bakerstreet | ALIGNMENT SWAP.

Oh. [His eyes lower once more.] That's a shame.

[He sighs, drooping heavily in his restraints.]

Did we remember to get rid of that Simmons, at least? The one that was like you but a little bit off? She did terrible things with your face.

[God, what to say?]

She's gone now. It's just us.

[She can't make it a question, that gives it away, but is it better to guess?]

It was... odd, having two of me there.

[Jemma's using the past tense, and that means the world to Fitz. It was odd. That means the oddness is resolved from her, doesn't it?]

"was"? It's over? They can see you proper now?

[The edges of his mouth curl into a soft smile.] Felt like I was going mad for a bit there. ...I'm glad you were right. You're always right about everything.

[Jesus.

Jemma bites down on the inside of her mouth to keep from crying out, and takes her free hand, covering her face. A couple tears spill over anyway, she cant' help it. She takes a deep breath and quickly wipes them away.

She drops her hand again.]

Fitz, look at me.

[his head raises to meet hers. He's as pliant to her as he'd been to his hallucination, open and absolutely trusting. Jemma's his best friend. Of course he'll listen to her.]

Your eyes are wet. What's wrong?

[She hadn't meant for him to see that much. She forces herself to move along, quiet and steady.]

We think there's a possibility you had been experiencing some mania accompanied by hallucinations.

[She watches him take that in, her hand still in his.]

You know this is me, and the only me there has ever been, right?

....hallu....cination...

[He has difficulty processing that part. What is Simmons getting at? What could possibly be the implication?]

... what about the other one? the one that tried to take your place?

[Jemma's trying to tell him a very important, very specific thing. Perhaps it's less that Fitz doesn't understand and more that he doesn't want to.]

[Other words had been thrown about. Psychosis, risperidone, she thought she even heard "TAHITI treatment" but nothing, nothing was going to be done until she said so. She wished this were a physical disturbance, that she could have fixed. The mind -- the brain really was a giant question mark.]

You thought I was the imposter, Fitz. Because... [Well, she's not sure why, and maybe it would be better to not plant false impressions in his head.] Back in the lab.

[His head tilts at that.]

Well. She was there when you weren't.

We're always together. So she's real.

[And then that presents a brand new paradox. Because there's only one Jemma here right now. So. What does that mean? He whimpers lightly.]

[The guilt doesn't stab her like a knife, it's more like needles. Needles that poke her until she is paralyzed. It always takes a moment to recover.]

I'm sorry I left. I wasn't... I thought I was making you worse instead of helping you get better, and Coulson wanted eyes at Hydra, someone that would have access... [Excuses. She could have said no, find someone else. But she didn't.]

I guess that I was wrong. [It's not an admission she likes to make.]

[It's still a struggle to have this conversation in a way that allows Fitz to understand his place in it. Maybe Jemma was wrong and he is dying. Perhaps that's why things keep fogging in and out of clarity. He tries to respond to the words instead of the discussion, even though he's not sure whether they entirely fit.]

You're not wrong, Jemma. I trust you, no matter what. You know that, right? I love you.

[She sighs a little, and nods. She still doesn't know how to answer that. But whether or not she's in love with him, she does love him. And he at least doesn't seem to be seeing Jemma, and not violent. Would it be so bad?]

I know. I love you, too, you know that.

[He smiles, and moves to embrace her.

Except his arms are still bound down. He tugs at the restraints as if noticing them for the first time.]

...Simmons?

[Jemma had almost forgotten them too. Awkward.]

Don't worry, Fitz, I'll just...

[There are people standing by outside if something happens, and it was just in case he woke up... like he had been. She begins undoing them, first of the hand she'd been holding and then leaning across the bed to get to the other.]

You had been violent, and. These were just in case you didn't feel better; we didn't want you to hurt yourself.

[Or anyone else. But. Mostly the other thing.]

Violent? [He repeated the word incredulously, because it simply must have developed a new meaning somehow.] Me?

B-but I'm not... I'd never...! I wouldn't know where to start, really...

It wasn't you. Not you being yourself. We all know that.

[His arms are now free, but her hands linger over his.]

Things will be better now, Fitz.

[Once she's lifted the restraints, his hands dart up to snatch her wrists, thumbs painfully pressing against her arteries.]

Things will be better when you tell me what you've done with Jemma.

[That's the way things ultimately clicked together for him. Jemma's already admitted that she wasn't the one who worked with him all that time. And so she had to be the false one. It was the only thing that made any sense at all.]

[She was an idiot. Of the highest order.] Fitz! FITZ!

[She struggles against him as best she can -- he's not exactly Mr. Muscles, but neither is she, and regardless he is taller and has a couple stone on her in addition to the rage fueling him. The shooting pain from her wrists stops her cold for a moment with the shock of it.]

FITZ STOP!

You're not her! You're a spy from Hydra. You--

[The grip at her wrists releases all at once, and Fitz sinks forward. He'll crumple from his seat entirely if not stopped by her body mass. Guards had been planted just outside for this very reason; Fitz was put back down at the first sign of distress from Simmons. One of them remarked about how inefficient it was to be forced to use non-lethal force.]

[Everything happens in slow motion, and suddenly he's stopped. A choked sob escapes her. When she hears the remark from the guard her temper abandons her completely. She lays Fitz back down with some difficulty and whirls on him.]

That is too bloody bad for you. Complain again and you'll be guarding snow banks above the Arctic Circle. Now GET OUT!

[They leave her alone with once again with unconscious Fitz. She keeps her face carefully neutral, redoing the restraints and replacing the IV that would deliver the sedative. She leaves brisk instructions to the nurse to send for her if there was a change and leaves before she can be questioned. She should report to Coulson.

But first she takes a detour to an unused portion of the Playground, full of empty storerooms and dark corners where she can cry without being heard.]

[This time, Fitz remained under sedation while more tests were run. There was some clear inflammation in the damaged areas of his brain, and swelling near the surrounding parts that were previously deemed healthy. The core of the part damaged by his oxygen deficiency also held some areas of necrotic tissue. They could operate to remove the abnormalities, but there were no guarantees that it would do anything to halt the degenerative process. The medical team itself was divided on treatment options; the word "lobotomy" was proposed more than once.

Knowing that she would allow no other option, the decision fell to Agent Simmons. It would be too resource-intensive to leave Agent Fitz under constant sedation and supervision as he was now. Something had to be done.]

Edited 2015-05-16 21:37 (UTC)

[it wasn't an end-of-life decision, but it was damn close, and it was one Jemma didn't want to make. Not by herself. This was usually the time she talked to Fitz. He was always happy to provide an opposing viewpoint and spotted she problems she didn't. It was what made them a fantastic team.

What do I do? If only there were an easy answer.

She didn't want to overthink it; in the end she had to think about what her best friend would have wanted. In the end, it was a moot point. They couldn't make things the way they were before dropping into the ocean, or even before she left for HYDRA. All she could do was go forward. Going forward, what he might actually want might be a bit murky, but Jemma knew what he wouldn't want. He wouldn't want to hurt people, or be less than what he could be, personally and professionally. That was what made the decision: they would try removing the dead tissue first.

(Coulson brought up TAHITI again. She's still not ready to think about it, and if they didn't know if this would work, how did he know TAHITI would? Still. Something to consider. Them leaving SHIELD would have to be a last resort, they would be easy HYDRA targets alone.)

All in all, it plays like a compressed version of the nine day coma. She sits while the operation takes place, waiting. Others come wait with her. Skye is there, and then Coulson, Bobbi, Lance, even May takes a turn. In the end, the best thing about it is nobody says what they think she wants to hear. There is not an empty platitude to be found, and she is grateful for it.

Years later (it feels like) he is taken to recovery, and she goes in to wait more. He looks more like himself asleep, maybe that would prove too upon waiting. The neurosurgeon told her he would be groggy enough that sedation wouldn't be immediately necessary. Still, as always, there was someone with an ICER on watch.

She picks at the blanket where she leans on the lower half of the bed. She looks up again, but still nothing. She sighs. When she speaks it is almost to herself.]

If this works, I'm never leaving you again.

[It sounds almost needy to her ears; she wasn't that girl, but this was simply true. She would not leave him again. The quiet venom in her next statement cancels any trace of sentimentality.]

If it doesn't, I'll kill Ward myself.

[The operation, as a whole, was deemed as successful as could be expected. The offending tissue was removed, and the rest of it was left to heal on its own. When it was over, Fitz slept for a very long time. Major surgery of that caliber was difficult to shake off, and there seemed to be no rush to return to the land of the waking.

Oddly enough, his first sign of consciousness emerges when Simmons begins to speak of murder. Fitz stirs immediately afterward, the peaceful serenity robbed from his expression. His eyes twitch rapidly behind closed lids, and his voice emerges through a thick, sleepy haze.]

not safe.. ward is Hydra. ...ward is.. he's Hydra..

[he repeats it over and over again. He doesn't know if anyone's nearby, and it's terribly important that the information come out.]

Fitz...

[She straightens and comes a bit further up, closer to him. If it didn't take he probably doesn't have the strength to strangle her or anything, but it still makes her heart jump in her chest.]

It's okay, Fitz. Everyone knows.

[Her voice is panacea for his mumbling. He sighs lightly, words trailing off. His fingers twitch, searching for hers.]

jemma... you're safe?

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You can't make me cry at work I AM A PROFESSIONAL DAMMIT

Yes, well I do what I can.

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