1 — disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. remember that one
2 — you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night
3 — i wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. pastor had no sense of comedic timing
4 — where’s my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card