bakerstreet | cuddle meme .

[ Akashi can't help but laugh a little. He doesn't get it. He also doesn't understand what "subculture" in this context means, but whatever. He doubts he'll ever understand unless he submerges himself further, but he's fine with limiting himself to reading a light novel from time to time just because it's a different kind of literature from what he's used to. ]

What exactly do harems have to do with the team? Did you imagine the starters as members of yours?

[ Okay, now he's actually joking. Akashi doesn't always display his sense of humour because he barely has it, but whenever he does, it's always him being a tease. ]

[Akashi jokes but...]

That's right.

[This one's not a lie. His unusually expressive face and tone as he turns towards the fire makes it clear that it was not an enjoyable experience even just imagining it.]

The harem's almost always an unwanted one full of moeblob freaks that any normal person would get fed up with within seconds in real life. To think I'd learn to sympathize with bland light novel main characters more deeply through basketball...

Then perhaps I should be glad that we came across each other at the gym today.

[ He's told Reo about his worries already and Reo's done the same. Akashi feels bad for Reo because he still regrets that foul he made. On the other hand, Akashi feels bad because he could have been a better leader and treated his teammates better. Just because he's returned and is the original Seijuro Akashi doesn't mean that all that he's done in the past becomes forgotten. Of course he still has burdens to bear and mistakes to shoulder.

He could have said this at the rooftop but he didn't. ]

I owe you an apology for treating you the way I did.

[ He only glances at Mayuzumi for a split second, opting to stare at the fire again. Akashi is one to not feel awkward. He's only doing it for Mayuzumi's sake because he feels that the older boy between the two of them wouldn't want to look into Akashi's eyes, anyway. ]

[A carefully, deliberately neutral expression washes over the dour pout, resisting the urge to furrow his brows, to let his shoulders tense. Despite himself, Mayuzumi's hands curl into his pants. The topic had shifted heavy again, from talk of harem ends.

Maybe letting Akashi get smug wouldn't have been the worst choice. Already prone to a quiet voice by default, the reply is even lower of a whisper.]

Stop it. What're you expecting to come out of an apology?

[ Akashi shakes his head as an initial response. He doesn't take his tea even though he holds it close to his mouth, finding himself in a rather awkward situation. It's fine if Mayuzumi doesn't accept the apology--they're still talking now. It's just that he should have done so days ago. It was only the right thing to do. ]

I'm not sure. I just know I owe you one. [ A beat. ] Do you not seem to think so?

[At least when he was owed an apology he had the right to be mad. Now that he has it, it's his to take or leave, it requires him to think about what he's forgiving or not forgiving. These kinds of things are easier to just roll up into a general frustration with Akashi and his perfectionism.]

This's why it's better if we didn't talk anymore after that...

[What would he have rather have been done? Of course being subbed out would have been preferable; it had been what he wanted, but in the end all of it was being thrown away once made useless. That was what a team was, though; substitutions weren't personal offenses, they were strategic moves. If it was a matter of getting attention, the one who was trained as a shadow to avoid attention was the best to know how to play into that strategy.

It wasn't any different than the rest of the regulars; they played nice while he was useful and as annoying as it was none of them owed him anything more than that. He wasn't their friend and he wasn't Akashi's friend, they didn't have anything in common outside of basketball, and basketball was a game with a goal.

It's not something he wants to forgive. It's not something he wants to think about why he's angry over it. If he's angry at Akashi after an apology, Akashi's done all he can do and can go on with his life. If Mayuzumi forgives him for being so Akashi, what's left if not the faint resentment muddied by an unwanted understanding, possibly even appreciation, of what makes him tick?]

What would you've rather done?

[ That's a good question. This Akashi merely watched-- gave full authority to his other self--that he doesn't know how to answer it yet. It's why he replays parts of the game in his head, and his other self briefly questions why he's doing this when an apology is way too late at this point in time already.

He doesn't want to say "I don't know", though. That would bear nothing but even more... resentment? from the upperclassman. ]

Anything would have been better than that.

[ Akashi isn't frantically rummaging through answers here, but it's what comes out. ]

I should have been able to craft another strategy, but I didn't. [ He's referring to both of his personalities at this point. He's not going to blame it on just one half. ]

[With a sigh heavy enough to practically be visible even with the more moderate temperatures in the room Mayuzumi gives a withering glare over at the boy, with the thought that cuddling up together physically for some ridiculous but practical reason was less uncomfortable than this.]

That's not an apology, it's a condolence. It wasn't a strategy you made up in a pinch. You'd had it in mind as a possibility from before the game started.

[It's a guess based on how quickly the strategy had been turned to, how impossibly easy it was for him to order it while it was that difficult for Mayuzumi to accept it.]

Since it's you, it was probably the best strategy that anyone could've used at that time. If it was the difference between winning or losing you'd do it again. It's just who you are.

[ Akashi can't help but place the cup back on the tray. He turns and moves over to where the blankets are, finally unfolding one so he can use it. Back turned on the hearth (and Mayuzumi), he slowly slips his legs under the kotatsu despite it not being turned on. He just wants to sit this way. This is a lot better than letting himself get hurt by Mayuzumi's words.

He'd argue that that isn't true. He wouldn't do something like that--embarrass a teammate for all to see--but he feels that arguing is moot when he should be apologising and not getting people angry even more. ]

If that's what you think, Mayuzumi-san.

[ Akashi isn't one to resign, but right now, he should. This is why his personalities split in the first place. People are going to leave him. People refuse to listen. He's just alone. ]

[It's dark over there and the kotatsu's not even on. Just how pathetic does he want to be? If he disagreed he could argue. Mayuzumi refuses to feel anything.

Akashi made tea for him and was trying to apologize. He left without it. It's an observation of the setting, cold and factual, nothing more. He doesn't owe Akashi a single damned thing and Akashi by now isn't stupid enough to expect anything out of him. This isn't a ploy for pity. This is a simple desire to be left alone after an unpleasant experience with someone that leaves a bitter taste that takes time to digest. It's not something Mayuzumi can't understand.

He's not sure if it's in spite of or because of that understanding that he stands up with a low grunt at the feeling of cold-stiffened joints having to move again. When he goes off to be alone, he really has no desire to be found or approached or comforted. He also didn't resign from the club with even the possibility in his mind of anyone noticing, much less telling him to cancel it. Knowing full well how unwelcomed his presence very well could be, maybe even taking a certain pleasure in the ironic role reversal, he sets the tray down in front of Akashi, then stands fully up again, deciding to linger standing and letting the blood flow through him and ease out some of the too well settled stiffness.]

I don't hate you or anything.

["Or anything" might not be honest. There's some sincere resentment and negative sentiment, so he decides it's best to clarify. He has negative feelings but when summed up into like or dislike of him as a whole, he's not someone he wishes he never met. He might be the least annoying member of the regulars depending on how annoying Mibuchi's been around the time the list is being made. His clarification comes as a grunt from stretching his back lightly, making it sound like the words are given begrudgingly.]

I don't not like you.

[ When Akashi thinks of the people he's wronged, he reminds himself that Kuroko and the others were happy to have him back. He reminds himself that Mayuzumi said that his last year was at least memorable thanks to him. It's not the best kind of consolation but when you have everything and nothing, it's what you hold onto.

A bit puzzled, Akashi looks up at Mayuzumi. He's not quite sure why the tray was brought to him. He doubts Mayuzumi feels bad that Akashi feels bad. The delivery of it all makes him feel even worse. Mayuzumi doesn't have to say it like that. ]

I understand.

[ Or at least, he believes he does when all he has are the words exchanged on the rooftop. ]

You don't want your tea anymore?

[ Mayuzumi is free to keep with the conversation of Akashi's apology or he can drop it and follow Akashi's lead with a different topic. ]

Edited 2018-06-21 00:19 (UTC)

[The fact that his voice has the same slight strain as he gives one last stretch doesn't likely take the edge off of how hard pressed the prior words were.]

You might've moved over here to be alone but I'm cold and stiff, with only some cheeky first year upstart around, so I'm going to take it out on him and complain some more.

[His choice is to keep on the prior topic, sighing again as his mental preparations are complete and he takes his seat at the corner adjacent to where the other boy's settled in.]

My other hobbies are all sedentary but I don't hate exercise. That's why I joined a sports team. I got to thinking about how I'd stay in shape in college or as an adult from now on and the topic strayed to thinking about some other areas of my life that'll be deficient now that I'll have to fill in. I spent the first two years of high school eating, practicing, and doing most things alone. If you want to talk about LN's or something, you do that online.

Sometime in my third year, you came along and started nosing in shamelessly on my free time. Some of your entourage came and bothered me sometimes, but as expected you're more dedicated to doing things more thoroughly than anyone else. Even if it was a hassle, my real-life social life expanded infinitely from zero to one. While it closes back down again to zero it feels like there's a vacuum. They're not fun or happy memories but it's not something I think "Thank God it's over" about.

[ Mayuzumi is free to complain all he likes! Despite how Akashi feels right now, it doesn't change the fact that his treatment of Mayuzumi is a bit more special compared to how he treats the Uncrowned Kings. He's not cheered up fully but the fact that Mayuzumi wants to talk some more--one-sided or not--is consoling... in a way.

His lips quiver because they want to smile, but Akashi forces himself not to. This is probably the most Mayuzumi has said in his entire lifetime. ]

It doesn't have to go back to zero, though, Mayuzumi-san.

[ With his tea back in front of him, he may as well just take it and finish what's left of it. It's not very hot anymore. ]

I'm starting to think it wouldn't if I wanted it to. You always end up getting my attention and making me do things I think I don't want to.

[The complaints are over with that; other than exasperated, it doesn't sound as bitter as his harem answer. A person should be more careful about how much emotion they show when it's the truth.]

Edited (Grammar) 2018-06-21 06:40 (UTC)

[ Akashi isn't forceful, but he just has a very dominating presence. He can't exactly deny that. ]

I wouldn't make you do things you don't want to anymore. I'm not your captain anymore.

I'm just saying you have a choice.

[If he were forceful he'd have had an easier time saying no. Something about Akashi makes it natural to go along with him. Part of it is that dominating presence, Mayuzumi won't claim he's completely immune to it, but a bigger portion of his (and the other three's) obedience is a weird type of charisma he hates to acknowledge. Even now he's on the verge of being tricked into saying he likes him enough to keep in contact.

Trying to make him make the decisive play is too ironic; the ball shouldn't ever be passed to him. If it happens it happens. It's the best policy even if it's wishy-washy. Though not having his apology accepted accepting, it might be hard for even Akashi to reach out first after this.

He might have become spoiled a little bit by the fact that his captain pursued pleasantries with him without him having to make any effort or even lower any barriers on his end.]

See? That's how you do it. It's a pain in the ass but I guess it's what they call "leadership."

[ If question marks could appear above Akashi's head, they would right about now. He was just saying what he wants to say. No hidden agendas, just genuine interest. ]

What do you mean?

[The fact that he believes Akashi sincerely doesn't get what he means is more annoying than the fact that he has to explain it. That clueless look is rich enough he'd want to savor it under other conditions.]

You give people a choice and they end up getting drawn in by you and doing what you want.

[ Mayuzumi's comment merits a laugh from Akashi, and he holds up a hand as if to tell him no. ]

That really isn't my intention, though.

[ But if he has a natural charisma then he guesses it's a good quality to have. ]

[His nose scrunches at that laugh. It's definitely a different brand of charisma Akashi's been exuding since their loss but it's not completely unfamiliar. It's just different enough that he finds himself with less of a developed immunity to it than he had had, just familiar enough that he's not as on guard to it as he ought to be.]

That's the worst part of it.

Well, I'll consider it a compliment.

[ Akashi really isn't sure what else to say at this point beyond that. It at least sounds like a good thing even though it seems Mayuzumi is irritated with the fact! ]

It is.

[A begrudging one. With the look on his face as he takes a sip, one would think despite the honey he'd put in earlier that it must be very bitter.]

Even after losing, even after a lot of annoying crap, even after looking really pathetic there for a while, it's still there. I don't have it in me to tell you to delete my number when you get your phone working again.

[It goes without saying that he assumes that's according to Akashi's desires. Hell if he knows why, but he seems to... like him is a stretch, but Akashi holds interest in him that's more than noblesse oblige.

The beat is pronounced but short; would it be more uncomfortable to end on that note about his own feelings or to misdirect into something more personal for Akashi instead? Ultimately, Akashi was the one to bring up his father so it isn't as if it's a taboo topic, even if something about it struck him as off.]

Your family affairs aren't any of my business, but it's not a trait you'd be able to lose even if your old man disowns you or pulls your funding.

[Despite it being none of his business, he finds himself intentionally focusing on any signs of a reaction this time.]

[ If Akashi were the least bit boisterous, his laughter would sound like a "ha ha". His is just a "hm hm" though, a hum of amusement more than anything. ]

To be honest, I might not be able to do it even if you told me to.

[ Akashi is not one to be disobedient, but Mayuzumi isn't his father. He can do what he pleases. Besides, it's not like he's going to abuse the fact that he has the other's number anyway. Eventually, he'll find himself wondering what to say, just wanting to start a conversation. Eventually, he'll want to just keep in touch because he is rather attached to Mayuzumi, as mad as it sounds. ]

I suppose not. I would rather not lose what good I have. [ A beat. He's not quite sure if the next sentence belongs, but: ] Thank you.

[Further from the light source and unable to see as much or be seen he holds his cup in both hands near his mouth, emptying it slowly in the silence that follows. He's not sure if he should be thanked for anything either. Obeying his dad is Akashi's own choice and a set of standards he's accepted himself. Ultimately he is still allowed to play basketball. His lack of certainty in being captain when absolutely nobody else would be accepted by those three beasts to stand above them is downright bizarre, but it's not like he won't find out that a few losses won't tarnish him. Or hell, maybe he won't. Maybe he'll never taste loss again. It'd honestly surprise him more if he did, come to think of it, if he's sitting here supposing his captaincy is inevitable, his student council seat is inevitable, his---

Waitaminute.]

If I told you to delete it and you ended up calling me what would you think you'd get out of calling me, besides hung up on?

[...As someone who'd just admitted he couldn't quite bring himself to try another No Contact Request (one does not issue orders to Seijuro Akashi) he's limited in how much he can snap at him. It's limited to hypotheticals. If he couldn't tell him not to call him, it went without saying he couldn't bring himself to fully ignore his calls or to hang up on him right away.

His choice not to shrink his social sphere back down to zero his ass.

He's still not as annoyed as he should be. The ball's out of his court and he can count on not having to be the one to reach out. Having the option to hang up, even likely to go unused due to some insufferably high charisma stat on the caller's end, is better than not having him to hang up on at all.]

[ Akashi's smile is genuine and innocent when he laughs, finding Mayuzumi's sour response as something very amusing. There's truly something about the other's way of speaking to and treating Akashi that's different from how others do it and it's... not funny, but pleasantly different and endearing. ]

You've never shut me out. I don't think you would hang up.

[ It isn't a challenge!! But it's just Akashi predicting the future. Mayuzumi would probably groan and complain but eventually speak with Akashi anyway... ]

Edited 2018-06-22 11:59 (UTC)

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