bakerstreet | insomnia;

insomnia;

the i n s o m n i a meme

It happens to everyone - sometimes, you have nights where you just can't fall asleep, no matter what you do. It could be for a number of reasons, or no reason at all. And this is what's happened now: you've been laying in bed for what feels like hours, just tossing and turning, and nothing seems to help. So what's left to do? Get out of bed and go wake someone else up, of course. If you're not getting any sleep, then why should they?

i n s t r u c t i o n s

• Post with your character (note the name and fandom in the subject).
• Other people reply to you by generating a number from 1 to 10.
• Have fun!

o p t i o n s

01 • FEAR. Maybe you're hearing strange, indeterminable noises; maybe there's a severe storm happening outside; maybe you watched a scary movie before bed? Whatever the reason, you're terrified and it's keeping you awake. You just want to wake someone else up so they can protect you from the monster in your closet.
02 • HUNGER. Your stomach is growling and it just won't stop. Or perhaps your throat is so dry you could cough up a tumbleweed? Well, you've gone to the kitchen to remedy this and hey, that was a pan that just dropped on the floor. It was loud enough to wake the dead! Oops.
03 • PAIN. Your body is completely worn out, be it from exercise, battle, sickness, or what have you. Either way you're in enough pain to keep you from sleeping, so maybe someone else has a home remedy or something, or can at least help you take your mind off of it.
04 • SOLITUDE. For some reason, your bed just feels so empty at the moment. You're feeling terribly lonely and really just want someone to keep you company for a while. Maybe it'd be easier to fall asleep if you're with them...
05 • DISCOMFORT. Your room is an oven. Either that or a freezer. Or maybe this bed is just really uncomfortable? Who knows why you can't get to sleep, it feels like it could be anything. Why even bother trying? Maybe someone else can preoccupy you until you feel tired enough to ignore your discomfort.
06 • PENSIVE. Something's on your mind, and no matter how hard you try to focus elsewhere, it's just not going to work. Your body may be tired, but your mind is incredibly busy and it's virtually impossible to get to sleep. Surely, talking it out with someone else will help?
07 • SADNESS. Something terrible has happened that day, perhaps; or you could just be severely depressed. Either way you're trying your hardest not to cry yourself to sleep, and it's not working at all. Better find a way to get it out of your system somehow; you need a shoulder to cry on.
08 • ANGER. You are just... fuming. Who knows why - that annoying dog is barking again, or maybe the people next door are getting busy and keeping you awake. Whatever the reason for your ire is, you'd better put an end to it so you can get some damn rest already! Go wake up a friend so you can complain to them.
09 • RESTLESS. You're far too energetic to sleep right now. Maybe you're just trying to do so out of necessity - you have to be up early tomorrow! But you just don't think you'll be able to fall asleep for a while now, so why waste the time trying to sleep when you could be doing something else? Namely bothering someone else - you're totally jealous because they're getting more sleep than you.
10 • WILDCARD. Choose one of the options above, or make up your own scenario.

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[ A lot worse waits for him even now. Solas can see it in his mind's eye: the world he means to resurrect and all those who will be lost in its rebirth. ]

You will survive it. [ He doesn't mean to speak, the words seem to just tumble out of his mouth unbidden. ] When the Veil comes down and all is as it should have been, you will be there to see it. Please take some small measure of comfort in that.

Are you so sure that's how things should have been, Solas? [ His voice is soft as he lets his gaze drift back out over their surroundings. ] Did you ever stop and think that maybe things happened as they did for a reason?

What possible purpose is there for what happened? No. [ He shakes his head sharply. ] It occurred because the Evanuris lost their way and no one thought to correct them in time. It was a mistake.

It always starts with a mistake, doesn't it? [ Brennan laughs quietly as he glances down, as if he can feel the Anchor flare up in response to the familiar words. ] Theirs. Yours. Corypheus'. Mine. It still led us here, to this point, Solas. That doesn't mean it was all for nothing. It doesn't mean we can't find another way. Sometimes a mistake is the best thing that can happen to a person.

It was not wholly for nothing. I would not have met you if things had been different and though it may not seem so, I do treasure our friendship. But how can I—

[ He trails off a little helplessly, then looks sharply at Brennan. ]

How is it the best thing to have happened to you? Tell me. [ Not a command, not quite a plea, but something in-between. ] How is any of this the best that could have happened to you?

Because I lived it, Solas. [ His voice is soft and fervent as he looks over to meet the mage's gaze. ] How could it not be? I experienced it and I survived it and I came out of it the person I am. I learned from it, and so did everyone around me. We changed things, all of us. We saved lives, we helped people, we found a new path when the old one was destroyed.

Do you see that? [ He points with his right hand to the tower across the bailey, its windows one of the few still lit within Skyhold. ] Do you know what that's become, Solas? That Tower houses the mages and Templars that have chosen to stay here in Skyhold. They're trying something new, together. Three years ago they would have all killed each other on sight and now the mages are learning new studies of magic and the Templars aren't there as their jailers but as their guardians. There are families in there, together, trying to understand magic so they're not afraid of it. There are children there, learning what they are capable of, not torn away from their families and growing up in fear. And there are Templars weaning themselves off an addiction that those in power tried to control them with, and the mages are trying to help them do so.

For hundreds of years, people would have told you that such a feat was impossible. That it was wrong, or evil, or a fanciful dream. I may have gone through hell, Solas, but last week I watched a little girl, an aspiring young healer, walk up to a Templar, unafraid, and offer him aid when she saw he was in pain. I'm not saying it's perfect, but people can learn and change and it doesn't always have to be for the worse.

I know you have a duty to your people, Solas, and I'm not calling that into question, or saying you shouldn't help them, because I would never say that. I'm just saying that maybe there's another way to help them that doesn't involve destroying all they know. They fought just as hard for a place in this world. They spilled just as much blood for it. You claim to have time, why can't we use some of that to see if we can't find a path where there was none before, when everyone claimed it impossible?

[ He listens, truly listens because Brennan's earned enough of his respect that to do otherwise would be unworthy. He follows that pointing finger and looks at the tower in question, studying it as he speaks as if he might see through the stone walls to the scene being described. And just like before, when hopelessness had started to drown him after the disaster at Mythal's temple, Brennan's words stir long-forgotten hope within him. Hope that the future can be changed, that the mistakes of the past can if not be erased then at least be corrected.

But at what cost? Will he betray his people by tarrying here looking for something that doesn't exist? Does he dare to gift life to that kernel of hope only to have it squashed when he's right back where he started?

Shifting to lean against the stone in front of him, Solas props both elbows on it and presses his forehead against his hands. This is the problem with Brennan, the danger, the gift that makes him such an effective leader. It's so very easy to get caught up in his vision. ]

A year. [ It makes his chest ache to say it, the certain sense of betrayal twisting his gut into knots as he straightens up and lowers his hands to rest—to grip so tightly his knuckles burn—along the uneven edge. ] I can spare a year. If at the end of it there is no sign, no hint of a viable alternative then I cannot delay any longer.

[ The conflict is there in his eyes when he turns them back to Brennan. ]

That is all the time my people can afford. I cannot offer more.

[ Brennan stares at him a moment, because he'd fully been braced for rejection, even though he'd still had to try. When Solas agrees - compromises - his own face lights up with relief and hope. He reaches out, grasping Solas' shoulder with his hand, his grip firm and his expression fervent. ]

It's enough. It will be enough. I'll make it count. We'll find something. We can even start tonight, if you wish.

[ Solas doesn’t move away from his hand, but he does give him an exasperated look. ]

Have you forgotten that I am performing rather intricate magic on you tomorrow? Tonight, I want you to prepare for it. That includes sleeping, in case you weren’t certain. [ The severity of his mouth eases into a tiny smile. ] This week is for healing you, Inquisitor. The world can wait until the next one.

You're the one that gave me a time limit. [ Brennan's lips curve into a matching smile. ] I was just making sure not to waste any of it. Besides, how am I supposed to sleep now? If my thoughts weren't busy enough before they certainly are now.

Oh for—Really?

[ This is supposed to ease his mind, not kick it into frantic activity. Solas sighs. ]

A year starting from the end of the week. Focus for now on the present. Here and now, Brennan. It's time you realize that you are permitted to take time for yourself occasionally.

And what in the Void would I do with that? [ Brennan looks at him askance for a moment before breaking down into a chuckle. ] Fine, fine, I'll try. Maybe I can steal a bottle of something out of the wine cellar. I'm certain there's got to be something there that will help knock me out.

[ At least he's laughing. That helps mitigate some of Solas' urge to shake him. ]

If what you find doesn't kill you with its potency. Or you could choose an alternative to attempting to control a new magical appendage while hungover. Shall I sit up with you and tell you riveting tales of the crafting of Barindur or the extensive war meetings Garahel conducted to determine a strategy for overcoming the siege of Hossberg? [ Interesting stories to him when he'd discovered them in the Fade, but no doubt somewhat dull to anyone else. ] Or perhaps when Andruil—hm, no, on second thought, that is not such a dull tale. Your choices aren't limited to my history lessons, however. There is also magic, soothing music, some dreadful tea concoction, a relaxing massage. [ Solas smiles with false sweetness. ] Taking a blow to the head.

You charmer, you. [ Brennan just grins at him, mischief still lingering in his gaze. ] Did you actually just offer me a massage?

Also don't think you're getting away with not telling me about Andruil at some point now. You can't just cut yourself off and not expect to pique my curiosity.

[ Undaunted, Solas shrugs nonchalantly. ]

If it will encourage you to relax enough to sleep, yes, I will.

I can tell you quite a number of tales of the Evanuris. Some might be appropriate for quiet evenings, but others may produce nightmares that would not be conducive to a restful sleep. Either way, I shall not do so tonight. The offer of a tediously intricate recitation of a disinteresting point of history is, however, still on the table.

[ Dryly. ] I think I'd rather have a blow to the head.

[ Brennan chuckles and shakes his head, pushing away from the wall. ] I envy you the ease with which you always seem able to slip into dreams. Do you never have difficulty?

Sometimes.

[ He pulls himself up to his full--if still not all that impressive next to a human--height, ready to start herding Brennan back inside if such drastic action becomes necessary. ]

There are nights when I don't truly sleep at all. [ A lopsided smile passes over his mouth. ] But then I have slept for a long time. Just as I need little to eat, I do not require the same amount of sleep as you do.

[ Brennan just holds up his hands in surrender and starts making his way back towards the Keep instead. ]

I suppose that's true. Considering how long you slumbered, I'm not sure I'd ever want to do it again.

[ Pleased by this, Solas falls into step beside him. ]

Uthenera is not like a mortal's coma. I was aware for much of it. Not my body, perhaps, but my spirit was engaged and active. [ It is difficult to explain. He rolls his shoulder. ] I would miss my friends in the Fade were I to abandon the practice entirely, but there are aspects of this world that make it worth remaining awake.

[ Brennan thinks about that for a moment as he walks with him, heading back for the door that leads inside once more. ] You were asleep for hundreds of years, without interruption at all, then? That's a long time to explore the Fade. Didn't you ever get bored? Have you seen all of it?

[ Looking up at him, Solas cocks his head in inquiry. ]

Did you grow bored with the Free Marches? Or with Thedas as a whole as you traveled across the length and breadth of it? It wasn't just the land I got to traverse, but time as it affected it. I saw Ages pass, empires rise and fall, the Blight come five times across the world, and so much more from not just one perspective, but many. More than I might have ever experienced had I been there personally.

No, but I also haven't had a thousand years to poke my nose into every nook and cranny, either. [ Brennan points out with a thoughtful look. ] Although I hadn't thought about you witnessing all the events on this side through the dreams and memories and impressions on that side. I can't even begin to contemplate having that long to just... I don't know. Explore and witness.

Does the Fade have boundaries? I mean, is there an end to it somewhere? An edge you can walk off or a wall that surrounds it?

[ After a moment, he shakes his head. ]

No. Although what you saw in the Fade suggests bits of broken earth in a Void, it is not like that at all. Think of it as a reflection of this world. Every place that exists here exists there, though it may not be immediately recognizable as such. You can no more walk off of it or into a wall than you can here.

[ And because something Brennan said struck a chord in him, he adds; ]

The original meaning of our word for humans was not an insult. As difficult to grasp as our immortality might be, so too is it for us to imagine a life that passes so quickly. Even now, spending as much time among you as I have, it is strange to contemplate.

I imagine it must be rather terrifying, actually. Or would have been, the first time the elves realized they were aging too.

[ How does someone wrap their head about that, thinking you have literally all the time in the world and then finding out there's actually only a handful of years left to you?

Actually, thinking of it like that, he was a little surprised that Solas couldn't find more ground with the Grey Wardens. At least in some cases. ]

Yes. [ The placidity of his expression breaks, becoming a melancholy frown as he looks down. His voice softens considerably. ] They were terrified, confused, desperate to live and helpless as they watched themselves age and die.

The Dalish speak of the immortality as if it is a barely remembered dream, something impossible and mythological, not fully understanding the magnitude of what they lost. Better perhaps that they cannot understand. It would grieve them if they knew.

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