bakerstreet | What if I'm allergic to sex?

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What if I'm allergic to sex?

The Sex Pollen Meme

This is a highly sexual and somewhat dangerous meme! Many if not all options are potentially triggering. Please use your best judgment before participating.

1. Comment with your character, putting their name, canon, and any prefs (e.g. women only, not #4, AU, aged up, etc.) in the subject line and/or comment.
2. When other characters tag in, they'll use this handy RNG (1-9) to pick an option from the list below.
3. Have fun, sex peeps up, ???, profit.

Options:

1. The Slutty One: When you're sprayed with this pollen, all you wanna do is bang. All inhibitions go out the window—if you don't get some orgasms pumping out, your whole world is gonna end. Seduction, debasement, that's what this option's all about. Do whatever it takes to get that sweet, sweet satisfaction.

2. The Violent One: This pollen makes you wanna bang, sure, but it also makes you pissed as fuck. Everything's painted in red—the anger's overwhelming. Whoever you see next? That's who's taking the full force of your assault. You don't know if you wanna punch 'em or kiss 'em, but something's gonna happen.

3. The Soulmate One: There's only one person the pollen is driving you to find, driving you to romance, driving you to be with — biblically. And maybe it's not someone you want to be this attracted to, but your mind/body/spirit—everything's saying yes. Even if your sensibility alone says no. Time to hunt out your soulmate and convince them this is destiny.

4. The Touch-based One: This pollen works a tad differently from the others. Instead of dousing an individual and making them need, it waits until they've touched someone. It could be the slightest brush of fingertips, it could be a kiss from an already willing lover. Whatever it is, the pollen's activated, and there's no going back. Every touch feels a little bit better than the last.

5. The Possessive One: This sex pollen is the lovechild of options 2 and 3 — a pollen that makes you crazy about that one particular person. You've gotta have them, protect them, own the moment. There's no one you'd rather be 'sharing' this with, and no one they're allowed to. Jealousy and need taken to the highest level.

6. The Snuggly One: The lightest of all the sex pollens, this variety just asks for some good, snuggly fun. Not necessarily vanilla, but definitely kinder. A hug can be just as good as a handjob if it's from the right person. Kinda.

7. The Hallucinogenic One: Whooooa, man. This is a trip. Nothing's looking quite right, the sky is purple, the ground is pitch black, and the person in front of you looks like your latest wet dream. This pollen clogs the mind and leaves its victim feeling high and confused. What a predicament.

8. The Animalistic One: Speaking of dulled down thought processes—this pollen has removed all of them. Nary a one remains, because now you're pure animal, living in the moment, looking for a mate. Your ability to speak in more than hisses and growls and monosyllabic conversation's been compromised. Let's hope it passes.

9. Wild Card: Mixup, mashup, do whatever you like.

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[ooc: Got this lady, if you'd like.]

[Yes, always! Any of the prompts jumping out for you?]

[ooc: 3, 4, 6?]

[ooc: Y'know, I think we could combine all three: underlying 3 manifesting in part as 6 kicked off by 4…? I can conjure a starting place, unless you have a scenario in mind!]

[ooc: That absolutely works for me! Please feel free, and I'll jump right in.]

[ooc: awesome :-) /gets to work… watch this space…]

They should talk about it. …Several "it"s.

That was what people did, wasn't it…? not just to process the past but… when one had the unaccustomed luxury of choosing how to move forward…?

Except what was there to say about Scarif. Did language exist for how it had felt holding each other before…?

They'd already talked the mission and the rescue into the ground. For and with everyone else. They weren't to be courtmartialed or executed. By the time Cassian—among the worst injured not just from being shot off but dragging himself back up that datatower—had been revived from medically induced coma, Princess Leia had returned with the plans the pilots who finished it, the Death Star was dust, and such a victory tended to transmute any sins that helped it come about. He'd gotten to skip the period in between when Leia was imprisoned, Bail Organa with all of Alderaan dead, the Alliance fleet gutted, and many people furious at them (Rogue One but Jyn and Cassian particularly) for depleting their numbers, while doubting the plans had existed in the first place. That sounded like it had been fun.

So the things yet to talk about. With his superiors: what Cassian was going to do now. He'd survived what he hadn't intended to. He was going to recover sufficiently to keep serving, if not fully. He was on bread and butter missions until they could find out if his limp and posttraumatic symptoms were going to fade on current treatment or if they needed further remedy or just be incorporated. But then… that wasn't really what made him know he wasn't going back to the work he'd done before. Not ever again.

With the others: what that would mean for them. How he could help. Whatever they wanted to do next. Whether it was enlist or embark on their own journeys again or some freelancing arrangement where they could do both…

and none more than Jyn…

Because even if they'd been snatched away at the final moment, and hadn't ended up literally atomized into one another on that beach… he felt like they had been.

But how could he say to her—any other human but especially her—that another human—specifically him—didn't want to leave her side ever again.

(How often had people broken that promise to her.

How could he put that on someone else.

Was he really prepared to cope with that as easily meaning he'd follow her out of the Rebellion if she wasn't interested in following him into it.

…Even though it was true. He would.

Ugh how could I burden or justify or presume…)

…Anyway. They were in between now. Individually, and in the war.

Most of what was needed now was noncombatant. Mainly: find planets. Habitable but unsettled to rehome offworld survivors of Alderaan, evacuated survivors of Jedha, and find a new Alliance Base. (Yavin had been saved but obviously was no longer secure.)

It was the perfect assignment for individuals who hadn't quite decided yet what to do. It served without being specific to the Rebellion.

And he got to do it with Jyn.

Who he was walking with now, having been dropped on a finalist continent of a candidate planet to finish surveying by staying on it for several days until they were picked back up again.

They weren't actually the only creatures in the world. But on this part of it, it felt like they could be.

…So they should talk, at last. Right?

…Or should he let himself feel this a little longer, however long it was going to last; the feeling of unity and understanding they'd impossibly found somewhere in there, and not be greedy by wanting to prolong it if it wasn't going to last…

Except he wasn't sure he could go back to being without it.

All in all, he was thoroughly backfiring by walking with her in even more silence than usual.

Edited (editspaaaaam sorry done) 2018-02-04 05:31 (UTC)

Talking about it - or several 'it's' was the most difficult part.

At least, talking about the parts the had nothing to do with the mission itself, the fallout afterward, the consequences they'd almost faced, and the ones that were yet to come, their injuries, both physical and emotional, and all the healing that was still in front of them both.

And sometimes, when all other avenues of conversation were exhausted, what they might do now. Because Cassian wasn't ready for the types of missions that he'd undertaken before - before - and he might not ever be again. And Jyn still felt like the eyes that followed her everywhere she went were narrowed with distrust. But she was still here, and she would continue to stay ... if that's what Cassian wanted. Because he'd told her 'welcome home', and she'd felt like maybe she had found a place to belong. Because she'd asked him 'are you with me' and he'd replied 'all the way', and she felt that was never more true than now.

But she couldn't find the words to say - or was too afraid to - that home for her was where he was.

And how could she be certain, anyway, that what she felt - and what he felt - while they were holding each other tight waiting for the end was even real and not a by-product of the situation, the circumstances that had brought them together?

(How she wanted it to be real ... )

So they both danced around the subject. And they did what was asked of them. And Jyn hoped that at some point, one or the both of them would be ready to talk about everything they'd been holding back from each other. And if that meant scouting planets for relocation, so be it.

It was important work, to be sure, but it still afforded Jyn time to stew in her own thoughts, even if they weren't the best place to be. Every now and again she glanced at Cassian as they walked, but he never said anything, and his expression never changed, and she returned to her datapad and tried to concentrate on dutifully cataloging the planet as best she could.

"Cassian - ", she started, soon shaking her head and falling back into silence. Was now the right time? Would there ever be a right time? Was there such a thing as a right time?

He stopped as soon as she spoke, looking away from his own datapad, and the local plantlife he'd been sampling, to look at her.

"You got something?" he said when she didn't continue.

Jyn had a lot on her mind. But that isn't what Cassian had asked about, and the last thing she wanted was for him to think her incompetent in the job they'd been given, so she swallowed it all down and nodded, trying to find a voice that wasn't tinged with disappointment, or worse.

"I - the vegetation is getting thicker. That probably means a source of water is nearby. We should probably investigate."

Stick to the task at hand. That was a safe topic of conversation. She'd hold on to everything else for a later time. Or not at all. Whatever was best.

Think her incompetent. Pffffft. Kaytu would have given her the odds on Cassian ever thinking that. Then a detailed comparison of his own estimation to Cassian's. Then concede that, even in his own estimation, she seemed unlikely to accept work she couldn't be or get good at. Then at some point have Cassian shut him the hell up.

Back in the world: Cassian's eyes were a little too searching on her face, but he nodded and stood, following her lead.

(Like he always would. …Which could only be a problem if they were both waiting to follow the other's…)

There was one point through the undergrowth where there wasn't a clear path forward. In finding the best way, Cassian wound up in the lead after all. He was pushing aside a particularly dense growth, watching for any hidden animal life forms to come out of it, maybe not being wary enough for the plant life itself. As his hand brushed it, a large flower exploded out a cloud of pollen. Cassian fell back coughing.

And it would have been an amusing enough conversation, but at the moment, it was just Jyn and Cassian, and somewhere along the way, they'd become stymied into silence. Maybe not comfortable with it, but becoming accustomed to the way it had grown and surrounded them.

Jyn wanted to insist that they put an end to their explorations until they talked out everything that they'd been holding back from each other, but the words wouldn't come, trapped in her throat and in her heart as they were. It wasn't easy to turn away and lead the way through the underbrush, searching for the source of water in an attempt to discover if it was safe for consumption - or even enough to supply a settlement, whether that was a small contingent of Alderaanian survivors, or a large one, like a base of operations.

At some point, though, they switched positions, and Jyn was carefully following Cassian's lead, taken completely off guard as he got a face full of pollen and stumbled backward. Without thinking, Jyn dropped her datapad at her feet and immediately lifted her hands to catch Cassian, to steady him.

"It's alright", she said, holding tight. "I've got you. I won't let go, I promise."

He put out an arm as if to… shield her from something or fend her off… though some of the pollen had already fallen from his hair onto her. Another coughing fit reduced him to sinking to his knees to avoid capsizing them both… and letting himself press for a moment back against her, accept her embrace, as he'd been avoiding trying to initiate or ask for because… a dying moment is not a contract and she… because his life and his body had never been his own and how could he be sure he wouldn't do to her what he… not thinking about how he hadn't been able to make her do what he'd wanted her to even when he had tried—

(We're not here to make friends. Ten minutes later: Anyone who kills me or my friends–!)

—and maybe his struggle to hold back wanting too much, too badly, could look the same as not wanting…

A dizziness rose suddenly from lungs to fill his chest and his head and he unthinkingly reached up to grip her arm, trying to stop the spinning and regulate his breath.

By that time, it was too late. Jyn didn't receive the same amount of the pollen that Cassian had, but what she had inhaled caused her to sneeze three times in quick succession, her arms tightening around him in a vain attempt to keep them both upright. But Cassian went down on his knees, and Jyn went with him, the breath knocked out of her as she thought - fleetingly - about how similar this was to Scarif. Different planet. Different circumstance entirely. But here they were, on their knees and overcome, and it was almost too much to bear.

She couldn't allow herself the opportunity to bask in how good it felt to be so close, not when she hardly knew if Cassian felt the same, and besides, she was worried - he was coughing still, clutching her tighter than before, and any other emotion was bypassed entirely by fear.

They'd been gifted another chance, and thus far, they'd been squandering it. She couldn't lose him, not again, not now, not before they figured out what was between them, what it could be ...

"Cassian - no, no, Cassian, please - are you alright?"

"I'm okay," he rasped, though making it not seem like it with some more coughing. He fumbled at his utility belt for the flask of water there—and a catch-all serum for the most common toxins. Even though he was already pretty sure this was more allergic than poisonous.

He managed to do all of that one-handed. He didn't let go of her for a moment.

He held his breath to still the coughing long enough to take a swig, and keep it down. The dizziness was subsiding a bit. Probably he didn't need the serum… would keep it handy in case things got worse again.

His hand shifted on Jyn's arm, no longer gripping her… but not breaking contact for a moment, as he reached back, turning his head, to offer her the water.

That was the plan, anyway. He hadn't meant to twist half around, almost facing her, and his hand slipping around to her back.

Edited 2018-02-04 08:03 (UTC)

If Jyn could have schooled her expression into something skeptical, she would have. Instead, her fear was written across her face as clear as day. And so, she didn't release her grip on Cassian even as he tried to assure her that he was okay.

She watched, though, as he searched out his flask, and she watched as he took a drink, inadvertently holding her breath until she was sure that for the moment, the danger had passed. And although she had to unwind one arm from around Cassian in order to accept the flask and take a drink herself, she kept the other one firmly where it was.

Jyn wasn't expecting to find herself almost facing Cassian once she was finished, and she certainly wasn't expecting the warmth of his palm leeching through the fabric of her shirt to make her shiver, but it was unavoidable.

Silent for a long moment, she finally swallowed hard and leaned forward, breaching what little distance there was between them until she could rest her forehead against his gently, breathing out a shaky little breath. "Don't scare me like that."

Her small shiver shook him more than the coughing had. He would have gathered her fully into his arms, if their eyes hadn't been fixed on each other so worriedly.

Thank the Force… when she closed the space between them.

He closed his eyes with her.

"I'm okay," he murmured, feeling her breathing, the tension of her brow against his. "I promise. I'm…"

Not going to leave you. Ever.

…it wasn't the unspoken conversation that kept him from saying it.

It was their mutual understanding that the universe didn't care about such promises.

Instead, his hand, not holding the serum, moved up… hesitated… then slipped under her hair to touch her face.

She would have welcomed it. She would have fallen into the circle of his arms like it was exactly where she belonged. Maybe it was. Maybe she wanted it to be. Maybe this was as close as she was ever going to get.

"Okay", she murmured, even though she wasn't sure that she believed it fully. "Okay. I know. I know, me too - "

That would have to do. Jyn knew as well as Cassian did that making promises could and would most likely end in heartbreak. So this - the unspoken words - would have to be just as good. It wasn't ideal, but it was what they had.

And then came the gentle touch of his fingers to her skin, and she couldn't help the soft gasp she uttered in response, nor the way her brow furrowed all the deeper. "Cassian ... "

It wasn't a warning. It was a plea, perhaps, or acknowledgement that she wanted the contact as much as he did, that she needed it like she needed air to breathe.

He should have released her immediately.

Not convulsively tightened his arm around her, dropping whatever he'd been holding to hold her instead, and mould his palm perfectly to her cheek.

He stopped himself short of kissing her. Distantly aware that his heart was thudding and his arousal unambiguous where they were pressed together… skies he should have known the cost of holding back so much, everything, for so long… meant there was no control when… dams don't burst selectively…

like everything else in his life
everything he'd wanted and never ever allowed
because he'd had to live a life worth losing
how can you be ready to do that if you find understanding, trust, connection
Jyn Erso had been the hairline fracture in a blaster barrel
the crack in the casement that burst everything else
so easy, so fast, because the hard endless work had been the shutting it away…

but…

"I'm sorry," he breathed, starting to pull himself back. "I don't… nothing matters to me except… you don't have to do anything…"

…to have me. Any way you want. All the way.

But all Jyn wanted was to find a way to get closer.

That a distance had grown between them after - after everything they'd been through had seemed the cruelest kind of punishment. But for a moment, just a moment, her expression cleared and she nuzzled against his hand and she wondered just how she managed for so long without this ...

Without him.

He was the only thing in her life that made any sense, and right here and now, she felt like a drowning woman, and Cassian was the only thing that was helping hold her head above water. Every atom in her body ached for Cassian to bridge what little gap still remained between them to take that kiss. She would never steal what wasn't offered to her, no matter how desperately she wanted it. And although they were close enough for her to feel the way that his body was reacting to - what, the proximity, her presence, she didn't know, Jyn kept as still as she could, because she could not, she would not take advantage.

But, oh, how she wanted and wanted and wanted.

And then the distance began to grow again, and Jyn could not help soft, distressed noise that left her lips as she tried to follow. "Don't", she breathed, finally opening her eyes to meet his, eyes that were full of desperation, all the unsaid feelings she'd been holding back for far too long, and the fear that if he pulled away, they'd never find themselves this close again. "Cassian, please, don't. Stop running away from me. Just - just tell me what you want. Tell me what you need. And if it's not me, I'll let go ... "

Even though it would be the hardest thing she'd ever done.

A flash of eyes—
—trying, trying to believe—that unlike the rule of… everything, what he wanted and what might be right could actually be the same—
—hard as he'd had that reprogrammed and rationalized and fought out of him—
—but he'd believe her

I believe you

—before his hand back on her cheek, his arm finding its right place around her, and a sound from his throat, just like hers, stopped by kissing her.

They've both lost so much. They've both given so much. Maybe it was time that they found something good for themselves ... and why couldn't that be with each other?

And Jyn was terrified of losing Cassian, too, but wasn't taking the risk worth it? Wasn't it better than constantly orbiting each other but never intersecting? Wasn't it -

Then she found Cassian gathering her closer, and there was no hesitation as she allowed it, no question that that was exactly where she wanted to be. And when he kissed her, it felt like her heart might beat completely out of her chest. Jyn made no noise as she curled an arm around Cassian's shoulders, wanting to hold him as steady as he was holding her. She made no noise as one hot tear slid down her cheek. She made no noise, but she hoped that somehow, Cassian knew everything she couldn't yet say.

His chest rose hard against her. But the kiss stayed soft… his lips and mouth… there wasn't another word: loving hers. As his thumb moved on her skin to catch the tear and trace its trail. Whatever had been locked away enveloped them now; it was an ocean, gentle but inexorable… moving them against each other in waves… and his lips only parted from hers finally to breathe, "Yes it's you—" before finding hers again.

I'm sorry I should have trusted you was in the tides of his mouth on hers.
I'll catch up, figure out how to trust myself was in his fingers running through and beneath her hair.
His hand on her back, moving down her spine, pressure gentle, following and creating the curves of her like he was sculpting her from clay: I want, I need…

How she wanted him to pull her all the closer still, holding her so tightly that it knocked every bit of breath out of her body, how she wanted to know what he'd feel like above her, underneath her, to the side of her. And yet, he kissed her so tenderly, so carefully which she reciprocated, much to her surprise.

So much want and need coursing through her veins, and she could still be ... gentle. Jyn hardly thought it a possibility. But with Cassian, for Cassian, she could try.

"It's me - it's us - ", she managed, and then she was being kissed again, and this time, she didn't bother trying to hide her soft, pleased little moans from reverberating against his lips.

She shivered underneath his deliberate touches, trying not to hasten things along too quickly as she traced his jawline underneath trembling fingertips, barely resisting the urge to yank him so close that their chests and mouths crushed together. She wanted and needed so desperately - it was all she could feel, it was all she could think about ...

…there were things he couldn't tell.

The urgency and intensity of what he was feeling… he'd never had a connection remotely like this with anyone before… he'd been fighting against it… the intensity of her reactions was ramping up his own…

Those would be true no matter what.

But… possibly, also… how free he was in that moment of inhibition or restraint… even if his faith and awe in her might have banished some of the more abstract concerns, he likely would have thought even briefly whether this could be made even better by finding somewhere more comfortable—and definitely would have thought to make sure they were really safe.

…but nothing.

Which…

He'd have wanted to realize. Partly because… those were good considerations. But mostly… to be sure they were choosing their actions. Not because they'd choose differently (…he knows, finally, they wouldn't), but just because… whatever this was… was… important… for both of them… an impossible restoration of something they'd assumed killed off or given up or stolen… not to be twisted or violated to any degree by…

…being influenced by…

…she…

…

oh skies…

Jyn Erso shivered in his arms, touched his face… moaned against him… and there were no thoughts.

She was alive and she was Jyn and they were together and impossibly this was all right and exquisite and did I love you since…?

His arms lost some of their caution. No uninvited roughness or force she'd have difficulty freeing herself from if she wanted to (under any circumstances, under any influence: never)… but they closed suddenly around her, urgency-flexed arms replacing palms, enfolding her fully, pushing them flush together, knees to chests.

Her name may have passed his lips… if there was any possibility… in the midst of kissing her like it was how he needed to breathe.

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Would've been helpful for DW to tell me this was here UGH

Glub, I should have responded to your comment instead of my own, sorry!!

LOL, no problemo. I should've kept it open instead of fucking off elsewhere online!

No worries, real-time is a delight but never expected, and I'm window-hopping too ^_^

Oh, Internet, you delight and distract all at once.

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I can't believe I was up till 4 lol I hope everything made sense

Everything's BEAUTIFUL :-) Sorry it's taken me all day before tagging back!