bakerstreet | it's Friday

do itttttttt

What kind of statistic is that. Is that a drunk statistic because it sure sounds like it.

I might still be drinking.

OK well here's a free tip: if you try to jiggle a tit and there's nothing to jiggle, don't slap a dude in the nipple for being "uncooperative."

You kids are so sensitive these days.

Yeah, it's part of our newfangled moral values which preclude shit like getting fucked by swans

Hey, the animal shit was all my dad and uncle

Mostly.

I got the chicks who turned into trees to get away from me.

And now you know why I drink.

Be honest, you probably humped the tree, or got mad when the bark wouldn't jiggle.

I might be drunk, but I still have good aim.

Wow, you old guys sure are touchy.

I thought we already established that like four or five texts ago.

Nice to see you can make jokes like a granddad too. Never be ashamed of being an ancient treefucker. Own it.

Like how I'd own you?

I'm sorry, are you still threatening me via texts, or have you moved onto the drunken come-ons portion of your evening.