bakerstreet | Look Past the Blood on Your Hands

Look Past the Blood on Your Hands

Red's in your ledger or you're making your way towards a crimson page by your very nature. Did you simply do what you had to do in order to survive? No one could understand how you lived. That could be just what you tell yourself, though; really, you might have enjoyed your crimes. You're not proud of some of what you've done, no matter what, and there's a part of you that will probably never heal.

If you were someone else looking in, you'd never be able to stand looking at you, much less stomach you.

But someone does all of that willingly. They can look past the blood on your hands and the bad decisions weighing on your shoulders. It's you they care about, not your history. Actually, they may even love you, though you can't begin to fathom why.

Comment with your character, preferences, and whether your character is the one with guilt or past sins or the one looking past all that.
Reply to others.
Have fun.

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[Gokudera looks up into the mirror, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. He meets eyes with Yamamoto in the mirror just long enough for them to narrow into a glare. That's one shitty lie, baseball idiot is on the tip of his tongue, but.

But he's still bleeding and his hands are still shaking just enough. He opens the medicine cabinet to grab a bottle of painkillers. Gokudera pops it open, swallows two pills dry, and puts it away. When he closes the cabinet he is very pointedly looking away. Finally, he turns off the taps. His hands feel raw from all the scrubbing.]

Not much to work with. It wasn't much of a fight.

[Even if it was a bad lie, he appreciates the attempt at it. Because he can tell himself this is just a kindness to Yamamoto who obviously needs all the help he can get and not that Gokudera himself is the one who needs help. It would have been easier on his psyche if it had been more of a fight, to be truthful. He could have told himself it was a life or death situation, kill or be killed. That's just survival, and he's good at survival. This was ... more like taking out the trash.

He flinches slightly at that thought. That expression. Feels like he's going to cough back up the painkillers. His mind returns to a line he read from a book for their English class. Here then - the aftermath of meaning. A lifetime finished between the space of two frames. The dark line where the eye persists in seeing something that was never there to begin with.

Gokudera's hands grip the edge of the sink and he swallows hard. Abruptly lets go and turns on his heel to join Yamamoto in the main room, stripping off his shirt in a businesslike fashion, taking a few pieces of his damn near eighteen extra pounds of jewelry with it in the motion. He has two injuries. The other person shot three times, wildly. One went completely off the mark. One grazed Gokudera's shoulder, the other his side.]

[Yamamoto is quieter than usual, instinct tells him to stay put. To wait for Gokudera to come to him or the other may end up dropping the ruse and kick Yamamoto out.

More than seeing to the wounds, Yamamoto wants to make certain Gokudera is not left alone. He pretends not to see his friend struggling, he pretends as if everything is normal. Even as he sees a few spots that at least need cream on Gokudera's hands.

He sure did wash them really good. What Yamamoto does show is that calm smile, those steady eyes and not a single prying question or comment about the wounds.]

Maa, maa, every little bit counts. [Every wound meant something, he is glad that this was not one that brought his friend back in worse shape. The two wounds and scraped up hands were more than enough.

Yamamoto moves up to his knees, taking gauze and wetting it with cleaning solution. He leans in and begins to clean the wound on Gokudera's side.]

Good thing the bullets missed. [Digging a bullet out would have been a lot trickier.]

[It's a skill Yamamoto will probably get a chance to learn soon enough. He flinches at the sudden sting of the cleaning solution. He's had worse pain, of course, many times over. Broken bones, profuse bloodloss, having to look down at Yamamoto all still and quiet in the hospital bed while the doctors said 'might not make it'. He's so internally focused though that the sting is unexpected.]

Fucking hell!

[Of course, now he looks like a wimp for flinching over something so small, and Gokudera is that asshole that would rather suffer a broken limb than admit weakness, in privacy, to someone he trusts. Especially then. It's a different kind of trust than he has for Tsuna, it's harder for him to express, but it's there.]

You can't fix people with bedside manner, you know.

[It's a stupid cover up the minute the words leave his mouth, but it's all he has. Turning his attention more to Yamamoto just yields more questions, anyway. Like why he isn't asking for answers, why he isn't getting on Gokudera's case. He can't be that dumb, he had to know what Gokudera was doing. So why is he still all smiles and positive attitude and warmth instead of pulling away?]

Edited 2015-02-21 13:41 (UTC)

[He has no doubt, before all is said and done he most likely will have learned how to treat many different kinds of wounds. Yamamoto would rather not think about those things. He was okay now, that was what mattered. Past injuries would not cause him to worry as he moved forward, they made him more determined.

Also, he has added wall make outs to his list of do not repeat.

He does not have a flicker of doubt that Gokudera did what he had to do. None of them killed unless necessary, Tsuna would never let that happen. Whatever had to be done could not be avoided. This was why he did not ask, did not pry.

He was here to support Gokudera not judge him.]

Sorry, sorry. [His smile goes sheepish as he tries somehow not to sting Gokudera again. The antibiotic cream is next, thankfully no stitches were needed but the bruising meant it was going to be sore. For this, Yamamoto is careful as he fits a bandage to it and secures it to stifle he last of the bleeding.]

It can't hurt, right? [His grin goes back bright as he rises up to his feet now, head bent to look at the shoulder wound.]

I'm going to clean it now. [He warns this time after surprising Gokudera last time with the alcohol and gauze.]

[Gokudera tries to blank his mind out, to just focus on Yamamoto's hands on him, gently tending to his injuries. It feels like forgiveness, but he feels he doesn't deserve it. Yes it was necessary, but it's hard to wrap his head around it right now, to justify it. He feels like he should still be punished somehow.]

... Aren't you going to say anything?

[Yamamoto focuses on the others injury, tending it carefully. His fingers hitch slightly when Gokudera speaks. There are a lot of things that he can and wants to say. There is one thing that means a good deal more, the most important thing.]

I'm glad you're home. [His smile is sincere as he puts a piece of gauze over Gokudera's shoulder wound.

Getting the cream he takes the others hand in one of his one and begins applying it with the other.]

[Gokudera grits his teeth, not at the pain from the injuries, but at Yamamoto's attitude.]

Idiot, you're such a fucking idiot.

[He should be angry, he should be rejecting Gokudera, he should be doing something that wasn't showing that damn kindness again and again, kindness Gokudera didn't deserve even before this.]

You know this isn't a fucking game, right? Even you aren't that dumb. I fucking killed someone.

[He knows the explosion is coming even before it does. His expression changes. Eyes glint with determination, understanding, more than Gokudera may think he has shimmers there for a moment as he stares at the hand in front of him.]

.....I know.

[Yamamoto finishes with Gokudera's hands. He releases them and stands there, shoulders straight, gaze intent on those same hands.]

That's what makes it so important that you made it home. [He can be serious, Yamamoto does not consider that he needs to explain his overlooking of Gokudera having to kill someone. He assumes his faith in the other guardian is understood.

The seriousness of it all seems to stifle the air, Yamamoto flashes that bright smile again.]

I bet Tsuna will be relieved.

[Gokudera hates Yamamoto sometimes. Especially these times. He can't help but berate himself - Yamamoto probably wouldn't have been having this kind of internal struggle. Reborn called him a natural hitman.

Gokudera hates Yamamoto sometimes. He's better at the mafia life than Gokudera. He's better at being normal than Gokudera. He's just so much better. More understanding. Calm when Gokudera can be anything but.

And then he has to bring up Tsuna and. And.]

Fucker.

[He takes his cigarette from his mouth because it's just burning out again. It's hard to breathe.] I fucking hate you sometimes. [It's tired, without venom. A resigned comment on a sad state of affairs.] ... He probably will, yeah.

[There is no sting in the words thus Yamamoto takes no offense. He goes on instinct, he is meant to be the calm rain to Gokudera's volatile storm. They are all necessary the way they are, Yamamoto feels none of them could do this without the other.

He does not see himself as better, they are all equal. Except Hibari that guy is a level all his own.

There is no intention to annoy Gokudera further when he continues.]

Maa, maa, you must be hungry. [He shakes off the negative comments and makes for the kitchen. He will just gather the snacks and let Gokudera have a moment.]

[The less said about Hibari the better. There's a reason why he better fills the role of 'Token Evil Teammate' than the admitted serial killer.

Gokudera huffs at Yamamoto's words. He'll make food if Gokudera doesn't protest, and asking seems like too much of a bother. He's suddenly feeling that his adrenaline is finally bottoming out. Not tired but shaking and exhausted. He hasn't eaten in a while, so yes, he could probably eat a horse provided he doesn't get sick first.

He watches Yamamoto head to the kitchen for a few moments, His strong back. He mutters to himself more profanity in Italian, dragging over an ashtray to put out his cigarette in. The room is cold enough for him to also be acutely feeling his lack of a shirt.

Which has its own problems, when he finally gets up to go to his closet and grab one. Pulling the last one off hadn't been a problem, he was still working on the anxiety and adrenaline and the pain was a dull thud in the back of his mind more ignored in favor of panic. But like fuck he's going to ask for help. He will just bite his lip and try to breathe carefully while he struggles with the bandaged shoulder to pull another shirt on.

Fuck everything.]

[Yamamoto is not going to utter a word about Hibari, it simply is not necessary for him to do so. He is here for Gokudera and no one else. This is not even something he is doing for Tsuna. He is doing this for Gokudera and only Gokudera.

Yamamoto puts the snacks together, listening to the sounds from the other room he can not help but wince. Concern knots his brow while the other can not see it.

Once drinks and food are done he shakes it off. His smile lights his eyes as he heads back to put the food on the table.

When he spies Gokudera struggling, Yamamoto sits the food and drinks down.]

Maa, maa, I can turn up the heat then you don't have to worry about buttoning it.

[As he speaks he quietly steps up behind Gokudera and gently helps get the shirt up the injured arm. He wonders if maybe it needs a sling but does not push Gokudera just now.]

Food's ready! [He says brightly, stepping over to turn the heat up a bit.]

[It is, thankfully, only bruised. Provided he doesn't strain himself the ache should go away soon enough. Of course, that is the difficult part, the not straining himself. This is Gokudera.

He almost tries to claim he wasn't hungry, then his stomach growls again and he's got no leg to stand on there, going to the table and sitting down, glaring at Yamamoto by the heater controls.

Idiot.

Stupid, annoying, kind idiot who has for some reason not left even though Gokudera has never been kind to him. He's tried sometimes, but he doesn't know how to be nice to anyone who isn't Tsuna, and that makes him angry, and he lashes out again. And still, here Yamamoto is, when Gokudera needs to not be alone.]

... Thanks.

[He'll say it's for the food if he's asked, if Yamamoto even hears the quickly muttered word, and he starts eating fast in hopes it is not commented on.]

[The overexerting is what worries Yamamoto, if it is in a sling he will be less inclined to use it. The rain however knows when to stir the storm and when to let it rest.

This is why he fiddles with the heat, a passing smile crosses his features. His only response to the thank you. Being here was never a non option for Yamamoto, everything they had been through he knew that Gokudera would put up a strong front. That he would shatter on the inside.

Yamamoto intends to be here to pick up what pieces he can.

For now he flops down beside Gokudera, picks a piece of food off his plate and flashes a wide grin.]

[Gokudera tells himself Yamamoto just didn't hear the 'thank you', because it's easier that way. He glares at the other boy between bites, that bright happy smile that does temper the storm inside of him.]

Your smile is way too bright, dumbass, it's giving me a headache just looking at it.

[Not that he knows how to express that. Like, at all.]

[Gokudera does not have to say it, by now Yamamoto knows. In the beginning he may have not. Now, he knows they are friends. He knows Gokudera does not hate him. He knows Gokudera needs him here now.

His laugh is bright, infectious in those prone to laughing.]

We can get you some sunglasses.

[Yamamoto takes a sip of the glass of milk he got for himself and nudges Gokudera's toward him.]

That's officially the stupidest thing you've ever said. Congratulations.

[He takes the milk sullenly, though at least he's being expressive again, not bottling everything up. Even exploding out in anger is a sign of being better for Gokudera.]

... I'm gonna have to tell the tenth how things went.

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Look Past the Blood on Your Hands

IT'S OKAY I SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT WHEN THE NOTIF FOR THIS POPPED UP?

OH FANTASTIC! I do hope you do so again.

Hells to the yes.

GOOD!

yessss

exxxxcelllent~

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I literally rolled rng to see if he'd have a full anger meltdown or just collapse like a souffle

I feel as if this means Yamamoto sounds right because he is playing havoc on Gokudera's emotions...

You do and he does.

/hides face in hand for good reasons~ Thank you!

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