bakerstreet | the true self meme

[It was a lesser known fact that Tony could give an entire scientific lecture and make more sense than most sober men could. But Loki was right, his movements were too steady. Too precise. So this was likely not his inner boozed philosopher. But Tony barks a short, sardonic laugh when Loki says he's flattered.] Flattered, right.

[But then, when Loki speaks again, Tony does turn around slowly, swivelling the chair he's in. He brings the Phillips head screwdriver to his temple, tapping it there as if in thought. His newly amber eyes narrow a fraction.]

Attention. That's what we both crave--that's how I knew you were hitting Stark Tower during your alien incursion. I always want your attention. [He slowly stands from the chair, lowering the screwdriver but he doesn't drop it.] But if I ask for your attention, I know what will happen.

I always wanted my father's attention. I did everything he wanted and more. I excelled in my studies, I built and designed things that terrified my instructors, I wanted him to notice. But he didn't. [A shrug.] I never said it, but I hated him for it. I hated that he hated me. I hated that he loved his work more than his own family. I hated that he died and left me alone.

[He takes a step closer to Loki, but there is still half a room between them. He can recognise that posture and it makes him want to see how far he can push the other.]

I know you'll leave. [He takes another step towards the Jotun, screwdriver still in hand at his side. Tony's entire posture is threatening in the way he carries himself. He's always stood holier-than-thou, but never displaying full on aggression.] Come on, Prancer, tell me I'm wrong.

[Loki listens to all of this. How could he do otherwise? It's...worryingly emotional, all things considered, despite Tony's otherwise calm tone. But even for all that there's something undeniably there between them, they still tend to avoid more emotional language, they don't tread into vulnerable territory. Their sheer presence in one another's lives is almost too vulnerable as it is.

And no matter how wrong this is, Loki understands. He does, he truly does. He's been there, and suffered that same hurt and neglect. Not all of it was in his head.

There's half a room between them, and even Loki's vision isn't quite that sharp. His first impulse is to step nearer to take a closer look, but then Tony steps nearer instead. And while a screwdriver could hardly cause Loki any real damage, the way the human moves has him flinching back ever so slightly, shying away.

But being Loki, he tries to play it off. Tries to stall, while he thinks. Forcing a smile, he replies, lightly:] You hardly need to explain to me how it feels to hate one's father.

[He genuinely hesitates for a moment, before taking two steps forward, ducking his head a little for the sake of getting a better look at Tony.] What on Earth is the matter with you...?

Oh, that's right. You have some double-daddy hate going on, don't you? Or are you okay with the blue one? I'm assuming the whole smurf thing you've got going on has to do with your real parentage. I never asked--never wanted to put you on the spot like that--not after our little heart-to-heart when I was deliriously ill. I'm just really curious about a lot of things you, but see, there's that abandonment issue again.

[As Loki asks that question, Tony spread his arms in a shrug, a very uncaring expression crosses over his features.] Nothing. I'm just being the real me. Well, the real me stripped of all my endearing qualities--which are surprisingly few. I'm the real monster in sheep's clothing, here.

[He knows using the screwdriver as a weapon would be so incredibly ineffective. The attractive yet somewhat aggravating deity was remarkably durable for his appearance. Tony was one to prefer his higher tech tools, not too fond on the slower, archaic types like the object in his hand. So perhaps there was another reason he clung to it at the moment.

If Loki thought the Widow's ledger was full of red, the guilt on Tony's conscience with all the lives his legacy stole, tended to somewhat dwarf hers in terms of regret. That guilt fuelled his current state of mind--or rather, the current state of being.]

[For a moment, Loki's ears are ringing too badly to process Tony's answer to his question. The rapid-fire disregard for his anxiety about his other skin had been too much. While it's true that he'd never expect Tony to be tactful, they'd reached a point of understanding that this was an issue to dance around.

Now he is on the spot, and it's awful, and for a brief moment he actually looks genuinely betrayed.

But Loki has also had a great deal of practice at suppressing his emotions, practice which Tony is only starting to undo. After that bad moment, the full implications of what he's seeing sink in. Shortly followed by the answer itself.

Loki's gaze hardens. He raised a hand, green shimmers twining through his fingers. It's just a threat, for now - he needs at least a couple of minutes to properly execute a spell to even give him a general idea of what's wrong.

But he's seen the yellow eyes, and is now very confident that magic is at work.]

You flatter yourself.

[If this is something the 'actual' Tony will remember, it's very likely he'll drink himself into oblivion for the next week or two at just the memory of that betrayed expression. He knew better thank to bring up Loki's non-Asgardian descent. And that was the very reason this Shadow did just that.

The threat is received and the Shadow stills. He wants to take over Tony's existence, not get them both killed. The Shadow just wants rid of the original and attacking what Tony cared for most was the easiest way to push in that direction.]

Huh. That wasn't my intention at all, actually, I think I was going for the opposite. Tarnish the lie that is Tony Stark and let you see the unflattering truth.

I meant calling yourself a monster in comparison to me. [To Tony, the words would be a lamentation, another bit of Loki's impossibly easy, almost habitual self-hatred. Maybe they would be disguised as a joke, maybe not.

To this creature, whatever it is, whatever is behind the spell that changed Tony's voice and eyes, the words are very much a threat, spoken in a voice that's low and cold as ice. A reminder that even if he's let himself be tamed and kept, he is still a god, and he can make worlds tremble when his ire is roused.

And yet, beneath the grand facade remains a trembling uncertainty. Because he's not sure what he's dealing with yet. It could be a parasite, it could be an enchantment. Each possibility would require entirely different approaches, to avoid hurting what he steadfastly thinks of as the "real" Tony even now.

It could be something else entirely. Loki is very good at lies, but even he has his blind spots.

He takes another step forward in an attempt to intimidate the Shadow into stepping back, all but daring him to do whatever he plans to with that screwdriver.] You think I don't know the "unflattering truth" of you? I suppose I should certainly know enough by now not to be surprised at your arrogance.

[To the original, this would be about the time when Tony would call Loki an idiot--because he is ever so tactless--and proceed to tell him just why he was being an idiot: he didn't let monsters into his house, so obviously, Loki wasn't one. The cold truth of it was, however, that the Shadow thought to poke at that self-loathing instead of try to abolish it.

Loki was quite possibly the most dangerous thing on the planet at the moment, but there was a difference between fear and self preservation. Just because the two often aligned, didn't mean one couldn't exist without the other. Though Tony always tried to be strong, he didn't repress his fear. It kept him alive at times, he just knew how to work with it instead of letting it control him. Not being a repressed trait meant it wasn't one the Shadow possessed. He didn't step back, but neither did he act, either. He was waiting for something. Something that would shake him loose of Tony and allow him to fight without hesitation.]

I've fought Gods--yes, plural. You've seen it. And I've been struck by Godly lightning and thrown out my own window, and yet here I stand. It's not like my arrogance isn't a little justified. But do share with the class, what do you think you know about me?

[He wouldn't mention it but this Tony was a bait-and-switch. He'd been swapped with the original Tony. Though he was Tony in all his darkest and deepest issues manifested into being, they didn't share a body. He had no intention of sharing that information with Loki at all.]

[It's both fortunate and very unfortunate that the mystical scan Loki had been choosing to run on Tony chooses that moment to complete, the results scribbling themselves on the back of his mind. This was not Tony's body. This was not Tony. They were close, so close that without magic Loki could never have been certain. Even now, he's not quite sure precisely what he's dealing with. A...shadow, perhaps, but not the genuine article.

But that's enough for him.

He smiles, equally arrogant.]

For a start, I know you're not really Tony.

[Likewise, it's both fortunate and unfortunate that Loki uttered those words. As soon as they left the deity's lips, black smoke began rising from the Shadow's skin, coiling about his body. His eyes began to glow in the darkness and the reactor in his chest changed from it's gentle white-ish blue light to an angry red. When it spoke again, its voice was further garbled, warbling with a sharp metallic din.]

And those three words can set me free. Unfortunate for you, I'm afraid.

[The black smoke that had begun engulfing his body began to solidify into an exoskeleton. The shape would soon take on a more familiar one to Loki as it closed over his chest, hands, and face. Rectangular eyes set in a silver mask began to glow red. The Repulsors in his palms, like his arc reactor and eyes, gave off a red light while the armour itself was black and silver.

If Loki had the chance to trigger any kind of locator spell for his Tony, it would lead him right back to the Shadow of Iron Man, but at the same time, his magic scan would produce the same results it had before. The being before him was, in fact, not the Tony he knew. The armour was also hollow at this point.

Now, Tony Stark knew that he could hold his own against the Gods for a time, but he also knew deep down that he couldn't defeat Loki in a one-on-one fight. And by 'hold his own' he knew that simply meant not die until his armour gave out on him. He knew he couldn't cause much if any damage to the God of Tricks by his lonesome. Be it idiocy, or something like it, Tony still let himself stand down from Defcon 1 around Loki.

The dark energy bleeding off the armour was affecting the environment around them. If Loki didn't flee the perimeter of the workshop it would seal them off into its own little dimension where damage to the surroundings wouldn't affect the actual Malibu Estate.]

Don't tell me you haven't thought about it. Kicking Tony's arrogant battery-powered-ass to knock him down a few pegs. You know, the last person he gave this much free reign to everything Tony Stark was... [False contemplation.] Oh, wait. He hasn't. It would be so easy for you to destroy him. Tell me you haven't considered it. Even fleetingly.

[Loki had certainly expected something to happen when he said the words aloud.

He hadn't expected this. Raw shock and more than a little fear keep him rooted to the spot while the "suit" forms around the Shadow, in place of the Shadow. But even as he recovers his wits, he has no thoughts of leaving. Not until he gets the real Tony back, wherever he's been taken.

At the least, he now knows to have no fear in beating it out of this thing.

Still, this is potentially a very great problem. Between Tony and Loki, it's no contest in a fight. Between Loki and Iron Man...things get a bit dicier. Loki's comparatively massive physical strength doesn't help him as much against a machine, nor do his illusions. But he does have one other trick up his sleeve...

In preparation for an attack, Loki shifts into a fighting stance, pulling a dagger out of a sheathe at his back. His smile shows an arrogance and ease he doesn't remotely feel right now.] Well, as you yourself have so astutely recalled, I did once toss him out a window.

[But the true answer is that yes, he has. Frequently. Not just because Tony would make it so desperately easy, and digging into weakness is almost a compulsion for Loki in an attempt to guard his own. But also because Tony has become just that - a weakness, a safe-zone, a source of emotion and vulnerability and all the things Loki knows all too well can be used to hurt.

It would be easier if he was gone. Loki would be free if he was gone.

But he'd sooner die instead.]

You did. But he did half expect it. His suit was in shambles and he has a knack for irritating everyone he meets.

[The Shadow laughs. He could guess the answer when Loki avoids directly answering.]

In order for me to truly get rid of him and take over, I need to get rid of his reasons to fight. You're on that list. Along with Virginia Potts, James Rhodes, and Harold Hogan. Remove those four constants in his life and he ceases to care.

[To Loki, caring was a weakness. It was a weakness to anyone, but for Tony, those he cared about were also his source of strength. The Iron Shadow takes flight and holds out a repulsor-armed palm at Loki, the glow brightening as it gathers power.]

He doesn't think anyone knows he's capable of caring for someone other than himself.

I do.

[And he'll find some way to knock the truth of that into Tony's skull, when this is all said and done. Because he knows that Tony cares. From those last, bad few hours when he'd all but dragged Loki to help, to all those hours in bed together. Tony cares - even Loki can't doubt it, no matter how terrified he might be at the implications.

But for now, he merely waits, poised, as the repulsor blast streaks towards him. At the very last minute, Loki dives out of the way, using the smoke from the blast impacting the stairs to create two copies of himself to run off in different directions - one forward, one to the right.

All three speak together, even as all three adopt Loki's Jotun skin.]

I have no time for parasites.

[Two clones and the original--or so he hoped, because he wouldn't put it past Loki to completely fool him with three clones and conceal himself for a chance to attack--all speak in unison and give little away to which could be the true Loki. Had he JARVIS' aid, internal sensor scans would be able to find the one of actual mass, however, he'd sealed JARVIS out of their little playpen.]

And that is exactly why you need to go first.

[He turns quickly to the one at his right, firing another repulsor blast, while taking a bit higher into the room just in case. He's seen that form fight, though in an extremely weakened state, and he knew it was very dangerous if it could do as much damage as it had before in that state.

He doesn't wait to see if it even hits, he swoops low, spinning quickly and deploying flares in the hopes of temporarily blinding Loki while he quickly gets himself out of the centre of the trio. He puts his back to the wall in the hopes of preventing an ambush from behind and faces the room, ready for the smoke from the flares to clear.]

[The clone on the right flickered and faded into green static as the repulsor blast split the air, only to be replaced by two more on either side of the blast radius.

Unfortunately, the flares are much less easy to dodge. It takes Loki a second to realize just what's being fired, that it's not another repulsor blast, and by then, the room is already lit up blinding white.

Momentarily stunned, he lets out a cry of surprise and pain, and only he does. While he doesn't drop the other three illusions, it betrays his position to the left and front of Tony's position, through the haze of smoke.

So as soon as he can, still blinking dancing lights out of his eyes, Loki moves to change his position as quickly as he can.]

[The clone splits and Tony's momentarily reminded of a hydra in the sense that he takes one out and more replace it. Well that was frustrating. He needed to find a way to single out the real one--

He hears that cry and his gaze darts to the left. If Tony was one thing, he was quick to adapt the situation to fit himself. Loki was a skilled tactician, and he truly admired that about the trickster. They were both bright and skilled at thinking on their feet, it made for an interesting chess match.]

There's the sneaky snake in the grass.

[He takes flight again, intent on not losing sight of the Jotun again because he was sure that tactic wouldn't work a second time. So, palm outstretched, he's ready to fire another repulsor blast if he was able to gain on his blue companion.]

[It's a near thing, and Loki only manages to keep the repulsor blast from searing him by a combination of diving behind a workbench and hastily throwing up a shield of ice alongside it. The ice shatters into a thousand razor sharp fragments, the desk into twisted metal pieces.

But the ice shards don't fall to the floor. Instead, they hover, and then gather back together, into something resembling a swarm of angry bees that are pointed directly at Tony.

Loki looks up - battered, cut up, but far from down - and grins.]

Catch.

[And then, with a mental effort of will, he flings the entire arrangement right at the Shadow. While most of his efforts are focused on getting back to his feet and concealing his presence once more, he can spare some effort to make sure that dodging isn't too easy.]

[Tony is agile--when he's not in his suit. Or better even, during high speed flight, he can outmanoeuvre nearly anything airborne. But when it comes to close combat, compared to someone not bound by metal, he's actually quite sluggish. Comparatively speaking.

He watches the ice shards almost curiously as they levitate there, not sure what he was expecting to happen, but as soon as those points all line up towards him, he can easily figure out what they're there for. So he's starting to turn tail and run when Loki commands him to catch, but he's no where near fast enough.

The shadow curls up, expands the shield flaps at his forearm and braces for impact. Surprisingly enough, or perhaps not so much, the false armour pales in comparison to the real thing. He's knocked right out of the air, impaled in several places by shards that broke through the armour. Black smoke seems to leak from the cracks, but nothing else as the sinister-coloured Iron Man scrambles to regain his footing.]

Okay, nice trick Elsa.

[He staggers backwards to get away from the centre of the room again, knowing full well he's lost sight of the true Loki and would really rather not have him at his back.]

[Unfortunately, as he'll realize a split-second too late, that's exactly what's just happened.

And a split-second after he realizes this, Loki takes a leap off the disassembled rig, landing on Tony's back and holding on tight. He normally loathes to use the chilling touch that's an innate ability in this form, when he's even willing to assume it to begin with. Now can hardly be called ordinary circumstances, however, and he makes his touch cold enough to burn.

But when he's sure that the shadow is good and agonized, Loki pulls a hand away only for the sake of reforming an ice blade.]

Give...him...

[He rams the sword without hesitation straight through the shadow's chest and out the other side.]

...back!

[The ambush happened quickly, causing him to thrash until the bitter cold began seeping through the armour. Frost bloomed across the black surface followed quickly by a full coat of ice. It was certainly cold enough to burn and the Shadow tried to throw Loki off only for the metallic joints to freeze over.

Loki's hand pulled away and the Shadow was all but immobile by then. He let out a cry as he was skewered. Cracks radiated from the puncture like a spiderweb, oozing black tendrils of smoke.]

He's all yours.

[The armour shatters, dissolving into dark mist leaving Tony in its place in Loki's hold. If the Asgardian didn't keep a hold of him, he'd tip forward, catching himself on his hands and knees. His eyes were back to their usual brown.]

...Loki?

[Loki unfortunately didn't keep a hold of him, the sudden shattering of the armor leaving him stumbling back in preparation for a new attack. But the man revealed beneath the armor this time merely...slumped forward, boneless and weak and different, and Loki slowly relaxed from his whipcord tension as these details sunk in.

When Tony spoke, he felt his heart constrict painfully with hope. Moving slowly, gingerly, he paced around and knelt down before the human, before reaching out to gently tilt Tony's face up towards his.

From this close, it was plain to see that those eery yellow eyes had been replaced by the familiar brown ones. Something in Loki's expression seemed to crack with relief, and he drew in a shuddering breath that caught in his throat.]

Tony.

[Explanations or lies could come later. For now, he just pulled the human to him in a rib-creaking hug.]

[Tony didn't expect such a sudden and affectionate reaction. When his head was tilted up, he looked into those unnatural eyes for a moment, not sure if the Jotun form was a relief to see or made his worries escalate. He was vaguely aware of what had just transpired, but it still felt a bit surreal. Like coming out of a vivid nightmare, trying to decide what was real and what wasn't. The sudden hold, however, did ease his mind even if his body momentarily stiffened. After another moment's hesitation, he slipped an arm around Loki in return.]

Yep. It's me. ...not dark, psychotic, evil me. Just... well, some still might call me evil.

[He let out a short scoff of a laugh against Loki's shoulder.]

You're cold, you know.

Edited 2015-04-30 04:16 (UTC)

[He was cold. Not cold enough to scald, of course. It was a chill somewhere between a snowbank and a corpse, and it was about as close as a Jotun could get to approachable. But it was clear from the way Loki tensed against Tony that he had actually entirely forgotten what shape he was in, for a moment. Under ordinary circumstances, he might still have been able to ignore it - it was clear that Tony wasn't in pain, after all.

But the memory of the Shadow's biting mockery twinged like a fresh wound, and so Loki gently disentangled himself. Brushing at one arm like a man swatting away a troublesome spider, in doing so he set his skin fading back to its normal pale shade once more.]

My apologies. The heat of the moment got away from me, so to speak.

[It hadn't been too uncomfortable, just cold. He wasn't entirely sure it was worth losing that moment of affection from Loki, but the deed was done and he was left to right himself and brush debris from his hands and knees. He did reach out and lightly touch Loki's arm as the blue faded away and his skin gradually warmed.]

That... none of that was supposed to go that way. ...by the way. And, you know, I would have been totally... [He was scrapping for words because he still has issues admitting he needs help from time to time.] screwed if you hadn't... [He scrubs a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck with a huff.] Thank you.

[He steps forward, trying to capture one of Loki's hands between his.] And those things it--I said... [He shrugs helplessly. Words were hard and no one understands, dammit!]

For the record, I think we need more 'heat of the moment' moments like that.

[Loki did flinch a little as Tony reached out to him, but as much from surprise as anything else. In the end, he didn't pull away, and even smiled faintly.

He listens quietly as Tony fumbles for the right words, not entirely sure if there are any right words to be found. The sentiment is obvious, at least, and appreciated.

But he's not sure he's entirely ready to talk or deal yet. Fortunately, as ever, Tony provides such wonderful distractions, and Loki raises an eyebrow in curiosity that's not entirely feigned.]

Like what? [There was a great deal of heat and a great many moments.] Do you mean my coming to rescue you from soul-devouring abominations, or...

[...or spontaneous affection?

Both were things that took their toll on Loki, but Tony had so far proven himself worth the effort.]

[When Loki flinched, Tony almost let go, but seeing as the Asgardian didn't pull away, he took that as a good sign and let the touch stand. But Loki mentions the forbidden word and Tony almost puts petulantly.]

Hey, the 'R' word is forbidden in this... [He nods, indicating the room, but he's smirking lightly now.] workshop. How about I try not to release any more soul-devouring abominations to need assistance with, and you just drop by a little more often for the other thing. It was... nice. And no, I didn't do it for attention. Because I did hear that comment. But he was wrong. I didn't know you'd show up, but I might have hoped you would. Y'know, after I totally fubar'd the situation.

[He gives Loki's hand a gentle, affectionate squeeze, though he may not even realise he'd done it.]

Next time I peek into another dimension, I'll be sure not to let any parasitic soul-devouring monsters through. ...I never thought I'd say that out loud. I--he--it didn't hurt you, did I?

[And now there's concern etching his features as he tries to look Loki over in the dim light.]

Edited (I agree with Tony, words are hard. ) 2015-05-01 08:44 (UTC)

the true self meme

Tony has almost as many issues as Loki, I'm realising.

It's part of why they work! For a given value of "work".

"Work" is a relative term for them, tbh.

"Function"?

I think that works. XD Also, ouch, Loki is breaking my heart.

It's always easiest to hurt the ones you love. XD

So very true.

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Tony Stark; the picture of eloquence.

He's so cute!

He's ridiculous. XD

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