WE'RE JUDGING YOU.

[dousing]

HAUNTED SHIT MEME All right, dumbass. Didn't your momma ever teach you not to mess with ghosts? Either yes and you didn't listen, or no and you never learned on your own. You messed with some shit you shouldn't have messed with. You hecked up. Time to deal with the consequences.

LOCATIONS 1. HOUSE Your home, someone else's home, a haunted house up on the hill, whatever. 2. WOODS Why are you out in the woods? Why are you courting ghosts? Stop that and go home before slenderman gets you. 3. CHURCH This is a place of safety, right? Nothing can get you here, right? 4. MISC For anywhere that's not above. Haunted hospitals, prisons, "asylums," and so on. Just do what you will. WHO ARE YOU? 1. STUPID KID From the dumbass teenager to the stupid kid sitting on the internet reading creepypasta, you're young and dumb and probably gonna get murdered by a ghost. 2. SOME ASSHOLE You're basically the dumbass dad that moves his family into some haunted-ass place. You don't listen because the house is PERFECT and nothing could possibly be wrong. Walls are dripping blood? Nah, it's just water damage. 3. HISTORIAN/ETC You're smart. You just have to deal with dumbasses coming into your research library every week and asking you about some stupid shit they want to do, badgering you until you tell them. Seeing their obituaries is getting kind of tiring. 4. OLD PRIEST/YOUNG PRIEST Some dumbass got possessed and you gotta fix it. Or you're cleansing a haunted house. Does it work or does shit go wrong? We're rooting for you, Father. 5. POOR DISTURBED SPIRIT You were just resting, minding your own business, when some dumbass called you out of the grave, or hell, or the abyss, or whatever. So now you're pissed off. Maybe they did the ritual right and you're bound to protocol, or they fucked up and you get to have fun. Careful though, don't get exorcised. 6. INNOCENT BYSTANDER You're not stupid, everyone around you is just a dumbass. Your family moved into a scary house and you want out, your roommate did some dipshit ritual and pissed off a demon and now you're stuck, whatever. Survive first, unfriend them on facebook later. SCENARIOS 1. GHOST HUNTING Okay, you're pretty much a dumbass. Maybe you're legit or maybe you're just some amped up dude-bro, you're going to explore the far corners of the world in search of cool shit! Don't get murdered by a pissed off ghost, maybe. They're gonna scratch your nipples. 2. SCARY STORIES You're not actually as much of a dumbass as some of the other options! You're just sitting around telling scary stories. That's not too bad, right? Except you forgot that words have power and you can still call up some shit. 3. TIME TO PLAY You read about some cool scary game on the internet and you want to go through with it. You know, just to see. Here are some suggestions, dumbass. 4. SUMMONING ALL HAIL THE KING OF THE DUMBASSES. You wanted to summon a demon either to control it or ask it something or just to see if you could. Get ready to get messed up, because honestly? You shouldn't have messed with this shit. Better hope your circle of salt works, or you're screwed. 5. POSSESSION Y'all, this is some shit. Don't be a dumbass, call up some priests. Don't try to take care of this yourself. You know better. Don't listen to the demons. 6. HAPPENSTANCE Okay, maybe you weren't acting the dumbass. Maybe you just stumbled onto something on accident. Still, you disturbed someone's slumber and now you gotta get out. As always, these are just suggestions. Make up anything you want, as long as you're having fun! Remember, you never know what things you do can conjure. Maybe something scary will happen to you. Here's some creepypasta if you want it, but you can also make up whatever. We're not the actual cops, just the ghost-hunting dumbass police.

Comments

chise hatori | ancient magus bride | ota

[deosil]

( salt will not save you )

[headlining]

[This place is totally haunted, they said. This would be the perfect place to pick up a new story, they said. The woods hold a terrifying secret, they said, and only you can find it out.]

[Well, in Keats' opinion, this is all just a waste of time. He's here somewhere on the English countryside, in some patch of woods that is "totally haunted, we swear", and while he's glad to have the chance to leave his office, he's honestly two seconds away from writing this all up as nothing more than people being paranoid. Sure, the woods are dark, and the sound in it is so muted that you can barely hear your own footsteps in the brush, but it's nothing of worth to write about. There's tons of forests such as these.]

["How odd," he thinks as he stands in place, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his long coat. "The person on the phone never did say how exactly they knew these woods were haunted...and who were they, anyways? I never did get a name...".]

[Keats clicks his tongue, moving a bit further into the underbrush, but there's nothing to see. Just plants, and trees, and the fading vestiges of sunlight. It's strange - a part of him feels chilled to the bone, like its warning him of something, but its so irrational that he doesn't give much thought to it. There's nothing to be afraid of, he's fine, nothing is even-]

[Here? There's a sudden crack of branches, and Keats' head whips towards the direction of the sound. His eyebrows furrow as he speaks out loud, his tone unamused:]

If you're trying to scare me, you're really not doing a good job of it.

Kantera | End Roll | OTA

[happydreamed]

[spoilers likely]

Matsuura Kanan | Love Live Sunshine

[rebreathe]

[probably roped into whatever by a friend.

can go with crosscanon/assumed cr.]

Badou Nails | DOGS: Bullets and Carnage

[brokeassgoing]

[all but scenario 5 pleaseee]

carlos • welcome to night vale • ota

[whatitis]

[ an actual professional at finding spooky shit. ]

1 - 3? where does scientist fit in - 1

[happydreamed]

[There's a certain house in the desert.

It's not in Night Vale. It's somewhere on the outskirts, within walking distance but not in the town proper. Its architecture doesn't really resemble most of Night Vale's buildings - when Night Vale's buildings have understandable architecture, that is. Rather, it's a Japanese-style house.

No one really remembers when that building got there, or who lives in it. They're all very certain that you can get good herbal medicine there, though. If you're willing to pay for it in walnuts. (There are worse ways to pay for medicine.)

So, man of science, are you interested in investigating?]

john constantine | constantine/hellblazer/injustice | ota

[hellblaze]

[ pick a universe and lets go. he punches the demons in the night. ]

[izombie]

Camped out in an abandoned hospital wasn't Liv's idea of a good time. Then again most of the things that John dragged her into wasn't her idea of a good time. Yet here they were holed up in what was once supposedly a children's ward waiting for... something. John hadn't given many details, just that he needed her help. Apparently Chas was with his daughter and Zed had a migraine (Liv was half tempted to ask John if he had knocked her out before leaving), which just left her. She knew John didn't have many friends, one didn't have to wonder why.

Despite that she liked him enough. He was an asshole sure, but he didn't get to freaked out over her being a zombie (though she was still annoyed at him for the brains he had made her eat).

So while they were sitting on the floor, around a fire John had made he decided it was scary story time. Because of course it was scary story time. Even before Liv hadn't really listened or told scary stories. She was always too busy studying and making dream boards about the perfect life she wanted. The life which she definitely wasn't going to get now. Zombie ruled all of that out.

"Just... what are we doing exactly?" Liv interrupted him mid sentence.

Kara Thrace | Battlestar Galactica | OTA

[badcoverband]

 

dante ( devil may cry 3 )

[dnte]

( Did someone say demons? Got your demon hunter right here. )

Angela Montenegro | Bones | OTA

[thenormalsquint]

[She's a giant fucking weenie. This'll be fun!]

[hellodarlings]

[Up for shenanigans with a horror movie fanatic who will actually probably love this once she's done being convinced that they're going to die?]

Lexi Branson | The Vampire Diaries | OTA

[deadoralive]

[She's a vampire. She is what goes bump in the night. And then drags you to a party.]

Nyota Uhura | Star Trek AOS | OTA

[phonetical]

faith lehane / btvs

[lehanes]

( well, here's your slayer willing to do slayer-y things, despite the shit icon choice. )

zed martin | constantine

[chicartista]

[ just another day for her tbh. she's also a psychic, so maybe if you're lucky or unlikely she's had a vision about what you'll get yourself into. ]

Dana Scully | The X-Files | OTA

[mulder_itsme]

keith | voltron: legendary defender

[impulsors]

[ either au or alien ghosts would be fun, lmk if you want a starter. ]

[pidgen_holed]

[How about a NB Pidge? I'd be down for anything, and if you had any ideas you could start, or I can come up with something! Also gen or shippy would be fine with me.]

Howard Alison | The Black Watchmen | M/F

[mathwiz]

[The one crazy-prepared guy who deals with this shit every day. And knows that salt and iron are your best pals.]

Victor Frankenstein | Penny Dreadful | ota!

[pullback]

[ CAPTAIN BAD DECISIONS AT THE HELM ]

let's hurl the fantasy character into the early 1800s, why not

[i_toll_for_thee]

She'd gotten the notice from an acquaintance who knew about her...rather odd side hobby. Her purpose, rather, in a very literal sense, the title of Abhorsen being passed down through the family lineage. It's the only reason she's even on this side of London tonight, dressed perhaps a little oddly in her breeches and mail coat, bandolier of bells strung across her chest.

Although she's not the only one, is she? There's another man on the threshold, looking poised to knock.

"Your pardon, ser. I was told this house was abandoned."

warden fern tabris | dragon age

[conscriptedbride]

[if she meets even one demon she's stabbing it in the face, she got enough of this haunted bullshit in the alienage orphanage]

Simon Tam | Firefly | OTA

[hippocratical]

[Clearly he is The Skeptic. Cross-canon welcome, let's AU this up, etc.]

Ronan Lynch | The Raven Cycle

[the_greywaren]

Ayame Sasaki | OC | OTA

[zenoh]

[ Good with every location and scenario. As for roles, everything is good except 1 and 2. ]

Rachel Conway | Original

[gotbottle]

[ ghost-hunting dumbass. ]

Clara Oswald | Doctor Who

[letmebebrave]

[ Maybe here to save you, maybe you or she stumbled into some alien dumbass haunting shit. ]

I heard someone say alien dumbass

[sonofafish]

Perception filters are strange things. Or, what humans expect to perceive can be strange, at any rate. For example: why a twenty-one year old Scottish girl thought a fish would explode when exposed to a measly ray of sunlight reflected off a boots No7 compact mirror is anyone's guess. Amy Pond has, among other things, quite the imagination.

And unfortunately, that is how Saturnyn perception technology works: someone had expected to perceive an exploding space lobster hard enough that they had, and even if that hadn't been what had actually happened, it had certainly felt to Francesco like it had. Enough so that he has no idea how he ended up in England (perhaps another crack is to blame?), or why his perception filter isn't working as it should, but it certainly isn't.

Result: in modern day London there is a haunted house. It is haunted by a giant alien vampire lobster who is currently invisible (but not intangible and is entirely audible) until his perception filter can reset to modern day human. He's rather put out about it, which isn't helping to put any ghost rumors to rest.

Lady Lucille Sharpe | Crimson Peak

[blackmothwings]

[Totally the restless spirit. Open to other things too.]

Ryuk the Shinigami | Death Note | way OTA

[malus_malus]

[Whatever is haunting this house, obviously. Feed it apples, maybe it'll leave you alone.]