bakerstreet | heart meme

heart meme

HEART MEME

How to Play:
❥ Post a blank comment for each of your characters, with the character's name in the subject line.
❥ Comment to other characters' comments using the heart codes to express your character's feelings for them!
❥ Heart profit!

♥
"I would kill you."

♥
"I would physically and/or emotionally hurt you."

♥
"I would manipulate you."

♥
"I dislike you."

♥
"I pity you."

♥
"I'm indifferent toward you."

♥
"You scare and/or intimidate me."

♥
"I am unsure of you."

♥
"I enjoy trolling you."

♥
"I would like to get to know you better."

♥
"I would like to spend time/have fun/be friends with you."

♥
"I respect you."

♥
"I hero worship you."

♥
"I would rescue you/fight by your side."

♥
"I would protect you."

♥
"I would hug you/hold your hand."

♥
"I would kiss you."

♥
"I would date you."

♥
"I would have sex with you."

♥
"I would love you romantically."

♥
"I would love you like family."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[he starts to relax at the feeling of Snake's fingers on the back of his neck, closes his eyes. maybe he's selfishly trying to pretend for a moment that things are the way they used to be. maybe this is the only place things have felt like they might be okay, like Kaz might be okay--]

[that's probably it. the Phantom's arms had felt the same way, before Kaz had found out the truth and wheeled on him the next time he'd tried to touch him, realized he'd shown more of himself than he'd ever wanted to show anyone, even Snake, to a stranger and made the Phantom call him Miller when they were alone and avoided his very presence until the wound scabbed over and he could look at the Phantom again without hating him. but knowing what he knows now, if the Phantom really was a psychological copy, he likely loved Kaz too. and as he realizes that, Kaz feels a little guilty. but not much. a kiss from the Phantom would turn to ashes in his mouth now. having anyone but the real one, the one he'd fought and bled with, no matter how convincing a replica was just... insulting. not right. made his skin crawl and the back his head scream 'LIAR'.]

[--but it's real this time, unless it isn't, and honestly, he's not sure what he'll do if it isn't. he wraps his fingers in Snake's jacket to try and convince himself of the reality of the situation, which doesn't work. but Snake smells strongly of cigars, as always, and that's somehow grounding.]

It was... Do you know how many times-- screw the fact that Diamond Dogs was a wreck without you to lead them --I'd have killed an innocent person just to talk to you for five minutes? To use you as a sounding board for battle tactics. To ask you the best way to talk down a mutiny. To ask you if you'd heard of some famous general I'd just finished reading about, and what you thought of him. To just sit there in goddamn silence and have a smoke with you.

And I'm not trying to throw this on you, don't apologize, it's just... shit, Snake. I had it bad for you. Really, really bad. Maybe that was why I could never let go, why I couldn't give up on you waking up and move on. I've never loved anyone like that, not ever. Not even close.

I'm just... I don't know what I'm doing. Running my mouth because I don't know what else to do, maybe. What do we do? Where do we go from here? What are you trying to do with Outer Heaven?

[Snake breathed a little easier feeling Kaz relax a little in his arms. His gloved fingers caressing the nape of his comrade's neck, brushing over the small strands of blond hair beneath his beret. Damn, he didn't want to let go. If he did would he ever see his friend again?

Kaz's words caused Boss to sigh. What the hell could he tell the guy? About Outer Heaven? Shit, he just wanted to stop being hunted and built a better world. A base where soldiers could fight for what they believed in, instead of being told what to do by governments.]

I had it bad for you too, Kaz. I was just too stupid and naïve to act upon any feeling I had for you. I didn't know how to show my feelings to you.

[Also, given the time and place, being gay wasn't exactly the safest option to choose in the military.]

That.....that means a lot to me. That you listened to me talk a load of crap and watched me smoke. [Dammit, Kaz. Snake swallowed thickly and buried his face in the crook of his friend's neck, inhaling deeply. Shit. He even smelled the same as before. The smell that only a man who worked with someone so closely could know.]

Outer Heaven? [He rasped the words against Kaz's ear.] Build it up. Recruit more soldiers. Create the paradise, free of constraints and fulfil the dream. Something like that.

[well, at least they'd both been stupid that way. it makes him feel a little better, that Boss had been fighting the same internal battle, wanting desperately to share those feelings but not knowing how to say or show them. not even out of a sense of cowardice. just because everything he could think of to say or do seemed wrong, and it seemed like there'd be time to figure it out. and as it had turned out, there hadn't been time.]

[he shivers involuntarily at the feeling of Boss' breath against him and his voice in his ear. it's low, familiar and long-lost at the same time, and for the first time Kaz registers how close they really are. when he lets out a bitter laugh, it's a little breathless.]

And what? Hope it goes better this time? I'll leave Diamond Dogs behind and try a third time? When do we give up and just accept it's not going to happen? What if there'll always be nations and ideologies dragging people in and making them fight their own comrades, shipping them off to senseless deaths?

Maybe there's no point. [he spits out the word angrily] Maybe everything we wanted was an impossibility from the start. "We live in an age in which there is no heroic death", after all.

[Boss felt that shiver and felt a comfort knowing Kaz might actually be enjoying their close proximity like he used to. It was a long shot but Snake wanted to hold onto any positive emotion coming from the man he loved.]

I..I don't know.

[How the hell could he answer that? He didn't even know himself. He'd fucked up and wanted to put things right, but how? He couldn't afford to lose Kaz again. At the blond's words the toughened warlord sighed and closed his eye. He could feel Kaz's anger so close to his heart but didn't move away.]

There's always a point to living, Kaz. That much I know. Dying is overrated anyway. Whatever happens I won't lose you again. I can't afford to. I fucked up once and I'm not going to fuck up again.

Of course death's overrated. I'm still alive, aren't I?

[if he'd been capable of suicide or passively accepting death, he'd have done it a long time ago. as it is, he's not, and even in situations that would make anyone else wish for death, he bares his teeth and survives. there's something in him that refuses to die, because dying is losing.]

[something catches in his throat at the continued words of reassurance, but the doesn't answer beyond pressing a little closer into the embrace. he's clinging, he realizes, but it's not in him to pull away.]

Come on. Be practical. We-- [he pauses for a moment, catches himself using that word this time, but doesn't correct himself] --need to decide on a course of action.

If you're going to keep using Diamond Dogs as a smokescreen-- [he fails to keep the bitterness out of his voice at that idea] --it's not going to be convincing if I'm not there. And... even if it's not real, I won't abandon them. Not for the Phantom, or for Ocelot, but for the men. Some of them have been with me for a damn long time now. They deserve better than to be left behind.

[Boss just grunted at that and sighed. Oh, Kaz. He's so glad you're alive, buddy.]

Yeah. [He could hear the bitterness coming from his friend's voice and should have expected it. Snake had wanted Diamond Dogs to be a smokescreen to mask his real plans. Outer Heaven. Kaz was right though. A course of action. Could it be achieved now?]

You're right. [He let out a long defeated sigh. Shit. Why did things have to be so damn complicated? He wanted his close friend by his side but it was impossible. Boss had created this duel base and Kaz was right to stand by the men. His men. Snake would have done the same.]

I would have done the same. The men deserve better and need a man like you to lead them. I wouldn't pick any other. The men at MSF....they were ours.

[it's Boss that brings that brings that out that side of Kaz, incidentally, softens the part of him that's capable of using people as tools. it's one of the things he'd learned from Boss in MSF-- why Boss had been able to talk Kaz's entire unit into betraying him, that leading was more than shouting orders. but he's never really been able to emulate it entirely, and now he's in a strange place where he would ruthlessly use the men to achieve his own ends, but never deprive them of their home.]

No. They need a man like you. They don't follow me like they do you... or him. Never have. They might be have been ours, but they only really listened to you. And I'm done trying to fill your shoes.

[those nine years had been exhausting in that sense. every ounce of respect Boss had commanded by his mere presence was one Kaz has had to fight for. he'd hardened his demeanor, lowered his voice, showed ruthlessness and not tolerated backsass and a thousand other things he'd never had to do before. he'd always known where to take the men next. what he hadn't known was how to make them do it.]

I'll stand back and let your Phantom lead them. They're... his, in a sense, too. [he doesn't exactly sound happy about that, but he's not about to take that from the Phantom] But I'll guide things along.

And someday... we'll meet again.

[He was right. The men needed Boss. They needed their legend to believe in and look up to. How could he run a base without being there for the men? Snake knew the outcome to this reunion would ultimately end up with him leaving Kaz. Or being parted from his closest friend until their next meeting, which might not ever happen. It was painful.]

Yeah.

[It was all he could mutter in a cracked, strained voice. He didn't want Kaz to leave. What if they never saw each other again and one of them died or they both died? Damn. That was hard.]

He's a good man. Ahab. I know he'll do well. With you at his side, you'll be unstoppable.

[It was truthful praise. The Phantom wasn't Big Boss but then he was in other ways. He was the legend. He was the man who was going to take his place and be at the side of Kaz.]

I know you'll be great, Kaz. Like you always have been.

Mmm. Diamond Dogs will do fine. We've gotten this far.

[they'll meet again. there's not a doubt in Kaz's mind that they will-- Big Boss has always been invincible. and while Kaz isn't a man who believes in things like fate-- there's no such thing as luck or predestination, every man is sole writer of his own story --he and Boss have been bound since the moment they held that live grenade together. maybe it's the romantic in him, but he feels deep in his bones that they'll always be a part of each other's lives, whether it's in love or hatred, protection or murder.]

[but he doesn't want to part like this. he finally has him back, and everything that's crumbling in him has something to cling to. so he raises his head and presses a short kiss to Boss' lips, lingers in the feeling of his breath for a moment, then pulls back.]

But this. If this isn't real, somehow, I--

[he takes a deep breath, and pushes his sunglasses up into his hairline to look at Boss with clouded eyes, only inches from his face. there's something not entirely sane in his expression, something filled with darkness and fury and desperation.]

--I will find you. I will kill you, and burn down everything you stand for until it's nothing but ash. And I'll do it with my own hands, so I can make sure you suffer before I watch the light leave your eyes.

[Snake nodded. Yeah, at least they had that. They had got far with Diamond Dogs. The kiss felt welcome, needy. Damn, he wanted it so badly. To feel close to Kaz once more. Bittersweet memory flooding his whole being when the blond finally parted. The kiss felt like time had slowed down. Yet, if he tried to kiss back would he tip the balance away from him? He'd dare not push back. He did enough damage already.]

It is real. You don't need to threaten to kill me, Kaz. I felt like I had died all those years ago. You brought me back to life.

[Boss couldn't help but notice the fire in his friend's eyes. Rage. Anger. Hate. It honestly scared him that Kaz would actually kill him. He had every right. Yet, it cut deep into his heart and he felt himself shudder momentarily at the cold, cutting words.]

[whatever madness in him that had just reared its head goes beneath the surface once more, and he realizes from Boss' reaction that that was a pretty extreme thing to say. then again, he'd wanted him dead from the bottom of his heart at the beginning of this conversation. nothing makes sense, least of all anything he's feeling right now. he feels Boss shudder under his arm-- is it hurt? fear? --which fills him with both guilt and vicious satisfaction.]

I don't know what's real. You could be lying, you could be another Phantom, it could be Cipher, I could have--

[finally snapped and started hallucinating, but he doesn't say that one out loud. he's being irrational, he realizes, downright paranoid--]

--no. I'm sorry.

Wait, how did I...? I didn't bring you back from anything.

Edited 2016-09-16 23:11 (UTC)

[Boss wasn't one to shudder at anything, yet the power and raw emotion behind the words caused the veteran to feel powerless to do anything else. Hearing those words come from a man that once shared everything with him was overwhelming.]

Yeah, I could be. I could be anything you imagine me to be. But, guess what? I'm not. I'm real. As real as the emotion passing through the both of us right now. You're not going crazy, Kaz.

[He squeezed the other man's arm softly just to prove that he was real. That this was no hallucination. The kiss felt real enough. At the last words he sighed.]

Yeah, you did. You've done more for me than you'll ever know. You brought me out of that coma, Kaz. Without you I couldn't have done it.

Okay.

[his voice is shaky, and he takes a deep breath, pushes back the fear and paranoia. he'll trust Boss. trust that this is real. not think about how he'll shatter irreparably if it isn't. trust him. he gives himself over to that feeling, and all the tension he didn't realize he was holding in his body goes out of him. he waits a long moment before answering.]

What do you mean, couldn't have done it? I couldn't even find you, you're giving me a lot of credit here.

Edited 2016-09-19 22:56 (UTC)

In the coma. You brought me out of it because I couldn't live without you. I had to wake up. Thinking about you in my dreams- I know it sounds fucking crazy but it's true. While I was lying there useless, helpless, I had dreams about being with you like we used to. Fighting. Laughing. Crying. All of us.

[He felt stupid for saying it but it was all fucking true. The hazy dreams he'd had were that of the crash but before that. MSF days with Kaz. Did they pull him from his coma? He wanted to think that. He did think that. So, Kaz did help him rise from his long sleep.]

Believe it or don't but it's true. It's what I felt lying on that bed. Our memories made me feel alive.

Did you really--

[do people dream in comas? he honestly has no idea. sure, there's brain activity, but... well, apparently, they do. or at least Boss did. but Kaz smiles, and there's a ghost of the person he used to be in it.]

Stop, you're gonna make me cry. [and it does look like he might do just that] I-- we all meant that much to you, did we? I guess it shouldn't surprise me.

[he is absolutely, definitely not sharing that he used memories of the two of them to give himself something to focus on in Afghanistan as his limbs were cut off, and he may or may not have had some hazy half-dream half-hallucination experiences while chained to that pipe. some things are too personal, even for this conversation.]

[Yeah. He really did dream. Why else was it that he could remember so clearly those memories whilst being asleep in his coma. He couldn't make them up if he tried.]

Yeah. You all did. I never doubted you for a second, Kaz. No one was ever not that important to care about.

[Go on, cry Kaz. Boss wants you to. Let it all out and be yourself. He won't judge you for crying. He sighed softly and looked up into his friend's eyes. It felt good just standing and talking with his friend again. There was a spark of the real Kaz there. He just had to delve deep enough and treasure that moment.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

heart meme

no subject

no subject

he's quoting Yukio Mishima

Re: ahhh all the quotes :D

no subject

no subject

no subject

omg this thread. I don't want it to end...

i'm dead tbh. also gl boss he just hinged his sanity on you in a wildly unhealthy way.

Re: it's so touching. poor boys.

no subject

no subject

round 2 of completely putting his remaining sanity in boss' hands

no subject

no subject

no subject