a meme sock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2018-02-23 05:50 pm
dirtysock) wrote in bakerstreet2018-02-23 05:50 pm
Entry tags:
1. Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
2. Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
3. Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
4. With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
5. Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
2. Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
3. Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
4. With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
5. Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Edited 2018-02-23 23:11 (UTC)
not to be creepy here but
do condoms really matter for chicks?
u dont gotta answer
do condoms really matter for chicks?
u dont gotta answer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you haven't learned better by now, you're not going to.
1) If you go to jail tonight, call me. I want to get out of work.
2) He wrote me a haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
3) Did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
4) The quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself.
5) ( text him! )
2) He wrote me a haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
3) Did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
4) The quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself.
5) ( text him! )
LMF-- SHRUGS???? I AM TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT REY COULD EVEN SAY TO GET THAT RESPONSE
vaderstan
- 2018-02-23 23:40 (UTC) - ExpandIT WOULD HELP IF I COULD GET TO MY TAGS rip my time management
invariances
- 2018-02-23 23:43 (UTC) - Expand5 this was originally going to be a text about sex toys but i changed my mind.
provenforce
- 2018-02-24 02:54 (UTC) - ExpandI'm wondering if this is more funny if he's still supreme leader or not
vaderstan
- 2018-02-24 03:48 (UTC) - Expand1. Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me. Or for me.
2. I’m disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionally right twice so maybe I’m not that drunk.
3. If one more man finds out I trained to be a Jedi and suggestively asks me how well I handle a lightsaber, I’m becoming a lesbian. Exclusively, I mean.
4. He said he didn’t “believe” in cuddling. Can you come get me?
5. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
2. I’m disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionally right twice so maybe I’m not that drunk.
3. If one more man finds out I trained to be a Jedi and suggestively asks me how well I handle a lightsaber, I’m becoming a lesbian. Exclusively, I mean.
4. He said he didn’t “believe” in cuddling. Can you come get me?
5. [Text her! Misfires welcome!]
]1. Few questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Holly? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
2. My moral compass keeps pointing to his penis.
3. For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
4. did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
5. Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
(or text her!)
1. taxi 2. probably 3. who? 4. i don't swing that way so no clue
1. He smells like hangovers and sixty-five years of bitterness.
2. You're an idiot. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
3. I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing weapons at me.
4. Text her.
1. Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
2. I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
3. A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
4. I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
5. You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
6. Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, and assume CR are fine!
2. I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
3. A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
4. I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
5. You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
6. Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, and assume CR are fine!
001: You texted me last night saying you invented a new food: cheese-less grilled cheese. Congratulations, you made toast.
002: No, it's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out. Consider it a post-jail date.
003: On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. Fortunately I still have my fingers. Yes, I counted.
004: Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
002: No, it's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out. Consider it a post-jail date.
003: On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. Fortunately I still have my fingers. Yes, I counted.
004: Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Edited 2018-02-23 23:16 (UTC)
- one.
- HELLOOO
GOOD MOOOORNING
i am making ☆〜PANCAKES〜☆ with the COMPLETE STRANGER you brought into our home last night you should join us and bring clothes so they can be LESS NAKED （＾Ｏ＾☆♪ - two.
- i will not let a single flake of this glitter go to waste you come roll around on this floor and share glitter herpes with me RIGHT NOW
- text her!
[ ooc: currently catching up on episode 6 so I’m a little behind! ]
1) Oh well, shit happens. This is my not-worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
2) You came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you.
3) I kept the fishbowl in my bed last night because i didn't want to sleep alone.
4) I woke up at 5am, wrapped myself in christmas lights, and went back to sleep. I'm too old for this.
2) You came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you.
3) I kept the fishbowl in my bed last night because i didn't want to sleep alone.
4) I woke up at 5am, wrapped myself in christmas lights, and went back to sleep. I'm too old for this.
A. my moral compass kept pointing to his cock
B. didnt have anyone to cheers with so i tapped my beer on ur fish tank... a little too hard
C. for the love of god if any of u are up bring me pants. or a gun. both is good 2
D. can we not speak foreign languages when im on drugs
E. i dont know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop
F. [text him!]
B. didnt have anyone to cheers with so i tapped my beer on ur fish tank... a little too hard
C. for the love of god if any of u are up bring me pants. or a gun. both is good 2
D. can we not speak foreign languages when im on drugs
E. i dont know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop
F. [text him!]
1. I can't believe you tipped that waitress as much as you did even after she assumed I was your daughter. WE WERE ON A DATE. And my fries were cold.
2. Please remember that your boobs are bigger than mine. When you borrow my shirts they stretch and then I'm left flapping in the breeze. Don't borrow my clothes anymore.
3. It's 2018 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit.
4. [ text her ]
2. Please remember that your boobs are bigger than mine. When you borrow my shirts they stretch and then I'm left flapping in the breeze. Don't borrow my clothes anymore.
3. It's 2018 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit.
4. [ text her ]
She looked like she was having a bad day and I wanted to make it better.
1) I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
2) He may be 6'0" but I'm 120lbs of pure rage and determination.
3) I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived on a backwater, puritan planet.
4) Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'get lost'.
5) Text her!
2) He may be 6'0" but I'm 120lbs of pure rage and determination.
3) I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived on a backwater, puritan planet.
4) Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'get lost'.
5) Text her!
1. the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
2. THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
3. Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
4. Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
2. THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
3. Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
4. Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Edited 2018-02-23 23:16 (UTC)
WHAT CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON
WHICH BOOTH I'M GOING THERE.
WHICH BOOTH I'M GOING THERE.
1. I think I might be the most normal person in the room for once.
2. I am succeeding at this being a social human being thing tonight!
3. Sorry for holding your hand last night... I was actually checking if you still had a pulse.
4. I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
5. This is a mass text. Can anyone tell me where I am?
6. I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold!
or text him!
2. I am succeeding at this being a social human being thing tonight!
3. Sorry for holding your hand last night... I was actually checking if you still had a pulse.
4. I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
5. This is a mass text. Can anyone tell me where I am?
6. I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold!
or text him!
Edited 2018-02-23 23:15 (UTC)
That's... positive. Yeah, let's go with positive.
Do I need to be worrying?
Do I need to be worrying?
1. It turns out the only coherent messages I manage to send out while blackout drunk are sexts.
2. You're like the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
3. I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me dinner, that's their business.
4. I accidentally sent all my draft messages so please ignore the “fuck me now” one.
5. I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
6. [Text him!]
2. You're like the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
3. I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me dinner, that's their business.
4. I accidentally sent all my draft messages so please ignore the “fuck me now” one.
5. I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
6. [Text him!]
1. In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
2. if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably won’t kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
3. You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
4. Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose dad found out and woke him up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
5. [Text him.]
1. We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
2. Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
3. The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
2. Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
3. The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
1) He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees.
2) We're not welcome there anymore. Last time I grabbed the microphone and told all the men to fuck off and go drown themselves. Apparently not a popular move.
3) Cohen just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
4) We got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. It was wierdly arousing.
2) We're not welcome there anymore. Last time I grabbed the microphone and told all the men to fuck off and go drown themselves. Apparently not a popular move.
3) Cohen just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
4) We got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. It was wierdly arousing.
So this is new name he is giving to his...associates. I wonder if someday he will run out of euphemisms for these things.
1) If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
2) We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh and we broke a lamp.
3) I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
4) Sorry I called you an 8.
5) Text her!
2) We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh and we broke a lamp.
3) I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
4) Sorry I called you an 8.
5) Text her!
Yeah, that was super hot. Next time, live stream it or something.
a. I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to each other
b. You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
c. For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
d. honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
b. You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
c. For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
d. honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
...So that's where Anna and Noriko ended up. I couldn't tell where they were from Noriko's photos.
1. my dick is stuck in a dixie cup
2. just saw ur text. thnx now im horny.
3. at 3am dennys is the place of dreams
4. is there anything u CANT do w ur mouth tho?
or text him!
2. just saw ur text. thnx now im horny.
3. at 3am dennys is the place of dreams
4. is there anything u CANT do w ur mouth tho?
or text him!
1. Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
2. My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
3. For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
4. We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
5. Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good dad.
6. Or text Shiro!
2. My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
3. For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
4. We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
5. Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good dad.
6. Or text Shiro!
1. Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
2. I found Katsuya with a guitar and our kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
3. I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
4. The police scanner is talking about you again....
5. Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
6. Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
7. [Text him instead, misfires welcome!]
2. I found Katsuya with a guitar and our kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
3. I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
4. The police scanner is talking about you again....
5. Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
6. Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
7. [Text him instead, misfires welcome!]
1. To the person who put glitter on the ceiling fan… fuck you
2. There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
3. We ran out of toilet paper so I've been using coffee filters
4. congratulations, you've started to unfuck your life.
5. [text him first]
2. There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
3. We ran out of toilet paper so I've been using coffee filters
4. congratulations, you've started to unfuck your life.
5. [text him first]
I don't have any use for it. It seems to be more of a Catholic thing if you ask me.
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