bakerstreet | (no subject)

(no subject)

( THE MINOR INJURIES MEME )

pinched from here!

You or your meme partner has been hurt, but don't worry! This time around it's not that bad. You can still limp your way out of this mess.

→ WHAT HAPPENED.
1. Sprain/strain. How did you screw up walking?
2. Broken bones. Simple fractures still hurt!
3. Cuts. Hopefully one of you has a sewing kit.
4. Burns. Location, location, location. Let's pray this one isn't on your ass.
5. Concussion. No, they're most likely not holding up fifteen fingers.
6. Other. I'm not a doctor.

→ HOW'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Stupidity. You did this to yourself.
2. Accident. Is an unintentional attack still an attack?
3. Attack. Don't lie, you deserved it.
4. Other. It's probably still your own fault.

→ WHERE'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Home. Did you remember to invest in a first aid kit?
2. School/Work. This should be excellent for getting you out of doing stuff!
3. Outdoors. Predators like the smell of blood. Clean up asap.
4. In the water. Hopefully there aren't any sharks!
5. Other. Like a hospital. That'd be handy.

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[ What a paradoxical thing, this relationship of theirs. Lack thereof. It's hard to define what's happening here. ]

That's up to you. [ She says this quietly, but her tone is earnest. It's not that she's denying she's part of this or that she bears some responsibility - she knows she does. She's most of the reason there have to be rules of any sort. If she weren't cursed, if she and Adam hadn't... if she didn't care for Gansey so much, as though that were something you could simply put in a box and hide away from yourself...

She purses her lips. ] I think you have to decide. [ For himself, she seems to be saying. Not for them. He has to choose what he's going to do, just like she has to decide what she's going to do.

Then, together, they can decide what they're going to do.

Together. ]

[ keeping his hands from her hair would be wise, but he can't help but touch those lost strands.

up to him. a big thing to decide, when it comes to them. does he want to keep on going this way? no. does he want to keep feeling like he's lying to himself? no.

do they have bigger things to worry about? yes. glendower and school come to mind. but this is big, for them, to them. it is, undeniably so. ]

I think it would be wise.

[ if he decides something, he wants to know what her choice would be, too. ]

What would you decide?

[ And she, in return, can't help but shift her head closer. She's not helping and she knows it. Maybe that's even why she's doing it. Existing in a strange state of limbo where their fingertips can only touch when no one's looking and they speak in coded messages via midnight phone calls... that's almost worse than nothing at all.

Sometimes.

So, maybe she should stop.

(But she doesn't.) ]

I think I already have.

[ That wasn't what she expected to say, but now it's out there and floating around in the air between them, it feels like the only obvious response. Lying about it isn't going to help either of them, is it? She forces her fingers to disengage from his shirt, smoothing at the fabric with hands that most certainly aren't shaking. ]

[ this feels even bigger than it did before, and his fingers still in his her hair. he's not sure where to go from there, either, but the idea of allowing this to be without weighing themselves with guilt sounds like heaven. if they can do that then it feels like they might work through whatever hurdles try to get between them. his heart is beating too fast and loudly enough that he hopes she can't hear it.

better make his intentions clear, here. ]

I don't want this to be a lie to ourselves and each other any more.

[ If he doesn't feel her hands tremble, then she can't hear his heart racing. And if he does and she can, then that's probably okay too, isn't it? It's not as though this is some minor thing. They'd be committing to something difficult. To love someone and tell them so, while limiting the ways they can show it?

She leans back, not pulling away, but because she wants to look at him. ]

I don't either. [ A sigh escapes her lips, not sad, but a little wistful. ] Do you think we could-? [ She worries at her lip, eyes downcast. ] What about... [ Adam. ]

[ that's really it, isn't it? their feelings are clear as day to each other, and starting to grow too strong to be pushed in boxes much too small for them. having accepted that is really one half of what was stopping them.

the other half is adam. and how much they don't want to hurt him. ]

We can talk to him. Together? [ would that work, or make adam feel like he's being accosted? gansey isn't sure. this isn't a situation he's familiar with, despite being up to date on most social graces. ]

We can tell him how we feel, say we don't want to hurt him... If he tells us to wait, then I'm ready to, a little longer.

[ For a moment, Blue finds the fabric of Gansey's shirt utterly fascinating. One long moment, then she chances a look in his direction again. Her expression isn't troubled, but it's not free of care either. It is serious, to be talking about this when they had previously pushed their feelings aside.

Repeatedly.

For one reason after another.

Too-small boxes indeed.

Now, she has to absorb what Gansey says, ponder its implications, and reflect on what brought about their initial ban for Adam's sake. ]

A little longer. [ She repeats that, then draws her hands back, only so she can shift a little, facing forward now. It's not that she wants to get away from him, only that she needs a little distance to think. Adam is important, to both of them. But she hears what Gansey is saying and she knows it's true: denying the way they feel has become more detrimental than helpful. ]

Okay, I think you're right. [ She laces her fingers together, forefingers tapping her lips. ] Of course, we should talk to him. We need to.

[ gansey nods. swallows. feels like he's stepping off the stairs without knowing how close the ground is.

but he's not doing it alone.

they're doing this together, and they'll have each other to see through the after math, no matter what that is. gansey likes to think that adam would rather talk about this than cut him for it entirely. adam has changed, these last few months, and so have gansey and blue, and it would be really nice if they could sit and talk about this and work it out.

it would be really nice if blue and gansey could have this without hurting adam's feelings at all. but that's wishful thinking, and he knows it. ]

Okay. We'll talk to him.

[ he lets blue have her space, even if he wishes to hold her hand in his again. ]

[ Blue needs only enough space for her thoughts, but she keeps glancing aside at Gansey. And suddenly, like always, she needs him in that space. Cautiously, her hand sneaks across her knee, across his leg, and closes around his hand. ]

It'll be all right. [ She trusts herself now, as much as she ever can. It's been hammered into her for so long that she knows she won't kiss him. It might be safer to let herself want to do it. So perhaps she will. She wants to kiss Richard Gansey.

But she can't.

And she knows he does as well, but he won't. Because that's who he is.

She trusts him too. And Adam? She thinks she trusts Adam as well. She'd never want to batter his heart more than it has been, but a part of her knows he'll be all right. Things will be all right, even if they're never really all right. They'll make a new kind of okay, and maybe a new kind of better, too. ] Things will be all right.

[ She's not sure who she's repeating herself for.

[ his hand betrays his feelings by grasping hers very tightly. doing so doesn't make him invincible, doesn't make him feel like he can achieve anything. what it does is make him feel like even if things get rough, they'll weather it together. that he doesn't have to do this alone, doesn't have to handle this how he handles everything else.

things could still go wrong, but blue's hand will be in his if and when it does. they can share this, just like they want to share everything else. ]

They will be. [ he sounds like he believes it, because he does. and because believing it makes it truer. he looks at her, sure, serious, convinced. ] We'll make them okay.

[ That grip on her hand, warm and solid and alive, makes Gansey's words mean even more to her. Swallowing hard, Blue nods. They have to be okay.

He has to be okay.

Whatever it takes, she has to make it okay. Her whole body hums with the basic necessity of this fact, to the point where she might be trembling slightly. Her fingers tighten around his. ]

We will. We'll make it work.

[ Meaning so, so much more than she can say. Feeling so much for him that she can't put into words and wondering how it's possible she's so entranced by someone she should have looked right past-- knowing if she had, what she would have missed. Hating the very thought. ] This isn't very normal. [ She doesn't even know what she means by that, except her lip twitches slightly, like she's trying to smile, but fighting it off all the same. ]

[ its hard to ignore the way his heart soars with their hands clasped like this. or every single time they touch, even if it's just hands brushing on their way past, even if it's just fingers touching while no one's looking.

a tiny, tiny smile crosses his lips. this isn't very normal aren't words gansey dislikes. nothing in their lives these past few months has been very normal, and while some of it is unraveling in ways that make gansey desperate to have something to hold onto, he likes it that way.

and he has blue. and her hand. ]

We're not ones for very normal, are we?

[ He has Blue. ]

I suppose we aren't, are we? [ She stops fighting the urge to smile, letting it overtake her features slowly but steadily as she absorbs that thought in all the best ways. It could be a bad thing, but why let it? This is what finding your own future is about, she thinks. Making it into something better than what the odds say it ought to be. ]

In that case, we'll just have to be as charming and abnormal as possible.

[ She settles back into the space next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. That part is pretty normal though, isn't it? Sitting next to someone you like, holding hands, head on shoulder.

That part being normal, that's not so bad, she thinks. ]

[ her smile is completely contagious. so is the thought of being their abnormal selves, even in this. not that he has ever thought of blue as abnormal, but... she's different. in a way he thinks he understands, sometimes. it's nice to find a place and people you fit with after feeling like you're on the outside of things for so long.

and he fits very comfortably at blue's side with her head on his shoulder. ]

I think you have the charming part down.

[ The Blue of several minutes ago might have poked Gansey in the side for that comment. The Blue of this moment, this precise moment in time, feels no such urge. Her fingertips shift around his, testing out the way their hands fit together. It feels a bit different now. ]

I think abnormal is more my word. You're the charming one. [ The urge to poke returns, but only vaguely. She lets a comment slide from her lips from habit. ] When you put your mind to it. [ Just because she's falling, falling, falling doesn't mean she's losing her character. She's still very much Blue, just as he's still very much Gansey.

Looking at their hands, she thinks maybe they're something more as well. ]

[ ah, compliments from blue. even if it comes with a little addendum. he does his best to keep a straight face, but his next words come out before he can really think about them. ]

That's strange, since I feel incredibly charmed by you.

[ and this is why he tries to be careful of what he says, and when, and how. but sometimes he's too caught up in other things. like blue at his side. the smell of her shampoo. their linked hands. ]

[ Blue turns at the waist, free hand falling on Gansey's leg. She doesn't notice. ] Saying you're charmed is a charming thing to say.

[ She closes her mouth, like she realizes she said something different from what she was planning to say. In a way, this might be better, because those words are still lingering in her head.

Those precarious, dangerous, wonderful, terrible words.

But maybe, just maybe, they're not so terrible. ] I suppose I don't mind, if you feel that way.

At this point, I'm afraid I can't help it.

[ or they wouldn't be here, doing this. and he wouldn't notice her hand on his leg the way he does. and his heart wouldn't be beating so fast.

but these are things she doesn't know, and part of things he doesn't say. not yet, anyway. ]

Well, if that's the case.

[ She shrugs, like she'll just have to give up! As though Blue Sargent has ever really given up on anything in her life.

Including this. Though her brain may have told her, over and over, that it wasn't to be, that doesn't mean her heart ever once agreed. ] So, now what?

Now, we talk to Adam, and then... [ and then? maybe they should stick to the talking to adam part, in case that doesn't go as well as they hope. it would be best not to get carried away in what this might mean if it works out without knowing for sure whether it will or not.

there are things gansey wants regardless of whether they can kiss or not. things they should talk about, but after clearing it with adam. ]

Then we see. [ but he squeezes her hand, encouraging. ]

[ Blue forces herself to nod, because he's right. What he's saying is sensible and prudent and exactly the sort of thing she should agree to right now. This, right now, is probably precisely the right time to try and be practical. Reasonable.

So much of her wants to do the opposite that it's almost unbearable, making herself nod. Agree. Go along with it.

She feels like a rubber band pulled too tight. She'll either break or snap free before too long. Just... not right now. ]

You're right. [ And she means it, returning that squeeze, which seems to reassure her further. ] I don't want things to be- [ She shrugs, because she doesn't know the word. Difficult? Strained? ] between you two.

[ blue is too good. for a moment gansey wonders if he truly deserves her. there's a long list of reasons why she shouldn't be giving him the time of day.

that isn't a good place for him to let his thoughts wander. they're not doing this on a silly whim. she's not here because she likes the surface of him — that part is the part that frustrates her the most. she's here because she likes everything else. the messy parts.

and she cares about gansey and his friends, understands the importance they have, just like she understands his dedication to finding glendower. ]

I won't let them be. I think we can... talk about it, now. [ before he would not have been so sure. but there's been some shifting, and gansey feels that adam has allowed certain things these days that he wouldn't have in the past. enough that he believes they'll at least be able to talk about this reasonably. ]

[ Gansey has more than earned the time of day. And then some, quite obviously. Blue would never really think herself unworthy of someone's attention, because she wouldn't be concerned with the attention of someone she hadn't worked hard to be worthy of-- like her view of an abstract, not-quite-real father who she would like to imagine as some kind of ideal, but isn't desperately hoping to see realized and therefore makes no strides to transform herself toward "worthiness" for his imaginary sake.

Not that she would ever in a hundred, thousand, million years compare Gansey to Artemus. The basic fact does remain: she would like to be worthy of Gansey's attention, just as she wants him to be worthy of hers. And she's firmly settled in the camp that says they do suit each other, in a certain strange kind of way.

So, point. She's willing to put up a fight for this.

Not with Adam. Not in that way. But she's willing to try and willing to change, adapt. For Gansey in all his ridiculous, wonderful... Ganseyness. ]

I think so too. [ She puts on the Bluest of faces. ] Otherwise I'd be forced to tell you that it's not entirely up to you.

[ And the expression drops, turning into a soft smile. ] But I do think you're right. Something's a little different about him, isn't it? Something's different about you, too.

[ he looks a little shameful, briefly, maybe in recognition of the kind of behavior he used to exhibit a lot more often. or does he still? it's not that he wants to control everyone and everything, it's just that... it helps. it makes the world make sense, to feel like it's under control.

which is becoming a foreign sentiment. this quest is slipping from his hands. which isn't the point of this conversation at all, so he shoves that aside.

and he's curious about blue's statement. ]

About me? How so? [ he's curious about what she's seen or noticed, what she considers to be a difference. ]

[ Without thinking, she reaches up like she's going to touch his cheek. She stops just shy of doing so, curling her fingers as though that's going to keep her from making contact. ]

I'm not really sure. [ It's not clear if she's trying to divert attention away from what she said or if she really thinks this.

In all actuality, it is a bit difficult to pin down. Maybe she can try to clarify a little of what made her say it. ] Since the cave, something's changed.

[ She smiles, a rare sort of self-deprecating expression. ] As you might know, I'm not psychic, so it's hard to put my finger on it more precisely than that.