it's that time again kids

[drunktexting]

STEP 1 ✐ Name, canon & prefs go in the subject line STEP 2 ✐ Pick one of the following a. Copy something from TFLN b. Leave a blank comment so others can text you c. Be creative and make up your own texts STEP 3 ✐ ????? STEP 4 ✐ PROFIT (You might also like to disregard the anons who clearly are in need of a few drinks themselves ♥ Have fun!)

Comments

no

[(Anonymous)]

this meme is a fucking cancer

Re: no

[(Anonymous)]

plus we just did FML and the misconnected call wtfever. it's all the same.

Emily A. Jones| Axis Powers Nyotalia

[changedbywar]

And then I told him his face would look perfect between my legs.

One of my best strategies yet!

[garantundkraft]

...I'm not going to argue if that's really a strategy or not since I've used similar, but just promise me you did not use that against RUSSIA.

sam winchester | spn

[gravedigger]

buffy summers | btvs

[slay]

[bigbad]

The pet store wouldn't sell me fish because they said they could tell i was drunk.

loki // the mighty thor + journey into mystery

[forcedreset]

I got us presents. Or arrested. We shall see!

[allofme]

Loki I get ten bucks a week in allowance. Please tell me I don't need to post bail.

Natasha | mcu | ota

[wipeitout]

Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.

[changedbywar]

I don't think I was the person you meant that for, but you tell him whoever he is!

[mega_maiden]

MR. STARK, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GOT THIS NUMBER, BUT I THINK YOU GOT THE WRONG ONE!

the eleventh doctor | doctor who

[aintno_grave]

I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.

River Song | Doctor Who | ota

[hullo_sweetie]

LOOK AT MY HAIR! DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF SOMEONE WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?

[scalpedsociety]

Pleased to meet another member of the crazyhair club.

sigyn ∫ myth

[burdenof]

- You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR VANAHEIM!!"

- Please don't misunderstand. I did appreciate it.

[godofchaos]

I really do not remember any of this... What else did I do? Should I worry?

Britta Perry | Community

[britta_ftw]

He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."

Jason Walsh || The Unusuals

[untilitkillsyou]

Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Going to be a long night.

Jane Foster | mcu | ota

[baddriver]

But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"

[caffeinatedgod]

Jane my dear, I fear you sent this to the wrong number.

gwen stacy ∞ the amazing spider-man

[chocology]

My mom just walked in and she asked "Who ate all of the cheese?" Honestly, all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco.

[frontedtigresss]

Ummmm pretty sure that was Pete, NOT me, Gwenny Gwen.

sharon carter / agent 13 ( marvel 616 or mcu )

[throtteen]

Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

[iam_ironwoman]

STILL? God, just clunk their heads together and tell them it's both.

Raisa / World of Warcraft (OC)

[stormstrike]

ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.

Pepper Potts | mcu | ota

[very_tasteful]

Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

Re: Pepper Potts | mcu | ota

[technomistress]

What did he do THIS time?

Owen Harper / Torchwood

[doctorweevil]

I've literally never felt worse, my body feels like it's decomposing.

fitzwilliam darcy | pride & prejudice [modern au]

[ex_querulous960]

She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another... the servants just frowned and cleaned up her mess.

[notjusttheheir]

Sounds like an eventful night. Tell me you at least got photos.

abraham lincoln {abraham lincoln: vampire hunter}

[1865]

Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.

[kittenheeled]

He sounds like he had a good time. Or will be having one soon.

Michael Morbius ☠ Marvel ☠ OTA

[doesnotsparkle]

I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...

[didnotwant]

Then how did I end up naked in the shower?

Doyle ☾ Angel the Series

[fuckingvisions]

We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom...

[blindingtrust]

You better have not gotten my dog drunk.

loki; mcu

[liugan]

So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.

[iam_ironwoman]

That is a quitter's attitude. You just need to pick a different scene.

J. P. Plumptre ★ Miss Austen's Regrets Modern AU

[notjusttheheir]

My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.

[morethanaprettyface]

Why are you even in a cab?

Francis Farinella ☣ Resident Evil OC

[shoveltoface]

I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?