[Hearing Rei talk for a while does comfort Haru, no matter what it's about. The fact that he can talk like this, almost like before, actually make him crack a genuine smile. Even if it is a little rambling... a lot like Nagisa, as they were talking just before they got back home.
But... fooling themselves can only last so long. When Haru sees the look on Rei's face and hears those words, he feels a weight sink in his stomach. He's thrown off his balance, feels himself go cold all over.
Why does only Haru get to see Nagisa?
It's not right. But none of this has been right from the start. Why does Haru expect any of this to be right? Their friend, Nagisa, was killed without even finishing high school--
Haru feels like he's trapped in a state of half-grieving. While Nagisa's spirit is still here, Haru still has to see his other friends suffer, as well as Nagisa because he can't talk to his other friends anymore and only has Haru now. And maybe there will be a time when it doesn't hurt as much but it hurts right now and it's so hard to see past now when it's like this--
He wants to tell Rei the words that Nagisa just said. He thinks of asking Nagisa something that only the two of them know crosses his mind, so he can let Rei know that Nagisa is with them in the same room and confirm to Haru that he hasn't gone crazy all this time but he doesn't. That could probably hurt Rei even more. He can't even mutter something as stupid and self-centered as "Me, too" in all honesty because Nagisa is there. But he has to do something.
Haru leans his weight, curled up lightly around himself, against Rei.
The only thing that keeps him from outright hugging Rei is that - aside from the poor timing - Haru knows that at least he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears any longer. A selfish act, no doubt. Even if he does want to justify it with trying to look strong before his juniors, Haru couldn't lie to himself and say that was the only reason. Haru always hated to look weak, and so he kept everything inside where all the pain could eat at him from the inside. What an emotionally stunted fool he is. He must look really pathetic in front of the both of them. Rei's holding up far better than he is...
Even now, he's shaking. As much as he wants to be still. He doesn't want Rei or Nagisa to see his face right now as he's losing the fight to compose himself.]
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But... fooling themselves can only last so long. When Haru sees the look on Rei's face and hears those words, he feels a weight sink in his stomach. He's thrown off his balance, feels himself go cold all over.
Why does only Haru get to see Nagisa?
It's not right. But none of this has been right from the start. Why does Haru expect any of this to be right? Their friend, Nagisa, was killed without even finishing high school--
Haru feels like he's trapped in a state of half-grieving. While Nagisa's spirit is still here, Haru still has to see his other friends suffer, as well as Nagisa because he can't talk to his other friends anymore and only has Haru now. And maybe there will be a time when it doesn't hurt as much but it hurts right now and it's so hard to see past now when it's like this--
He wants to tell Rei the words that Nagisa just said. He thinks of asking Nagisa something that only the two of them know crosses his mind, so he can let Rei know that Nagisa is with them in the same room and confirm to Haru that he hasn't gone crazy all this time but he doesn't. That could probably hurt Rei even more. He can't even mutter something as stupid and self-centered as "Me, too" in all honesty because Nagisa is there. But he has to do something.
Haru leans his weight, curled up lightly around himself, against Rei.
The only thing that keeps him from outright hugging Rei is that - aside from the poor timing - Haru knows that at least he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears any longer. A selfish act, no doubt. Even if he does want to justify it with trying to look strong before his juniors, Haru couldn't lie to himself and say that was the only reason. Haru always hated to look weak, and so he kept everything inside where all the pain could eat at him from the inside. What an emotionally stunted fool he is. He must look really pathetic in front of the both of them. Rei's holding up far better than he is...
Even now, he's shaking. As much as he wants to be still. He doesn't want Rei or Nagisa to see his face right now as he's losing the fight to compose himself.]