memespiration (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
memespiration) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2018-03-09 01:04 pm
memespiration) wrote in bakerstreet2018-03-09 01:04 pm
Entry tags:
1. Can I get my morals surgically removed?
2. Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
3. Hey, it’s not my fault you had a weak bed frame that couldn’t handle the rough sex you’re into.
4. I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you’re about to pay a deductible.
5. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
2. Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
3. Hey, it’s not my fault you had a weak bed frame that couldn’t handle the rough sex you’re into.
4. I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you’re about to pay a deductible.
5. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
I slept on the floor....
You're welcome for the rough sex .
You're welcome for the rough sex .
1. I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
2. We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
3. Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
4. He's 24. He finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. Baby steps.
5. [text him!]
2. We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
3. Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
4. He's 24. He finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. Baby steps.
5. [text him!]
1.) I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him.
2.) Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my bag.
3.) Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
4.) God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
2.) Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my bag.
3.) Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
4.) God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
1. Call me and get me out of this conversation PLEASE. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
2. Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
3. I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
4. YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
5. [text him!]
2. Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
3. I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
4. YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
5. [text him!]
Sorry you're having the worst night of your life and you're being a baby about it.
1) I'm in love. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
2) Who the fuck just called me and played Funky Town
3) Are you drinking tequila at 1 pm? ...at Disneyland?
4) Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
5) Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
6) You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
7) The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
8) ( text him! )
2) Who the fuck just called me and played Funky Town
3) Are you drinking tequila at 1 pm? ...at Disneyland?
4) Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
5) Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
6) You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
7) The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
8) ( text him! )
Edited 2018-03-09 21:07 (UTC)
(white boy voice) So there I was. Barbecue sauce on my titties.
vaderstan
- 2018-03-10 00:02 (UTC) - ExpandI don't know why the hot dog ones are so good but they are.
provenforce
- 2018-03-10 01:16 (UTC) - Expand1. Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
2. We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would come again.
3. If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes so fucking appreciate it
4. You kept lifting your shirt every few minutes to make sure your nipples were still there. That drunk.
5. Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty.
6. [Text him!]
2. We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would come again.
3. If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes so fucking appreciate it
4. You kept lifting your shirt every few minutes to make sure your nipples were still there. That drunk.
5. Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty.
6. [Text him!]
1. We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Gabby is air drums. Be back when it's over.
2. I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes.
3. Pants off. Spirits lifted.
4. My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
5. Text her!
2. I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes.
3. Pants off. Spirits lifted.
4. My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
5. Text her!
1.) Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
2.) I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
3.) We're not piercing ourselves today.
4.) I found you laying in the kitchen with my mother's bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
2.) I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
3.) We're not piercing ourselves today.
4.) I found you laying in the kitchen with my mother's bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I believe that 'cumslut' is the most appropriate form, since you are using it as a descriptive noun.
Do I dare ask why you decided to ask me?
Do I dare ask why you decided to ask me?
Edited 2018-03-09 21:47 (UTC)
01. dude come over
were drunk
im holding a tshirt gun and discovered that beer cans r the same size as rolled tshirts
02. the coke machine at work is laughing at me
literally
i just heard laughing from inside it
03. u were lying on the floor coloring a get well soon card 4 ur liver...
04. all i know is i woke up with my door wide open
naked
and i poured an entire bottle of advil on my bed 2 sleep in
were drunk
im holding a tshirt gun and discovered that beer cans r the same size as rolled tshirts
02. the coke machine at work is laughing at me
literally
i just heard laughing from inside it
03. u were lying on the floor coloring a get well soon card 4 ur liver...
04. all i know is i woke up with my door wide open
naked
and i poured an entire bottle of advil on my bed 2 sleep in
I SHARE MY BIRTHDAY WITH THIS GUY. Kicking canon to the burb with #2.
thissideonly
2018-03-09 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Haunted coke machine in a Junes! ...You sure it wasn't Jiraiya? Sometimes Apollo talks to me randomly when no one's around.
Edited 2018-03-09 23:09 (UTC)
1. The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving.
2. Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
3. You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
4. I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
5. Text him!
2. Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
3. You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
4. I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
5. Text him!
a. pillow ‘fort’?? don’t you mean pillow COMMUNE you fuckin bourgeoisie counter-revolutionary
b. do u ever have one of those moods where one (1) thing bothers u, & u tell urself it’s fine bc ur not bothered, but suddenly it’s 3am & ur still mad & crying into your ice cream & u don’t want to talk to anyone
c. literally everything is unisex if you stop giving a fuck 🖕🏻
d. text him!
b. do u ever have one of those moods where one (1) thing bothers u, & u tell urself it’s fine bc ur not bothered, but suddenly it’s 3am & ur still mad & crying into your ice cream & u don’t want to talk to anyone
c. literally everything is unisex if you stop giving a fuck 🖕🏻
d. text him!
1. he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
2. So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
3. Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
4. just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
2. So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
3. Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
4. just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
[ Aged up to 21 ]
1. Got told last night that I ‘smelled like danger’ and I’m…oddly fine with that.
2. I have mutated into my true form as the god of hangovers, what the fuck did we drink last night?
3. You asked me to film you, so I did. Be careful what you wish for in life, top tip.
4. Why do guys assume that calling a woman a ‘crazy bitch’ will make them stop acting like one.
5. Awkward small talk aside, I owe you an apology.
6. Listen; it is perfectly reasonable to want Starbucks at 1am instead of alcohol; literally the only downside is that it’s more warming than numbing.
7. Text her!
1. Got told last night that I ‘smelled like danger’ and I’m…oddly fine with that.
2. I have mutated into my true form as the god of hangovers, what the fuck did we drink last night?
3. You asked me to film you, so I did. Be careful what you wish for in life, top tip.
4. Why do guys assume that calling a woman a ‘crazy bitch’ will make them stop acting like one.
5. Awkward small talk aside, I owe you an apology.
6. Listen; it is perfectly reasonable to want Starbucks at 1am instead of alcohol; literally the only downside is that it’s more warming than numbing.
7. Text her!
i. Come over. We're drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ii. I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over. He sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
iii. 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more.
iv. I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
v. Or text her!
1. What did you spill on your lap? Because it smells good.
2. You are the best fuck buddy I could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved.
3. At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life.
4. Let's go camping. And I say camping because "let's go get pissed in the woods" sounds pretty fucking weird to be honest.
5. I am out of prison. Wanna start a band?
6. Text him!
2. You are the best fuck buddy I could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved.
3. At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life.
4. Let's go camping. And I say camping because "let's go get pissed in the woods" sounds pretty fucking weird to be honest.
5. I am out of prison. Wanna start a band?
6. Text him!
( Aged up to 18+! )
i. Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ... At Disneyland?
ii. The coke machine on campus is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
iii. Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was amazing
iv. I am listening to my iPod while I puke, this is most entertaining hangover I have ever had
v. Or text him!
I'm sorry for being slow with our other threads, life is very chaotic rn ;; also 3
punybanner
- 2018-03-09 22:52 (UTC) - ExpandDon't worry about it at all! There is never any rush, seriously. <3
awesomeee
- 2018-03-09 23:19 (UTC) - Expandi. The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving.
ii. Don't be alarmed when you come home and see a man handcuffed to your bed. His name is James. I'll uncuff him when I get back.
iii. She's always on high-alert for lesbians.
iv. You were lying on the floor, coloring in a "get well soon" card for your liver.
v. Or text him!
There are literally fifty other rooms you could have chosen.
1. can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
2. Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
3. Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
4. He's a Shit stain on my heart
2. Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
3. Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
4. He's a Shit stain on my heart
1. All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
2. Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
3. I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
4. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
5. Text him!
2. Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
3. I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
4. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
5. Text him!
1. Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick.
2. Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
3. Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
4. Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
5. Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied.
6. Or text him!
2. Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
3. Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
4. Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
5. Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied.
6. Or text him!
1. I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
2. I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
3. It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
4. I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
2. I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
3. It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
4. I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
1. Anyone who claims that board games and takeout is a boring way to spend an evening is a naysayer and needs time to reflect their life choices.
2. It’s probably for the best that the karaoke stage wasn’t wheelchair accessible.
3. Looks like tonight has gone from being a ‘going out and possibly meeting my future spouse’ to an ‘accidentally making enough spaghetti for 4 people and actually eating it all’ kind of evening.
4. You left your shirt here again; starting to think you want to see me in it instead.
5. ‘Good for you, going out by yourself’. Apparently it’s going to be one of those days, my friend.
6. Text him!
2. It’s probably for the best that the karaoke stage wasn’t wheelchair accessible.
3. Looks like tonight has gone from being a ‘going out and possibly meeting my future spouse’ to an ‘accidentally making enough spaghetti for 4 people and actually eating it all’ kind of evening.
4. You left your shirt here again; starting to think you want to see me in it instead.
5. ‘Good for you, going out by yourself’. Apparently it’s going to be one of those days, my friend.
6. Text him!
Edited 2018-03-09 21:13 (UTC)
o1. Sometimes I wake at night, laughing at all the jokes the hammer once shared. Good times. Good times for one and all.
o2. I take no joy in your suffering. Except when you seek to hit me, hurt yourself instead and squeal like a babe. That is pleasing.
o3. Apocalypse, fire and brimstone every year: fun for all the family.
o2. I take no joy in your suffering. Except when you seek to hit me, hurt yourself instead and squeal like a babe. That is pleasing.
o3. Apocalypse, fire and brimstone every year: fun for all the family.
Even Achilles had a weak spot. I'll find it and then you won't be laughing.
3 (also sorry real life kicked my ass the last time I tried to tag you but uh hi?)
shesearches
- 2018-03-10 08:04 (UTC) - Expand1. The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
2. Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
3. All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
4. I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
5. Text him!
2. Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
3. All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
4. I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
5. Text him!
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