. Proof positive that Bucky was still here and still alive. His metal arm pushes away a bit to not interfere with the settling process while the other one strokes through Steve's blonde hair.

"I'm gonna cling right back. I hope you know that, sweetheart. Now that I got you, I'm not letting you out of my sight. Can't take the risk of someone else sweeping my best fella up."