THE AWKWARD SEX MEME

[suddenlymelons]

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?! How It Works: * Post. * Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there. * Enjoy the lols. I. LOCATION! 1. The Beach! Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!! 2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower! This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open. 3. On Random Furniture! Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table. 4. The Bathrooms! Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up. 5. The Car! Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back. 6. The Movie Theater! Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh. 7. The Great Outdoors! I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had. 8. In An Airplane! Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS. 9. WHERE AM I?! DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own! II. OOPS? 1. Injury! Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me? 2. Timing! ....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime? 3. Interruption! OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom! 4. Awkward Bodily Functions! ...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest! 5. Calling Out the Wrong Name! Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs. 6. Failed Experimentation! Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry. 7. Just Plain Fail! Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs? 8. Oh Shit! DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own! III. OBSTACLES! 1. Stress! It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way? 2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation! Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere! 3. Inexperience! Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about - 4. Location! Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE! 5. Mood-Killer! I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :| 6. Surprise! Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar? 7. How The Hell Do I Say This?! Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time? 8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby! DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

River Song | Doctor Who | ota

[hullo_sweetie]

Why, hullo, fancy seeing you here also 1-ish and maybe a bit of 3?

[comeonthensexy]

[ It's a rather convenient set-up. During the day, the Doctor runs around with Amy and Rory, and during the night, he runs around with River. Day meaning when Amy and Rory are awake and night when they're asleep because, in reality, he doesn't have much of an idea when which of them are.

Amy and Rory probably have a watch, but he was never concerned about that.

It's almost... a perfect set-up, actually. He never really gets bored flying the TARDIS, but it's nice to have an option when humans need to sleep.

So. Another little party-thing turned to chaos (just the way he likes it), another ship saved from crashing, and they're back in the TARDIS, fancy clothes a little ruffled up and the Doctor still very much running on something like adrenaline. He's grinning because adventure, as he bounces on his feet over to the console and pulls the lever to get them dematerialised. ]

Saw that one coming.

[ They can never really go anywhere without something happening but, well, he doesn't think River minds either. He definitely doesn't. ]

Ygritte | ASOIAF

[freewoman]

Ruby | Supernatural

[deepfriedcrack]

5-3-5

[unamoosed]

[Sam…just didn’t have a lot of shame when it comes to Ruby; what they do is wrong, he knew it, she knew it, and if he were being completely honest…that was a large part of the appeal. That was taken to another level considering they were currently in the back of the Impala; which apparently wasn’t built for people over six foot, because he was having to display some creativity to deal with the cramped space, long limbs seemingly going everywhere.

If only that was the end of their problems; for the fourth time in the last ten minutes his phone started to ring, Dean flashing across the front of the screen. Releasing a frustrated sigh, Sam didn’t move from on top of Ruby, instead reaching towards the console in the front to grab his phone. Sleeping with a demon, in your brother’s car, while he wouldn’t stop trying to contact you…to call it a mood killer was an understatement]

Abby Sciuto | NCIS | ota

[toomanyrules]

Loki | mcu | m/m

[neverwantedthethrone]

Castiel | Supernatural | S7 | ota

[weshouldplaytwister]

Will Scarlet | Robin Hood

[redness]

jade mcgovern . oc

[emitting]

Jonathan Morris | Castlevania | OTA

[okei]

Cheetara | Thundercats (2011) | OTA

[clericsdoitbest]

Extremely late but how about some 7 - 3 - 5?

[purrfectass]

[ Tygra has full confidence in himself and his way with the ladies. Finding Cheetara out on her own just makes it that much easier to seduce her. So long as a certain little brother/prince doesn't make this difficult for them. ]

Mind if I join you?

Penny | Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog | F/M

[pennynotsaved]

2-3

[hypnotic_patter]

[Music Meister likes to consider himself a man of perfect poise, a man who will not so much as flinch at the worst of hecklers and persist through the greatest adversity.

But there's little that kills the moment like the cops arriving with earplugs and fire arms. The pair are in a closet now, with the authorities investigating the half of their clothing that got left in the hotel room. Music Meister is making a very apologetic face.]

irene adler | bbc sherlock

[thedominatrix]

[BDSM MISHAPS ABOUND. Ladies for partners, anyone for clients.]

BDSM mishaps? Yes please!

[blackdogstar]

[He'd gone to a professional domme mostly because James had dared him to in front of the whole house and he'd be damned to hell if he pussied out on any dare from his best friend... aaaaand partially because he was curious.

He was not expecting to be this awkward about it, however. Giggles abounded and he was sure he was going to drive her up the wall with his blatant inexperience and worse immaturity. Also his nerves seem to be causing some magic related mishaps to go wrong with her toys and equipment. Which of course, only makes it worse.]

Natasha Romanoff | MCU | Het

[deadlyorigins]

Sam Winchester | Supernatural | Het

[unamoosed]

Seth Cohen ° The OC ° Het

[deathcabforcohen]

Laura Kinney (X-23) | Marvel 616 | OTA

[notagenderswap]

[There's a moment when sex with her wouldn't be awkward?]

Adult!Sarah Williams | Labyrinth | F/M

[labyrinthsolved]

Velma Dinkley | Scooby Doo | OTA

[thevelmster]

Geir Dagnasson | Scion OC | M/M

[odinsscion]

Chrysander Lightbourn | Scion OC | OTA

[khryses]

Houtarou Oreki | Hyouka | het

[conservationist]

America / Hetalia / OTA

[fromseatoshiningsea]

yukari takeba ❤ persona 3 ❤ ota.

[thelovers]

4 - 5

[gunsling]

[ That is to say, they're in a bathroom stall in the girls room of the current airport. It's probably already hard enough to get into the mood, because even though they're in the stall the farthest from the entrance women still keep filing in and out of the bathroom chattering away.

A few of them may or may not have noticed the last stall where four legs (two of which are rather hairy and muscular for most girls) happen to be. There may have been some hush whispers about them. The good news is that no one has actually reported them and no one has come in and demanded they leave!

The bad news is that when Jake just leaned down towards Yukari and whispered into her ear, the name he said may or may not have been "Lara".

So... that's a thing. ]

roxy lalonde ☆ homestuck ☆ ota

[drunkenfist]

8-7-3

[karakuri]

[ Now wasn't this better than trying to choke down those airline peanut packs? Aw yeah ]

peter parker ( the amazing spider man ) | ota

[bings]

( couldn't even ask a girl out without being awkward about it. )

1.5

[drunkenfist]

[ who even knows how they got a car—maybe they rented it for the day but it doesn't matter so much because roxy's starting to curse this cramped space. they should've gone for a truck and she realizes this now, at the inopportune time. already her shirt's been discarded and her skirt's pushed up to her waist but from her spot perched on peter's lap... she can barely move.

if she tries to push back even a little bit, her shoulders become very close friends with the car's ceiling. ]

Yooo, brooo, can you just, yanno, push the seat back a little?

[ trying to adjust how she's sitting on his lap and it is. so not working. ]