bakerstreet | SECRET relationship;

SECRET relationship;

SECRET relationship;

The fact that you're in a relationship with this person isn't public knowledge. Actually, no one knows about it except for the people involved. Maybe you guys are just private like that; on the other hand, it may be a necessity to keep things a secret from others. Maybe you're both team mates, and others on the team would give you grief, or you're not suppose to be dating, or you're not the type to usually date and you're only testing the waters. Perhaps it's the combination of you two, possibly an odd couple, that would bring some controversy or some teasing. Or, you know, you could not want to deal with friends and relatives being busybodies. Your reasons are your own.

Are you content with stealing moments to be together as a couple? Do you want to make your relationship known and the fact that you can't drives you batty? Remember, there are lots of benefits to dating in secret. You can be yourselves completely, away from prying eyes, and get to know each other better as potential longterm romantic partners. In a way, it's ideal.

...still, do you ever wish you could scream from the rooftops how much you care for your significant other?

how to play.

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Play out stolen moments (◡‿◡✿), secret dates (◕‿◕✿), secret handholding (⊙‿⊙✿), and secret kissing ( /)w(\✿)!

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[Australia was made worse by Haru's very, very limited English. If Rin had abandoned him, as he had very briefly thought, then he would have been in trouble. He didn't even know where to go to find someone who knew Japanese. It had been a very scary few seconds until he had spotted his fellow swimmer again.

Tokyo is big, which does make it harder to navigate, but people do at least generally keep to themselves. He'd been worried at first, but Japan was a country of general distance, of people who were polite enough until they were close enough to be less formal. In cities as big as Tokyo, that was even more true.

As they walked, Haru answers his questions with maybe more of an answer than he would have a year ago. The city's really big, he'd complain, which meant he got lost sometimes, even now. Normally, he had a routine and could manage it just fine, but when forced to go elsewhere, it was a pain. Luckily, he had gotten used to reading the more complicated map or city transportation systems.

Subways had been hard, too. He walks where he can, but for some tasks, he has to use transportation and it hadn't been intuitive, but he was learning. Had learned, really. But there was a lot of shops in Tokyo. Haru still cooked many of his own meals - and shared wth Makoto - and he was finding a lot of places that let him try new things. Like mackerel of different freshness levels. Or multi-grained rice.

He was such a pioneer.

Overall, he had had to adjust but was doing so well enough. He got to swim more, which he liked. The bathtub was smaller, but his bathroom back at home hadn't been terribly large either.

He can't say it's not a surprise to find Rin draped over him. The other man touched easily enough, it seems, but touches always felt weird to Haruka. This one didn't feel bad or annoying the way Kisumi's did, but in a way, it felt even more strange for the fact that it felt good. It's enough to make him pause, though with Rin talking, it's not noticeable.]

The mackerel's really good here.

We're not eating mackerel tonight.

[Rin gives Haruka's shoulder a light shake. He'll get this guy to expand his diet if it kills him. He'd hoped living in Tokyo would do that, but Haruka would always be Haruka. Then again, that stubborn attitude is one of the things that has always drew him to Haruka, the ever-present challenge to see if he can break through it. Because he's always know something amazing was there.

He's listened to Haruka's answers to his onslaught of questions, impressed Haruka's actually managed to keep up with them. It's nice to be able to talk about this sort of stuff while seeing Haruka in action, not having to just picture it in his mind while he sits in an empty university dorm. This version comes with small gestures and the occasional nod toward some place or object of relevance to the conversation. Such as the place that sells multi-grain rice. Haruka's ridiculously proud of that knowledge.

Rin looks up at the restaurant's neon-lit sign and whistles.]

Looks fancy. I think Makoto's trying to tell me something about my choice in eating establishments.

[Still hanging off Haruka with one arm, he reaches into his pocket and takes out his phone so can snap a quick shot of the restaurant. Then, without even thinking, he flips the phone around and snaps another picture of the two of them.]

To celebrate my first official tour. Only two weeks late.

[It's said with a tease, but it makes Rin's heart feel light and fluttery. He quickly pockets the phone again, suddenly aware of how intimate this could look, even if Haruka was probably oblivious. He slowly extricates himself and rubs at the back of his neck.]

A-Anyway, we should go inside, right?

[Maybe that's what's drawn him to Rin, too. He had exploded into his life at full force, of explosion of things and feelings and knowledge and he had taken no prisoners. He'd told Haru he would show him something amazing and he had.

Rin had been the first person who'd made him aware of someone else. Rin had been the first person he'd missed. Rin had been the first person he'd been happy to see again, the first person to hurt him so deeply, the first person that had made him want to try. That summed it up well, if Haru was the kind to think clearly enough: Rin was the first person in his life that had been worth actual effort.

And now he's here. Haru's putting more effort in all of his relationships now - even with Makoto, whom had let him by with it so often - but there's still something slightly different between he and the other freestyle swimmer. He doesn't know what, he doesn't even know if it's really there, but it feels like it is.

The phone happens naturally enough until it's turned toward them. Even that is natural enough, two friends in the big city. He sees it all the time, tourists taking pictures of themselves in the capital of Japan. So, this was no different. He and Rin are friends, that much isn't in question. So, why does he look so surprised in the picture. Why does it take a beat to answer the question, to finally take a step forward?]

Yeah, I'm hungry. Swimming burns a lot of calories. [Diets were part of the lesson, even if Haru was stubborn about it.]

I didn't think you even knew what those were. Come on.

[He jokes weakly, trying to restore the mood back to something casual, as he walks ahead of Haruka into the restaurant. Despite the time of day, the place is quite popular, leaving them with the option of the bar or waiting on the bench at the front. Rin glances at Haruka, well aware of his feelings toward noisy situations, especially crowded ones. While the streets of Tokyo are a necessity, Haruka has already explained his inclination to avoid the rush as much as he can. And honestly, Rin isn't much of a drinker. He shrugs his shoulders and gives Haruka an apologetic smile.]

Guess we're going to have to wait a bit.

[Rin makes his way to the benches and flops into the corner, ensuring there's plenty of space if Haruka chooses to sit down. They've both been offered the menus, although Haruka decided his choice before they even got here, and Rin flips through one to distract himself from thinking too much about the other swimmer. And the fact that this is the first time Haruka and him have ever really done this sort of thing with just the two of them. It's always been a group thing. Or at least Makoto was with them. Not to mention how nice this place is.

The lights of the restaurant are somehow unbearably hot and he shifts in his seat more than a few times. Maybe he should have called Makoto to join them.

He spots a fish tank out of the corner of his eye. Most of the fish inside are varying shades of blue and yellow. Except for one. It still has its blue base but the tail and top of the spine are a brilliant pinkish hue. He stares at it, mesmerized by its unusual colorization.]

What a weird fish...

[He knew about them, but he hadn't worried about them until the coach had forced the lesson down their throats. Swimming required a very specific body shape, and the more mass you had, the more the water would fight back. That was why body builders had more outward muscles; swimmers muscles had a tendency to cut inward before bulging, giving them a muscle shape without getting too wide. But he didn't really care about it much, since they all worked out hard enough to burn off most of what they ate.

For Haru, he could either focus on the situation around them or on Rin. One was uncomfortable for the crowds, even if it was something he was growing used to, if only because he now lived in such a populated city. The other was uncomfortable for a different reason, a reason he couldn't explain himself. He'd been with Rin before and it had always felt so natural. Why did he suddenly find himself unable to look away and unable to look at the same time?

When the attention turns to the fish, Haru's more than glad to change the subject.]

Makoto has a video game about fish. [By that, he means Makoto bought it so Haru could play it.] But they're in the ocean. It doesn't teach you much about the fish. [And then, a murmur.] They see a lot of fish get eaten.

[Something about such a trivial topic coming from Haruka makes Rin smile, easing the wretched tension he's managed to create for himself. He laughs lightly and walks over to the tank, leaning in to study the fish closer.]

I remember. That's where your freaky Loosy-kun comes from, right? You sounded like you were practically an expert on him.

Don't worry, I don't think these guys really understand what's going on around them. They're all in their own world.

[He glances back at Haruka, for the first time realizing that he's yet to sit down. You fucking idiot, Matsuoka Rin. He wants to kick himself. Whatever self-conscious bullshit he might be feeling, he's putting it on Haruka. Haruka just wanted to do something nice. Show him the restaurant. And all he's done since they got here was made him feel awkward and uncomfortable by making a bigger deal out of it than he needs to. It's not like Haruka sees things the same way he does. Hell, Haruka probably thinks he did something.

Rin pushes away from the tank and heads back to the bench. But not before reaching for Haruka's arm to tug him there as well. It's a bit of a challenge since touching Haruka makes his stomach do flips right now, but he manages it.]

You're allowed to sit, you know. You don't have to keep standing there.

[He leans back, willing himself to fucking chill out.]

Tell me more about the game. Is it a co-op or do you go against each other?

Edited 2015-09-04 02:15 (UTC)

[Rin was close. That had never been that big of a deal before, as Rin had never seemed to have a problem with people, and Haru hadn't minded it - well, when Rin wasn't wanting to fight him. It really was, should be, nothing. The arm on his hand was nothing. This dinner was nothing. He liked nothings, so he shouldn't be questioning anything.

He sits down and tries to force his thoughts on the game. It's not really what he's thinking about, is it? But he could just keep ignoring the part of him that wanted to look at Rin longer, that started to feel a strange sensation in his body whenever the other boy was near.]

There's different modes. Makoto doesn't like it as much, so I play the single player a lot. [Which was a shame, it's a nice game.

Which is why he's blurting out the next thing he said. For most, even saying he had to blurt it out is pretty ridiculous, considering it's a casual invitation, but for Haru, it was a definite step forward. To where? He wasn't sure.]

You should play it while you're here. [Which, was to say, he should go back to the dorm and play a video game with him.]

[Any response Rin has to being surprised that Makoto wouldn't leap at the chance to game dies an immediate death in both his brain and his throat at Haruka's suggestion. Another first for the evening. Haruka hasn't asked him once over since he came back. What's with the sudden move toward initiative?

Sure, he's seen the place, on Makoto's insistence. Makoto was more than eager to show it off on Haruka and his behalf. Them being roommates hadn't come as any surprise to Rin, given how naturally the two had always gotten along. It saved money since only Makoto had a part-time job. Rin and Haruka don't really have much time for that with training schedules.

He tries to work his throat again, turning slowly toward Haruka, who is incredibly close right now. His palms feel sweaty. He knows he needs to stop reading into things, but his damn brain isn't much for compliance today. Rin tries to focus on Haruka's eyes to ground himself, but only just keeps getting lost in their unreadable depths.]

T-Tonight, you mean? I thought Makoto had to work tomorrow...

[In truth, Makoto and Haru had such different schedules that they didn't have a lot of time to play with one another, but Haru was still Haru and that was how it was translated to him.

Maybe it was a night of truths. The raven-haired swimmer had found Rin in his thoughts more and more lately. After they would hang up, the voice was still in his head. While he was lay in bed or was in class or was swimming, he would see that face, grinning; always grinning. He doesn't know what this means, but surely having the real thing was better than having a figment of his imagination in his head.]

It's not a loud game. [But Haru's also not very good at convincing. He wants Rin to come over, he's offered, but he's still too much like his own self to offer much more.]

[Haruka doesn't have to be particularly good at it. That he's even attempting it is miraculous enough to Rin. If Haruka didn't truly want this, he would've given up after Rin's first protest, done his usual "never mind" and moved on, leaving Rin to decide whether to pursue the topic. That's how it's always worked. Forcing the ball into Rin's court because it's too much effort to press his point.

But for some reason, this is important to him. It's worth the extra push.

Rin can't help but wonder if this is about a bit more than Haruka just wanting to show him a game.

He grips at the fabric on his pants, trying to find his words. It's hard when he wants the offer to mean so much more than he knows it does.]

Okay... I guess it should be fine so long as we keep it down. I mean, if you really want to show me that bad.

[He can't help the tiny tease to normalize things.]

[That was how his relationships with everyone used to be. Makoto got the worse because he was willing to do the work even before Haru backed out. The others got it to a degree too, with Haru making a bit of effort and stopping once it seems like it would have been too much. He had learned, even before graduating university, that friendships couldn't work that way, that life couldn't work that way. Rin had showed him first in swimming and slowly, he had begun to apply that to other areas in his life.

That wasn't to say he was still the best at it, but he was better. He thought a lot more than he spoke, always had more to say without the will to say it, so it was going to take small steps.

This was one. He had invited Rin over, had assured him it was okay when a potential problem had come up, and they was one more step than usual.

He looks away, but not before the tiniest of smiles appears on his lips. It's not intentional, it's not even something he knows is there, but nonetheless, it peaks out and makes itself known.]

You seemed to want to know about the fish.

[And just like that, Rin finally relaxes for real, smiling softly. Just the sight of Haruka having some quiet moment of contentment at his agreement makes his heart feel so much lighter. He leans back against Haruka more naturally, as he once did by habit before he left for Australia that second time.

He'd forgotten amid his own second-guessing and anxiety that this impossible weirdo is still first and foremost his friend. His friend who wants to spend time with him and wants Rin to understand that. His friend who must maybe missed him just as much as Rin missed Haruka while he was away. It's not like Haruka has ever been good at expressing these things. Rin is still working at learning how to read in between the lines. He'll have to ask Makoto how he does it sometime.]

Can you blame me? You almost never just talk about stuff without being prodded. I'm curious what's got the ever-unimpressed Nanase Haruka so interested. [Rin gives him a tiny poke on the shoulder.

Then, he shifts, still lying against Haru, and rummages for his phone again. He angles the fancy paintings in the background behind them and snaps another shot.]

[Rin may never know how much Haru had missed him. Even all of those years ago, when they hadn't spent a lot of time together, Haru had missed Rin when he left. Every time he did after only increased it, with the dark-haired boy wanting Rin to stay in his life without ever being able to really accomplish that. They stayed in touch now, they used the computer and their phones with the occasional swim meet and visit supplying face-to-face, but it was different than having Rin there full-time.

Saying as much isn't easy. He'll openly admit Rin is a friend, will say things that may be a bit more on the mushy side, but he can't just up and have everything open to say. He tries in other ways, usually by being the one to initiate rather than always having others be the one to come to him. With Rin, he makes extra effort.

A big part of him is sad Rin didn't go to Tokyo as well. Understanding, but sad. He had his best friend there, which helps, but if he had Rin and Makoto, wouldn't it have been perfect?

Banishing those thoughts from his head, why wish for something you can't have?, he focuses on what he does get: a night of gaming with Rin. He relaxes against Rin too, his eyes somewhere else, even as he's ever aware of that feeling of that shoulder on his. Rin's shoulder. Rin's skin beneath his shirt.]

It's just a fun game, that's all. [Dark blue eyes follow the phone.] You're taking a lot of pictures.

I'm documenting. I told you tonight is special.

And I'll have to see for myself when we get back to your place.

[Rin manages a grin and tries to play it off so his nerves don't get the best of him again. It's both easier and harder with Haruka resting against him like this, reminding him that things are as they should be between them but also making him crave... more. All he would have to do is turn his head a little...

Thankfully, the waiter shows up before his imagination can get any further. They're led to their table, which, of course, is complete with a candle. Rin does his best to ignore the obvious atmosphere and sets to leaning over the table to share his menu. There's two, but if he leaves Haruka to his own devices, they'll likely be eating fish again. And after their recent talk, he's not really in the mood for fish.

So he finds himself pointing out a bunch of different things and extolling their uniqueness with comments such as "This one sounds like an adventure" or "I bet you've never tasted anything like that." He's already decided on his own dish. Mainly a lot of beef but with plenty of spices to give it character.

Chiding Haruka about his boring taste in cuisine keeps him from thinking about other things. He can just enjoy being here with Haruka at a new place on a sort of adventure for the both of them. He talks excitedly with his usual burst of energy and laughs at Haruka's dry responses. If he can get him to try something other than rice, he'll consider this a success.

He can't help thinking a little bit about their time in Australia. It feels like it had been forever ago. But just the simple act of doing mundane things together. Things that weren't just swimming. It's been so long. Would it be so terrible if it happened more regularly?]

Decided what you're getting yet?

[He goes through the motions, he looks at the menu, he looks at things that aren't mackerel, he points out that mackerel is better than most of them. The table is plush, comfortable, not so high class that college students couldn't afford it but nice enough that it wouldn't be an everyday place if they didn't have a decent job.

He even engages in Rin's attempts to get him to eat something else - "Why would I want an adventure?", "No, but I've tried mackerel is mackerel is good." - though he does take a bit longer to contemplate other items. His mind isn't really into however, though it is with Rin. It's back to that picture of the two of them, it's back to that statement before they were seated. Should he ask? If he asked and it was nothing, it was nothing, then would he be disappointed? If he asked and it wasn't nothing, then what? It wasn't like he knew, like he was prepared for anything.

But he wants something. He wants something with Rin that's more than they have, that's more than what he has with anyone else.

Finally, after nodding that he knew what he wanted, he would force himself to ask the question that had been haunting his mind.]

Rin? Why is tonight special to you?

[Rin's amused laughter stutters and he nearly spills the tea he's bringing to his lips, going a bit red again. This is almost as bad as when Haruka asked him to translate Lori.]

Ah, well...

[He forces out a few crappy coughs, using the excuse to sip at his drink and give himself time to think.

It's the last thing he ever expected Haruka to ask him. Usually, Haruka just brushes off his attempts at making things important, at creating moments. Not that he think Haruka doesn't enjoy said moments or that he considers them any less important. Haruka just isn't the type to care about drawing attention to them. He's happy to just bask in them, such as the warm pleasure of just being around his friends when they're all happy.

It had taken a while, and maybe their separation gave Rin more insight (since it's harder to miss subtle changes in expression when forced to stare directly on someone's face on a screen), but Rin finally understood Haruka's way of appreciating things. He was getting better at detecting when Haruka was really enjoying something, even when Haruka was his typical reserved self.

Still, answering Haruka's question is easier said than done. Rin isn't even sure exactly why tonight felt so special. Or why he wants a way to commit as much of it as possible to memory. It just feels... bigger somehow. Like a new step.

But into what? Their future? Well, the qualifying rounds are on the horizon. But even something like that wouldn't make him feel so... bubbly, for lack of better word. Anxious and excited at the same time. The way he had begun to feel whenever Haruka deigned to answer his Skype calls (of course Haruka never initiated one) toward his final months in Australia. He can't really put a name to the feeling. Just a sort of... anticipation. A strange hope for... well, who knows? Rin sure doesn't.

Shit, how much time has passed? He's already drank his entire glass. Good job on that not making things awkward, Matsuoka Rin.

He swallows slowly.]

"We just... don't usually do things like this, you know? Going out to eat in a restaurant. And Australia was different so... It's sort of a... first. I thought it would be nice to remember it." [Rin pauses, setting down his empty glass and glancing to the side. He can feel his face heating up again.] "I guess that sounds dumb, huh? You probably go out to eat with Makoto a lot here so stuff like this isn't a big deal."

[He still prefers to appreciate moments for what they were. But, for all of his lack of doing, he spends a lot of thinking. It was easy to think Haru wasn't a deep person, that he did nothing but think of water and sometimes homework, but it wasn't true. He thought of people sometimes, even if he never said it, He went out with friends and got ice cream or stayed up late playing a video game. Maybe it wasn't fair to call him a normal enough boy internally, but wasn't as shallow as his lack of speech implied.

Rin was the perfect example of that. He thought of Rin even when the computer wasn't letting him know he had a call, even when he wasn't looking across the world at him. He thinks of him when he's swimming, which is natural enough, but he's also thinking of him when he's eating, when he sees a loading screen, when he's walking around, when he's doing homework. Sometimes, to his embarrassment, he might have thought of him in more embarrassing places, but that was less important and wouldn't take his time or focus.

Showers were water. They counted.

But now, he wonders if he's gone too far. His question wasn't just because he was curious about the definition behind the world. He's hopeful. He wants to know if tonight really was different, if tonight would be any different. Until something was different, the two of them would always be the same and with that, as good as the friendship was, it would feel like something would be out of reach. He wanted Rin to be out of reach.

He should apologize. He should speak and change the subject. The question had brought the mood down, and Rin had just been so happy. His eyes lock onto the water as he tries to think of something to say, to shift the mood, when the other boy finally speaks.]

I do sometimes. [Of course they do.] ...It's not the same thing.

[Rin's head snaps back to Haruka so fast he almost wonders if he injured something. What the hell does Haruka mean by that? What hell could he mean by that? It suddenly feels like everything he knows about Haruka, has known for years is failing him. Nothing explains why Haruka would bother pointing this out. Or a do a lot of things he's done tonight, actually.

He stares at Haruka, mouth parted in an undoubtedly stupid looking expression and that strange mix of anticipation and hope shining in his eyes. He lightly drums his fingers on the table, just in case they start trembling. He honestly feels like they might.]

... do you, um, want it to be special too? [He forces himself through the words, afraid that if he stops to consider, he'll convince himself this is as bad an idea as he knows it is.] Tonight, I mean...

[His eyes grow visibly wide. Somehow, he hadn't thought about this part. He doesn't know how to put words to what he wants. He wants more of this, but he could get more of this without saying anything. He wants... more than this. He wants more of Rin.

That wide-eyed look probably isn't helping his case, but he'll only add to the failure to communicate by opening his mouth, closing it. He should have known what to follow this up with, but both answers are equally dangerous.]

I want...this to be normal. [He manages to speak though he realizes too late that he doesn't communicate what he really wants very clearly. What if he says something and Rin disagrees and they stop being friends? What if he does agree and it doesn't work out?

What if he's left with this feeling forever unspoken?]

You being in and coming over for games. [He knows that can't happen on a more regular basis.

...What? Too?]

...I do.

[That reaction only heightens Rin's confusion. As do the words that follow. Normal? Is Haruka saying he wants to be better friends than they have in the past, now that they don't have to worry about the distractions of team commitments and studies? That would explain the push for coming over and playing games. That's something Haruka probably does with his other friends. Maybe Haruka's just saying he wants to do more of that, like they used to do once in a while when they were in high school.

Or is he saying he doesn't want this to stand out as anything particular? Maybe Haruka doesn't want to overthink it. He just wants to enjoy it, like he does.

But that... doesn't feel right. It doesn't explain Haruka's strange alternating display of boldness and hesitancy tonight.

When Haruka finally voices the remainder of his statement, something clicks loudly in Rin's brain. Something that Rin's been trying so hard to ignore all night. That impossible... maybe. What if it's more than a maybe?

But what if he's wrong? What if he's reading into things? What if Haruka rejects him?

He keeps his gaze lowered and traces the side of his glass with a fingertip, licking his lips.]

Haru... do you... want to do something like this tomorrow too? N-Not as fancy as this! But just... go out somewhere? Just us. [Rin presses harder against the glass.] I-I'd like that. Spending more time with you...

[And then, the waiter shows up again.]

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