since the thing perhaps is to eat flowers and not to be afraid

[irrigo]

(harmless) hanahaki meme

hanahaki (literally "vomiting flowers") is a fictional illness that began in japanese literature. most commonly, it happens in the case of unrequited love; flowers bloom in a person's lungs and their love suffocates them until it is either requited or they die. that's pretty angsty. instead, consider a world where hanahaki is a normalised inconvenience and it's never hurt anyone. flowers grow in your chest from the cultivation of love — for your friends, your family, your dog. and it's a feeling that wants to be known, so maybe you can't help spilling petals sometimes when you laugh, or sigh, or shout at someone. everyone knows what it means and it's something to be celebrated. you love. maybe you don't want to, though. maybe you chew on the petals and swallow them back, so that no one knows the feelings you're carrying around in your heart. but maybe that's not going to work forever, and sooner or later, you're going to cough those feelings up.

the short version ① hanahaki means your characters cough up flowers. plain and simple. ② it's caused by unspoken love, in any form, platonic or romantic; whether the love is requited has nothing to do with it. ③ the disease is not harmful in any way, and it's no more annoying than a persistent cough; it's treated as more symbolic magic realism here than concerned with the real life implications of coughing up flowers. ④ it's "cured" when a person expresses their love, whether the feeling is requited or not. ⑤ so basically, you can rp any everyday scenario... but now your character might have to deal with the minor nuisance of hacking up petals around the people they love. and those people are going to know what that means.

Comments

[concealedcarry]

['So please be kind to yourself.'

It's not the first time he's heard someone say something like that. He'd lost count of the number of times Narumi would chide him for not taking care of himself. Finding a balance between Raidou and... the name he'd abandoned, left behind, it had been a learning process in life. A lesson he was still learning, might be learning for as long as he existed, in one form or another. But hearing it from Ritsu touches something in him.

He has to pull his hands back when another coughing fit starts. And maybe it's something to do with the intimacy of this conversation, but Raidou can't stop it, keeps coughing and coughing, tugging his cape up to keep Ritsu from drawing too close. Petals rain from his mouth and fill his lap, accompanied by the occasional full blossom, wrenched loose by Raidou's all too small confession and Ritsu's kindness. A red peony for his devotion to her, a pink carnation for the memories of her he'll carry with him. Jonquil petals and rosebuds to spell out the truth of his desire. White clover, in the hopes that she'll remember him too.

By the time the fit subsides, the evidence is impossible to hide. So Raidou braces himself and drops his cape, lets Ritsu see the color and emotion laying across his lap.]

Another's love cannot be taken, [he says, voice quiet and scratchy around the edges from his coughing, from plant matter being expelled,] especially when so freely given already.

[His eyes are on her, watching her face, her reaction, waiting for the outcome.]

[lefol]

It... It wasn't someone else?

[ Half confused and half hopeful, eyes as big as lakes and just as watery. The girl's face is quick to take a darker shade of pink to match those of his offering, a tribute all of her own joyfully spilling for him to have. And for once, words are difficult to utter, and her own throat closes and her hands become full— so full with this silent love of his, peony-red and jonquil-bright and surely— surely it's okay to keep these things for herself.

If he gives her a garden—

Then, without fail, with all certainly, she can take care of it.

Together like this, close and quiet and open and kind— ]

It's mine?

[ —everything can keep on blossoming. ]

[concealedcarry]

It's yours.

[For all the times he's imagined Ritsu's reaction, somehow this isn't one Raidou had predicted. Her wonder and joy, the way she cradles the flowers and petals in her hands, like something precious - Raidou finds he's smiling without knowing when he started. A small, subtle curl of his lips at the corners, but a smile nonetheless. With the pressure of unspoken feelings lifted, he feels lighter. He hadn't realized they held their own weight.

Somehow, Ritsu can make something like a confession feel like giving a gift. Raidou shouldn't be surprised, with how much care and kindness she's shown to not only him but the other Servants, and yet she keeps finding a way. If this is her reaction... perhaps it doesn't matter whether it's requited in the same way.

She cares for him, and it's not the burden he'd been taught to avoid.]

Thank you. [And, in a rare show of sheepishness, he raises a hand to adjust the cap on his head. Temporarily hiding his face before he shakes his head and pushes it away once more. It's only fair to meet her head on after that.] I think I've learned something valuable from you.

gmail sent this to my spam folder wtf

[lefol]

[ It is precious.

A sunny garden in bloom. A spring that lingers.

Is it okay for me to answer? Even so, she worries. Chaldea's Master belongs to everyone. Under such arrangement thing are peaceful, and no incident beyond the usual happen. Between each bitter fight, their days can continue to move forward, because there is a certain equilibrium keeping them afloat.

Gardens with no closed doors.

Even so--]

... I'm glad.

[ Her fingers fall neatly over his. Sitting close as they are she only needs to lean a little towards him to hide them from any curious intruders; these joined hands of them, these flowers. The way her smile curves and her voice grows softer, quieter, like a secret note being passed between two. ]

Because I know I like the Raidou-san that smiles best of all.

extremely rude gmail!!

[concealedcarry]

[She's never hesitated to take his hand, yet the times he's returned the grasp are difficult to recall. He allows himself to do it now, to turn his hand over and fold his fingers over hers, warmth trapped between their palms. A simple gesture but wonderful all the same. Something that Raidou has too little experience with.

Her words bring another smile to his mouth, and he lets it linger, lets him revel in this moment. His chest feels looser, his breath freer, surprised by this realization - he hadn't noticed how deeply tangled his feelings had become until they were finally spoken. Perhaps he has been living with the wrong message after all.

Raidou is content enough just like this, just knowing that Ritsu appreciates the depth of his emotion for her, that she loves him in her own way.]

... I had another name. One I left behind when I took the mantle of Raidou. Few in my life knew it, and I never truly missed it, but... I'd like to tell you.

[Before this conflict inevitably ends. Before he passes out of her life once again. To give her a small piece of himself that will remain tied to her. His fingers squeeze hers, a small, gentle force.]

Before I was the fourteenth Raidou, I was Jōhei.

[lefol]

[ Her eyes linger on their hands, and then his face, eyes wide and clear and all to quick to set on something else once the happy, bashful feeling bursting from her chest comes forth; it crawls inside of her, like a vine, flowers of the soul that bloom and scatter with the shape of his smile, the quiet, softer ring of his voice.

And has she ever felt this bashful before? ]

... Jōhei.

[ The sound weight pleasantly on her tongue, a gentle, tiny little whisper that she repeats for herself, testing how it attaches itself to the picture of man sitting with her that lies cradled in her mind. It fits him, she thinks, blushing pretty and small, her hand's grasp tightening. ]

Jōhei...-san.

[concealedcarry]

[It's unusual to see her so bashful, and the way she says his name, so carefully and quietly, testing the weight on her tongue while keeping it secret all the same - it goes a way to fluster him too. His free hand is moving toward his cap, to tug it down and hide his face, but he catches it halfway and lets it drop. It won't hurt to work toward being more open, he thinks. At least with Ritsu. Her appreciation makes it worth the effort to break old, ingrained habits.]

'Jōhei' is enough. [A small quirk of his mouth, his smiles coming a little bit easier now.] Besides, you're my Master. Perhaps I should have been calling you 'Ritsu-san' all this time.

[He thinks he might have tried at first. It says something that he can't remember that with certainty. It's hard to imagine tacking the honorific onto her name; not because she isn't deserving of it, but because he can't see her tolerating it for long. Her friendliness wouldn't allow for it. He considers this before he speaks again.]

After everything I've seen, no matter our titles or my status as a Heroic Spirit, I consider you an equal. There's no need for formal address with me.

[lefol]

Eeeh!

[ And that would be a 'no'. It's hard enough having Kotarou-kun and the others calling her 'my liege', but 'Ritsu-san' would be too much, too stiff, too... too much of everything cold.

She doesn't want cold with him.

And it's not like she feels it a something cold or distant when she added one to his name, but... well, it's kinda weird. Raidou-san is still Raidou-san, because 'Raidou' has to be Raidou-san; that's how it works, that's-- what's right.

But Jōhei is different. It's hard to say the word and not feel like she's doing something that would send Mother into a fit. 'Jōhei' is... something that belongs to this moment. A face only she et to see. A memory only he gets to preserve. ]

But... No, I know you're right. I guess... I'm just feeling shy, a little? [ Even if she still laughs as always, even if she blushes and hides her face against his arm, eyes still looking up. ] Sorry. I'm really happy too, so please don't say 'Ritsu-san' again. It makes me sound like a grandma, you know.

[concealedcarry]

'Fujimaru-san', perhaps.

[He's in rare form today.

He lets her hide against him, enjoys the warmth that sinks through his sleeve to him. Her confession is something of a surprise, but it's something Raidou knows well.]

I understand. I was... not in the habit of being open in life.

[Which she's gathered, he knows, since he hasn't exactly been open to her either. Not until now. It still feels strange, but not wrong. Not as he expected it to. Making himself vulnerable has proven somehow comforting. That she'll not only accept but revel in Raidou being something other than... well, 'Raidou', is comforting.]

But it seems my reservation has finally met its match.

[In her cheer, her easy smiles, her seemingly endless ability to care about those around her. She'd been a baffling curiosity to him at first. She's long since become a welcome companion and a source of strength for Raidou. Someone he wants to do better for. He squeezes her hand again, to offer some of that strength back.]

[lefol]

[ He's playing, and it's good. It's more than good, it's— it's right. It's right for him to smile and tease and hold her hand, it's right for them to sit like this and whisper their words.

Chaldea's Master belongs to everyone, but— ]

Jōhei, you bully.

[ —Ritsu is fine with belonging to just one. Pouting and beaming and giving back as good as he throws. ]

I, Fujimaru-san, will meet and beat your reservation into a pulp every time, without fail!