Secrets I have held in my heart

[wheesockies]

SECRET ADMIRER meme

You're in love with them, but they don't know it and you have no real intention of changing this. Whether it's because you don't want to admit anything to yourself, can't handle rejection, don't think you're good enough, or have no real experience with this kind of thing, your lips are sealed...for now. And maybe forever, if you're contented to love them from afar.

That is, if the object of your affection doesn't figure you out first.

HOW TO PLAY

• Comment with your character, preferences, and whether they'd be the admirer or the admired.
• Reply to others.
• RNG it or not.

PROMPTS

1. Meeting: How do you meet? Is it love at first sight?
2. Falling: You learn to love them, even if you never have before.
3. From Afar: You're not too close to them - they may not know you at all - but you still admire them. Whether "afar" means something like a different school, a different team, or a different world or walk of life is up to you.
4. Notice Me: You actually do want to be noticed. Please, senpai!~
5. Right in Front of You: The two of you are friends or allies, yet you're hiding your emotions in plain sight.
6. Denial: You? Love? No! Especially not with them...no, you weren't looking at them!
7. Jealousy: They don't know you're attracted to them, so you shouldn't feel mad when they're getting attention from others.
8. Too Shy Shy: The words just won't come out. Besides, you're too flustered by their presence in general.
9. Don't Deserve Them: You wouldn't want to subject them to you, anyway. They're too good.
10. Favors: Your love may not be known; still, you can do things for them or get them gifts, and they'll wonder who's doing all this. Their happiness is all you want, not their recognition.
11. Bad at This: So, about all those gifts or favors? You're not the sort to know about kindness and because of this, your shows of affection tend to be you offing their rivals or giving them stolen items.
12. Adorkable: You're awkward but it's endearing!
13. Never Expect the Quiet Ones: You barely speak, much less show how you feel. How could they know what you really think?
14. Lash Out: It's frustrating to have a crush you can't act on, so you've decided to act out...towards the one you love, perhaps to push them away.
15. Admission: Finally, you've decided to admit what you've felt all along.
16. Outed: Someone else has told your secret.
17. Caught: Maybe you were caught looking at them too much, speaking about your love out loud, or leaving them a gift. No matter what, the jig is up.
18. Content with Secrecy: You can admire them without saying a word. You're not conflicted in the least with living this life!
19. Requited: No more harboring secrets, as your feelings are returned.
20. Unrequited: ....ouch. Just ouch.
21. WILD CARD

Comments

rufus ( hunted ) ota

[huntingly]

Kuroko Tetsuya | Kuroko no Basket | OTA

[kurokosbasket]

touga kiryuu⚜revolutionary girl utena ⚜ ota

[smooths]

[ do better. ]

Gray | Lord El-Melloi II Case Files

[obscurious]

( open to either role. )

Dr. Angela 'Mercy' Ziegler ⛨ Overwatch ⛨ F/M 21+

[watching_over_you]

*Either role*

Diana Abel | Vampire: The Masquerade | F/M

[diana_abel]

ßlake ßelladonna ∙ RWBY ∙ f/m

[deadly_belladonna]

Marlo | Flatliners (2017)

[aemula]

[ Either works for me! ]

Momoi Satsuki ○ Kuroko no Basuke

[peachyandkeen]

[ooc; she's the opposite of a "secret" admirer, since she has no qualms about telling everyone who she likes - so this is for anyone wants to secretly admire her!]

Shuichi Saihara | New Danganronpa V3 | M/M

[perjurer_ultdetective]

[Either role! ]

some mix of 11 & 17??

[dryeyes]

[It was Friday, the one night Aizawa could get some guaranteed peace and quiet around the house. Mic was out doing his radio show, there wasn't so much grading that it couldn't be put off for tomorrow, and the cat cafe down the road was closed for renovations. What started as the idea of a peaceful night slowly degenerates into realizing there's very little to do.]

[He settles on a bit of cleaning. There were one or two bookshelves that existed not so much as to hold book than to seal their fate for death. While a chunk was neatly dusted and maintained from use, there was a chunk of their old high school books that hadn't been opened in some time. While he lugged them out from their spaces and brushed the dust off of them, an old and worn slip of paper falls out from under a cover. Their old yearbook? Ah, Hizashi's copy. It had way more notes and scribbles from superficial friends all under the cover. The note was probably more of the same.]

[... Except, no, that's his old handwriting. That's one of the drafts of an assignment he'd hated so much, a need to write something "on desire." The one he'd submitted had been a trite thing about providing justice without need for recognition. The ones he'd drafted had been about blonde hair and green eyes that made you feel transfixed and he was utterly embarrassed by them. He thought he'd thrown them all out. Yet here it was, tucked away in one of Hizashi's books. So, he'd definitely seen it and read it. There was no identifying information on it, at least, and if it had never been mentioned, maybe the truth behind it had never been realized.]

[That doesn't feel right, though. Mic was as loud as an idiot but sharper than people gave him credit for. Aizawa ends up sacrificing any quiet of his evening to flip the radio on and listen. Once the show's done, he waist the usual time it takes, and when Present Mic returns, he's waiting on the couch. The old yearbook is sitting on the table in front of him and he looks even more tired than usual.]

Welcome back. [and he's got the edge to his voice like something's bothering him.]

Rabastan Lestrange // Harry Potter // m/f

[prettyawkward]

[Are you--or do you resemble--a human? Then he's probably head over heels.]

yes beautiful

[yeeeeeeah]

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD EVENIIIIIIIIIIIIIING TOKYOOOO~

[ High energy on the show, just like every night. It was going amazingly, as well. He almost wished he could do this full time but. He enjoyed being a teacher far more than he thought. Still, if things had gone differently he might have been an entertainer for sure. All other thoughts melted away. Just him and the mic.

It couldn't last forever. He wouldn't want it to. His life wasn't so bad. Could be better but there wasn't much to do about it, right? He made it home without being stopped. A hood helped for not getting spotted if he really cared enough. He was in such a good mood, he opened the door still attempting to sing in Korean, one of the hit songs he'd played that night. ]

Yeah, I'm home!

[ He called while slipping off his shoes, hood, and glasses. He muttered to himself wondering aloud what Shouta could have possibly been up to. He sounded not in the best of moods. Mic, with hands still in jacket pockets, crossed into the living room to stand behind him. ]

You know if you're going to be bored and put yourself in a sour mood you should really-- [ The yearbook caught his eye ] What's that doing out?

[dryeyes]

[If Aizawa had a merciful or considerate bone in his body, he might have just decided to put the book away after hearing cheery singing. Then again, if he put off doing things because Mic seemed to be in a good mood, he wouldn't get anything done. Because, in his mind, this... whatever was happening would need to happen. Putting it off was stupid.]

Cleaning can put me in a sour mood, too. [And there was a good amount done. He'd been able to tidy up quite a few piles before ending up stuck in his own head of worried and scenarios. He unfolds his arms, gesturing at the yearbook.]

It fell out when I was organizing the bookshelf. I was just remembering how popular you were. [What could be innocuous sounds rather loaded when he says it. Shouta was never bothered by being unpopular. Still, the way he says popular is definitely a dig at something, if not just a way to start the conversation about their past.]

[yeeeeeeah]

[ He looked around quickly to take assessment of the place. He'd done a good job but-- ]

Ah yeah. It needs a good going over.

[ What was that? Oh! He recognized that little paper. But what bug had crawled up Shouta's ass about it. He chuckled as he took it from him and moved to sit on the other end of the couch. ]

Don't tell me you're jealous of high school friendships.

[ Hello. Nemuri and Tensei were still around y'know. It wasn't until he was sitting that he read the paper. Oh. Oh this... ]

I never did find out who wrote it, but I know I was the only one in class with blond hair and green eyes. Well, by default.

VIRA. | gbf

[methodise]

( f/f for anything on her part or requited; m>f welcome. )

[dryeyes]

[There's a small "hmph" sound in result of jealousy being brought up. As if he wants to say "jealous of what." He'd certainly never been jealous of that popularity. Just maybe, for a chunk of time as a teenager, he figured he was only getting attention because Hizashi was that obnoxious, in-your-face kind type of person. Hizashi had everyone and he just had Hizashi. It was the sort of thing that made you write stupid poems then decide to burn most of them.]

Really. [To a stranger, the comment would seem disinterested. The way his eyes narrow slightly, the amount of focus he's showing with little ticks of body tension suggest otherwise to a trained Eraserhead Expert. He'd gone into this with the impression Hizashi had to have known. Not owning up to it just means dancing around the issue more.]

It sounds like they were over the moon with you. [That kind of foolish, hopeless infatuation. It had always been hopeless, hadn't it? It was a consequence of his own behavior, he knew that much] Or maybe they just wrote it because of a dare. [After questioning the sincerity of the letter, he glances over to judge for any reactions.]

[yeeeeeeah]

[ O..kay... Maybe a whole swarm of bugs had crawled up his ass. ]

Hah?? Yeah, it's kind of cheesy because they were in high school, but this is genuine!

[ He said while waving it a little, only to turn back to it and look at it as if it were the most precious treasure in the world. But that doesn't last long before he's glaring at it to reveal the secrets. ]

They really liked me, whoever the were. Which is annoying because I swear I know this handwriting...

[dryeyes]

[There's a weird tug of something in his chest when Hizashi looks at the letter like that. Like, you idiot. If it makes you that happy, you should have tracked him down. Maybe that was too selfish of him, though, expecting Hizashi to do the legwork himself just like in their friendship. And why would he be jealous of his own past self?]

So you'd like someone just because they liked you first? Not knowing anything about them? [This is probably the most Shouta's spoke about romance in years. The topic's usually dismissed within a couple of minutes. It was a nice cover for him, at least. The idea that he just didn't care about it was much easier to manage than decade of pining.]

You're so soft. [He shifts a bit, letting his hair fall in a mess to conveniently hide a bit of his expression.]

[yeeeeeeah]

Hey! I didn't say that, now did I? Do you really think I'm that easy??

[ He was keeping the sassy little grin, lips quirked. Looking casual as could be. A little bit of Present Mic instead of Hizashi shining through. It was getting more difficult to keep things hidden. ]

My heart was taken back then anyway.

[ He tries for a casual shrug. Not entirely sure how successful he's being. His heart is still taken. It always has been. Even with a handful of boyfriends and girlfriends here and there... It was never anyone else's. At least the hurting has subsided. It was more empty now.

He flips the paper over once or twice before leaning in to put it in the yearbook. ]

Guess I'll never know!

[dryeyes]

[It was already a bit off to see Hizashi putting on a face. It was just the two of them, so he knows he hit something with his comment. Then he mentions his heart being taken and, for just a moment, Shouta actually looks surprised. From his perspective, there was no one back in high school that got the kind of preferential treatment he would expect. It hadn't been on his radar. So he'd liked someone then and still spent so much time around him?]

Huh. [And he'd thought there was no way he was going to sleep worse tonight. There it was, though. It didn't matter if his embarrassing, adolescent love note inspired feelings if Hizashi was looking somewhere else.]

I recognize it. [Most of what Shouta said was carefully planned, like a well-laid trap, but this ends up sort of blurted out.] ... that handwriting.

Not like it matters to you now, right? [That same underlying irritation, that something was really getting to him, and he wouldn't be able to settle down without somehow addressing it. If they stopped here, he'd probably end up making coffee and staying up the whole night to just collapse into a frustrated ball of sleep deprivation later.]

[yeeeeeeah]

[ A dozen thoughts happened at once and his brain didn't quite no how to react. It had to work through this. He recognized it?! The handwriting?
After all these fucking years he'd know--

Of course, what would it matter if it wasn't his. And while it would be incredibly like Shouta to fuck with him like this, he was in no mood for it.

And THEN all of that was pushed out of the way so he could look at him confused. What the fuck was his problem? ]

What is your problem tonight, huh? Why are you getting w--

[ No.



No he couldn't be serious.


Although if this is something else and he's wrong he's going to literally cry himself to sleep tonight. ]

[dryeyes]

[He'd been given an opportunity, when Hizashi said he didn't recognize it, to push the whole thing away. It could just as easily be locked up in that yearbook again to be nostalgically looked back at in another five, ten, twenty years. The thought of sitting on this knowledge for another ten years wasn't logical at all.]

Don't think about the why for a second.

[His heart is beating as if he were chasing down a criminal. Still, he tries to keep his face impassive, the only sign of that inner turmoil being a quick tap tap tap of his foot against the floor. He turns to look at Hizashi. Everything about him was expressive and that made it even more difficult.]

Just tell me if you want to know or not.

[On one side, it was forcing Hizashi to make the decision. It wasn't out of meanness. It wasn't to free himself from the responsibility. A part of Shouta was just scared. It's not like he could play it off as just being a thing from high school. If he admitted the letter then, he was admitting it now.]

[yeeeeeeah]

Is it yours?

[ Why else? Why else would he be acting like this? And why would he be holding back if it was just some passing letter from high school?

He wasn't sure whether to be angry or cry. Did they seriously spend all these years feeling this way and do fucking nothing about it?! He was having to bite the inside of his lip from letting it betray him too much. ]

[dryeyes]

[He was expecting a yes or no answer, not to be called out like this.]

Is it- [he echoes, dumbly, the rare moment of an entirely stunned Aizawa Shouta. That didn't give him any clues, either, if this was a good thing, a bad thing. It was clearly a thing, the idea was having an effect, he was just left unprepared to deal with that reply.]

Honestly, [he can't keep his voice unaffected, it's a little shakier than usual] I'd lend you notes so often and you couldn't even recognize my handwriting? [He'd gotten this far by just assuming he'd never saw it. Instead, he'd seen it and just never realized. What he'd expected to be an interrogation about why Hizashi never said anything turned into- what, a confession? Was he confessing just now?]

Yes, I wrote it. And I should have wrote what an idiot you were in there, too. [Right next to how being near him made him felt like he mattered, or maybe after the part about how his smile felt like sunshine.]