ᴀ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ ɪ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
memepasta) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2016-05-06 09:18 am
memepasta) wrote in bakerstreet2016-05-06 09:18 am
1. Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
2. It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
3. I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
4. Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
5. [text him]
2. It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
3. I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
4. Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
5. [text him]
1. When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
2. Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
3. Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 Abyssin girls yelling at a drunk Balosar guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
4. Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
5. [text her]
2. Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
3. Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 Abyssin girls yelling at a drunk Balosar guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
4. Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
5. [text her]
1. I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
2. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
3. My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
4. Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT!
5. [text her]
2. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
3. My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
4. Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT!
5. [text her]
1. I've decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting.
2. I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
3. All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
4. And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree?!
5. [text him!]
2. I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
3. All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
4. And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree?!
5. [text him!]
Edited 2016-05-06 17:05 (UTC)
a. of course i'm using OJ as a mixer, its flu season.
b. i think i'm europe. plz help.
c. he gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. is that love?
d. the night shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
b. i think i'm europe. plz help.
c. he gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. is that love?
d. the night shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
a. All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
b. Hold on, I'm taking shots in a blanket fort right now
c. Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
[ ooc: playing from season 1 ]
b. Hold on, I'm taking shots in a blanket fort right now
c. Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
[ ooc: playing from season 1 ]
1. I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him, but he has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan.
2. Actually, I'm a sock model.
3. The power of my boobs compel you!
4. So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
2. Actually, I'm a sock model.
3. The power of my boobs compel you!
4. So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
1) I'm sorry for being sassy all the time, it's kind of a defense mechanism.
2) Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches, huge gash on forehead. Totally going to start telling people I got decked by the Rhino.
3) My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
4) I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting on my fingers
5) Text him!
2) Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches, huge gash on forehead. Totally going to start telling people I got decked by the Rhino.
3) My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
4) I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting on my fingers
5) Text him!
a. Just don't let me get too drunk. Once I start giving decorating tips, I should be cut off.
b. I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
c. Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
b. I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
c. Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
1. I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
2. I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night.
3. If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis.
4. Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
5. [text her!]
2. I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night.
3. If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis.
4. Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
5. [text her!]
a. I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
b. What am I doing the rest of the night? Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie.
c. Have you seen my pants?
d. If you don't come home and shag me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your cock
b. What am I doing the rest of the night? Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie.
c. Have you seen my pants?
d. If you don't come home and shag me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your cock
1. Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
2. First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
3. I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
2. First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
3. I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
[Can be canon or evil!AU]
1. So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof.
2. ...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
3. I tried to put my heels in the coat check.
1. So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof.
2. ...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
3. I tried to put my heels in the coat check.
( 1. ) Why did I wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real".
( 2. ) It glows. I had to have it.
( 3. ) I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass.
( 4. ) Let's have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight.
( 5. ) P.S I just made up pleasure scepter for the purposes of the last message.
( 6. ) Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now.
( 7. ) Text him.
( 2. ) It glows. I had to have it.
( 3. ) I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass.
( 4. ) Let's have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight.
( 5. ) P.S I just made up pleasure scepter for the purposes of the last message.
( 6. ) Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now.
( 7. ) Text him.
1. I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
2. How do we leave politely?
3. Let's have sex in an apple orchard.
4. ... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
2. How do we leave politely?
3. Let's have sex in an apple orchard.
4. ... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
1. Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
2. I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
3. I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
4. Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
5. [text her!]
2. I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
3. I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
4. Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
5. [text her!]
the raven king compliant
a. at what point did we decide it was a good idea to have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
b. you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
c. can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
or text him.
a. at what point did we decide it was a good idea to have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
b. you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
c. can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
or text him.
1. I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
2. We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
3. I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting on my fingers
4. Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
5. [text him!]
2. We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
3. I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting on my fingers
4. Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
5. [text him!]
1. My hangover didn't kick in until 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
2. All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
3. A and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
4. Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
5. I've decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
2. All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
3. A and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
4. Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
5. I've decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
civil war compliant
a. it's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
b. well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. but when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
c. i had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. as you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. i was not amused.
or text him.
a. it's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
b. well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. but when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
c. i had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. as you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. i was not amused.
or text him.
civil war compliant
a. how do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
b. i bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
c. i’d like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
or text her.
a. how do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
b. i bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
c. i’d like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
or text her.
1. Do I tell you how to interrogate your enemies?
2. Sorry, but your car was in the way.
3. I deleted all my voicemails, so you're just gonna have to text me what you need.
2. Sorry, but your car was in the way.
3. I deleted all my voicemails, so you're just gonna have to text me what you need.
no s3 spoilers please
a. hey, who is this? sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
b. It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
c. rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
or text him.
a. hey, who is this? sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
b. It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
c. rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
or text him.
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