alchemization meme

[bramblepatch]

The Punch-Card Alchemy Meme
a meme of ridiculous inventory shenanigans



So. You've been around the block a few times by this point, right? Picked up some sweet loot? Want an upgrade on your equipment? Just need to take some time off and mess around with what appears to be an unspeakably advanced 3D printer that operates on pure whimsy thinly disguised as Boolean logic?

Yeah, I thought so. Shit, let's be Santa.

We're (loosely) working off of Homestuck's alchemy system here, although honestly I'm not going to ask you to mess around with the comic's alchemy phernalia or worry about grist costs or anything. I mean, if you want to go dive into the mspa wiki, be my guest? But in brief:

Punch-card alchemy allows you to create new items by combining attributes of existing items. This does not consume the originals, so feel free to use the same items as many times as you like.

It's not an exact science - the punch cards that encode the items don't carry a great deal of data, and what qualities get coded for is kind of arbitrary. Usually you'll end up with something that either combines the functionality of both items, or that "reskins" one item to look like the other. Sometimes the features are things that are thematically associated with the originals, rather than actually being present; combining things with a wizard statue might give the result a wizardly aesthetic, or might just straight up make the result magical.

The resulting item is determined by approximately equal parts symbolic bullshit, rule of cool, and the fact that it's really funny sometimes to make totally useless garbage by accident. Also, give your new equipment totally cool punny names. That's how you can tell it's a valuable and unique piece of shit.

How this is going to work:

1. Post your top level! Include a brief (or not so brief, I'm not the meme police) run-down of your character's current inventory. Unique items, practical supplies, useless junk that's collected in the bottom of their bag, whatever the character has easy access to. Give us something interesting to work with!
   
   
2. Tag around and suggest amazing - or terrible - combinations of other people's items. Or combine something they have with something from your own inventory! Go into as much or as little detail about the new equipment as you like.
   2a. Repeat, as desired. You know that impractical sword and that dumb-looking gun would make an exponentially stupider-looking awesome gunblade.
   
   
3. Congratulations on your cool new stuff! Time to admire it, or test it out, or just boggle vacantly at these shenanigans.

Comments

Carey Fangbattle | The Adventure Zone: Balance

[lizbean]

Breeches, shirt and shoes, all cut for a dragonborn of her stature.
Pair of +1 Daggers.
Well-made lockpicks, small file, scissors, pliers, and hand-mirror.
Silver BOB bracer.
Smoke bombs.
1/2 silver "best friends" necklace (Magnus has other half).
Stone of Farspeech.

Re: Carey Fangbattle | The Adventure Zone: Balance

[thornsofmalkav]

You combine your SMOKE BOMBS and your STONE OF FARSPEECH to create the STONE OF FARSMOKE, which will allow you to communicate remotely with smoke signals. Do you even know any smoke signals?

[lizbean]

No, but combining the STONE OF FARSMOKE with the BEST FRIENDS NECKLACE creates the WALKIE SMOGGIE, which makes smoke come out of Magnus's stone of farspeech instead. His problem now!

[carryon_crow]

You combine the +1 DAGGERS and the HAND-MIRROR to create a SIGNALLING KNIFE, a blade polished to a mirror sheen to catch the light and signal others over long distances.

Aw, I was hoping for a mirror shard shank. A shark! Gaze upon your own demise! Nyahaha!

Amanda Ramirez & the Roadrash Kid | nWoD OC

[hazardlight]

Clothes: Torn black JEANS, yellow and black striped TANK TOP, dark grey CONVERSE SNEAKERS, yellow skull-print BANDANnA, stainless-steel stud EARRINGS (2 pair)

Mundane Gear: Canvas BACKPACK, SWISS-ARMY KNIFE, translucent grey Bic LIGHTER, slightly outdated SMART PHONE, KEY RING with extensive assortment of KEYS, half a package of BEEF JERKY, half a package of CHILI MANGO SLICES

Mementos: TAILLIGHT GOGGLES (Keystone Memento, driving goggles with cracked car taillights for lenses, bonuses to Pyre Flame- and Industrial-keyed magic and trick driving attempts), WIDOW'S WATCH (Charm, silver and blue enamel pocket watch constantly cold to the touch, bonus to Cold Wind-keyed magic), DAREDEVIL'S HELMET (Charm, old-fashioned motorcycle helmet with scuffed flame decals on one side, bonus to Industrial-keyed magic)

Re: Amanda Ramirez & the Roadrash Kid | nWoD OC

[thornsofmalkav]

You combine your BEEF JERKY and your DAREDEVIL'S HELMET to create the DAREDEVIL'S HELMEAT. It's just like the helmet only it happens to be made of beef.

[hazardlight]

This is definitely a functional piece of safety equipment and not at all something that's going to make your hair smell really weird as soon as you, for some reason, decide to put it on.

Thorne Durante | WoD OC

[thornsofmalkav]

Clothes: JEANS, maroon HERO OF HEART zip-up hoodie, nerdy TEE SHIRT, purple DOC MARTENS, butterfly-with-moon-shaped-wings PENDANT, wheat motif HAIR ORNAMENT, silver RING suspiciously similar to but not actually a wedding band.

Mundane Items: IPHONE 6, pink 3DS, SPIRAL NOTEBOOKS, PENS, HAIR TIES, CLOTH TAPE MEASURE, TRAVEL SEWING KIT, E-READER with many books on it

Special Items: ANTI-FIRE NECKLACE (suppresses fires within 15 feet of her), ENAMELED VAMBRACES (with a butterfly motif), TWO MATCHING DAGGERS

[hazardlight]

You combine your HERO OF HEART HOODIE and your 3DS to create SBURB: MOBILE EDITION, which thankfully seems to be a dating sim with a side of item crafting and not a world-ending apocalypse game in its own right.

Amanda combines your SEWING KIT with her SWISS-ARMY KNIFE to create the FOLDING SEWING MACHINE, which is a surprisingly robust piece of equipment for something that can fit in your pocket.

[thornsofmalkav]

Okay, but these are both awesome items. You stash them in your various pockets.

[notme_anymore]

Rose sees an opportunity and takes it. She combines your E-READER with her PIECE OF STARDUST to make the CONSTELLATOME, which is about the same size as WAR & PEACE but only weighs as much as though it were made of ash. The cover glitters strangely and has a big red star, a big blue star, and a binary star system, all three of which are in constellations. The page edges are lined with gold. You're not sure what it does yet, but there's lots of words. Something about frogs.

You also combine the CLOTH TAPE MEASURE and the ANTI-FURE NECKLACE and the TRAVEL SEWING KIT to create the DISTINGUISHED EXTINGUISHER, which you're pretty sure is a weapon kind of like nunchucks but the cloth holding the two giant needles is pretty long. Bonus damage against fire enemies, you guess.

[awitchdidit]

You combine your VAMBRACES and your DAGGERS to make some ridiculously impractical BLADED ARMWEAR that sure looks cool.

Then, while lamenting that you don't have something truly excellent like HERO OF LIGHT GEAR, let's see if we can get something a little more elegant than a hoodie by combining the HERO OF HEART HOODIE with the PENDANT.

Chie Satonaka | Persona 4 Golden Is Unbreakable

[highsteaks]

Yasogami school uniform
Green jacket
Biker shorts
Steel Slippers (fancy boots for kicking Shadows)
TV World Glasses (made by Teddie)
Scooter
Magic Chariot tarot card made of light
Matching wristbands (protag has the other half of the pair)
old copy of Trial of the Dragon (broken disc)
new copy of Trial of the Dragon
Steak skewers
Blue Three poster
Weights for weight training
Green flip phone

[shiroganeheir]

You combine your CHARIOT CARD with the FORTUNE CARD and get the CHARIOT WHEEL CARD. All it summons is Mara. Damnit.

[highsteaks]

This is the NIGHTMARE SCENARIO.

[7_0_7]

You combine TRIAL OF THE DRAGON (OLD) with STEAK SKEWERS and get BROKEN DRAGON STEAK SKEWERS.

Is this dragon meat? Who knows, it fell right on the ground. If you thought your love of meat could make everything better, that was a serious misteak.

Rose Red | Ghost Quartet | ota

[notme_anymore]

clothes: Plaid ankle-length skirt; dark tank top; thin red cardigan; bobby pins and hair ties; low-heel ankle boots

mundane items: Camera; broken camera; film; canvas full of miscellaneous stuff, like tissues, car keys, hand sanitizer, etc.; notebook with rose decor; a bunch of pens she stole from various places

weird shit: one pot of honey; one piece of stardust; photo of a ghost; salt

[7_0_7]

You combine your PHOTO OF A GHOST with your NOTEBOOK WITH ROSE DECOR to create HAUNTED NOTEBOOK. If you write in it, it writes back, signing its notes as "Rose." For some reason it's incredibly wordy.

[notme_anymore]

Is this a reflection of yourself? You resent the implications.

[hazardlight]

You combine the BROKEN CAMERA and the PHOTO OF A GHOST to create the POLTERGEISTAROID. The good news is it takes incredibly clear, detailed paranormal pictures. The bad news is that it tends to fling those pictures destructively around the room in response to strong emotions.

[notme_anymore]

You have strong emotions very often. Mostly anger. This will be an issue.

Before someone unworthy claimed this fairly low hanging pun

[lookbetter]

ICE KEEN POP: Ice Cream Maker || Keening. decorative keening dagger stick in strawberry ice cream dipped in hard cherry shell for a rounded rectangular shape. Perfect for when your heart is cold but the weather is hot!
BLUESBERRY ICE KEEN POP: Ice Keen Pop && Damage Health Potion. For when your inability to feel physical sadness like the surrounding society means you have to scrape together your own dinner from whatever is in the freezer.
CHOCOLATE CHIPPER ICE KEEN POP: Ice Keen Pop && Cure Disease Potion. Is the world actually a wonderful place full of meaning and acceptance? Honestly that's a difficult question to ask a confection, but at least this has caffeine!
RAGESBERRY ICE KEEN POP: Ice Keen Pop && Frenzy Potion. Are other people full of energy for a task that's objectively important, but you're preoccupied with getting breakfast before doing anything else? This product is for you!

Eric: Fondly regard ice cream varieties

[poorlovefool]

You're impressed! Is it the KEEN effect making you love ice cream more than you already did, or are they just that delicious? Either way, these are truly magical.