toastysocks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
toastysocks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2017-09-29 09:07 am
toastysocks) wrote in bakerstreet2017-09-29 09:07 am
Entry tags:
1. you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
2. i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
3. I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
4. TEXT HIM
2. i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
3. I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
4. TEXT HIM
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ONE • No, the school I went to was nothing like Hogwarts.
This is the last time I'll say as much.
TWO • TEXT HIM.
you sure did make it sound like it
could have fooled me
could have fooled me
001 — I can't tell if my need for dick is greater than my want to strangle him
002 — because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
002 — because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
1. Do it!! We better have a dragon by the time I get home.
2. Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
3. Just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't
know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
4. I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back. No- it's not a puppy.
5. I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and dragon masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night.
6. If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
2. Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
3. Just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't
know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
4. I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back. No- it's not a puppy.
5. I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and dragon masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night.
6. If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1. I came home and Mom goes "Why are you barefoot, and where are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French Fries."
2. I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is 'don't drown. For God's sake, don't drown.'
3. He's just sitting there staring at my sister's stuffed lion, hoping it will come to life.
4. Text him!
2. I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is 'don't drown. For God's sake, don't drown.'
3. He's just sitting there staring at my sister's stuffed lion, hoping it will come to life.
4. Text him!
1. I can feel your judgement through the phone
2. I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
3. Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
4. We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
5. [text him]
2. I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
3. Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
4. We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
5. [text him]
1. ... is this motivational speaking, or sexting? it's getting hard to tell.
2. call me when you get up. this hangover is like dismantling a bomb: i need someone to talk me through it.
3. i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
or choose your own adventure!
A. quick checkin: do i still have to call u batman when ur sober
B. you should be proud of me. i made friends with him and shit before i tried to fuck him this time
C. is there a reason why u put a canoe in my apartment or were you just feeling a canoe deficiency in your life
D. he has no idea hes my boyfriend
E. [text him!]
B. you should be proud of me. i made friends with him and shit before i tried to fuck him this time
C. is there a reason why u put a canoe in my apartment or were you just feeling a canoe deficiency in your life
D. he has no idea hes my boyfriend
E. [text him!]
001. "Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face."
002. "I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, 'don't drown, for god's sake don't drown'"
003. "You thought her boot was a stray dog"
002. "I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, 'don't drown, for god's sake don't drown'"
003. "You thought her boot was a stray dog"
a. I left a surprise in your fridge for when you get back.
b. You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings."
c. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
d. [ text him ]
b. You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings."
c. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
d. [ text him ]
Edited 2017-09-29 14:53 (UTC)
i. I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
ii. lost my pants last night.
iii. you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
iv. You're the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
v. text him!
1. be honest, do you think ive got the legs to pull off a skirt?
2. i woke up with the sheets stuck to my back. this is the last time i let a hookup read my comic books before we do it
3. do you ever think about how screwed up it'd be if we were brothers?
4. [ it's just chocobo furry art. no attached message. wark. ]
5. we could've had it all, if i'd stayed quiet for more than five minutes. but you know me. insert dick, volume goes up
6. do you think promise rings are like, hokey or cute
2. i woke up with the sheets stuck to my back. this is the last time i let a hookup read my comic books before we do it
3. do you ever think about how screwed up it'd be if we were brothers?
4. [ it's just chocobo furry art. no attached message. wark. ]
5. we could've had it all, if i'd stayed quiet for more than five minutes. but you know me. insert dick, volume goes up
6. do you think promise rings are like, hokey or cute
1- I woke up wearing a skirt, with my legs shaved and smelling like coconut. On a side note: my legs feel amazing, I can't stop touching them.
2- You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot and yelled at the crowd, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
3- I still have your hand-print on my ass. You're not allowed to try Absinthe ever again. PD: come kiss it better?
4. [Misfires welcome.]
2- You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot and yelled at the crowd, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
3- I still have your hand-print on my ass. You're not allowed to try Absinthe ever again. PD: come kiss it better?
4. [Misfires welcome.]
1. Last time I carry you out of a forest.
2. Why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
3. I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name.
4. At least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
2. Why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
3. I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name.
4. At least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
1. Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
2. I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3. Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex.
4. Maybe I have no tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
5. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
2. I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
3. Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex.
4. Maybe I have no tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
5. I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
1. I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
2. Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
3. If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
4. text him!
2. Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
3. If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
4. text him!
You can just buy duck at the grocery store, and who is this??
1. all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
2. He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
3. You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
4. Weird!!! lol I guess taking advice from Batman is a good idea.
5. [text him]
2. He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
3. You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
4. Weird!!! lol I guess taking advice from Batman is a good idea.
5. [text him]
Edited 2017-09-29 15:06 (UTC)
2 ....idk older?? young mikey probs wouldn't have the balls (lolol)
flippenstein
- 2017-09-29 15:57 (UTC) - Expand1. Besides the stabbing, I had a great time.
2. That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
3.Let's wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires.
4. Text him
2. That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
3.Let's wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires.
4. Text him
at least, shouldn't we get the fires ready?
[is she being serious or dropping sarcasm? likely both.]
[is she being serious or dropping sarcasm? likely both.]
1. I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
2. Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
3. Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
4. I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
5. TEXT HER
2. Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
3. Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
4. I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
5. TEXT HER
1. It’s friday you fucking nerd of course I’m drunk
2. Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I’m eating Skittles.
3. Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW
4. Also why does your bed smell like mayonnaise??
5. Text her!
2. Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I’m eating Skittles.
3. Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW
4. Also why does your bed smell like mayonnaise??
5. Text her!
Edited 2017-09-29 15:11 (UTC)
1. I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
2. My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
3. You are the epitome of what awesome would be like.
4. You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
5. To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
6. I forgot a bra so I just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
7. text her
2. My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
3. You are the epitome of what awesome would be like.
4. You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
5. To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
6. I forgot a bra so I just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
7. text her
What's wrong Puddin'? <3
Us girls gots to stick together don't cha think.
Us girls gots to stick together don't cha think.
1) i don't know why i bit your face last night, but i'm sorry.
2) i have the coolest burn here. everyone is taking my picture. i'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3) dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
[ character info! ]
2) i have the coolest burn here. everyone is taking my picture. i'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
3) dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
[ character info! ]
[spoilers etc. okay with me!]
i) I listen to [him/her] complain and in return receive tasteful nude photos. I think it’s a fair trade.
ii) It was a marvelous 12 hours. What? No, we didn’t talk about it at all.
iii) If you took a shot every time I sighed in exasperation during this tour you’d be drunk by noon.
iv) That drawer has a Conway Stewart pen, a first edition Hemingway, a scotch glass, and a Tokarev TT-30. My life in visual summary.
v) [text him!]
i) I listen to [him/her] complain and in return receive tasteful nude photos. I think it’s a fair trade.
ii) It was a marvelous 12 hours. What? No, we didn’t talk about it at all.
iii) If you took a shot every time I sighed in exasperation during this tour you’d be drunk by noon.
iv) That drawer has a Conway Stewart pen, a first edition Hemingway, a scotch glass, and a Tokarev TT-30. My life in visual summary.
v) [text him!]
1. I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting at my desk with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
2. He has no idea he's my boyfriend.
3. I know I joke about running from my problems a lot, but I'm 3 miles outside the Agency and I need a ride.
4. Just got up with a club stamp on my ass...how did it get there??
5. Dazai is dead. Totally passed out and laid flat on the street.
2. He has no idea he's my boyfriend.
3. I know I joke about running from my problems a lot, but I'm 3 miles outside the Agency and I need a ride.
4. Just got up with a club stamp on my ass...how did it get there??
5. Dazai is dead. Totally passed out and laid flat on the street.
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