bakerstreet | I have died every day waiting for you.

I have died every day waiting for you.

I have loved you for a thousand years...

Some say that if a pair of lovers die together in tragedy, they will get another chance when they are reborn. Even if the two of you keep losing each other, you'll get to meet again.

This meme is that meeting. For the first time? For the hundredth time? That much isn't clear. What is clear is that on this, your seeming first meeting -

Everything rushes back to you. Memories, emotion, and all the comes with it...including the memory of how you two died. Overwhelming, isn't it? Some people find it hard to accept, for good reason. What will you do? You can't just bring it up, they'll think you're crazy! Maybe you don't want to bring it up, as you refuse to believe it yourself. And even if you do believe it, that doesn't mean you have to embrace it. You're your own person, after all. You refuse to love someone merely because of who you were in the past.

Or maybe you can't help but let these feelings rise to the surface because they're too strong. No matter what, you can't repress it. In fact, the more you two meet and spend time together, the more you find yourself falling back into the old roles...and making the old mistakes. That isn't good, though; there's one more thing. One of you, when you first met, had a vision about how the two of you would die this time.

You can't let that happen. Not again.

Comment with your character and your preferences.
Feel free to do a modern AU of your character. Assumed CR and AUs are a must here.
Don't feel obligated to stick with first meetings. Play that the characters have known each other for a while, are trying to have a relationship while trying to be their own unique selves, not having a relationship because THE PAST DOESN'T DEFINE ME, or even trying to avoid death in an adventurous fashion!
Reply to others.

...I'll love you for a thousand more.

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Squalo goes easily at the tug, moving to carefully position himself to straddle Xanxus's lap and press his face closer to the man's neck. He isn't gentle as he sinks his teeth into Xanxus's throat, but he's not overly rough like he could be. There wasn't any threat in his bite, just once again reminding his Boss that the shark may be tamed, but one should never doubt it could easily take a hand off. He doesn't chew like he wants to either, doesn't leave any lasting bruised beyond what he knows is an angry red mark marring his throat.

"You ever think we've done this shit before, Boss?" He asks suddenly, smiling sharply as he decided to rest his hands against the man's shoulders, though begins to knead them as he thinks that the bastard was far to tense to be even remotely comfortable stilling in his chair. "Just seems familiar?"

The weight isn't unwelcome and though he could be an ass and make a dig at Squalo about gaining a few too many pounds and making him sweat it off, he doesn't. Because this is just too familiar to him. Too comfortable. It's not something he could do with anyone else but this man. Because to do this, he has to let his guard down. And so what if the man leaves teeth marks, Squalo wears enough of his marks every time he gets frustrated or angry or bored.

He is none of these at the moment. It's almost contentment, which in and of itself is a miracle. It won't last because it never does, but at least for a moment, Squalo is doing a damn good job at being a nice tranquilizing Rain for him. But then the question comes along with the hands at his shoulder and that calm is gone. He's frowning and he is indeed tense, though strong hands, metal and flesh alike do wonders for his shoulder.

"It does. It's strange. Sometimes, when I look at you, it's like I'm seeing someone else. Someone I should know and it pisses me off because I don't know and I never forget a damn face. But you're not someone else. You're my piece of shit shark." Yet now that Squalo has said something to him about it, he can't stop thinking about just how nostalgic this position really is. About how once upon a time, those agile hands would be tangling into hair let out of a thin ponytail and they would be discussing affairs that had nothing to do with business and everything to do with them.

Chuckling against Xanxus's neck, Squalo slumps at the confirmation that he wasn't crazier than normal and that he wasn't alone in this sense of deja vu. All it does is make him bite down again, pleased with the whole situation and not really bothering to hide it. “Vooi, thank fuck it's not just me,” he finally vocalizes, pulling his teeth away from Xanxus's neck and giving the man more hard pushes into the knots he can reach on the man in his slight pleasure. “Thought I was going even more insane, you have any idea what a fucking feat that is to me? Pretty sure I was headed for a mental break down.”

He rolls his eyes again, though pulls back enough to look at his boss right in the eye, scanning for some sort of tell of well, he's not sure what he's looking for, but he doesn't think Xanxus would lie to him about something like this. After all, Squalo'd never lie to him, sure he might just not say everything he knows, because some things are better kept quiet than shouted from the rooftops at an glass shattering decibel. After all, anything Xanxus wanted was just fine with him, always had been and always will be.

“Then again, we both might just be getting crazier with age,” of fucking course Squalo has to let his mouth run, has to absolutely tease Xanxus about it. He knows the man doesn't count those 8 years in the ice, that by that logic, Xanxus is younger than him by a good 6 years at this point. But like fuck those 8 years didn't happen for Squalo, that he didn't count them. How couldn't he? They were his failure, no matter how many times he had to tell himself that no, there was nothing he could do, but like fuck will that irrational little part of his brain will stop blaming himself for how the coup ended those 18 years ago. “Not like that'd be fucking new though, could play it up. Terrify some trash into doing me a favor and killing themselves for not being fuckin' quality.”

Xanxus almost points out that Squalo isn't the one with a history of mental health issues in the family. Whatever the fuck had been wrong with his mom was probably hereditary. Why else would he still be putting up with all this bullshit unless he was certifiable. And insanity of that level does always tend to draw more craziness to it. But that's not really fair or an issue he enjoys bringing up. The less said about his past, the better, all the way around.

Which is why this was just so damn irritating. Because this seemed like the past beyond his normal one. It made it a little less so with Squalo to confirm he's still got all of his very few marbles. Squalo being on his lap and kneading his shoulders also helps matters.

It's now his turn to give the man a bite. He leans forward and he locates the juncture between neck and shoulder before sinking his teeth in. It's not playful. It's punishing. He does not. Like. Being. Reminded. It goads him that his Sweet Sixteen was spent as a bosscicle and the year he became legal and could bang anyone he felt like...and the year he was legally allowed to drink without first showing his ID (his gun to their face).

"They'd come with white coats, you moron. And then I'd have to kill them and medicate you and that's too much of a pain in my ass. Besides." he licks the mark he made. "You would bitch if you couldn't stab something into something else, Freudian bastard." He sort of remembers that sort of thin too.

Squalo lets out a breathy laugh that slides into a low hiss as the punishing bite is paid to his neck, his kneading pauses and then redoubles as he listens and feels the swipe of a tongue against his neck. Perfect, always so perfect. He hummed, nosing along Xanxus's jaw before he returned the harsh bite he was paid. “You say that like I wouldn't find something to stab people with. It'd be pretty easy to peel the pads off the wall, get some of the wall behind it and see how much effort it'd take to shove that into someone.” Okay, maybe that was a bit telling of who he spent his time around that the bratty prince somehow managed to have that much of an influence on him even if he was a goddamned lazy bastard.

“But I don't think you'd be too happy medicating me. Means you'd have to deal with all the trivial bullshit in Varia. You'd also have to fend for yourself via food cause no fucking smart chef will step in here thinking they can cook for you and live to see another day.”

Squalo's always a buffer, he guessed, something a little less harsh and jagged – only a little, however, than Xanxus but it's enough to keep everything running smoothly. He thinks of a time where it was a little less him doing everything and a little more equal, but he knows he'd rather it this way. Xanxus deserved the best and Squalo prided himself on being exactly that. “Not gonna lie, Boss... I like this a bit better than however the fuck we were back then. A lot more fun for me, at least.”

He can sort of remember how this went before. How sometimes moments like this went further. Biting and small moments of closeness led to deeper closeness. Where the line between normal leaders and right hand men were crossed. Sometimes, he crossed them too. It was just how they were. Squalo could bring out the best in him but also the worst. Most of the time, it was the worst though.

“You've been thinking about that, haven't you.” He was actually teasing because yeah. He didn't put it past Squalo to indeed always figure out a way to murder someone. He was a dangerous man, but a man that Xanxus owned because he wasn't afraid of playing with fire. And if Squalo burned him so be it, he would just burn back hotter.

"Yeah yeah. You can stop reminding me of how fucking useful you are, already." He sort of fists at Squalo's hair for a moment before nuzzling at the bite marks he had made. "And you got that right, you piece of shit. Whoever I was, it isn't me. This is me and I'm not going to be anything else. So you just better fucking deal with it." Even if he could sometimes remember how it once was, it meant nothing. Whatever they had back then, they could do whatever they wanted now.

Never let it be said that Squalo liked safe people, places or things, not with how he actively preferred his boss at his worst if only to see him burn all the more brightly at his best. Sometimes, he thinks if Xanxus really pushed for it, the whole world would kneel before him and stand in awe of the ferocious wrath he held. He'd forever roll his eyes at Vongola forsaking Xanxus as their leader, but he knew and he's pretty sure Xanxus knew, it was at it's best with the runt. A pity that it needed someone like that instead of the man he was on top of.

“Thinking about killing someone in new and interesting ways? Boss, that's my job,” Squalo teases back and though Squalo was grinning like a maniac, there was something a little tame hidden in it, “would be a pretty shitty assassin if I couldn't kill someone with a piece of wall. Wonder how much pressure it'd take to put some dry wall through a jugular. Might be messy, definitely worth it just to say I did it.” He starts chuckling again, humming as he tilted his head back to allow Xanxus more space to nuzzle against.

He doesn't think he could burn hot enough to ever burn Xanxus, there was no way that he could and that was just how Squalo liked it. He wouldn't have it any other way.

“Sometimes I worry you'll forget who the fuck does most of the work around here,” he adds tauntingly, though quiets himself and mulls over the words Xanxus says, how he should react and what were the appropriate things to say to the leader of Varia. “Voooi, you say that like I ever thought of you as anything but some asshole that fucking owns me. Couldn't ask for more than you to always be you. Why the fuck do I need the past when I have you right here?” He snarks, a shark-like smile appearing as he pulled back to take his teeth to Xanxus's bottom lip and tug briefly and release it. “Anything you want boss, always going to be fine with me. You should remember that.”

He might run the risk of growing too affectionate with how comfortable he's growing. It makes him a little more free with where he places his hands on the swordsman, how his thumbs make small circles against the fabric of his clothing about just where he's contemplating putting marks. Somewhere high enough for the whole fucking world to see his ownership sucked in a dark bruise on Squalo's throat.

"I'll see about getting you a special job, just so you can find out." Because he can spoil Squalo when he chooses. Though it's probably not really spoiling if it's Xanxus getting the contract. He always tends to go for the most difficult things, always up to throw the man he firmly believes it the best swordsman in the fucking world against jobs considered impossible by sane standards.

"Like you'd let me forget. You bitch too much too loudly for me to ignore, you mouthy fuck." The fondness in his voice can't be avoided and he hides it by responding to the tug of teeth by surging forward to give the man a punishing kiss that's certain to leave lips swollen. Only when he's certain of that does he pull back with a dark smirk. "That's also something I'm not going to forget." Anyone who dared to think they could take Squalo from him...well, they wouldn't live long enough to realize their mistake.

Squalo laughs, loud and nearly overly gleeful at the prospect that Xanxus knew what would make him smile when he really put his ass to it. And spoiling him with insane missions that no one with even half an ounce of sense would take. But again, Squalo's never been particularly sane, the man in front of him paying him affection was more than proof of it. And just to drive that thought home, he smiles wide and sharp pressing his lips close to Xanxus's ear as he dug his hands into the man's shoulder to at least attempt to brace himself for any retaliation.

“Careful Boss, someone might hear you complimenting me too much and think you're going soft,” he taunts, grabbing an earlobe with his teeth and tugging lightly. “Hell, if you're not careful, might think I need to be more mouthy just to get reminded that you're not gonna start crooning love songs at me from a window and hold a fucking boom box or whatever over your head.” Yeah, he's an asshole and sure, maybe he'd have not taken the time to remind Xanxus that people could possibly catch him with his affection back then. But he's not that person, not really, not anymore. Too much was different and he liked it now. Liked the way he still gets let into the wrathful man's little bubble and give as good as he got – or just about as good.

“See that you don't, the day you do I'm assuming you're an impostor and cutting your head off. After all, my loyalties to you, not some shitty dick who can't remember even the most basic things in life.” Of course, no one would ever really call his loyalty basic, not really, but to Xanxus, he at least thought it was a basic and irrefutable fact.

"I doubt they'd hear me over you." he states and his hands shift down to grab hold of the man's rear a moment. It's not quite retaliation, but it's close enough for the moment. "And you don't have to worry about bullshit like that. I'd kill myself before I ever did anything that fucking stupid." Because this right here is just about as romantic as he can tolerate. Maybe the him back then was a little better at it, but he doesn't do sentimental bullshit. It's a waste of his damn time when he could just skip to the fun parts.

It's not like men like them have time for anything else. Even now, they're on borrowed time. Any moment, this could be interrupted by some annoying jackass. Squalo would be unceremoniously dumped off his lap so he could shoot whatever poor asshole decided to bother him. Clearly, there needed to be some new rule, along with the other "do not bother the Boss when" rules of survival. If Squalo is in there for longer than fifteen minutes, leave them the fuck alone.

“Heh,” is the first thing he says, grunting as Xanxus grabbed his ass and he lifts slightly automatically. “Gotta make sure everyone hears me, otherwise nothing will get done, Boss. Think about what'd happen if I went quiet for a day. Everyone would wonder who the fuck pissed me off properly and they'd be even more on edge, cause they'd assume it was you. Which means double the death until shit blew over.” Because if he isn't loud as all hell, something was clearly wrong with him and everyone needed to hide until it was over. “Shit, wonder if the weaker trash would just end up offing themselves before I got to them. Shit, I should do that for shits and giggles, Boss.”

Squalo digs his hands into the muscles of Xanxus's shoulders, though he smirks and removes them and quickly goes to unbuttoning his shirt. “Would feel better directly on your skin, Boss.” Not that he didn't have any ulterior motives, no, not at all. “Sides, the fuck do you even wear a shirt for if you're not gonna do it up properly, fucking hope one day you end up with frost bite.”

He kneads those little handfuls of Squalo's backside, considering the thought for a moment. A slow dark smirk lies across his lips the more he thinks about the idea. It sounded like an idea way to cull all the worthless shits from their ranks before they fucked things up for everyone. "Sounds like a fucking hilarious idea, but I doubt you could keep your fucking mouth shut for that long. You probably wouldn't last a day."

His dark smirk slides into a harsh scowl and one hand goes from a massaging to an utterly unforgiving pinch. Mostly because any fuck with half a brain knows that his scars are all because of frostbite as it is. He was fucking lucky he fell out of the ice and kept all his fingers and toes. "Watch it, scum, you're straining my good will. I'll wear what I want, how I want. I'll go around fucking naked if I want to. You don't bitch about my wardrobe choices and I don't break your face in 17 places. How does that grab you?"

"That a fucking challenge, Boss?" He purrs lowly, leaning in again and raising his brows high on his forehead, almost having them touch his hairline. "Could make a wager on it." He then screeched as the hands turned into pinching and he swears more loudly than he had yet.

"Voi! You asshole, maybe I don't want you getting more stupid scars. Only scars you get to have are either from kicking the shit outta me or in a really good mission." He does well not to headbutt him and completely ruin the moment, but the urge was there. He's pretty sure that urge is just stuck in this life, because he doesn't think he and Ricardo fought as much as he and Xanxus did. "And you wanna walk around naked? Go ahead. Just don't complain to me about it being cold or your dick shrinking from the cold."

His ears ring at the sound of that screech. It's a damn good thing that his people are smart enough not to investigate all the loud fucking noises that happen. Probably something to do with self-preservation. Smart of them. At least some of the scum has the sense of mind not to piss him off, unlike some long haired assholes he can name.

"You almost sound like you give a fuck." He knows it's not almost though. That shit that happened, it really fucked the Varia up. He doesn't like thinking about it. About how fucked everything would have been if he hadn't gotten out. He wondered if the former him ever had anything that fucked up but back then they had other things to worry about.

"Even if it shrank, it's still be bigger than yours." He doesn't argue bitching about the cold because he knows it's true. There's a reason he hates mission to Russia with a passion of a thousand burning suns other than fuck Russia. "You just don't want bitches all over me and you know it." He smirks. "Jealousy doesn't suit you, you piece of shit."

"Of fucking course I do, you shitty bastard," he snarls, pinching Xanxus's cheek none to lightly as the bastard went on to say he was jealous. Okay, he couldn't lie that it was a slight thing, but he betted Xanxus would hate it more if all the bitches were flocking to him. After all, the shark could turn on the charm easily.

"You know what, let's do that. You go naked and I'll go naked and we'll see who everyone goes to. The asshole glaring at all of them or the guy who can be charming when people deserve it. See how you'd like that." He tugs on the pinched cheek and chuckles lowly, imagining it. It could either be a shit show or something glorious that Squalo finally managed to win at against his boss.

Hell, not like he wouldn't enjoy it either, girls flocking to him? Course he would. Not like he didn't like women or anything, in fact, he knew he probably swung harder for them against any guy, unless it was the bastard he was sitting on top of. That didn't change either.

"Also, fuck you, my dick is fine!" He yells, releasing the cheek to instead nudge his way against Xanxus's neck to bite hard in punishment. "Sides, I like the cold. Only fire I like is yours."

He growls at the pinch and then huffs a little. "If I'm naked and you're naked, then there isn't going to be anyone flocking to anyone because we'd be real fucking busy, dumbass." Because he's honest with himself and knows that if he gets Squalo naked, he's going to be the one enjoying him. "And even if there was people around, bitches know where you belong." And though he's just as much of a possessive jealous bastard, he actually wouldn't cockblock his second. Let the asshole get laid, so long as he came back.

He swears at the hard bite and retaliates by yanking on the man's hair. "Your dick is pathetic. If we weren't talking about it, I might forget you even have one." Still, he's smiling because that makes him happy, knowing Squalo appreciated his fire. A distant memory tells him that the man Squalo used to be had also liked it a lot. "And what you're telling me is that I can give all the shit missions. Good to know. I'll enjoy the Bahamas and all that shit and you can freeze your fine ass off."

At the true statement that if they're both naked, they would be busy with each other, Squalo has to stifle a laugh and instead continue his farce of actual indignation at the implication that his dick's pathetic. He bites him again, though as his hair ends up yanked, he yelps far to loudly and releases the scarred skin between his teeth. Yet, as steel colored eyes catch that smile, the knowledge that Xanxus appreciated the truth, understood that his fire was what warmed Squalo's life whether they were dancing through the battle field or even like this, where they seemed to goad at each other just to save a tiny bit of face and not seem like they were getting too affectionate.

Well, Squalo was mostly doing it for Xanxus's benefit, fuck knew how much he wanted to shower his boss in nothing but affection, kiss the scars, make more promises he knew he'd keep and make sure Xanxus knew he was always going to be there. Maybe he just wanted the action of it, knew that well, fuck if he followed the asshole in one life to this one... Well, he didn't need to say dick all, still, that urge to do shit was there. He squashes it back down, right where it belonged, maybe he could do it back then, but them of the now didn't have the space in their lives for that shit.

"Vooooooi, you say that like you don't do that anyways!" His tone's a lot softer than it would've been if he wasn't trying to keep his boss in a good mood, keep him smiling and relaxed -- well, for him. His flesh and blood hand drifts from Xanxus's shoulder, down his chest and stops against his hip, squeezing it as he leans in properly for a quick kiss and even quicker nip to his bottom lip. "I'll be sure to put my cold feet on you, you asshole."

God forbid they show anything resembling healthy human attachment. Perhaps once up a time, they might have. They had probably been utterly disgusting, but this is now and there's no way in hell either of them are well adjusted enough to accept such a weakness. Plus, Xanxus already learned the hard lesson years ago; the things you cared for most could be taken from you, so it was best not to care.

He did allow a small bit of fondness for the man who had waited, but that's all he could allow. Even if like this, alone and with no one to target that weakness, there were lines that Xanxus didn't allow himself to cross. It was better to just fall into their easy scathing banter while trying to see how many marks they can place upon each other.

He's kicking around the notion of putting a nice big hickey right where everyone could see it. But he'll do that after that kiss. A kiss that's too much but also never enough. Sometimes, he thinks that of all his unhealthy additions, these moments with Squalo were among the worst. If he was being honest with himself, he could admit that he would give up drinking before he gave up his Right Hand man. Except the part where he never would be that honest, even under torture.

"You do that." He shifts his weight under Squalo and ducks his head to find a nice spot on the man's neck. There. He's going to put it right there. "And I swear to fuck I'll cut your goddamn feet off."

The only honesty Squalo expects is rage from his boss, those flames couldn't lie to him and Squalo himself, is an open book. He's been nothing but honest to Xanxus, sure he's kept things to himself, but he would shower him with the words if he asked for it. But, Xanxus doesn't, so he doesn't. It really had no place with them and sure, it had a place back then, where shit was only about building a mafia that would surely dominate under the watchful eyes of that bastard, Spade.

He'd have waited longer if it had come to it, he'd wait his whole life and multiple others if he hadn't been set free from the ice. It's not why he puts up with the so-called abuse, that Squalo sees as nothing more as Xanxus doing what he pleased with what belonged to him. The honor of why he stays belongs to a reason Squalo's never quite been able to pin down, it changes.

Squalo knows he could be away from Varia and still dominating most things, he could probably be even better than he is now if he didn't put Xanxus above everyone and everything else. Yet, he's never thought of sheering the hair off, not even when it gets coated with things that would take ages to wash out. It was a vow he never even needed, but put out there anyways. His hair wasn't as long, then, but that had been grown for himself, not for Ricardo, anyways.

Kissing Xanxus was always a rush, no matter how small or how hard they bite each other, he always swore he could taste the wrath in his mouth. Maybe that alone was why he stayed, because Xanxus burned brighter than anyone he's seen in two lives. Only one worthy of his blade at his side, really.

He makes it easy for Xanxus to duck close and look for a place to mark, he lifts his head even in slight submission for him while he snickers at the thought of Xanxus cutting his feet off. "Could always do it while you're asleep, just stick 'em on you and see how fast you wake up. See how fast you try to toss me outta bed."

Strong fingers press to the back of Squalo's neck so that his teeth can graze at that spot. He's not gentle about it at all. It's not just going to be a hickey, but also a perfect imprint of his teeth, just a little extra touch on top of everything else that states what the world already knows: this is mine.

He pulls back to look at his mark, one of so many and smirks. Perfect. His smirk slides into another growl, eyes narrowing. "If I let you back in my bed, trash." An empty threat. He's entertained a lot of others, but Squalo is the only one that's ever gotten to stay past the main event. "And if you did worm your way again, there'd be no trying." He locks eyes with the man, and there's that blazing promise. "I will kill you."

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I have died every day waiting for you.

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