the true self meme

[misfortuneforall]

THE 'TRUE SELF' MEME


"In Jungian psychology, the shadow or "shadow aspect" is a part of the unconscious mind consisting of repressed weaknesses, shortcomings, and instincts.

Everyone has another side to them that they keep hidden away, feelings they bottle up to save face or avoid conflict. But what if those feelings take a life of their own...?

Perhaps it's your best friend, a close family member, a hated enemy, or maybe it's just a complete stranger. No matter who it is, they are different now, possessing creepy yellow eyes, a distorted voice, and a disconcerting aura. Take care in what you say to them, though, because there are three little words that will set them off into an unstoppable rage...

How to:
Step 1: Post with your character with their name and canon.
Step 2: Others respond stumbling onto your character.
Step 3: WHOOPS. Character A has been replaced by their Shadow or Other Self!
Step 4: Play out the encounter! Will you start an epic boss fight? Have a pleasant chat? Or maybe just flat out ignore them? Run wild!

Comments

Loki | MCU | OTA

[jotunblooded]

[narcissistictendencies]

[OOC: It's been a while. Interested in going off the CR they had before I fell off the face of the planet? Lol]

[jotunblooded]

((ooc: *waves* Very much so! You want to be evil or should I?))

[narcissistictendencies]

[OOC: *Waves* Awesome! And I'm good either way. They'd both be interesting. Did you have a preference?]

[jotunblooded]

((ooc: Hm...Shadow!Tony seems like it could dredge up a lot of interesting issues, plus keep the playing field reasonably level. So let's go with that! Can you start us off?))

[narcissistictendencies]

[OOC: Certainly! Hmm, this should be interesting indeed. If this doesn't work, lemme know and I'll rewrite.]

[There was a malfunction in the lab, go figure. Tony has a tendency to overdo it and an even worse tendency to test things before they're ready. His math is infallible, however there might have been a variable or two he hadn't realised might cause a problem. The explosion seems harmless enough, despite all the energy it released. Several scans with JARVIS' sensors indicate that he doesn't seem to be injured, nor does there seem to be any radiation lingering about the lab. Tony chalks it up to a very expensive, very annoying light show and turns in for the night.

Was he expecting company? He couldn't remember, but it would seem that he was about to have it whether he wanted it or not as JARVIS' chime informed him, waking him from a dead sleep. He's grown past fighting the small thrill he felt when he would hear the Jotun's voice or the pleased ease he would feel upon seeing the demigod appear. Tonight, however, something was wrong. Off. Out of place. Tonight... something was very different.

JARVIS didn't seem to notice the change because truth be told, it was still Tony. Tony might deny such if anyone said so, but that would only make things so much worse. Amber eyes replaced the usual brown while a twisted smile rested on his lips. The Jotun knew where to find him. Whether he was here because he'd felt the odd energy concussion, seen it, or just felt like stopping by for the night... he could only guess.]

[jotunblooded]

[Of course, Loki had felt the odd energy concussion. He keeps half an eye on Tony's house even when he actually isn't in the building, and while he's grown used to tuning out the usual chaos and explosions that are just a byproduct of the engineer's experiments, this had felt...different. Twisted. Wrong.

It's a couple of hours before he can actually make his way to the house, and every minute of those couple of hours is an agonizing hum of anxiety in the back of his mind. JARVIS, fortunately, also knows better than to put up any kind of fuss at his appearance by now. The alert he sends to Tony of the Jotun's arrival is merely a courtesy.

Loki, for his part, immediately makes a beeline for the lab - that seems like the most likely site for a disaster, and therefore the most likely place for the engineer to be if he needs help.]

Tony?

[narcissistictendencies]

[Oddly enough, Tony had given Loki an all access pass, though he's never actually said as much to the Norse deity. Loki was a very clever guy, so Tony had no doubt he'd already figured it out by now, though it was something they didn't discuss. He'd even given him the security code to his workshop, something only a few people knew because when Tony was in his workshop, there were only a few people allowed to disturb him. Everyone else could just wait until he was good and ready to be sociable again.

Tony actually wasn't tinkering when Loki arrives. No, instead he was dismantling. The device seems to have burnt itself out, but Tony is still going through the effort to take it apart. He doesn't hardly look up when Loki calls out to him, not right away. He does raise a hand in a casual wave to the being behind him.]

Knew you'd come. You always do, don't you? I try to tell myself that it bothers me, but... it really doesn't. And you know what? The very fact that it doesn't bother me kind of terrifies me. Do you know what that means? It means I've made you a 'safe-zone'.

[Tony's voice is smoother than usual with a very mild hint of a sing-song lilt to its inflections. He still isn't facing Loki, not even when he seems to fall quiet for the moment. But even though he's gone quiet, the way he leaves the thought hanging without an explanation like that implies he may actually have much more to say on the subject. And oh boy does he.]

[jotunblooded]

[Loki can't help but let out a soft sigh of relief when he sees Tony apparently unharmed, even back at work already. Whatever he's working on must have really grabbed his attention.

He lingers for a moment at the foot of the stairs when Tony waves to show that he's been acknowledged. Then Tony speaks, and the sound of his voice should be reassuring. It is, at first, but as the human continues on, Loki again gets that sense of something...wrong. Nebulous, uncertain, but definite, and all the more maddening for it.

His first thought is that Tony must be drunk. He tends to get philosophical, when he's drunk. But he doesn't sound it, and he's moving much too steadily.

Loki leans against the doorframe, folding his arms across his chest in an unconsciously defensive gesture. It's been a long time since he's felt defensive around Tony.] I'm flattered, I suppose. [His tone is wary, not least because he's not entirely sure he understands just what the other man is getting at.] If you wanted my attention, there are certainly easier ways to get it.

Tony has almost as many issues as Loki, I'm realising.

[narcissistictendencies]

[It was a lesser known fact that Tony could give an entire scientific lecture and make more sense than most sober men could. But Loki was right, his movements were too steady. Too precise. So this was likely not his inner boozed philosopher. But Tony barks a short, sardonic laugh when Loki says he's flattered.] Flattered, right.

[But then, when Loki speaks again, Tony does turn around slowly, swivelling the chair he's in. He brings the Phillips head screwdriver to his temple, tapping it there as if in thought. His newly amber eyes narrow a fraction.]

Attention. That's what we both crave--that's how I knew you were hitting Stark Tower during your alien incursion. I always want your attention. [He slowly stands from the chair, lowering the screwdriver but he doesn't drop it.] But if I ask for your attention, I know what will happen.

I always wanted my father's attention. I did everything he wanted and more. I excelled in my studies, I built and designed things that terrified my instructors, I wanted him to notice. But he didn't. [A shrug.] I never said it, but I hated him for it. I hated that he hated me. I hated that he loved his work more than his own family. I hated that he died and left me alone.

[He takes a step closer to Loki, but there is still half a room between them. He can recognise that posture and it makes him want to see how far he can push the other.]

I know you'll leave. [He takes another step towards the Jotun, screwdriver still in hand at his side. Tony's entire posture is threatening in the way he carries himself. He's always stood holier-than-thou, but never displaying full on aggression.] Come on, Prancer, tell me I'm wrong.

It's part of why they work! For a given value of "work".

[jotunblooded]

[Loki listens to all of this. How could he do otherwise? It's...worryingly emotional, all things considered, despite Tony's otherwise calm tone. But even for all that there's something undeniably there between them, they still tend to avoid more emotional language, they don't tread into vulnerable territory. Their sheer presence in one another's lives is almost too vulnerable as it is.

And no matter how wrong this is, Loki understands. He does, he truly does. He's been there, and suffered that same hurt and neglect. Not all of it was in his head.

There's half a room between them, and even Loki's vision isn't quite that sharp. His first impulse is to step nearer to take a closer look, but then Tony steps nearer instead. And while a screwdriver could hardly cause Loki any real damage, the way the human moves has him flinching back ever so slightly, shying away.

But being Loki, he tries to play it off. Tries to stall, while he thinks. Forcing a smile, he replies, lightly:] You hardly need to explain to me how it feels to hate one's father.

[He genuinely hesitates for a moment, before taking two steps forward, ducking his head a little for the sake of getting a better look at Tony.] What on Earth is the matter with you...?

"Work" is a relative term for them, tbh.

[narcissistictendencies]

Oh, that's right. You have some double-daddy hate going on, don't you? Or are you okay with the blue one? I'm assuming the whole smurf thing you've got going on has to do with your real parentage. I never asked--never wanted to put you on the spot like that--not after our little heart-to-heart when I was deliriously ill. I'm just really curious about a lot of things you, but see, there's that abandonment issue again.

[As Loki asks that question, Tony spread his arms in a shrug, a very uncaring expression crosses over his features.] Nothing. I'm just being the real me. Well, the real me stripped of all my endearing qualities--which are surprisingly few. I'm the real monster in sheep's clothing, here.

[He knows using the screwdriver as a weapon would be so incredibly ineffective. The attractive yet somewhat aggravating deity was remarkably durable for his appearance. Tony was one to prefer his higher tech tools, not too fond on the slower, archaic types like the object in his hand. So perhaps there was another reason he clung to it at the moment.

If Loki thought the Widow's ledger was full of red, the guilt on Tony's conscience with all the lives his legacy stole, tended to somewhat dwarf hers in terms of regret. That guilt fuelled his current state of mind--or rather, the current state of being.]

"Function"?

[jotunblooded]

[For a moment, Loki's ears are ringing too badly to process Tony's answer to his question. The rapid-fire disregard for his anxiety about his other skin had been too much. While it's true that he'd never expect Tony to be tactful, they'd reached a point of understanding that this was an issue to dance around.

Now he is on the spot, and it's awful, and for a brief moment he actually looks genuinely betrayed.

But Loki has also had a great deal of practice at suppressing his emotions, practice which Tony is only starting to undo. After that bad moment, the full implications of what he's seeing sink in. Shortly followed by the answer itself.

Loki's gaze hardens. He raised a hand, green shimmers twining through his fingers. It's just a threat, for now - he needs at least a couple of minutes to properly execute a spell to even give him a general idea of what's wrong.

But he's seen the yellow eyes, and is now very confident that magic is at work.]

You flatter yourself.

[tasedagod]

[OOC: Not gonna lie. Dark!Loki sounds awesome.]

[jotunblooded]

((ooc: Darker than usual, you mean? XD Let's see what we can do...))

[When Loki had finally been caught after his last escape attempt, Odin hadn't taken any more chances. Something - perhaps Frigga's memory, perhaps lingering affection for the child Loki used to be, perhaps consideration for the only son he had remaining - had kept him from killing the sorcerer outright.

So he'd sealed his powers and cast him down to Earth for SHIELD to inevitably deal with. SHIELD had found him, and done so.

They hadn't killed him, however. Loki, or at least the secrets his body held, was too potentially useful. But eventually, he'd been as good as dead. Or at least, he'd stopped responding. That had made things...easier.

Or so they'd thought. But on some deep, dark, almost-psychic level that maybe only existed between siblings, Loki had reached out, and Thor had heard.

Thor, of course, would be the first to admit that Loki had done a great deal of wrong. But when he came to investigate, he was nevertheless appalled - both at Loki's treatment, and the fact that his brother's presence on Earth had been kept from him.

That had been three days ago. Jane had eventually gone along for moral support, dragging Darcy along with her. And so they were all three of them there on site when Loki opened newly-yellow eyes at long last, where he'd been left under heavy guard in the medical bay.

By the time the alarms were sounding, his guards lay in frozen or torn pieces on the floor, and Loki had staggered out into the hallway with a bloodied scalpel clutched in one shaking hand.]

Where are you, brother...?

[tasedagod]

[At first, Darcy considers the alarms a welcoming break in the monotony of waiting. Then she sees heavily armed soldiers bolting past the room they were in and changes her tune. She doesn't know what else the facility houses aside from Loki, but if they were capable of holding him, then the lower levels must be full of horrible creatures.

Thor's primary concern, naturally, is his brother. When the second set of soldiers trots by, he tells the girls to stay put, hefts his hammer, and rushes off after them.

Yeah. As if. Darcy doesn't want to be anywhere near whatever has the entire facility in an uproar. She intends to get the fuck out of dodge, but cannot seem to convince Jane to leave, even though they would be far safer outside.]

What if he needs me, Darcy?

[She grimaces, knowing Jane is being retarded but unwilling to leave her there alone. When silence descends upon them, eerie enough to make her shiver, she compromises. Jane will remain there while Darcy investigates. Not too far, mind; just enough to see what's going on, if she can.

She steps out into the hallway, looking both ways as if crossing a busy street. Nothing. No sounds of gunfire, no screaming, no supervillain monologuing. Nada. Disconcerted, though silence should reassure her, she slowly heads down the hallway, peering into rooms nosily as she passes. She turns a corner and is faced with an equal amount of nothingness.]

Must be a false alarm...

[jotunblooded]

[The slow, bleeding return of his magic has given Loki the capacity for quite a bit of speed, as well as the ability to make use of some of his old misdirections. Even so, managing to get away from both Thor and a good dozen armed soldiers at this point is quite a feat, given that he's still under enough sedation to kill an elephant.

It's not that he's unaware of why Thor should want to stop him, hurt him. On the contrary, Loki is more piercingly aware of why than he has ever been before. But he's also more piercingly aware of all the reasons he wants to hurt Thor in turn - that his brother is not just an obstacle, meddlesome and everpresent, but a festering wound in his own right.

Whatever is currently sitting behind Loki's eyes is Loki stripped down to the bone. What can be found there would drive anyone or anything mad.

So while he thinks he recognizes this hallway, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that there's someone there, now. Someone that's more than a meaningless shadow.

Loki speaks from a few feet behind Darcy, having padding nearer on bare feet. He looks like something out of a horror movie, and not just because of his eyes, as he stares fixedly at Darcy with his head tilted to one side.

"I know you..."

[tasedagod]

[Darcy is quick to realize that she's gotten herself effectively lost. All SHIELD facilities are built by madmen on copious amounts of mind-altering substances, meaning they're all inscrutable mazes that make absolutely no sense. Having taken one too many turns, she doesn't know the way back and is hesitant to continue further into the facility.

What if she stumbles upon something totally outside of her security clearance? Actually, that sounds pretty awesome.

She doesn't have time to consider her position, however. A voice addresses her, and she spins, not having heard anyone approaching. The tall man looks vaguely familiar, his voice stirring memories.]

What?

[Everything clicks into place a heartbeat later, and her eyes widen. No way. What had they done to him?]

Loki?

[jotunblooded]

["Loki"...?

Yes. No.

Loki smiles, showing just a few too many teeth. His gaze isn't quite focused on Darcy. He might be staring at a patch of wall just over her shoulder. He might be seeing something else entirely.]

Not yet. But I will be.

[His fingers seem to spasm slightly, almost as though he's still deciding whether or not to hold on to the scalpel. In the end, he does so, and takes a few stumbling steps nearer.] I do know you. Darcy Lewis...

...you faced the Destroyer. [At least in the sense that she hadn't actively fled like the rest of the town.]

[tasedagod]

[Darcy is thoroughly creeped out by the deranged expression on his face, the peculiar yellow of his eyes. His comment makes no sense, either, but triggers all sorts of warning bells.

Surprise colors her expression. He knows her name? How? They've never met before, and she doubts Thor spoke of her at all. Jane? Most certainly. Darcy? Nope. No one ever remembered her.

It makes sense he recognizes her from when he sent that giant robot to Puente Antiguo, but she is still unsure where he got her name from. Darcy is wary, taking a step back for every one he takes forward, wanting to keep as much distance between them as possible. He's still holding that bloody scalpel, after all.]

Dude, what happened to you?

[jotunblooded]

SHIELD happened. Odin happened.

...I happened.

[Loki raises the scalpel once more, but only to eye it almost curiously, twirling it deftly between his fingers.

When he smiles, it's almost sad.] Do you know, I've tried to die so many times, and it's never worked. [His tone is deceptively level and calm, the tone of voice one might use to discuss the finer points of an ambitious but ultimately failed film.],/small>

It's come to the point where I'm not sure I would even if I drew this across my own throat. Or perhaps I'm just a coward.

But either way, it always comes back to Thor. [The scalpel is a silver and red blur in his fingers now.] Thor...and his friends.

[Quick as a blur, he tosses the scalpel at Darcy. Either weakness or a desire to keep toying with her, however, means that it actually goes wide by just enough to draw a line of blood across her temple without planting itself in her eye.]

[tasedagod]

[Cryptic. Loki offered nothing but riddles in response to her question, which she should have expected given his reputation, yet it still threw her for a loop. Nothing about him was as it should be, that sense of menace emanating from him almost a physical thing.

She doesn't understand his talk of suicide. She doesn't understand any of this.]

Loki, we came here to get you out. Thor...

[She is wounded long before she's able to react. She feels blood, warm against her skin, as she jerks away far too late, one hand raising to press trembling fingers against the cut.

Loki is unstable. Whatever SHIELD did to him broke his brain even further, and now Darcy is in danger. Taking a step back, then another, she gives in to her fear and bolts.]

[jotunblooded]

["Get him out"? Get him out and take him where? Not to freedom, of course, he's never going to be free again if the rest of the world has a say in it. Thor must mean to take him back to Asgard, as he swore he would so long ago.

Only one thing awaits him in Asgard, besides ghosts. And so Loki's expression twists into an almost inhuman rictus of wounded fury, as Darcy turns and runs.] I will not go back!

[And, acting on something almost like a predator's instincts, he takes off chasing after her. Darcy is significantly steadier on her feet, however, on top of not being already badly wounded. So she'll actually be able to outpace him, for a while.]

Maybe if I shed enough blood to drown in, Thor will finally give me the only freedom left for me!

[tasedagod]

[Loki's scream makes her cringe and speed up, even as she partially collides with a corner as she zips by. Scared out of her mind, Darcy opens up a random door and hurls herself into the room, locking the door behind her.

Hide. She has to hide.

Breathing heavily, she takes in her surroundings: a painfully generic conference room, complete with massive table and matching chairs. Scattered paperwork and pens litter the table and the chairs are in disarray. Whomever was having a meeting obviously left in a hurry.

There is a door in the far corner. Darcy hurries over to it, but finds that it is locked. Of course. Trying to catch her breath, she strains to hear any sign of Loki trying to break into the room, but her pulse is roaring in her ears, drowning out everything but her ragged breaths.]

[jotunblooded]

[Loki rounds the corner after her just in time to hear a door slam shut. Which door, he doesn't specifically see. This hallway clearly played host to a few conference rooms and interrogation rooms. But he thinks he can safely narrow it down to two, near the other end.

So Darcy might be able to hear signs of Loki trying to break into the room right next to hers' - specifically, the sound of wood and metal groaning and screeching as the door is warped and frozen with ice, before being laboriously ripped aside.

All to no avail, as he discovers after scant seconds of searching. Loki lets out a frustrated snarl, before exiting the room.]

I'll find you...

[The next door he sets to work trying to rip aside is the one leading to her.]