Steamed Hams But It's Role Played

[ribs_grow_back]

Despite your better judgment, you've invited someone to your home to enjoy an "unforgettable luncheon". Innocent enough at first, but it's the big day and it seems like absolutely everything that could go wrong is going on. Nevermind the fact that your guest is here. Best friend, worst enemy, or something in between, you're stuck with them in this situation and you've got to make the best of it.

I hear making up ridiculous lies always works.

Guidelines:

- Your character (or the one responding to you, whichever you all prefer) is preparing a meal for company over. The other character is the one for whom the meal is being prepared.
- Things go wrong.
- Now your character must make this luncheon work to the best of their ability while making sure that their guest doesn't catch on.

These are just a few rough steps to help everyone get started. Feel free to adjust things accordingly and remember to have fun!

Comments

Dr Otto Octavius 🐙 The Superior Spider-Man 🕷️

[noparkerarea]

[ Do you know how hard it is to hide a secret identity during luncheon? ]

[miteiest]

[The doorbell rings. Peter's been... odd as of late, but Hank is hardly one to judge. He knows that at times like these it's important to have friends around. Thus his insistence on meeting up today.]

Arianna Caledonia 🦌 Etrian Odyssey 2 Untold

[daughterofthemark]

[If she's the guest, this is easy mode tbh.]

Celestia Ludenberg | Danganronpa

[gambliar]

[The host, naturally. She'll lie as much as she has to.]

[midnightson]

[Knock knock, Celestia. Your lunch guest has arrived. He expects everything because he's Togami, he expects nothing because it's you and whatever the location we're running with for this, it's certainly no Michelin 3 Star restaurant.]

this ougtha be good

[gambliar]

[Why Celes invited the iceberg lettuce Togami to her not-so-humble abode is a mystery for the ages, but there was probably some sort of purpose in mind. Will it actually be worth it? Who even knows. At least this should be painful for both of them.

To her credit, the door opens in a timely fashion after the knock, so at least she's not keeping the heir waiting.]

Right on time. [Is she talking about him or praising herself for already being ready? The answer, dear reader, is yes.] Hello, Togami-kun. I hope you're hungry.

[Just going to step aside so he has enough room to enter her apartment. The building itself, from the outside to the inside, is about as fancy as you'd expect. Smaller than the standard complexes, with less people overall and more space and rooms for those that do live there. The living room is the first room he'll see and it's furnished about as you'd expect; a gothic mansion with some noteworthy modern flairs and convenience.]

An unforgettable luncheon!

[midnightson]

Even if this may have been a lapse in judgment there's no use postponing the consequences of one's decisions. [Without any thanks whatsoever he beezes in through the door and looks around, far from impressed but not looking any more put off or judgmental than he does anywhere else. He doesn't have any criticisms to fire off on on the decor at a first glance which itself might be quite the compliment. If Celes's taste is a bit overwrought it at least avoids being cheap and tacky.]

I don't see any servants about. Should I take this to mean you do your own housekeeping and therefore cooking?

Travis Touchdown | No More Heroes

[crownless_king]

[Absolutely the host here. You know shit's gonna be weak when you're coming to a motel for a luncheon, amiright?]

[crotchpunch]

[There is a knock on Travis's door. It can clearly be heard three times before a brief pause.

At which point a fist goes through the door, near the knob, and unlocks it. The hand withdraws and the knob turns. It's Jeane! ...not really a surprise, but still.]

Well, Brother. I made it here despite your directions.

Egil Ødegård | original character (urban fantasy/myth)

[waterloggedsocks]

[ Business partner he had to invite over? Friend of a friend of a friend whose Airbnb flaked out on them? Or worse, someone he actually really cares about impressing? Guess they're getting a front-row seat to some woeful kitchen mishaps. He's better at baking than cooking, guys, it's almost not his fault. (It's his fault.)

Assumed CR/contrivances for very mild knowledge of each other completely okay here. Character info/permissions in journal. ]

Engineer | Team Fortress 2

[spah]

[finally]

[handsomerogue]

[assume this spy is blu despite my icons because you know what? engineer invited soldier over for a good old fashioned american gathering, and on his way there, the slobbering idiot got himself knifed. excellent. this presents a perfect opportunity for infiltration.

so spy-disguised-as-soldier will absolutely slip up to engineer at some point, screaming in his best soldier impression:]

"Well, maggot, I have made it! Despite my unbridled idiocy!"

NO WORRIES RE: ICONS i use a p mixed bag of red/blu engies, also i'm already loving this

[spah]

[The real Soldier is probably screaming in respawn by now, so Spy has the lack of volume control about right. Luckily, Engineer was prepared for it, as he turns around with only the vaguest wince.

What is up my very good friend the Soldier who is exactly who he says he is.]

Soldier-boy, there ya are! [He sets his hands on his hips.] I hope you're prepared for a helluva barbeque.

bless this mess and bless you

[handsomerogue]

[spy beams, and it shows through the disguise. of course the laborer would fall for this. now he’d be able to sneak a peek at his workshop in peace, all under the guise of eating american junk food. truly the easiest ploy of his long career, and he reminds himself to make dinner reservations tonight in celebration.]

“Excellent!” [god. this makes him feel disgusting. he already needs a shower.] “I am ready and waiting to participate in wholly American things like baked bean eating and discussing the fact that I was in the war!”

thank u kindly friend

[spah]

I'm bettin'. [In Engie's defense, this is almost exactly how Soldier acts some days.] Don't worry, hoss. There's a Texan barbeque waitin' on us.

[The merc motions for "Soldier" to follow him through the workshop.]

Alright, I got briskets on the grill outside. Hang out a sec.

[handsomerogue]

[...merde the one fatal flaw in his plans has been blown wide open: he has no idea what the FUCK a brisket is]

“Excellent! I shall wait patiently and not touch anything at all!” [he’s gonna touch something.]

[spah]

[Don't tell him you've only had one kind of beef cut their whole life. Or do - he'll make you some, and he's a pretty good cook.]

... Soldier. [Engineer looks over his shoulder and sets a hand on the door frame.] Don't touch anything.

[Because that is exactly what Soldier would say when he's going to touch something.

That said, Engie suddenly smells smoke. His head snaps forward before he can question anything and runs outside. Speaking of cooking, his whole grill is burning.]

Hell!

[ye gods his briskets are ruined etc. etc. you know the line]

[handsomerogue]

“I make no promises!”

[Oh, he’s going to touch things. He’s going to figure out all of Engie’s secret plans and bring ruin about him and - okay that noise is slightly concerning. Spy opens the door behind him, and pauses, taking in the scene.

”Eeeengie with his crazy machinations
The BLU Spy is gonna have nothin’ but frustration!
When he saps Engie’s operations
There'll be trouble in Teufort tonight!”]

“ENGINEEEERRRR!!”

[spah]

[holy shit Soldier what are you screaming at him for

Seeing as the entire grill is engulfed in flames, Engineer doesn't have much room to lie. He doesn't have a reason to lie either, but whatever this is the meme.]

Whoa-hoh! Calm down, pard.

[Says a man who's starting to sweat. Probably from the enormous fire. He slaps "Soldier" on the back anyway.]

Don't tell me you've never seen a flambé before.

Takao Kazunari | Kuroko no Basuke

[rockpaperpedal]

[He's not one of the series's toxic chefs but.]

[phantomplayer]

( I checked your permissions and it doesn't really say it on there, so I'd figure I should ask before tagging you- would you be alright with roleplaying with a genderbent version of a canon character? In this case, it would be Kuroko. It's perfectly fine if you say no, I won't be offended! )

[rockpaperpedal]

[Not a problem at all! Just throw me any setting details I'll need to know as they come up and we're golden. (Some Kuro-ko doujinshi make the teams co-ed, some make her a manager, etc.)

Got a preference in role and/or who starts?]

[phantomplayer]

( In terms of details, things pretty much stayed the same. People are more accepting of co-ed basketball teams in this universe so it still sets her on the same path to playing with seirin, and playing against the others, etc. I'd also love to throw in some subtle shippy stuff, if that's cool with you. i absolutely adore Takao, he's such a cutie ; u ; i'm excited to be able to roleplay with one!

also would you mind starting us off? I like the idea of him trying to cook for the both of them lol )

[rockpaperpedal]

[Shipping's A-OK with me!]


[Shin-chan had known Kuroko since, technically, the two's first year in middle school even if there wasn't much interaction until she'd joined the first string. That meant that in theory he could give a few tips on what she ate. It was a theory that didn't pan out so well as, when asked, the most he could say was that they seemed to get ice cream after school a lot. When pressed, he would say it was usually a blue flavor. The color of her hair. Nothing in the known world besides snacks and quick convenience store desserts tasted like that! You couldn't have popsicles for lunch!

What you could have for lunch was curry rice. The instant stuff couldn't be too hard to make, could it? It was called instant for a reason. Just chop up some veggies from the fridge to spruce it up a little and it'd be good. All good.

Things were going so good that Midorima even managed to think of another helpful tip via text!

"Kuroko is delicate in certain ways and her favorite flavor shake is vanilla. You like kimchi and unnecessarily spicy things so I thought I would warn you in case you had the idiotic idea to make something like your family recipe curry for lunch.

No matter how much of a rival you see her as it isn't appropriate to make a girl cry the first time she comes to your home."

That message came at about the time Kuroko was due to show up so it was, while helpful in content, completely useless, so useless it almost seemed like an attempt to curse him. Imagine if she'd show up and he had to start this whole affair by opening the door and the first words out of his mouth were some apology about his own incompetence.

But HA! The Takao family had a little girl in the form of his little sister, so the standard instant curry mix in their pantry was the medium stuff that kids could handle instead of the hot-hot stuff Takao would prefer! Things were gonna be fine!

Apron still on to wipe his hands off on after vegetable chopping or to prevent stains from curry splatter, Takao heads to wait out front to see her in. Everything was going to be fine!]

[phantomplayer]

[Slipping out her phone from the pocket on her shorts, she glances at the time, lips pursed.] I'm not late.. good. [His house was just a few blocks down the street. When Takao suddenly blurted out if she wanted to eat at his place one day, it had caught her by surprise. The boy started to ramble as he usually did- saying how he was going to cook them up something and Kuroko agreed without hesitation.

To be honest, she was a little nervous. This would be her first time technically going to a boy's house without her teammates around. The implications of this were startling; in the back of her mind but she tried not to think too much about it, otherwise, it would be in her thoughts all day. She scrolls through her text messages, pausing at Kagami's which were all written in caps and read: (IF YOU NEED ME TO BEAT HIM UP FOR ANY REASON, CALL ME.) Kuroko smiles down at her phone in fond exasperation before reading the one Takao had sent her again about what his house looked like, the girl tucking her phone away right after.]

[When she sees his head pop out of the door she quickens her steps, hands clasped behind her back.] Ah.. Hello Takao-kun. [She takes the moment to give a glance over him, her lips subtly curving into a tiny smile for just a split second.]

That apron looks nice on you. You look like housewife. [Kuroko was comfortable around Takao at this point to be able to tease him. It was fair, she thinks. She did this with her other friends so why not him? She walks up the steps to the house, glancing over his form into the house curiously.] I apologize if I stopped you while you were working on our lunch.

[rockpaperpedal]

Nothing to apologize for, you're right on time! [Stepping aside while still keeping the door propped open with his foot, Takao takes both ends of the apron with a delicate finger-thumb pinch as he curtsies, doing his best "housewife" welcoming motion.] Thanks for coming, right this way!

[Not far past the entryway is the living room where there are two seating cushions on the floor by the low table and two coasters. It's nothing especially fancy, but the room is cleaned and he has the house to himself for the day.]

Any requests for your drink? There's water, soda, apple juice, I've got some sports drinks...

[If someone were coming over to hang out normally, he'd invite them to just rifle through his fridge and pick what they wanted, but the going-ons of the kitchen must remain a secret for now. Besides, this isn't quite hanging out normally. This is having someone, a girl, over specifically to cook for them. When he mentioned the plans to have one of Seirin's members over for lunch, they probably had figured it'd be one of the guys. They also probably hadn't figured he'd be attempting to cook for them rather than having something delivered, or else someone might have stayed behind. Takao could handle things like instant ramen and heating up frozen pizza rolls, but he didn't cook. But things were going absolutely fine!

There was definitely nothing going wrong in the kitchen at all.

It was a nice delusion he could hold while still out in the living room helping Kuroko settle in.]

[phantomplayer]

[She mumbles a soft 'Thank you' underneath her breath as she makes her way past the entrance to the door. Kuroko pauses at the threshold of the house only to respectfully take off her shoes and set them aside neatly, sock covered feet wiggling against the ground. Her socks had little basketballs on the surface of them, which wouldn't be a surprise to anybody who knew her. She was crazy when it came to the sport and it showed in the little things she wore- her socks being one of them. She makes herself comfortable on the seating cushion, hands fiddling together underneath the sleeves of her sweater.]

A cup of water is just fine, Takao-kun. [Her hands tuck some hair behind her ear, almost self consciously. It was a little nervewracking to know that she was alone with Takao. Basketball had been the reason the two meet and ever since then, they've been circling around each other in this weird lingo of attraction. It got to the point that even Kagami decided to intervene and bluntly told her one day that she needed to "bang the dude and get together already" Which made her choke on her Vanilla Milkshake that she was drinking. Kuroko wasn't one for flirting but she was subtle in her actions after Kagami's less than helpful suggestion- actions that she hoped Takao would notice. Simple things like brushing of the hands, or wiping some lint off his shoulders. Making him little homemade sweets and sending him soft little smiles. It was close to as flirting as she would get, honestly speaking.]

Do you need me to help with anything? [She eyes him curiously, head tilted to the side. He seemed more nervous than usual but she figured it was because he was responsible for the lunch he was preparing in the kitchen. The ping of her phone going off catches her attention and she pulls it out of her shorts to read the text message. (are you okay? do you need me to murder him??) It was Kagami, of course, and she snorts softly. She taps on the screen and replies back, sending a short 'I'm ok' before hitting enter.

There were a couple of other messages from her other teammates, some wishing her good luck on her date, lots of emojis and exclamation marks included. Oh my god how did they even find out? It's not even a date. ..At least I don't think it is? He just invited me to lunch.. She sets her phone on the table, face pursed in contemplation.]