what part of ARBY'S MEME don't you understand Giuseppe

[blubs]

You've just walked into an Arby's!

The only rules:
1. All characters enter drunk.
2. They're thinking Arby's.

Optional link to Arby's menu
FOR AUTHENTICITY!!!

Comments

the boss ( saints row )

[uwot]

Goddamn, is everything here cooked for the sole purpose of giving me the shits?

[he says this as he walks away to his table with a tray piled high with one of those mega cheesy roast beef sandwiches and like five orders of mozzarella sticks.

possibly even six.]

[douchefuck]

Yes.

[reaches under his tray and literally smacks it up in the air and all over the floor.

chortles merrily and looks to his entourage of guards who just stand around awkwardly looking like they want to commit ritual suicide.]

Now eat it. All of it. Off the floor like the dog you are!

[puts his hands on his hips hmhmhm. checkmate, fool.]

Ramsay Bolton | GoT/ASoIaF

[flayerhater]

[Five bottles of wine and two dozen corpses later.

Gallops through the drive-thru and headshots the cashier at the first window with an arrow.

Make that an even twenty-three corpses.

Where's my roast beef max bitches.]

[eggstraordinary]

[Eggsy had just dropped a fresh batch of curly fries when his coworker suddenly and unexpectedly suffered a tragic death-by-arrow, but instead of running and hiding, as one probably should, he goes to scowl through the window.]

What the fuck, mate? Was that really necessary?

Leon S. Kennedy | Resident Evil

[loreal]

[Leon here is a classy drunk. He swings in and parks his car. By parking it, I mean he takes up 3 handicap spots and smashes into one of the signs.

Then, he casually gets out and strolls on into this fine dining establishment.

Mister Kennedy then leans up on the counter and cants his head at the cashier, giving her his most dashing of smirks. So slick. Except his eyes are bloodshot to shit and back. ]

I'd like five orders of curly fries... extra curly.

[sangreporsangre]

[Remind him to never take on new business ventures with Arby's. ever. again.]

Sir, [he grins pleasantly from behind the counter god you better not puke on the floor he just had someone clean up a soda spill] I'm afraid we only have one kind of curly fry. [you better believe he's getting your license plate number off the security cam later motherfucker YOURE GETTING BILLED FOR THE SIGN LEON!!!!]

Will that be all?

rikku | final fantasy x series

[mixed]

[ who's dining with rikku? doesn't matter because she's taking fries and it's now hers to consume. thank you, person sitting in front of her. ]

shore leave | venture bros.

[conquistadorable]

[ He's been in line for the past 15 minutes discussing his post-fast food work out and now is currently asking about the bathroom here.

So far he's ordered a milkshake. And changed his mind on flavor three times. He's now leaning on the counter, reading the menu aloud. ]

[weeelcome]

[standing there... waiting...

holding his cloak open which is stocked with 50 different delicious looking roast beef sandwiches.

and here you are wasting his fucking time.

the merchant abruptly shouts OVER shore.]

WOT'RE YOU BUYIN'?!!!!!

Cody Travers | Street Fighter/Final Fight

[actual_streetfighter]

[Cody's basically a walking side of beef, so his caloric needs are INSANE. He's already plowed through several plates of food and doesn't seem to be ready to stop anytime soon.

After getting out of prison, anything tastes good. The booze doesn't hurt, either.]

So, you gonna' finish that, or what?

pam poovey | archer

[inappropes]

Give me........ one of everything! And don't skimp on the curlies, bub.

[3 quarts of green Russians and a kilo of crack in, she's looking worse for wear...]

[vaashole]

Yo, chica. [ Vaas leans heavily on the counter, a half-drunk bottle of rum in one hand and a fistful of curly fries in the other. ] You got the llello?

[ Who the fuck decided that an Arby's was a great place for a coke deal? Or that it was a good idea to send this particular guy to an Arby's to make a coke deal? He's hammered. The last employee who tried to stop him got punched and forcibly crammed through the drive through window. He hopped the counter and stole these fries. Everything is awful. ]

The, uh - like fuckin' booger sugar? Whatever the fuck you Americans call it?

Eggsy Unwin / Kingsman

[eggstraordinary]

[The owners of this particular Arby's are suspected of using the restaurant for Intense and Dangerous drug trafficking. The Intense and Dangerous part is why the Kingsmen, rather than the actual police, are involved. Probably. It doesn't matter.

The point is, Eggsy is there undercover as an employee. He's also hammered drunk, because he was advised to do whatever it took to fit in and his coworkers insisted he join them for some pre-gaming before shift start. (This is a stand-up establishment in every possible way.)

Which is why he's swaying a little and slurring a lot from his post behind the register. He stares at his current customer as though they've just ordered a literal shit sandwich.]

That's fucking disgusting. Extra cheddar? It's not even real cheese.

vaas montenegro | far cry 3

[vaashole]

[ Sometimes he really does get sick of all the killing and the murder and the torture! Sometimes Vaas Montenegro experiences a deep ache in his soul that can only be soothed with pounds and pounds of shitty roast beef, which is in turn soaked in pounds and pounds of equally shitty sauce.

This is one of those times. ]

Hey, hermano, over here - here, turn around! You fuck! [ Whoever you are, he's slapping you in the back of the head. Like, really hard. ] I'm running dry here. Cough up the fucking sauce, amigo. You look like you don't need more of it anyway, yeah?

[ His actual pound of curly fries isn't quite soaked in horsey sauce yet. Give that shit up, fatty. ]

michiko malandro | michiko and hatchin

[jailbrake]

OI. Listen up, asshole.

[ she's got her sunglasses on, indoors, at night, and a single curly fry greasing up her fingers as she points emphatically at, like, the general counter area. also she's yelling with zero volume control. also she drove a motorcycle in through the nearest window and there's shattered glass all over the table at her booth. ]

You call this shit food? [ pops curly fry into mouth, chews, swallows. ] Don't make me laugh! I could pull a better dinner out of a damn dumpster for this price. [ did she even pay for this food... and she's still eating it anyway, so. she opens her mouth wide and jabs her thumb in the direction of the chewed up food on her tongue, yelling unintelligibly. ] Y'see? What the fuck is this?!

[animalize]

[ hey girl, your motorcycle's rad, but you talk really loud. luckily for the arby's employees, malia's in the next booth over picking broken glass out of her hair. ]

It smells like corned beef. [ another sniff. ] Yeah, it's corned beef.

[ she wrinkles her nose. it smells sort of disgusting. like everything at arby's. ]

You should stop talking. [ oops, that's rude. but seriously, loud. ] Please.

Sera / Dragon Age: Inquisition

[buttsbuttsbutts]

HEY! You. Magister--no. Manager whatever.

[She pounds her fist on the counter.]

I found a frigging hair in my frigging cheese things!

[She shoves her mozzarella sticks forward. There really is a hair, in a blonde suspiciously close to Sera's own.]

So do something about it, yeah? That's how it works.

[strongestcoward]

[Asura slowly slinks upwards from below the counter, straight up impossibly as if riding an invisible elevator. Once he rises up to his full height of seven foot it's pretty clear he really should not have been able to do that but he did all the same.

This was proceeded by bending himself forward without doing so at any joint, like a piece of half cooked spaghetti, until his covered up face is basically nose to nose with Sera. In a softly spoken and hushed tone he makes his reply.]

Don't worry, miss.

[And now directly into her ear.]

It's free of charge.

Bolin | Legend of Korra

[natural_assistant]

[ We won't go into the details on how Bolin got drunk on actual alcohol and not seaweed noodles in the first place, but he's currently sitting at a booth with his head down on the table bawling his eyes out. Why? They forgot to put cheese on the sandwich.

And it's extremely heartbreaking. So have fun with that. ]

[feelinghothothot]

[You have never heard someone drum his fingers on the table so hard. So hard. How did he even end up here? Particularly with some dude who won't even be born yet for another like sixty years.

No but seriously. He doesn't remember how he got here. Eventually though Zuko snaps because of course he does.]

Just go to the front and ask for some.

[Then he thrusts one of those busy fingers towards his own sandwich.]

And at least they didn't burn yours!

Rintaro Okabe | Steins;Gate | i'm so sorry

[zealous_steiner]

[You know what they barely have in Japan that they do in America? Arby's.]

[You know what they also barely have in Japan that they do in America? Three-for-one beers at a sketchy college-town bar called the Fishbowl. Of course, he barely had the English to order them, but small victories.]

[He's here visiting his dear Kurisu, accompanied by the rest of the Future Gadget Lab, but he's split off from their little adventure to visit the fast-food joint down the street. Now, Daru's left without a wingman, and the poor cashier has to deal with him drunkenly struggling with his already-poor English for about five minutes - five, five! no, that is a four - before he finally decides:]

Two of those, and a curly fries-- And you have Dr. Pepper? Yes? Fantastic! It is drink of true mad scientist, yes! [He swishes his lab coat and mad-scientist laughs his way over to a table. What the fuck is up with this guy? Please collect him.]

[soulfood]

[So Kyouko knows bad English spoken by a Japanese person when she hears it. She hasn't had as much problem with the language barrier, herself, but that's probably because she's just been stealing everything she needs. There's a small crisis in the kitchen now because she just sneaked back there and made off with a tray holding enough food for a family of six or seven.

Anyway, she swoops right into the spot Okabe was about to take, setting the tray down in front of her. Then she smirks up at him and fires off some slurry Japanese while chewing on a curly fry.]

Oh, hey, sorry 'bout that. You wanted to sit here?

Liz Lemon ♨ (<---that's a pie right?) 30 Rock | OTA, yo

[taste_of_solitude]

[Liz proceeds to dance in line and sing. Some kinda backwards, butt bob thing, sort of hovering in a bent over position, legs all frogged out, clapping to the beat in her head. People should know this song, right? It's THE BIEBS. He used to be cool and hip.]

If I wuz ur boyfriend, nanana lalala dadada. This is how the song goes, bababa hahaha tralala. Frosty be my boyfriend, ahahah kakaka mamama.

[No. Not, that's not how Justin Bieber's Boyfriend goes, but. It's close-ish? And she's drunk, so. Doesn't give a frak, obviously. She wants all the Frostys in all the flavors and all the combos but it's not her turn yet. And, oops, she's sort of butt-bob-dancing back into someone. Sorry...?]

Chewbacca | Star Wars

[bowcaster]

[Always thinking with his stomach. That's what Han always said. Good thing he's not here to keep Chewie in check. The Wookiee chuckles to himself with an odd half-bark, half-laugh as he stumbles into the scene, sniffing at the air and the smell of fried meat and thick grease.

He wanders up to the counter, peering curiously over the head of whatever poor soul is there taking his order, and lets out a thick, guttural roar. He's ready to order.]

[frumpster]

[oh my fucking god a stray dog. HOLD THE PHONE.

will just walked into arby's and is looking as psychologically hungover and brain damaged as ever but there's nothing like another dirty runaway pup to make his day.

he kneels down and picks up a stray curly fry on the floor.]

Hey little guy...

Dio Brando || JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

[wryyyyy]

[MOM HOLY FUCK.

Everyone's dead except for the people behind the counter, who are surprisingly calm stepping over the hole-filled corpses and enormous pools of blood to serve their new lord and master DIO some extra curly fries. You'd be surprised how hard it was to get them to calm down.

Dio sits as composed as the alcohol will let him, and he snaps his fingers to his curly fries savior just as she's about to leave. She turns around, shaking with anticipation for some reason, and steps closer.

Which is when the vampire literally jams his fingers into her neck. She seems okay with this. He looks across the table.]

It's rude to stare.

[barebacking]

[My, my.

Yaha carefully walks over some of the corpses. He pauses as he leans over to inspect the face of one of the males. Sniffing the blood and scent of death -- he turns his head as though he could hear the screams have have long since gone quiet. Pulling away, he continues walking through the massacre. He occasionally stops to shake his heels off to the side, splattering blood here and there in the process.

It is the snapping of fingers that catches his attention over the calm workers. He carefully turns towards it to stare at the one that he can only assume is responsible. His fingers interlace as he presses his hands together, watching the young woman tremble so disgustingly to be touched by this one. He would rather have those fingers be placed somewhere else, but no matter, no matter.]

It is very rude, is it not? I do believe that my problem comes into play that I have become entranced by one that is marvelous as you who could create such a dining experience that reminds me so of home. [The elf starts to walk forward before giving a small bow of his head.] I sense that you are much stronger and greater than I could ever hope to be but I still hold the small wish that you would allow me to share a seat next to you. To watch you eat as I cannot say I am even worthy to eat at your table.

[And fantasize as you eat how I would kill you. Because all his sweet words are just sweet and he can only think of how nice it would be to have one who shows such bravo to him to be on broken knees and licking his own boots. But for now -- as he turns to look at everything carefully -- caution would be wise.]

AkaRed - Boukenger Vs Super Sentai/Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger - OTA

[inheritstheredsouls]

[He may still be a hero on Earth, but he's also a space pirate. And sometimes, that means celebrating with drinks. Right now, he's more tipsy than drunk, but at least he's coherent enough to place his order correct and pick it up when it's ready.

...oh, that momentary trip on the way to getting said order? That was intentional. He's still good for being designated driver; no worries.]

Betamax || Destiny || OTA

[per_audacia_ad_astra]

[Who even knows how Betamax got drunk in the first place, but here she is; unsteadily climbing into a table and addressing the whole restaurant.]

I recently came to the realization that no one here knows about Ikora Rey ... But don't worry! I'm gunna- I'm going to- I can tell you her story... Seriously, she's awesome. You'll thank me for this later...

o_O I'VE NEVER SEEN A DESTINY PUP!!! *flails*

[some_kinda_hero]

Uggh, you're too LOUD.

[Claire is also magically intoxicated, and not really sure what to do about it, seeing as she's never been able to get drunk or high before. What she does know, is that the robot thing is making far too much noise for her aching head. Yet, the blonde is listening, head barely propped on both elbows (which are slowly sliding outward) and eyes half-open.]

peridot | steven universe

[robonnoyed]

[Can gems get drunk? They can now. Probably duped into trying the sticky, disgusting human beverage somehow. A super lightweight, natch.

Soon enough she is at the center of the restaurant trying to get everyone's attention. Since everybody is drunk, though, it's not working very well, so Peridot fires a shot from her arm cannon, blasting a good-zied hole in the ceiling. Some bits of dirt or rubble may have ended up into your Arby's sauce.]

Alright, you dirt-crawling humans. This area is now being claimed in the name of Gem Home World! All of you will serve me in converting this greasy dwelling into a vessel capable of light speed travel!

[imnotsayingitwasaliens]

[And then this Colonel Sanders son of a chicken delicately dabs at his lip with a napkin, stands up and very gently tries to guide her arm down whilst shaking his head in a 'you're embarrassing yourself and everyone else' kind of way.

He has the cold eyes of a man who just don't give no shits.]

Urushihara Hanzou/Lucifer - The Devil Is A Part-Timer | OTA

[lazyrebellion]

[WAS EVERYONE HAVING A GOOD TIME?! LUCIFER WAS HAVING AN AMAZING TIME

Life was great, you know?! Roommates were great! Beating up other angels was like... sooo good and fantastic. They had the best gang and they all worked hard to punch Raguel and Gabriel in the face, so they went out for celebratory drinks and it was terrific! So Urushihara weighed like 5 pounds and it only took two drinks before he was proving he was the best at karaoke and lost all control over his energy flow. Now he was alternating between glowing purple and white like he was a 90's fiber-optic lamp. But so what?! It was great! This was great!

He somehow managed to convince the not-arrowed cashier that he should be getting a senior citizen discount special and was now trying to sip on three different milkshakes at once. You're gonna watch him do it, new best-friend! This is gonna be a record!]

I swear if you're not recording this, I'm gonna... take you to the moon. You're gonna live with my shitty cousins and you're gonna hate it. It's gonna be great!

[bladefaire]

[ he is not nearly drunk enough for this, though he does have a headache the size of plegia that's growing ever bigger by the minute. thanks no thanks milkshake dude. ]

Pass.

[ though it comes out a little wobbly, like he might be persuaded with a few more nonsensical sentences (or another drink). collapsed in a cozy nearby booth, lon'qu has his face buried in his arms on the table, a half-empty plate of eggs and hash browns in front of him.

his voice pipes up again, muffled and a wee bit slurred: ]

People can't live on the moon anyway. Tha's stupid.

Rorschach | Watchmen

[moralabsolutism]

[Whoever is in line better get the fuck out of the way. There is a superhero (well, antihero is the proper term, but semantics have no place in a fast food joint) who is not about to wait for your slow ordering. He wants the French Dip and he wants it now.

The first poor soul who tries to tell him to wait his turn gets his fingers broken and he manages to do that without even looking. There's only one person between him and the ordering counter now. Get out of his way or fight him. He doesn't particularly care which.]

Bishamon | Noragami

[dominatriarch]

James T Kirk || Star Trek TOS || ota

[toboldly_go]

Can't a place have some decent staff for once? Service! [He's now propped up against the ball ringing the bell, or rather, smashing the bell with his hand. He's had over five Romulan ales.]

jasper | steven universe

[hardnosed]

[ staggers on in, dripping fucking everywhere and breathing like darth vader. there is kelp all over her. immediately upon dragging her sodden ass to the center of the restaurant, she throws back her seven hundred pounds of jem and the holograms hair and shakes it out like a wet dog! saltwater and seaweed fly everywhere. apparently there was also a large crab in there somewhere, because that's coming out too! everyone is in the splash zone. enjoy. ]

[objectivist]

[ ryan ignores the young ruffian galumphing on in. he is only here to enjoy the simplicities of the snack n' save menu.

when a rather fat fuck of a crab smacks him in the face, he raises one slim eyebrow and peers over at the splicer entering the diner.

this particular flavor of rapture junkie reeks of seawater. granted, rapture always carries the homey scent of the ocean floor but this... this troublesome wench is particularly odious. ]

A leak in the bathysphere?

[ he doesn't actually sound interested. ]

I suppose I'll have to speak with Bill about this. Which number was it?

[ takes a small sip from his jr. jamocha shake. ]

morty smith | rick & morty

[mortywaves]

Whu -- uh --

[ man, what was in that mist? rick was being real shady about it, first chasing it all over the place then refusing to answer any questions after they'd accidentally flew the ship through it. it seemed okay, though, rick didn't seem too worried, or at least, morty doesn't think so? maybe he should be worried? the world's going fuzzy and he feels sick but also really great? yeah, he should probably be worried about the ship, or where they are, or why he feels so weird... but rick said they needed to eat, and hey, they're here right? might as well go with it, right? ]

I guess I'll have, uh, a number 2?

[turquoisewaves]

Who's paying for this? I don't have my wallet.

[ it's one of the rare occasions that summer gets to join them on whatever adventure they've started on this week, but the mist, whatever it had been, had thrown them off track. she's pretty sure that flying through it wasn't the goal, but grandpa rick had seemed really angry and determined to find it. ( or maybe that was just grandpa rick being grandpa rick. )

she stumbles a little, nearly knocking into her brother as he puts in his order. she has to blink a couple of times and squint at the menu until it's clear, but once that happens she feels really hungry, but still really dizzy. ( mostly dizzy, but grandpa rick is yelling at them to order, they need to eat now. ) ]

Okay, okay, geez...uh, I'll take a chicken sandwich, no mayo. And some curly fries. And a Diet Coke.