bakerstreet | the picture prompt

[ It doesn't feel okay, even with Declan's arm around his shoulders. It not "okay" just like the gun in the Volvo was never for "burglars" and the pills in their dorm were never for "ulcers".

"Like he thinks the truth'll fucking kill him."

That's what Ronan thinks. Matthew doesn't always know what to think, but he knows it isn't okay.

He lifts his eyes, bright with unshed tears, and as blue as if he'd been born into this family instead of dreamt, and he gives another tremulous nod. ]

Yeah, she-- she said I should bring you next time.

[ And that is not a lie. Of course she had asked about Declan. Matthew is her favorite, there's no denying it, but unlike their father who needed all of his things to be a particular kind of special, Aurora loves her sons without condition. ]

[He says it and Declan knows it's true, in some way or another. He presses his face against the top of Matthew's head.]

Hey.

Come with me to D.C. for a week. I'll call Aglionby.

[It's a petty, dirty sort of revenge. Pulling Matthew away from Henrietta. Taking him away from Ronan.

It's the first step in a dirty war.]

[ Matthew doesn't say anything at first, quietly thinking it through as he continues to hold on to Declan's jacket. Thinking, thinking, and then, in a small voice-- ]

Just a week, right?

[ He has no idea.

He just doesn't want to think about Declan going back alone, not after today. Ronan has his friends and their mom and whatever he's been doing at the Barns lately. It's not like he'll need Matthew for anything.

But maybe Declan does, in some way. ]

Just a week.

[That's all. Just a week. Declan won't even try and extend it.]

You can't be out of school longer than that anyway.

[It's enough to remind Ronan that Declan isn't a disposable member of this family. Cabeswater is already whispering this to the Greywaren: but those are things Declan doesn't understand, or realize.]

Right... Okay.

[ Matthew draws away finally, his curls slightly flattened where Declan had been resting on them. He's no longer close to tears, but inside he still feels heavy and mixed up and awful. The atmosphere of the forest doesn't help at all. ]

I'll just let Ronan know. [ As he says it--carefully, like walking on eggshells--he's already reaching for his cell phone, only to remember when he sees the screen how pointless the effort is. ]

Oh, I forgot... [ Time and weather are not very reliable in magical ley line forests, and neither is the signal for his phone. Guess that's not an option right now. ]

Come on.

[He nods his head a bit.]

We'll go back.

[As if it's that simple. As if he doesn't know that somewhere in here Aurora is awake, and aware, and he misses her.]

[ Matthew bites his lip, thinking the same thing. ]

We'll come back next week?

[ They'll try again, right? Next time Cabeswater will be dappled in warm sunlight like it should be, with songbirds in the trees and their mother laughing in the grass as she reminds them of stories from when they were children, her fingers running through their hair.

Maybe she can still fix everything. ]

Edited (/casually fixes a missing word fifteen hours later) 2016-02-09 18:34 (UTC)

Sure.

[He says it casually but the truth is that he's torn between coming back tomorrow, in an hour, in twenty minutes, and never coming back at all.

Maybe it would be easier if he thought his mother was dead, too.]

Come on.

[ This time Matthew obeys, wordlessly pressing close to Declan's side as they turn back the way they came. Even so the whole time he prays, really prays in his heart for Aurora to appear at the last minute, and he doesn't give up until they're back at the Volvo and he's got no choice but to climb into the car again, heavy with disappointment.

It's been an improbable thirteen minutes since they left, according to the clock. This is his first visit to Cabeswater that actually felt longer to him than it did to the outside world.

He quickly leans the seat back and turns his head toward the window, too guilty to look at Declan right now. He'll have to get over that quick or the next week will be very unpleasant, but for the moment everything is still too close and he doesn't know what to say to make anything right. ]

[He doesn't say anything.

Nothing at all.

He takes a moment, takes a breath, and drives away.

It's not as hard as he would have thought.

He's good at lying to himself, after all.]

[ Matthew is utterly deflated as they drive off.

After a few miles he remembers to check his phone again and there's still no service, so he sets it on his leg with the intention of sending Ronan a text as promptly as possible. Instead, he ends up watching Virginia fly past the window.

A few more miles and he starts to feel like something again. ]

Can I play some music?

[He isn't even thinking about Matthew for a long while. He's just thinking about how his mother is somewhere awake and Ronan-

And he's thinking about his father and how his father locked him away from this magic, too, how his father loved him, yes, but his father loved him for his resemblance and not his specialness-

And he's trying not to think of how angry he is at being so pathetic right now.

He manages not to crash the car. Bravo.

He looks at Matthew, distracted.]

There are some CDs in the glove compartment.

[He says it as though he doesn't remember that Matthew knows that.]

None of Dad's stuff.

Okay.

[ Matthew can't tell if Declan is telling him not to play any of their dad's music or letting him know there isn't any to be played. Either way he already knows that one of his own CDs is stashed in the glove compartment as well, in the wrong case somewhere but still there.

He leans forward and rummages around until he finds what he wants, ready to leave silence behind.

His tastes may be questionable but the song he chooses is one he's listened to often enough that it's his music in the same way that Niall's music was Niall's. It's Matthew as much as his excessive cologne or his dimples or his inability to distinguish good food from terrible.

The lyrics are coincidental; he's just wants to fill the space between them with something. ]

[It does suddenly feel overwhelmingly like Matthew in the car, and oddly enough, that makes it better. The tension in his neck eases; it's suddenly easier to be Declan again.]

This is where he took her, right? When she disappeared.

[As if Declan wouldn't notice.

The question breaks the silence but he doesn't sound angry.]

[ Matthew watches some of the tension seep out of him with relief, and tries to be careful about choosing his words so that none of them will make it come back. ]

Yeah... Right after the Fourth of July.

[ He sighs quietly, barely audible over the music. ]

As soon as she got into Cabeswater she just woke up, like she'd been taking a nap.

[ A nap that had stolen her away from them for months. ]

Why didn't you tell me sooner?

[He asks as if he doesn't know. He knows why. Why is Ronan. But he wants to hear Matthew say it. It's not the nicest thing Declan has done.]

[ He sucks in his breath this time, hands twisting in his lap the same way the guilt twists around inside of him. ]

Because--

[ Normally the words come so much easier, he'd learned how to tread the line between his brothers without--frequently, at least--inciting one against the other by accident.

Now it's all different and he doesn't know what to say, but god the last thing he wants to do is pour more gasoline on this fire. He stares at his hands, his mouth just hanging open until he finally drags some words out. They aren't quite an answer but they aren't a lie, either. ]

I'm sorry, Declan. [ So, so sorry. ] There were so many things that were supposed to be secrets and I didn't--

[ That just sounds like an excuse and he drops it quickly, falling quiet again.

If he were Ronan he would point out that Declan's been keeping plenty of secrets, too, but he's not and he doesn't. ]

[He's just driving, letting the music play, pretending like maybe he's okay with it.]

Just tell me.

When have I ever really gotten angry with you?

[Declan and Matthew have always had a relationship that was worlds apart from Declan's relationship with Ronan. Even though Declan knew - the entire time, he always knew - he never loved Matthew any less for it. He was Ronan's dream but Declan still thought-

He always loved his dream little brother.]

[ Matthew considers that question for a moment, staring at his hands. ]

You don't.

[ Not "you haven't" because it's not something he thinks will change.

He sighs softly again. How could he ever doubt that Declan loves him? It's his brothers' relationship with each other that he worries about. ]

Cabeswater kind of belongs to them. And after all the stuff that happened over the summer-- [ beginning with Declan's "burglar" and culminating in the Fourth of July events, though Matthew is still reluctant to talk about that ] --it's like he was taking care of everything.

[ "He" should be obvious; Ronan made all the choices about all the secrets. Until Matthew realized Ronan still wasn't telling Declan the most important thing, that is. Until today. ]

The summer.

[He pauses a moment. Ronan doesn't lie, but Ronan keeps secrets just like Declan does and just like Niall did. It's a Lynch thing. And now Matthew, too. Maybe it's proof for Matthew's bloodline. God help them all; sinners, the lot of them.]

You mean when you overdosed.

[Declan knows it was more complicated than that. Declan's knows that none of this is simple.]

And it was easier. Because you knew that we would fight, if I knew everything.

[Its not like Matthew's motivations, at least, are ever very complicated.]

Edited 2016-02-18 15:11 (UTC)

[ Matthew becomes extremely focused on his hands when Declan says overdosed in that tone; he knows his brother doesn't think Matthew wanted any of that to happen--Matthew, who wouldn't touch wine at communion--but it still makes him feel strangely ashamed. ]

I don't like it when you fight.

[ Its both a confession and an unnecessarily obvious statement. ]

He told me about dad, you know.

[ And more than that; before they took Aurora from the Barns Ronan had spun her origin into a beautiful fairy tale for his little brother, an explanation of the magic that he hoped would happen when they brought her to Cabeswater. He'd promised to tell Matthew all of their father's secrets and he'd come through on that one.

And Matthew, wide-eyed with wonder and full to bursting with the hope of having his mother back, had asked him if Declan knew, too.

Of course he had.

It's why he lied about burglars and put the gun in his car and it was one of the reasons Ronan's carelessness infuriated him so badly.

The summer taught Matthew that his family was made of secrets that needed to be guarded carefully. Ronan and Declan are just so much better at it than he is. ]

He told you about dad's dreams?

[He couldn't have told Matthew about himself. Even Ronan wouldn't be so careless; even Ronan wouldn't be so brutal with the truth. And Declan doesn't know to to ask if Matthew knows about it. If Matthew knows that he came from the same place as Aurora. He desperately wants Ronan to live.

Because of Matthew as much as for himself.]

Buddy, Ronan and I will never be friends again. You get that, right?

Yeah, about dad's dreams.

[ Matthew quickly turns his head towards the window, hiding his face from Declan. That's the one thing he can't accept. ]

You could, though.

[ His tone is both stubborn and hopeful, with perhaps a hint of chastisement. It wouldn't be easy, he knows that, but if they both tried... ]

After this?

[He growls a little.]

No.

No, we can't.

[He stole their mother, hoarded her, and made Matthew keep it a secret. How is he supposed to forgive Ronan, who doesn't care about Declan?]

[ There's that terrible twisting feeling in Matthew's gut again and for a minute he just stares out the window as hard as he can, not that he's seeing anything.

Finally-- ]

How come you're mad at him and not me?

[ Not that he wants Declan to be mad at him--in fact he hates the thought of Declan being mad at him; the mere possibility of either of his brothers directing towards him the kind of venom they reserve for each other is very nearly unbearable. He would be lost if it happened.

But this doesn't seem fair. ]

Sorry Matthew, mommy and daddy are going to fight again and IT'S YOUR FAULT

sadly true

I am seriously screaming

Welcome to hell, population you and me

/lies here and suffers

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I literally dreamed that we found a Ronan to play the aftermath of this with us; it was hideous

gross sobbing that would be perfect

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Forgive me for the delay

Never apologize for anything, friend

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