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bakerstreet2017-07-30 01:06 am
1sts) wrote in bakerstreet2017-07-30 01:06 am
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Get your gen texts!
 texting meme You’ve got your TFLN, you’ve got your sexting, now here’s the meme for all those gen texts, phone calls, voicemails, pictures of your cats, and whatever else your little heart can come up with, because who doesn't like a little old fashioned friendly texting. (Or enemy texting, if that's more your bag.) instructions: What it says on the tin! Leave a comment with your character, include preferences, a start, absolutely nothing or whatever you want. Run around and reply to others. Lather, rinse, repeat. |
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but robert doesn't see the other side. no, he knows the two of them go out and drink together. joseph doesn't exactly mind, even if it's certainly awkward. he figures mary wouldn't... sleep with robert, and even if for some reason she did, he honestly wouldn't be able to fault her for it. eye for an eye, really.
it's like the three of them can't stay away from things that are bad for them.
rather than try to argue-- he really doesn't want to do that right now, he's been doing it all day with the woman in question-- joseph just says something vague again.]
It would be nice if things were different, wouldn't it.
[a long pause.]
If you ever want a break yourself... or maybe just for me to find that flavor of margarita you might like. ;)
I'm here.
[it feels like stringing him along. joseph hits send anyway. he can't stop himself from wanting. from desiring.]
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this used to be part of the chase, these little mirages Joseph always laid down. now he isn't sure what this is anymore. it's late and Robert can't stop himself from (albeit, somewhat angrily) wondering just what part of Joseph is still even available to him, for him.
Robert knows he's going to crash on his own couch with the dog in this empty house and he can't stand the thought of it, not when Joseph's got his hook in his rib, not when the night feels like a cocoon that's he's trapped inside. damn it.
Joseph's starting to get into his own head. Robert finds himself thinking he's going to sleep hurting in every possible scenario, so why not enjoy it a little first... ]
[1/3] i like pineapple. but i hate pina coladas, so keep that coconut shit far away from me
[2/3] also idk if you've ever had mexican candy, but one time i had a rita that was mango and chili, and that thing kicked some serious ass
[3/3] not super spicy tho. just kind of warm
[ as soon as the texts send, Robert is pretty sure he's going to have an honest to god panic attack. what is he doing. ]
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figuring robert wouldn't respond or that he'd tell him to go fuck himself, joseph is very, very pleasantly surprised to see these responses. he reads them twice. a little smile forms as he looks at the screen. it's as if he's been given a second chance. (again. and again, and again, and again--)
pineapple with some spice. but not too much spice. no coconut. joseph will remember this.]
That gives me something to work with.
I think I'll be able to sway you yet, Robert.
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Joseph's still got his claws in him; Robert reads his phone screen over, seeing the adamant patience and persistence despite his defensive aggression, his attempts at scaring away. he feels a bizarre urge to apologize, as if they'd had an honest to god domestic dispute. he's sorry.
because there's a part of Robert that just assumes when something is wrong with a situation, it's his fault. ]
[1/2] you've swayed me plenty times before
[2/2] so you'll probably sway me again
[ Robert winces as he sends them. can somebody please jump through the window and knock his phone out of his hands? ]
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is it manipulative of him? sure is. so is flirting. laying it on thick to get someone to like you. joseph's very patient. very persistent. very. he's turned it up a notch, noticing that robert is giving him the time of day-- or night, right now.]
Well, only if you want to.
[a little test. see if robert will accept it. joseph needs to know it. he needs the confirmation they're on the same page, even if it hurts.]
I've made far more vocal haters of fruity drinks change their tune, though. I'm a force to be reckoned with. [he just has to soften it--]
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Robert sees all of this, what Joseph's doing -- he's always seen it. honestly, he isn't sure that Joseph ever really pulled the wool over his eyes...perhaps Robert just always chose not to see what always laid just outside the edges of their little margaritaville. ]
[1/2] you know what i want joseph
[ that's always kind of been the problem, hasn't it? ]
[2/2] well you're not wrong about that
[ Robert discovers that at some point, his mug emptied out. when did that happen? he grabs the bottle of wine to refill it when...he decides, fuck it, and drinks from it directly, eyelids flickering heavily. ]
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he reclines on the bed, far too invested in this to actually feel sleepy.
you know what i want.
joseph hovers over a reply, chewing his lower lip as he contemplates. wonders if robert will cut him for what he wants to say. it's not fear of desperation: joseph has no problem showing robert how much he wants him. playing hard to get is for the flings, for the men who never mattered beyond a couple of nights spent together.]
Should I come over?
[bad. terrible. oh well. it's easier for joseph to show desire than it is any vulnerability, like something bothering him. hurting him. robert's the one who's good at articulating it, joseph would rather push it away.]
no subject
Robert's pulse spikes when his eyes soak in those four words Joseph sends him. Robert swears he can feel the air around him begin to tense around him. he takes another sip of wine. the atmosphere in this house has never felt emptier, like echoes carry further than is truly possible. Robert doesn't want to be alone in this place.
which is why he goes out so much. bars, shows, the woods -- anywhere is better than being alone in your empty home at the end of the day. Robert knows he can't, and he shouldn't rely on Joseph to be able to fill in that empty space. it's a void only Robert carries. he knows that.
but despite all sensibility, he's holding his phone, typing again. ]
[1/3] no
[2/3] you shouldn't
[ Robert is starting to think, a little, that he's having an out of body experience. he feels completely numb at the skin, but his chest feels almost uncomfortably full of sensation, his pulse pounding, his blood's own heat that seems to keep steadily rising.
he stares at the hole he's begun digging, words cutting into bedrock he's spent so long relying on to hold him up. there's a pause before another text. ]
[3/3] but i want you here
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a warmth expands in his chest, and he feels his pulse speed up for a second. fuck, it's like he's got a schoolboy crush all over again. that's what robert does to him. and it's nice to feel. more than nice. it's what he craves more than anything, in his current state. he gets no love from any other source; robert's the one who ignites these feelings, even if they aren't quite love. because love requires commitment. right?
but it's good enough. joseph texts back immediately:]
Be there soon
[and he gets up. slips on some sweats and an old t-shirt. heads for the sliding glass door at the back of his house, sliding his feet into some flip-flops. normally joseph wouldn't be caught dead outside looking anything less than presentable, not these days. but it's dark and he's using the back way. and robert's house really isn't that far.
joseph heads on over. it's a nice night. warm. he walks at a brisk enough pace that he's there in minutes, and then he's headed for robert's backyard. texting him:]
I'm here.
[his heart racing, both with excitement and nerves. it's not like mary doesn't know he's unfaithful, but she's never actually caught him in the act of it. nobody has. and he wonders each time if they will. but the mild buzz of the alcohol blurs this fear, replaces it with a whining reminder of how damn much he wants to see robert, and of course, he'll jump at the chance.]
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Robert doesn't know what's about to happen. he doesn't know what he's going to do when he sees Joseph -- part of him is paranoid that this was all in his head, or that he somehow misunderstood their entire exchange, or... of Joseph just up and disappearing.
again.
they're not sensible thoughts; paranoia is rarely ever sensible. Robert stands at his back patio door and sees a figure moving across his yard and toward his house. he slides the door open once he's close.
and...Robert doesn't even look at Joseph -- just pulls the door open and steps aside, eyes away, trying to act nonchalant. unfortunately it's a little too late in the evening and he's a few ounces of wine too deep to simulate a normal way of acting if it isn't what he's actually feeling underneath.
...the sweats and flip flops, though. ]
...Didn't have to get all dressed up just to see me. [ is he...attempting a joke? something like that. on any other night, Robert would be laughing a little bit, but his delivery might be coming a little flat tonight. and probably mumbled. ]
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they'd be in a normal relationship. weird how these feelings do this to him, make him want so much to just have robert all to himself.
when he sees movement he steps forward a bit, sees robert open the door and quietly just allow him to walk in. joseph hesitates for just a second, eyes taking in the way robert sways a bit too much for someone sober when he backs up. joseph figured he'd be drinking, really. it's the only time robert is really open like this. after the pause, he steps in, hands in his pockets.
and he smiles, faint:]
Yeah, sorry. You're not that special.
[except he is. robert is so special. he's that exception, again. the one joseph chases instead of the other way around; he's had guys falling over themselves to stay with him, to convince him to go ahead with the divorce. but only robert. only robert's been the one to stick to his heart like this.
so, yeah. he is that special.
joseph notes the off tone, and coupled with the alcohol must mean robert isn't in the best spot right now. joseph takes a step toward him... he wants to get close. he'll be cautious, but the desire to be near him is evident by how he tries to-- reach out, and maybe take hold of robert's waist, if he'll let him. and even if not:]
... You doing alright?
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he moves to slide the door shut and notices how closely Joseph lingers, angling toward him subtly. he gets the knee-jerk reaction to shift away, not out of disgust, but something more similar to when you think you're going to burn yourself on a stove.
but Robert's dampened senses and the lack of space between him and Joseph force him to be still, once the door is closed behind him. his eyes, glossy from drinking and half-crying earlier, avoid Joseph's face for as long as is possible before the stretched silence becomes too unnecessary. Robert finally faces him, looking up in the half dark to see him.
fuck, his face always looks so fucking kind. ]
Could be better. [ Robert shrugs. ] As usual.
[ a couple more words sit on his tongue, feeling like they're going to burn a hole right through it. 'Better now that you're here.' don't say that. Joseph being here is just a promise to feel worse once he's gone. Joseph being this close makes Robert's skin itch, like he can't tell if he wants him to be closer, or to go away. ]
no subject
a quiet hum of acknowledgment:]
Hm.
[given some allowance, joseph takes it further, another small step closer and nearly flush against him. his other hand comes to robert's hip the same, and they slide around to his lower back, fingers trailing under the hem of his shirt to touch at warm skin.]
Well, maybe I can help.
[joseph doesn't necessarily mean anything specific. he could just be near him. a shoulder to cry on. he could do other things. plenty of things, all of which joseph would happily oblige. he's hungry for robert, attached to him like this already. he wants whatever robert wants from him.]
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Joseph... [ Robert murmurs -- is it in protest, or indulgence? Is there always a difference, with them?
His hands grasp Joseph's forearms, almost a little too suddenly, a little too firmly, but he doesn't push him away. Rather, it's more like Robert trying to anchor Joseph to him...like he isn't sure he isn't about to just float off on an unexpected breeze.
Robert has his eyes adamantly off of Joseph's face again, gaze messily trailing around his chest, his arms, past his shoulder. He thinks of something to say and chuckles lowly. ]
Yeah, mend my heart before you break it again, huh.
[ And almost immediately, Robert practically winces at his own words. Never underestimate his ability to hurt himself while in the midst of being critical of others.
He whispers, ] ...Sorry... I didn't...
[ Robert feels Joseph's face against himself temple, lets out a sigh as he pauses against him, resting there. There's a quiet siren blaring inside his skull, don't do this, don't do this on an incessant repetition, that he knows he should be listening to... But Joseph is so much louder right now. ]
I don't even know why you're bothering right now. [ It's a genuine statement. Hasn't Robert been shitty enough to you? How has he not scared you off from him permanently? ]
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he tenses a bit when robert grabs him like that. wondering if he'll be shoved away-- no. just held. the tension turns into joseph pressing himself closer. he's not going anywhere.
that comment, though... joseph almost feels a shudder of emotion roll up his back, some weird mix of indignation and regret and guilt, at least until the apology slips through. robert's really not one to throw out the sorrys unless he means it, and joseph relaxes again. it's difficult not to feel emotional around him.]
... I meant it, when I said I missed you.
[slowly, fingertips trail a short path up his back, then down again.
why is he bothering? why is robert such an exception? it's hard to put into words--]
You just... make me feel like nobody else has in a very long time. Even when it's bad. We work it out. And when it's good... [a faint smile, out into the dark.] ... it's really good, Robert.
[he wonders if he loves robert, but that feels absolutely wrong to say. he can't claim that without fully committing to him. without giving himself 100%, no failed, clung-to marriage hanging over his head like this. joseph can't say it. can't phrase it like that.]
I love being around you.
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But Joseph throws the L word, careful as walking on ice, and Robert knows he wouldn't do what he does for some meaningless fling born of boredom or desperation. Nah, he isn't even like that. Joseph would be more rampant and less careful... Shit, he probably would have left Robert in the dust, with all of the dodging and intimidation that he gives him.
That's the hardest part about all of this. Robert catches Joseph giving him that look across the yard at barbecue socials, and he fucking knows.
He sighs, a deep and low breath, wine-scent becoming an invisible stain on the shoulder of Joseph's t-shirt. His eyes shut as he loses himself briefly in the fingertips tracing along his back, Joseph's weight increasing against him, leaning heavier into him. Robert lets his hands wander as Joseph's reach out around him, his own sliding up forearms and continuing upward. ]
...Me too. [ It's a shitty reply, but Robert has spent so many words on Joseph by now, he's either running out, or he doesn't know what he can afford to say that won't make this hurt more when they're done and Joseph leaves him to go back to his family.
Kind of too late to save his feelings, though, when Joseph lays so much on the table like this. Robert lets his head slide down against the other's cheek, jaw, lower. ] I...I miss this, too.
[ ...Better.
Robert can't believe that he still remembers how Joseph's skin smells, can't believe how it suddenly makes him feel a strange hunger deep in his chest. The wine helps mute some of his thinking, pulls down some walls he's been fighting to keep up -- and before Robert realizes it, he's kissing a slow trail along the side of Joseph's neck. He doesn't bother to move away to talk, content to mumble into the crook of his shoulder. ]
It's so hard to not want you...so fucking hard. You know that, don't you?
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And then...
Robert's lips brush against his neck, and Joseph can't help breathing in, holding it, eyes closing like he wants to preserve the moment. His train of thought gets lost in the soft movement. He cants his head to the side, giving Robert better access. For as rough as Robert can be, he's also so soft when he wants to be. It's terrible. Terrible how much Joseph enjoys it, his fingers digging in just slightly where they rest on Robert's lower back.]
... Yeah. I know. [It's not conceit, though--] Because it's hard for me, too. I wanna be with you all the time, Robert....
[And he pulls back just enough that he can raise his hands now, catching Robert's face in a gentle grip, thumbs stroking over the scruff for a moment before he presses a kiss to his mouth. A few of them, not going for tongue just yet; he has to build it, not dive in like a horny teenager who can't control themselves-- even if Robert strikes up that desire in him, like a match, to be so desperate. Christ, he wants him. Not being allowed to see him whenever he wants drives Joseph crazy. And maybe a little of that neediness is mirrored in the way he kisses at Robert, pressing against him and his hands drifting down to his shoulders, squeezing at him.
He can taste the wine on his lips, hopes Robert isn't so far gone into the bottle that he won't remember their encounter-- but keeps going, even so.]
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For the longest time, Robert poisonously spat accusations that Joseph was ashamed of him. Enough borderline-arguments have insisted to correct that thought -- that Joseph isn't ashamed of him, of his shortcomings, his weaknesses, his mistakes. That even without the guide of some god or whatever, Joseph could never condemn him like that.
Still. It hurts. It doesn't make sense as much as he understands it. Robert knows why he can't have what he wants.
He's about to speak, letting his head be guided up, but a mouth captures his before any words make their way out. He breathes in around the kiss as if he's been holding his breath, as if a kiss from Joseph awakens his basic requirements to function. His hands drift down from Joseph's shoulders, ribs, to his waist, and locks him there, flush against Robert. He sinks into the kisses, doesn't push their intensity, just takes them. He'll take whatever he can get. ]
...Fuck...Joseph...
[ Words on breaths between kisses, but Robert feels something building in his chest, in his throat, that he swears will rip him open if he doesn't get it out. He pulls his head back, down, sways slightly as he tries to assemble his thoughts with a deft precision. ]
I'm...sorry I blamed you... I always made it your fault... But it's me.
[ Robert turns his head away, struggling with an uncomfortable heat that he knows to be shame. ] I wish I could be better for you. Can't even get better for myself... That's the problem.
[ Joseph must know how much Robert hates this self pitying crap, how much he doesn't want to admit it when he's the one to screw up. He couldn't even get better for his wife -- and he sure as hell can't do that for himself, or Val... He's a waste. Joseph deserves better than that. ]
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And so Joseph envies Robert's perceived "freedom". No ties to anyone, really. No responsibilities. No image to worry about. He can do whatever the hell he wants, Joseph thinks. No repercussions... at least, that's how it seems.
Joseph kisses him harder. He loves how Robert grabs him around the waist like that. How he murmurs his name like that. How he presses against him like that. Joseph thinks he might advance it, when Robert is saying something. He pauses, breaking the kiss to listen. And oh...
Robert is not one to admit mistake. And Joseph would not consider him too prideful for that. It's more as if he can't stand failure. He can't bear to trip up at all, less to confess it. For him to say such a thing, Joseph feels something like a chill within him. A cold shock of realizing how Robert thinks that much more. He's hard to read. Joseph himself is hard to read, too. It's just that Joseph is much better at putting on a pleasant, Stepford smile than he is sulking around and trying to scare people away from him.
Joseph simply gazes at him for a few long seconds. He lets one hand slide back up, up his neck and catching his jaw once more, cradling it. Fingers curling dark hair around his ear, softly caressing him.]
... It's...
[This is hard. A lump forms in his throat. This is so difficult to say.]
... It's not just you. I should-- I need to man up. [Joseph is surprised he doesn't crack his words, there. Christ, that's one thing that gets under his skin, buries itself in, especially when Mary calls him such-- a coward.]
It's not fair to only give you half of me.
[His eyes slip down; now he can't really look Robert in the eye anymore. Joseph can feel his chest burn, a fire trail up the back of his neck. It's shameful, what he's done. He's never apologized to anyone for it. No fling, no one-night stand. Not Robert, that he can remember. Going around behind Mary's back, continuing it after she well knew. He won't cry; Joseph's trained himself very, very hard to avoid just that. He's practiced the art of holding it all in. But his fingers shudder just a bit, struggling with this sudden admittance of his own. Murmured:]
... So... I'm sorry, too.
[He won't pretend that Robert's words never hurt him. But the least he can do is open himself up and be fucking vulnerable for once, like Robert is being for him right now. Joseph keeps staring down, down at Robert's neck, not really seeing it but unable to make eye contact himself, now.]
i didn't forget about this i just suck
Fuck. It makes Robert's chest ache, like Joseph's caught his ribs with a fishing hook. It's merely a glimpse but from him, it's an incredible effort. Neither of them are trying to hide anymore.
It's not fair. It's not fair that Robert couldn't have this side of Joseph before. Has anyone, ever had this from him? Has Mary? Robert has to scramble to shove her from his mind -- don't let reality sneak in, don't think about what lies outside. Not right now. Robert's hands cross Joseph's back, arms tightening around his waist like a coiling snake, pulling him as tightly to himself as possible. It's fine that Joseph can't look at him right now -- he doesn't have to for Robert to lean in and kiss him again.
He won't speak it -- 'I forgive you' -- because he doesn't want to make promises he isn't sure he can keep. Saying 'thank you' sounds fucking pretentious, even if gratitude is what Robert thinks is filling his chest up right now.
So, this will do. The wine fog is clearing from his head and Robert can feel the firm clarity that this is something he wants, that he's choosing this, instead of being subject to some painful pull like sutures getting dragged out before the wound has healed. ]
...It's all right. [ Robert speaks quietly against Joseph's lips, words unplanned and tumbling forth on an instinct between breaks in the kiss. He isn't sure if he intended to be soothing to Joseph, but as it occurs to him, he realizes that he kind of doesn't hate the idea, either. It's not as if Robert hasn't been incredibly harsh to him ever since... Both are guilty of some serious fouls here. ]