knitsock (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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bakerstreet2016-01-03 10:24 am
knitsock) wrote in bakerstreet2016-01-03 10:24 am
Romantic Attempt
 Let's face it: you're bad at this whole "romantic affection" thing. Really, that's being generous. You suck abysmally at it. Still, you've found yourself in something resembling a human relationship, somehow, and you feel like you either have or want to show you care. Uhm, congrats. I'm sure this is going to work out well for you! Just kidding. Be it a physical gesture, kind words directed their way, or a gift, you're going to screw this up, most likely. Screw it up badly. Hopefully, they'll be charmed by you at least trying and won't be offended. Fingers crossed.
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Okay!!
[ Just lets himself get his boney ass dragged around to a table, sat down, and watch Mettaton nervously try to act as if it was his plan all along to play the piano. ]
I didn't know you could play piano! I only knew you were very skilled at lounging on them. Sure, I'd love to hear it!
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[He's sitting at the bench, staring at the keys. Feeling like garbage. Oh noooooooooooooooooo. It's been years since he's played a piano! Literal years! When he... wasn't himself! And he was... well, he's fantastic at EVERYTHING, but he was made to sing on the piano, not play it!!
Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Okay. OKAY! Breathe to cool down your systems. Fingers on the keys. If you sing loud enough, he'll never hear the mistakes.
Aaand play.
Shit, that's not supposed to be a flat.] Lift up your head. Wash off your mascara. Here, take my kleenex. Wipe that lipstick away. [Shit, that IS supposed to be a flat!] Show me your face, clean as the morning. I know things were bad... but now they're okay. [SHIT, IT HAS FOUR MEASURES. SHIT SHIT SHIT. JUST SING LOUDER.] SUDDENLY, SEYMOUR. IS STANDING BESIDE YOU. YOU DON'T NEED NO MAKEUP. DON'T HAVE TO PRETEEEEEND. SUDDENLY, SEYMOUR. IS HERE TO PROVIDE YOU. SWEET UNDERSTANDING... SEYMOUR'S YOUR FRIEND.
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Jinkies.]
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[Oh no, what's with that face?? Is he losing him? He hasn't even hit the second chorus!
NO. FORGET PLAYING. He's abandoning that as he climbs on top of the piano to belt his mechanical heart out. Forget the crack of splintering wood as he does it! He's a superstar! A born preformer! He can sing his own harmonies! And his own background vocals! And he will! 110%!!!]
Suddenly Seymour! Is standing beside me! He don't give me orders! He don't condescend! Suddenly Seymore! Is here to provide me. Sweet understanding! Seymour's my friend.
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[ Is this...
Mettaton's way of saying...
He's already dating someone, maybe? Someone besides Papyrus? Maybe that's what he means by "suddenly." Like, this Seymour person is going to jump out from behind something, somewhere???
Unable to be the good audience Mettaton deserves if only for a moment, Papyrus'... eyesockets dart around the room... and look away from Mettaton. Sorry honeybot. Snookums. Babydoll. Maybe you should have stuck with one of the classics. ]
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[no no no NO NO!! He's not even looking at him anymore! And that expression! He's pouring his heart out into this and--]
HAAA!!!! [It's possibly the worst noise to leave his speakers in years. It's like nails on a chalkboard. A record skipping. Jerry talking. His voice, his perfect, practiced and finely-tuned voice cracks and suddenly he's falling. Literally falling as the piano he's standing on literally cracks from the weight he forgets to lessen on it.
By the time the piano is broken in two and he's lying on the floor, it honestly looks like he's dead.
This was a mistake.
His life was a mistake.]
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[ Papyrus is quick to get back on his feet as the other dramatically passes out in the middle of a broken piano on the floor, looking very Deadish. ]
Oh- no no no- not again!! This... this happened before, but ...
[ This time, he sounded a lot more like he actually broke. ]
Mettaton...!! You really!! Need to tell me how to reboot you when this happens!!
[ Because if this happened again somewhere more dangerous, it'd be a lot worse. For now, Papyrus is going to just attempt to cradle this big dumb robot's body as best he can when it weighs a fucking ton all of a sudden?? ]
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Like the cherry on top of his failure sundae, a server emerges from the back with their food. They are nervous until their foot meets a chunk of broken piano. Then they are just as victimized by gravity as Mettaton. The plates full of what was sure to be delicious food clatter to the floor with the rest of the server and why not just set the restaurant on fire.
Mettaton brings his hands to his chest and folds them there. This where he lives now. It's done.]
...I'm fine, darling. You don't have to stay.
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[ Oh that... sure was the food. Now all over the floor. Uh... ]
... We can still have...
[ The piano is totally in shambles, too. Not that he needed piano music to have a date!! ]
D-Don't give up!! We've come so far!! I just...
[ He needs to say it. He can't be as honest as he wants to be if he doesn't know. No matter who this Seymour is, they can make this work!! ]
... Who's Seymour?
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[He wants to stay? His idol just made the biggest fool of himself within minutes of their dinner-date and he wanted to stay?]
Oh. Oh. That's why he looked confused. Uuuuugh, Mettaton's so stupid. Of course that was why he was confused!
His hands are on his face as his speaker makes some weird noise. Is he crying? Laughing?? Both? Technically, he has no tear-ducts. But it certainly sounds like both. Considering this is coming from the most dramatic person in the Underground...]
H-hhhahahahaha... It's. It's from a musical, sweetheart. Two souls falling deeply in love despite being trapped in a cruel world they just can't seem to escape from! Their combined desire to be somewhere kind. Somewhere green. I... just thought it was fitting.
[Drama.]
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Oh!! Oh!!!!!
It's from something!! I thought- you were making it up, and you forgot my name- or Seymour was someone else important to you, but then I didn't know why you were singing about him during our date!!
[ Everything makes sense!! This was a "COVER SONG"!!!!
Papyrus noticeably brightens up, even though their surroundings were not any better than they were just a minute ago, it hardly seems important anymore. Papyrus reaches over with a gloved hand to pet Mettaton's hair, one half to maybe soothe the other, the other half because it looked soft and he's been wanting to pet it for a while now.
One of his many dreams.]If that's what it was, you did it really well! I mean, I don't have a frame of reference, but the part where the singer dies mid-way through the song is really tragic!! You mimicked it so well!!
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[Okay. It's just laughter now. Even in the midst of all his failure, Papyrus always managed to make it better.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, the server has scurried out of the room, possibly in fear of their job. Ah well. It gives them a moment.
He puts a hand on the one in his hair, but doesn't move it. It's... nice.]
Sigh. I'm sorry about all this. I really wanted this to be special for you.
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[ He says with a gentle smile. ]
Perhaps I should have let you know sooner, but... I like you as you are, Mettaton!! You're an amazing actor-slash-newscaster-slash-tv-star-slash-singer-musician, and every other thing you do! You do so many great things... you're fun to be around, and you're so sweet to go through such lengths to try and impress me. No matter what happened, this would have been special to me.
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[It's hard being real. Maybe Mettaton is shallow and narcissistic and doesn't have much more depth than a puddle. But even if there isn't much below the surface, it's hard to let anyone past that. Being a celebrity means distancing yourself for everyone's sake. You're a perfect doll that's only desire is to entertain and that's fine.]
Suddenly someone...
[He's singing again. Singing, not yelling. It's... a lot more emotional than it was earlier.]
He purified me.
Suddenly someone showed me I can
learn how to be more
the person inside me
With sweet understanding
With sweet understanding...
With sweet understanding...
[As far as romantic gestures go, 'kissing a skeleton's smile in the ruins of a broken piano' is probably not high on whatever list someone with standards made. In the very least, there are still candles and rose petals and, with a wave of the robot's hand, fine, silver glitter falling from the ceiling.
Yes, it was pre-rigged in there. Just in case.]
...Let's go play in the kitchen. [Consider it a gift.]
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The point is, this was a very, very nice moment, in which Papyrus is certainly red as a tomato once again, as he's kissed. Of course, he can't kiss back, but he'll figure out something he can do in exchange when there's moments like this in the future. For now... ]
Oh!! Yes!! Let's do that!!
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But he always figured Papyrus would want to see the kitchens, so it's there that he leads them. It's immaculate. You can eat off the floors. The whole staff is dressed professionally and patiently preparing whatever purplish-paste that goes into his face-steaks. Gordon Ramsey would be proud.]
Well, sugar! The whole kitchen and staff is at your disposal! [The team, upon hearing this, look terrified.] What are we going to be making today?
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It's amazing in here!!
[He almost doesn't know where to start. Typically, he'd say spaghetti. But this is a date! A special occasion! A day of trying something new! Regular ol' spaghetti won't cut it.]
There's... one thing I'd really like to try. But first...
[He leans a little closer to Mettaton, his voice the closest it will ever be to a form of whispering:]
Do you know if you can keep out any dogs?
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[...as in... As in what? Like the pack of royal guards? Mettaton assumed Papyrus was close with them, being their replacement. Did Papyrus have a problem with dogs?? He... didn't seem like the type. So what...
OH. Oooh, of course! Hot dogs. He must be tired of them with his brother's stand. And the grease. Papyrus hates grease. It all makes sense.
Mettaton gives the skeleton a thumbs-up and a wink (or maybe a blink. Hard to tell with one eye).]
Of course, sweetheart. They won't get past me!
[Somewhere, white slime and tiny barks trail through the hallway. It knows.]
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Now, there's a recipe I've been wanting to do with lasagna that I never can seem to actually get around to!
[Because the dog keeps eating it!!!!!]
I can't wait to have you try it!!
[And with that, Papyrus begins to look around the kitchen for ingredients, borrowing an apron as he starts looking through cabinets.]
Now, I need onions, salt, tomato sauce, and a few types of cheese! And the lasagna noodles of course!
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[Does he tell his date that he can't... actually eat?? Anything??? The way this date has gone, you'd assume Mettaton would learn by now that honesty is the best answer with this charming, lovable pile of bones, but...]
Haha. I. Can't wait to try it!!
[He's too beautiful to let down.
While Papyrus lists off ingredients, Mettaton turns to his staff and gestures for them to follow along. Soon, they're rushing the items over to their station.]
What now, sugarskull? We're all waiting for you. Let's make this a fantastic episode of Cooking With The Great Papyrus!!!
[Somehow, glitter falls from the ceiling even in here. Nowhere Mettaton touches is safe.]