The Advice Column Meme

[redrobbinghood]

The Advice Column Meme



Somehow or another you got roped into handling an advice column, taking on the well known pen name of Auntie Lu. Your responsibility, sh- as you have accepted it, is to respond to heartfelt letters. You are the dispenser of good advice, of good intentions, and there's no way that this will go wrong. No way at all.

• Post.


• ...with a letter. Something like,
  
  

  Auntie Lu,
  
  Cripes. One of my coworkers constantly partners me on assignments with this one woman who I can't stand. She's not bad looking, but she never. Shuts. Up. I tried asking my boss for help but he just laughed.
  
  She's got a number of other, ah, partners. Do you think playing matchmaker would be one way of fixing this problem before I go insane?
  
  Unsupported And Okay With This

  
  
  (Even if you're on an account we'll assume you're anon unless you make it painfully obvious in your letter.)


• Then reply to other people with heartfelt advice.
  
  

  Unsupported,
  
  HAHAHA deal with it.
  
  Laughing,
  Auntie Lu



• And have shenanigans. Your character suspect who the other person is? Is yours disgruntled about the bad advice? Take the prompt and run with it.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Auntie Lu,

I think my cousin wants to take over the world, and I haven't seen him in months. I just want to know why he's doing this for now. How should I approach him?

- Left In The Cold

[temptsfate]

Dear Auntie Lu,

Two of my colleagues seem determined to have a touching reunion. The problem is that we're in the midst of an incredibly dangerous situation and me walking away when things grow awkward is, well, dangerous. I could anyway (and likely will) but I'm wondering if there's another way to deal with this problem.

- Not Liking The Odds

[gives_u_wings]

Dear Not Liking the Odds

Show them who's boss! Better yet, use their distraction to your benefit and escape while they buy you some time. Fortune favors the bold!

-King D

[anarchical]

Dear Left In The Cold,

Just coming from a guy bent on taking over the world, believe me, he's just doing what he thinks is right. I'm not saying going on a world take over spree is a normal thing, and that's probably a good thing since too much competition would make world take over kind of counter produtive. He's just thinking what ever one of us is thinking, and that would be that we need an overhaul of ths system--taking the unjust douchewads up top and basically putting them back in their place. It's basically what needs to happen.

But, if you really wanna get this cousin of yours to give up his goals (not sure why you'd want to), sure fire way would to be to stick it to him straight: some other evil villain out there is probably going to beat him to it. It's going to be touch to beat a guy like bad horse on the race to world domination.

And of course there's everyone else in the Evil League of Evil, A.K.A. yours truly: Dr Horrible, and the others.

If he's really worth his stuff, you know, like on the evil scale of evil, he'll probably going to keep going at it, so kudos to him. Heck, I'd even suggest you team up with him if he's an alright guy; try your hand at being a henchman--or woman, we're not sexist on this side of the world-ruling spectrum. Just a thought.

Sincerely,
Dr. Horrible

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Auntie Lu,

I don't want the burden of saving the world anymore, but everyone would be so disappointed in me if I give that role up. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Tired of Being the Chosen One

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Auntie Lu,

My current crush isn't what I thought he was. He's helped me out a lot with a very important project, and he seemed like a really great guy when he first saved me, but I'm getting the feeling he isn't as great as he acts.

What should I do? Should I stick with him and see where this goes? I feel it would be rude to dump him, given all he's done to help my project (and I would have been crushed under debris if he hadn't been there) so it makes my decision kind of complicated.

Sincerely,
Lost and Lonely

[(Anonymous)]

Auntie Lu,

My friend doesn't like to listen to me!

I try to tell him useful things, like the weak spot of bosses and what spirits are saying. But unless I shout his name a lot or ask him to listen he just tunes me out!

What should I do?

- Hey Listen

[edgar_roni]

Dearest Auntie Lu,

What are some suggestions you may have for someone looking to curb their desires?

Regards,
Blondie

P.S. It's not for me.

[ondoreslies]

Auntie Lu,

Why does everyone believe Ondore's lies?

-Captain Basch fon Ronsenburg of Dalmasca

[lockpick]

[Yeah, sure its not for you.]

Blondie,

I've heard of others achieving success by training under a master and living a life of asceticism. Give it a shot.

- Auntie Lu

[rampsrexpensive]

Dear "Chosen One"

Who chose you? I don't remember voting! What makes you qualified for this world-saving business anyway?

Sounds like to me you'd be better off going back home and making room for the real heroes to do the dirty work. Don't worry, I'm sure the world would be better off too.

C.J.

[likeabasch]

"Captain,"

The Marquis did what he thought necessary. To end the ruse prematurely would...


Vaan, the time for your charade has passed.

[Stop that. :|]

[ondoreslies]

Vaan? I don't know who you're talking about.

[Perfect poker face :| Which works well when you're writing letters.]

Maybe you're confusing me for someone who isn't Captain Basch.

Totally anonymous. Really.

[ethereal_earth]

Dear Auntie Lu,

How do you know if you're in love with someone? And how do you find that "special someone"?

- Looking For Love

[likeabasch]

[Not if he can see you writing them from over there.]

My apologies.

[rampsrexpensive]

Looking for Love,

The better question is: what is love? The nerds back in the lab tell me it's just a bunch of chemicals triggering in the brain that makes your heart race and your palms sweat. You know what else makes you do that? Good ol' fear! Doesn't sound so great when you put it that way does it? I didn't think so.

-Cave

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Auntie Lu,

My parents keep asking when I'm going to get married. But I'm only in love with science! What can I do?

- Can't marry it

[rampsrexpensive]

Dear Individual of Impeccable Taste,

Next time your folks ask, remind them that the average marriage costs almost thirty grand, a hefty chunk of that supplied by mom and pop. They might take your engagement to science a little more seriously then.

And who could ask for a better son/daughter in law?

-Bachelor of Science

[scarabvoices]

Dear Auntie Lu,

I have a weird artificial intelligence grafted to my spine that tells me to do bad things. Any advice on how to shut it up?

Thanks,
Machines Really Suck

[edgar_roni]

[It's not. >:| You gotta believe him. It's for, uh, a friend.]

Dearest Auntie Lu,

Ah. I know of someone that has gone through that. It works rather well for him. Perhaps too well. It's not something I can see my friend doing, however. His job is very time-consuming and stretches him thin. Any other suggestions? He and I would appreciate them.

Regards,
Blondie

[sweetigami]

Dear Auntie Lu,

The guy I like is just not interested in me, except as a friend. But there's this creepy fellow who's more than interested in me, if you know what I mean. What should I do? I know it's wrong, but I sort of want to go with the creeper, just so I don't feel so unwanted. Help?

--Torn Between One and a Half Lovers

[wotdriveshim]

[You get no salutation, no opening or closing. Just...]

....

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Aunt Lu,

My parents can be jerk. They think blackmail is a parenting Yes. How do I counter-act them without coming off as a brat?

Signed,

Blackmailed Heir

[scarabvoices]

Hey Torn,

I definitely know the feeling, and I get it. It sucks. But do you really wanna settle for someone who you think is creepy, especially when it sounds like you don't even like 'em that much. Trust me, this situation can only get worse if that's the case. Really, you should cool your jets for a little bit. Who knows? Maybe the creeper will stop being creepy, and you could actually see what he's about. Or even better, maybe the guy you like might surprise you.

Honestly, you should maybe make your intentions toward the one you want a little clearer. If he's still not interested, move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and you shouldn't waste your time too long on someone that won't give you the time of day. And like I said above, creepers are never the answer unless they stop being creepy. Besides, going out with him is just going to give him ideas that you shouldn't put in his head if you really don't like him. Creepy or not, he has feelings, too.

--Blue

[sweetigami]

Dear Blue

I've made it clear to the guy I like that I want to be with him, he's just not interested because I'm monogamous and he really isn't.

I just want to feel wanted and to be with someone who wants me, if if it's the wrong someone. I just feel like I'm being punished for being in love with the wrong person. Or wanting to love at all.

--Torn