bakerstreet | ( nursed back to health shipping meme. )

[She feels it, too, deep in her bones, and she thinks that it's probably unheard of to feel so much for people that she'd hardly known at all, but they'd trusted her, believed in her, and followed her when many others would have and did turn the other cheek.

And what had she done for them in return? Couldn't even manage to have the good graces to match the sacrifices that they'd made. Out of everyone, why has she been spared?

There's got to be a reason, but as of yet, Jyn hasn't been able to figure it out.

She takes a deep, shuddering breath, and eventually manages to look up enough to meet his eyes, her sadness more than evident in her own.] I'll survive.

[He meets her sad eyes with his own.

He hadn't expected to live through their Scarif mission. He knew there was a good chance he would die on that planet, but he was still hopeful.

Cassian and Jyn had survived but the others didn't. All he wants to do is crawl into a hole and die.]

You're not too hurt?

[He didn't know what happened before he met her at the top of the satellite tower where he shot Krennic.]

[If not for the fact that she knew he was still in pretty bad shape, she'd have crawled right into bed with him, to hold him and to let him hold her, much like they'd been doing on that beach right before ...

She wants to celebrate the fact that they've miraculously made it through, but it feels ... disrespectful to even think it, much less act on it.

Instead, she breathes out a chuckle, and shrugs gently.]

A few new scars. Bruised ribs. Concussion. But nothing that will be very permanent.

[He nods. That brings him some comfort. He doesn't care that he fell 20 feet down onto hard metal - just as long as Jyn's okay.

But he replays the scene on the satellite tower in his head. Krennic almost shot her. If Cassian hadn't gotten there in time - if he had to watch her die? He would've torn Krennic in half.]

Do you know what happened? Who rescued us?

[Jyn will never forget the horror she felt as she watched Cassian get shot, and fall into the darkness, and no matter how much she wanted to go after him, she couldn't, not if she wanted the mission to succeed.

When he'd appeared out of nowhere and saved her life upon that tower, she'd never felt a more intense sense of relief. Even as they made their way to the beach, which was to be their final resting place, she was mostly at peace with it, if only because they'd be together.

But they hadn't.]

I don't know - it was such a blur. If they offered their names, I didn't hear them, and nobody's come forward in the days that we've been here.

I remember a ship, and hands, and telling them to get you in first, and - and barely escaping the blast. I must have passed out, because when I came to, we were already here.

[He nods after she speaks.

He wouldn't be surprised if it had been a U-wing that had picked them up. It brings him some comfort as well, despite the guilt and pain of losing the others. But he's sure he'll hear about what happened to them once he gets better and is able to leave the medbay back to his quarters.]

And what of the Death Star plans? Did they make it into the right hands?

[It might very well have been.

Jyn doesn't remember much after that point except for her desperate attempt to get back to his side, to ensure that he was going to be okay, and being kept apart while the medics did their jobs.

When things settle, if they settle, she's sure that they'll get an actual debrief. For the moment, as far as she knew, there was still much to be done.]

As I understand it, yes - [she answers, her breath hitching in her throat to know that despite the horrific losses, they'd completed what they set out to accomplish.] - I haven't heard much about the latest news, but now that you're awake, I'm sure someone'll be around to tell us.

[Well, at least their losses hadn't been for nothing - at least they got the plans into the right hands.

He knows the war is far from over, but this is still a victory. They survived the battle on Scarif. But there is still so much to do.]

Good.

[He reaches for her hand, threading their fingers together. He thinks about Chirrut, Baze, Bodhi, and K2. And the rest that had volunteered.]

[There is still some good to be found even in the midst of all the loss. There is still hope to be had, and that can go a long way for a believer.

Of course there is still work to be done, and battles to be fought, but at least they've survived in order to be able to do just that.

Late at night, no one around, she's cried for all of them. Truth be told, she'd probably do it again. But at the moment, all of her attention was devoted to the man in bed at her side.]

Cassian. I really thought that we - I ... I thought that I was going to lose you.

[He shushes her when he hears her comment. There's time to talk about such things later. The feeling of nearly losing each other is still near, but what they need right now is just to be close to each other.

Gingerly, he moves over in his bed, leaving enough space for her to get in if she wants to. He at least feels fine enough for that. ]

C'mere. You won't hurt me. I promise.

[Everything still feels very raw. And there are definitely things that need to be said, but they can wait, at least for a little while. She couldn't wait forever, but she can give him her presence, her contact, and the comfort that the both of them clearly need.

Even though she's afraid of jostling him in a way that exacerbates his injuries, once he moves and gives her enough room to curl in close, she doesn't hesitate to do so, careful and cautious, only breathing once she's settled in as close as she dares getting.]

This good?

[Honestly? There was no such thing as close enough. But she'll never forgive herself if she hurts him in the slightest. He's all she's got left in the world, after all.]

It's perfect.

[He looks over at her and gives her a slightly sad smile, but he quickly covers it up by kissing her forehead.

On the beach, he had been ready to give this all up - not that he could've done anything to prevent it, but still. He was okay with where he and Jyn stood in terms of their relationship. He was okay knowing that what he felt for Jyn had been the deepest emotions he had ever felt for anyone else. He thought he was at least lucky enough to have experienced that with another person.

He kisses the spot between her brows next and closes his eyes.]

[Still trying to protect her.

Jyn knows how he must be feeling, because she knows how she is feeling. Although she's felt sadness and loss before, this was almost all-encompassing in its vastness. At least she doesn't have to go through it alone, and although she would never wish it on anyone, she's so grateful that at the very least, Cassian understands.

Standing on that beach, holding onto each other tightly in order to keep from watching the approach of the impending blast, she'd mostly come to terms with the the fact that her life was about to end. Sure, she cursed not having enough time to say the things that she needed to say, but at the very least, the time they'd had together had been ... good. She was wanted. She'd found where she belongs. She wasn't alone anymore.

How do you say all of those things now, after all of that?]

We're still here.

I know.

[They're still there and there's still work to be done. But all that work will be there tomorrow and the day after. Right now, all Cassian wants is just to hold her and be in this moment with her - nothing else matters.

They survived. The others didn't. He'll have to live with that for the rest of his life, but he knows he needs to take it one day at a time.]

[It will hold until they've pulled themselves together enough to be able to get back to it. Jyn knows how lucky they are that they're being granted this time to themselves when it could be used for another set of examinations, or that debrief, even while still recovering.

But she's glad that they're being left alone. She's glad that they've got this chance to reconnect, that they can lie together and silently reiterate to each other that they are here, and despite everything else, that is something to hold on to.

She'll mourn, certainly, but she'll always feel some sense of guilt because she's survived and so many others haven't. It was unavoidable. Survivor's guilt, they call it.]

I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't -

I know.

[He repeats himself because he does know. He wouldn't have known either what he would've done.

He takes her hand and brings it to his lips, kissing the back of it. It's his way of letting her know he's there - that they're both still there.]

[She quiets then, save for the deep, shuddering sigh that wracks her body no matter how hard she tries to hold it back. It was alright. For the moment, it was alright, or as alright as it was ever going to be, and as difficult as it is, she knows she shouldn't fixate.

Gingerly, she slides her free arm across his middle, and squeezes the hand that's holding hers, and knows that she needs to relish this for what it was, be thankful that they've got time to ... figure things out.]

Okay. [She says, hardly a whisper.] Okay.

When I'm released, would you...if you'd like to, would you want to share my room with me?

[Because she has no rank, she's been in the barracks. He thinks it might be nice if they share a space together after this. He doesn't know what the future holds for them, but what he does know is that he wants to be by her side for as long as she'll have him.]

[Finding time to be together has been difficult, as has the sneaking away in order to do so. But Jyn hasn't complained once, because she's known from the start that was just how it was going to have to be.

So to say that she's surprised to hear the question is an understatement. She wants the same things, of course, especially now, she just hadn't known how to go about voicing them.

When she answers, it's with the slightly teasing tone that has tinged many of their private conversations before.] People will talk.

[She pauses, takes a breath, and nods.] Yes, if you're sure, of course.

Edited 2016-12-31 09:16 (UTC)

Then let them talk.

[He knows it'll be talked, or rather whispered, about around the base. They'll be the subject of many conversations, but it won't last too long and it'll soon become the norm. Besides, he doesn't care about gossip or who's sleeping with who. Why should he care if the gossip is about him?

He knows that as long as he does his job, no one will treat him any differently.]

I'm sure. [He kisses her temple and breathes out into her hair.]

[It was inevitable. It would've been impossible to hide forever, the depth of their involvement, and if people weren't already talking, they soon would have started. No matter how private they were, someone would have slipped eventually, said the wrong thing in front of someone, would have spared a look or a touch that belonged behind closed doors, and -

People are going to talk. But after everything that they've been through, it seems so meaningless in the grand scheme of things. There really is no reason to hide anymore.]

Alright. [She answers, closing her eyes, comforted by his warmth, and the kiss that he offers.] Then, I'm sure, too.

[He rolls onto his side, wincing slightly, and wraps his arm around her.]

It'll be a tight fit, but I think we'll manage.

[His room is small, but he doesn't have very many possessions and he knows Ju\yn doesn't either - the result of not having much of a home growing up.]

[She keeps still, waiting until he's settled more fully against her to relax, barely biting back the urge to chastise him for risking more injury just to be close.

Truth be told, if their positions were switched, she probably would've done exactly the same thing.

Jyn huffs out a softly amused breath as she nods her agreement.]

We've managed so far, after all.

Mmm.

[He tilts her head up with his finger under her chin so he can look into her eyes, trying to convey wordlessly just how he feels about her.]

[She'd rather hide her tired, sad eyes, but even so, she doesn't hesitate to lift her chin, and to meet his gaze, and to hope that everything she's never said is more than clear in her expression.

She needs a moment to catch her breath, more than aware that she shouldn't take this moment, or any time they're gifted with afterwards for granted.]

Oh ...

( nursed back to health shipping meme. )

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject