bakerstreet | ( picture prompt meme )

[ it's definitely a good way to fill the silence, and sirius is in no way awake enough to have any sort of conversation about what happened in that laundry room last night, not until the potion really kicks in, and his belly is full of food, and his eyes stop itching long enough to keep them open more than a few seconds at a time.

the food's a good idea though, and he appreciates it now that his stomach has calmed. it's warm and smells good, tastes even better, so sirius is happy to focus on shoveling it down for the moment, before it gets cold.

he's not as afraid as remus is, though, of what is or isn't to come. though he's not nearly as confident on the inside as he projects on the outside, if it's one thing that he counts on one hundred percent, it's his friends. james, remus, peter - even lily, now.. they're his family, he's filled up all the holes in his life with the warmth of his presence, and short of, you know, cold-blooded murder he's sure that there's nothing that could happen between them that couldn't be fixed. losing them isn't an insecurity he nurses, because sirius' love is fierce and strong and unswaying.

which means he's not afraid to break the ice, once they've both cleared their plates, and he's feeling much, much more awake. ]

So.

[ he says, after wiping his mouth on the back of his knuckles (because he's a classy guy), setting his plate aside, and leaning back against the headboard with a satisfied sigh, both legs flung out ahead of him, crossed at the ankles. ]

We going to address the hippogryff in the room, or would you prefer to sweep it under the rug?

[It's not entirely rational, his fear. They've gotten through far worse things than unrequited romantic feelings, after all. But it's hard not to take in the unrelenting message from the world that, because he's a werewolf, he is undeserving. It's hard not to feel that he needs them much more than they need him. It's the fear that's led to most of his regrets, that has made him not always as brave or as good as he should have been.

But he's still a Gryffindor, dammit. He can handle this. Now that it's started, he can follow it through. He sets his plate aside too, taking a breath.]

No, we need to talk about it.

[ sirius cocks a brow, but he looks pleased enough that remus isn't going to try to avoid it.

.. truth be told, though, sirius doesn't know where to start, or what to say. he's had plenty of drunken snogs in his life, but none of them have been with his best mates, none of them have ever required any sort of discussion afterward. what's he even supposed to ask? where are they supposed to go with this? he's got no idea.

so, in usual sirius black fashion, he says something stupid. ]

You've got surprisingly soft lips, mate.

[Well, it breaks the tension, at least. Remus laughs, moving to lay back on the bed too. They've had plenty of talks like that back in the dorms, and the familiarity is comforting.

He sighs and settles, fiddling with a bit of fuzz on his sweater.]

I should tell you why I asked to stop. [The fiddling turns to an anxious picking at his fingernails. They've grown just long enough past the tips of his fingers for him to get at.] I-- I worried I was taking advantage of the situation. I want more than-- drunken snogs with you, and it wasn't fair to you to do that without making that clear. I'm so sorry, Sirius.

[ remus is awkward, but he's not shying away, at least, which is good enough for sirius. he listens quietly, his gaze flickering away, taking on that glazed, thoughtful sort of look that says he's processing.

what remus is saying - it sounds a little mindblowing, to be perfectly honest, and sirius feels the bottom of his stomach drop out a little bit, because remus can't possibly be saying what it sounds like he's saying, can he? that he's got.. he's had feelings for him, wanted more? nah, not really. right?

a grin flits across sirius' face, and he tosses remus a glance, brows raised. ]

Were you worried about staining my virtue, Moons?

[He frowns, returning the glance with a look of his own. If Sirius is going to turn him down, he'd rather it not come out like a joke.]

I'm-- [DON'T SAY YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS] trying to be upfront about this.

[ ARE YOU TRYING TO BE SIRIUS, REMUS

but okay yes, fine, he looks a little bit sheepish, but it's very difficult for him not to joke in the face of austerity; it's generally how he defuses tension. some tensions don't need to be defused, however, and he was the one who brought this up.

so he sighs, and draws a hand over his face. ]

I know. [ he says, a bit more smoothly, before his brows are drawing together like he's thinking. ] To be honest, I don't know what to say. I know it was wicked amazing. I had a good time. And obviously I like you.

[ but emotions are a complicated thing, and this is new territory for him here. ]

[Well, at least they're both being serious now. Siriusly.]

I had a good time too... and I wish that was enough for me, but... it isn't. [Obviously Sirius likes him. They're friends. Obviously.

Wow they're both fucking terrible at communicating.]

It's fine, I-- I don't want this to get in the way of our friendship. That's the most important thing.

[ well if they have to be sirius about something, this is probably the thing.

he shakes his head, though, both hands lifted, palms out. ]

Hey, nothing's going to ruin that, yeah? What's a new years snog between friends anyway. You're one of my best mates, Moons, that's never going to change.

[It's a weird sort of relief to hear him say that, because it feels like a rejection but it's also reaffirming that this isn't going to change anything between them for the worse.]

Right.

[Nothing's going to change.]

I guess what I mean to say is-- if that's all it was, then that's it. We'll continue on as we always have, and there won't be another drunk snog between us.

[ sirius notices it, the little chance in remus' demeanor, subtle as it is. he's disappointed him, he knows, and that's enough to make sirius' heart ache.

.. but he's not the sort to lie, either, just in an attempt to fix something. it never helps, only makes things worse, and over this sort of thing, remus absolutely deserves the truth. ]

Look. [ he says, and sighs, sitting forward off of the headboard and folding a leg beneath himself so that he can turn to look at remus properly. ] You mean the world to me, Remus, you know that. I'd do anything to make you happy, yeah? I just.. I don't know what it was about. I don't know how I feel. I love being around you, and I sure enjoyed snogging you silly. I don't know if that's enough.

[ please forgive him, remus, he's an idiot about these things. ]

[Remus turns to look at him too, his attempt at an "everything's fine and I'm okay" smile wavering a little.]

I know... and I'd do the same for you. [He sighs and tugs at his curls anxiously.] I don't have precedence for this, Sirius, I-- I don't necessarily want candles and roses and all that rot, but "best mates that snog sometimes" isn't what I want either and I don't know what's in between. [It's a testament to his house sorting that he's keeping eye contact, really.] One thing I do know is I don't want to have to have an excuse to kiss you.

[Kiss. Not snog. Important distinction.]

[ sirius appreciates it, truly, that remus isn't shying away from this. he's got a propensity for it at times, for shifting subjects or trying to wriggle out of uncomfortable things likely because he's still got some wild notion in his mind that there's anything at all he could do to lose their friendship.

but he's facing this head on like a good, proud gryffindor. on sirius' end, he has to try hard to keep himself from cracking stupid jokes every three seconds to take the weight off of everything. ]

Neither do I.

[ know what's in-between, that is. many people might assume that sirius is a commitment-phobe, but that's not the case as all. he'd be perfectly happy to settle into an exclusive relationship, the catch is that no one he's ever slept with has really kept him. no fault of their own, of course, but sirius keeps waiting for that hook behind the belly that tells him yes, this is right, this is it, but it never comes, and so he remains britain's most eligible bachelor.

he notes that distinction, though, and smiles in a soft sort of way that's uncommon for sirius. lifting his right hand, he gently taps his knuckles beneath remus' chin. ]

But kiss away, if you like. Perhaps we'll figure it out along the way.

[It's almost like they're actually adults or something. Imagine.

Remus knows full well how committed Sirius can be when he wants to be, he has no illusions about that. Part of him thinks he's just not good enough for anyone to commit to romantically, too complicated, too dangerous, too likely to die young. If it weren't for James' willingness to share his wealth, Remus wasn't sure how he would even get by. None of that makes for good boyfriend material.

But Sirius is one of the few that's accepted him from the moment he'd known about Remus' condition. That's what has him thinking there's any chance at all here. That and that damn smile that's causing an embarrassing amount of fluttering in his chest. There's definitely a reason Sirius has the reputation he does. He can feel his cheeks heating.]

You don't need an excuse either, then, for the record.

[Are they doing this?? Is this happening right now??]

[ actual adults?? excuse. don't you dare insult him like that.

his answer seems to have been satisfactory, though, which loosens a knot in sirius' chest he hadn't realized had been there. the last thing he'd wanted to do was drive remus away, make him feel that the night before had been a mistake just because sirius is an idiot who doesn't understand his own heart.

he does understand, at least, that this thing between them isn't anything new, that they've been building toward this, flirting at it for years and years until touching remus had felt at natural as breathing. ]

That so? [ he asks, and tips his head forward a bit, the softness in his smile sharpening to something far more wicked. his thumb on remus chin slides up to trace his lower lip. ] Is that an invitation?

[Pretty safe to say that they're both idiots in this area. He'd spent so long trying to ignore his feelings, then trying to categorize them, and the whole thing's a bit of a mess, so just taking this as it comes is probably the thing to do. What is the difference between a close friend and a lover, anyway, besides the physical aspect?

They're still going to mess things up a lot, he has no doubt about that, but right now, it feels more like a natural continuation. Still untrodden territory, but not entirely new.

His eyes darken at the brush of Sirius' thumb against his lip. He's nervous again and there's no alcohol to smooth the way this time. But he knows another way to make it easier.] And if it is? [He takes a page out of Padfoot's book and licks Sirius' thumb, a teasing glint in his eyes.]

[ ah, there he is, the mischievous little git that sirius adores. his grin flashes, slanted and sharp, and he can't help but drag his teeth briefly over his lower lip when he feels the flick of that tongue, his eyes dropping to remus' mouth, then up again.

how in merlin's name has it never come to this before? how have they waited so long? ]

Well, then I'd be pleased to accept. [ he murmurs, the pad of his thumb slipping down remus' chin, then along his jaw until he can sink his fingers into the thick curls at the nape of his neck, tugging him in gently to kiss him warm, but slow and easy. ]

[It was meant to be more ridiculous than seductive but hey, he'll take it. His eyes drift closed as he's pulled in, an arm looping over Sirius' shoulders. If the drunken snogging was great, this is incredible, because his mind isn't clouded and he doesn't feel like he's lying to one of his best mates.

Morning breath dictates it should probably not involve as much tongue as the drunken snogging had, though. He pulls away for a breath, pressing his forehead to Sirius' before going for another slow kiss.]

[ morning breath schmorning breath, he can't wait for a kiss until after remus decides to get up and go brush his teeth. he's a gross dog, you know this, he doesn't much care.

but he can feel remus hedging anyway, not giving as much into the kiss as he could, and that's fine. sirius doesn't care. he's just happy that remus actually talked to him about this, that they're fine; that's what really matters. with a soft hum, sirius bumps their noses together and smiles, his hand pulling out of remus' hair to drag knuckles along his jaw. ]

Well, I suppose that's that, then.

[Give him a few weeks and maybe he'll care less. Especially if it's not post-drinking morning breath. That's a wholly different beast.

He meets Sirius' smile with one of his own, happy to stay right there a while longer.]

Yeah... I like this even more than what we did last night. [His smile grows to a grin.] Of course, that's not to say I'd be against repeating some of it. [Pretty much everything but the drinking and the hiding in the laundry room really]

[ sirius cocks a brow, his smile curling into something more of a smirk, and after chucking remus gently on the chin with the hand still lingering near his face, he drops it. ]

I don't know, last night was pretty good. [ he purrs, low and soft, gently nuzzling remus' nose before he's sitting back at last, reclining back against the headboard. ] What I remember of it, at least.

[ HE'S TEASING, HE'S TEASING!! ]

( picture prompt meme )

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