uber driver, be my shrink for the hour

[memesmemes]

{The Road Trip Meme!!} It's that time of the year again! You decided to take a road trip! Either to your friends, relative, or perhaps an event, but oh, my goodness, what will happen along the way? • Post with your character name/fandom/options preferences. • Use RNG to pick your possible scenario - or just go with what you'd like most. • Reply to other people's tags. Use RNG, mix and match, or just wing it! • Enjoy! Situations: 1. BREAK DOWN Oh, snap, your car decided to break down out in the middle of nowhere. WHAT DO? Is that Leatherface? Will this be "Children of the Corn"? 2. TRUCK STOP You've stopped at a gas station. They're out of gas, snacks and the bathrooms are out of order. Wat do. (Zombie attack optional.) 3. HITCHHIKERS? Is this even a good idea? Why is their backpack leaking suspicious substances? Go wild. 4. WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST HIT? Dude, I hear deer mess up cars... or I think that was a deer. 5. DON'T MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND! Alas, you're the parent or the disgruntled friend who has had it up to here with all the fighting in the back. 6. OMG, I WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THIS LANDMARK! No, no, and no. You tell that person that they're going to be driven around and they're going to like it. 7. THE GREAT ESCAPE Either dinosaurs or the mothman is chasing you. Don't stop now. 8. MAKE OUT~ You're now parked in one of the make-out points in this town. Did you know? Well, that's up to you, as is what you do next. 9. WE'RE SO LOST The map blew away when you were stupid enough to open the windows earlier. You know that old stereotype about how men never ask for directions but women will? Time to see if you're going to prove it right or not. Try not to fight over it too much, driving partners. 10. BUT OFFICER... Those flashing lights in your rearview mirror? Definitely not just for decoration. Relationship (optional): 1. BUSINESS PARTNERS: The jet was undergoing some heavy repairs, so you have to drive to that big meeting. 2. BFFS/ROOMIES: On your last hurrah before you join the 'real world.' 3. NEWLYWEDS: You're a young couple on your honeymoon! Hope this doesn't ruin your relationship. 4. SIBLINGS: Whether this is a trip to reconnect or to fix things or to just deepen your bond as epic sibs is up to you. 5. PARENT & CHILD: It's like a family vacation for the two of you. try not to get on each other's nerves too much? (taken from memeonic & arspaulina @ lj)

Comments

[enshields]

[It's not just a voice. It's part of a whole, made all the harder to hear by the fact he knows it's an act. His smile goes funny, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment. It'd been a good one, so he breathes.]

I'm just fine, pal. Just fine. Thinking maybe we should turn on Judge Judy just for kicks.

[redactions]

​​​​[ He's not aware of the misstep until it's made, and a beat of nonaction betrays his uncertainty. He can't do anything about having once been Bucky, and not wanting to go back to him. He doesn't fit around James. The shoes are too tight, the coat's cut the wrong way. Quietly, he rests his cheek on Steve's head. ]

​​​​[ Soft, ] If that's what you want.

[enshields]

[What makes you happy? Sam'd asked, and Steve had thought of foxholes.]

Here, sit-- [He shifts away, and arranges himself cross-legged. Reaches for Bucky to pull him up into a like position.] Mind taking your shirt off?

[redactions]

​​​​[ He raises his eyebrows at first, and then summarily strips, sitting back straight. The metal glints in the light: the red star repainted to white, enclosed in a blue circle, with a thin red border. ]

[enshields]

[He reaches for his sketchpad, absently chews at the eraser. Not a habit he'd ever broken, though it'd been the ruin of many a rubber end. He shifts on the bed until he's in a spot he likes with lighting that suits, and then he starts to draw. The lines are quick and messy and too sharp, they soften beneath the pads of his fingers after he's laid them out. He looks up more than he would've had to with Bucky, and frowns while he works. That's not a James thing, it's a Steve thing. He rarely looked anything but a scowling neutral when he put something down on paper. His Ma called it his concentration face.

The nub breaks off his pencil when he starts etching in the star on Bucky's shoulder, he stares at it in something like dismay and glances up. It's an easy fix-- he didn't bring a sharpener, but they have plenty of knives. He's about to swing his legs to the side of the bed, to go find one and whittle it down, but something stops him.

He reaches out. Touches the shoulder, the recoloured lines of the star. After a moment,]

Does it help?

[redactions]

​​​​[ And James sits still, throughout. It's almost like sleep mode, if he were so inclined, but the reality isn't that simple. The Soldier was wiped regularly, for fear of the defects surfacing. Never let out too long, or the serum would heal his mind. HYDRA was careless, because Bucky ended his days on the table so quietly, slipped under the water and never surfaced for air. They did a better job on the Maximoff twins, and with most agents they turned after. Order is limited, and the human heart can never be yoked to a wheel and made to burn out. Perhaps that's optimistic of him. But James is with Steve until the end of the line. That's sentiment, corrupting the code. That was the piece of Bucky he kept safe above all others. Smart guy, Bucky Barnes. Smart guy, but scared. James almost wishes they could've met. ]

​​​​[ Steve touches him with his usual infinite care, nothing like handling glass and everything to do with knowing something is deeply precious. James gives him a thin, hard smile. ]

It helps them. I wear your colours and they know which way I'll shoot. ​​​​[ the last thing he needs is Steve's protection, but it won't be withdrawn, so he's put it to use ] I know what I am and what I'm for. A little paint doesn't make any difference to me.

[enshields]

[His expression flickers.]

It makes a difference to me.

[It's not said with any trace of defiance, or correction. Just simple stated fact. It does matter to him. Colours always have.]

You look good in blue.

[That's said as he lets his hand falls away, levers himself up off the bed and tracks down a knife. Honestly, Jim probably had one in his boot he'd have offered up if asked, but he has a surplus of excess energy. Moving helps, and he pulls a knife out of his bag and starts whittling over the room's accessory ash tray. He's halfway done when he hears steps outside, and instantly, without even thinking about it, he reverses his grip on the knife to something more suited to slitting throats. It's a few seconds before he can smell the pizza through the door, the wonder of enhanced senses.

He exhales, but doesn't quite relax as he goes to open it. He glances back to Bucky, who's already up and disappearing into the bathroom, shield in hand.

The pizza guy doesn't recognize him. Who would expect to find Captain America in a dive like this? But Steve doesn't breathe easy until he's shut the door again, and locked it. Locks won't stop their enemies, but old habits and all.]

[redactions]

​​​​[ He's about to retort when he hears it: footsteps first. Shuffling gait. Then, the smell of pizza. He won't be fast enough to pull on the shirt or reach the flesh sleeve he keeps in the travel bag. James stands, silent, and takes the shield into the bathroom with him, maintaining a sightline. If he's good enough to mimic this and use it against an enemy agent, then it stands to reason someone else is perfectly capable of using the same trick. There's things out there now, people with powers. All kinds of new ways to die. Steve doesn't see this as a game you can win or lose, but it is. The winners live. SHIELD and HYDRA weren't so different, and while neither is around in the same form on the new playing field they all still know the game. Win, or die. ]

​​​​[ Colours matter, Steve says. Symbols matter, and Captain America has slowly consumed the man James remembers like fog, but knows the form as surely as he knows Steve Rogers is his friend. His last kill order, destroy Captain America. It'd be purely sentimental to follow through on it, but he's a sentimental man now. He puts the shield down and drifts back towards Steve, invading his personal space and leaning in so that their their foreheads are pressed together. Breathing, until it's synchronised. He remembers this. ]

Blue was his colour.

[enshields]

It was a colour he wore.

[A concession. He makes it softly, their breath mingles. He feels, almost, as if it should frost in the air.]

It didn't make the man. He would've looked good in chartreuse, the damn peacock.

[redactions]

​​​​[ His expression is inscrutable, palm flat against the door. He can hear Steve's heartbeat. ]

Are you grieving for what you think I've lost?

[enshields]

Would it make a difference if I was?

[It's not an evasion. His voice is-- rough.]

[redactions]

​​​​[ What would Sam do, or Bucky? James draws him into a gentle hug. The smell of pepperoni sticks to his shirt, and his fingers are coloured with pencil lead. ]

It would to me.

​​​​[ It's one more piece of the puzzle of Steve Rogers, and James is working on that, real slow. ]

[enshields]

[It's selfish, he knows, to say, I miss my best friend, when the ghost of Bucky Barnes is solid and real and trying so hard. James doesn't want to be Bucky. Threatened to kill him once, if Steve tried to 'reprogram' him to fit that old mold. It hurt then, that he needed to be so wary, and it hurts now that he's trying on the skin in fits and starts because he thinks Steve needs it.]

I just hate that you've been hurt, Jim.

[He says it tiredly, resting his chin on Bucky's shoulder. He has no right to the pain of it all, he knows. It's not his scar, his wound of war to wear. But God, he aches, he burns just the same, and wishes - not for the first time - that he'd been faster.]

[redactions]

That's not it.

[ He cards his hand through Steve's hair idly, then ducks his head to meet his eyes. There's no warmth in them, just focus. He could wear blue and be Bucky. It'd be kind. Everything would pass, save the eyes, and even then people would look at the colours he wore and think him tame. James knows the truth of his heart. He's a monster, with a monster's teeth. And they sink in to Steve. ]

You want to take this on your shoulders? Fine. I never said you weren't an idiot. What you don't get to do is say we're friends and keep the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You hurt for him. You miss him. [ with force, ] It's allowed.

[enshields]

[Distantly, some emotion roars like whitewater in his veins. But he has a Soldier's focus too, and so he stands unbowed.]

I know. But it's not on you. It's not your fault, and you shouldn't--

[He draws a breath that sears his lungs. An old pain.]

I don't want to make you feel like your value is any less than his. He was a good man. But you are too. In a lot of the same ways and a few I'm still learning. I'm sorry I can't let go. I'm not ready. I'm trying, James. You deserve that much.

[redactions]

​​​​[ His hand automatically rubs Steve's back, in familiar circular motions. All this time he'd been looking for Bucky, wondering if he could fit that cage because Steve needed it, and he should've been looking for little Stevie, from Brooklyn. But he's gone, too. He fell asleep in the ice and never woke up. ]

What're you apologising for? Not letting go is part of being human. Like you were ever anything else.

​​​​[ Something more, yes, but that's just the body, and the body has nothing to do with what's in the heart. ]

Dumbass.

[enshields]

[A wry murmur,]

Stop the presses.

[It's not agreement. But it's enough, right now, and Steve goes to flip open the box of pizza.]

[redactions]

​​​​[ Should he have had a gentler touch? He's not quite willing to let go of Steve, but his tolerance for physical contact wears thin even on the best days. He moves away, the lines changing. Something more of a solid presence in the room. ]

[enshields]

[He holds a piece - dripping, slick with grease, the pepperoni riding a wave of hot cheese off one side of it - out to James, and then rifles through the bag for the sodas he'd ordered. Coke for himself and Cherry cola for Jim, the latter gets tossed in a low underhand. The former he cracks the seal on to take a long drink.

He swears he can taste the corn syrup.]

Ever think about going to Hawaii?

[redactions]

​​​​[ He catches the can of Cherry cola and a napkin for the pizza, eating quickly and noiselessly. The flavour's rich, and when he's on the crust he savours the taste of the bread. Food's not made like it used to be, and he's ready to try everything denied to him over the past seventy years. ]

It's on the list. I need beachwear.

[enshields]

[He tips his head to one side.]

No time like the present. We could catch a red-eye.

[redactions]

​​​​[ He cracks a thin smile, no hardness in it. ]

Not a spontaneity kinda guy.

​​​​[ Even a trip like this, he planned carefully, noting any possible triggers, investigating and preparing for every scenario. It's not exhausting, when he does it automatically anyway, but going off-route takes strength he doesn't have. ]

[enshields]

[That's fair. He works his jaw to one side.]

Two weeks? Three?

[What's enough?]

[redactions]

​​​​[ The smile warms, and widens. ]

You really want me in a swimsuit that bad?

[enshields]

[He doesn't quite roll his eyes, but it's close.]

It'll give me somethin' else to draw.