ｌｅａｄ ｆｉｓｈ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ldfsh) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2014-11-28 03:34 pm
ldfsh) wrote in bakerstreet2014-11-28 03:34 pm
texts from an indeterminable time
go forth and text.
go forth and text.
1.) The number of times i think ‘i don’t care’ while people are talking to me is getting out of hand
2.) driving is so dangerous you’re literally controlling a giant metal contraption with a circle and some foot buttons
3.) I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
4.) My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
2.) driving is so dangerous you’re literally controlling a giant metal contraption with a circle and some foot buttons
3.) I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
4.) My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well if you were the one who did it I can safely say that would be the most impressive thing you've ever used your avatar powers for. And I saw the giant blue spirit Korra!
1. Remember when I apologized for throwing cactus at your face? I'm not actually sorry for that.
2. I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your friend until he cried again
3. I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
4. Text him
2. I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your friend until he cried again
3. I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
4. Text him
i. so I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room?
ii. i should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
iii. i survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we've already met chuck. but i would just like to say "I knew it!"
Edited 2014-11-28 23:26 (UTC)
1. He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2. My weekend will be all about the double d's, dessert & debauchery.
3. She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
4. Text her.
2. My weekend will be all about the double d's, dessert & debauchery.
3. She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
4. Text her.
Edited 2014-11-28 21:05 (UTC)
i. time flies when you take two naps and contribute nothing to society.
ii. there's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother”
iii. so... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? just found it. not wine.
i. If you come, you're not allowed to wear pants. If you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
ii. Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood.
ii. Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood.
1: Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
2: IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
3: Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs. (1/2)
Wait... I have no boobs. (2/2)
4: Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
5: Text him.
2: IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
3: Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs. (1/2)
Wait... I have no boobs. (2/2)
4: Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
5: Text him.
1. he was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. they WANT it, they just can't DO it.
2. i'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
3. i'm over my straight phase. they all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. i'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
2. i'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
3. i'm over my straight phase. they all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. i'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
1. Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
2. if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
3. Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
2. if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
3. Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tell me how do you feel about skirts?
1. I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
2. My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
3. One minute we were ordering sandwiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
2. My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
3. One minute we were ordering sandwiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
1▬ Uh, do you have my pants? Because I have yours.
2▬ I introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and I went "yeah well you should see my dick."
3▬ Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
2▬ I introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and I went "yeah well you should see my dick."
3▬ Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
1. Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
2. I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
3. Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
2. I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
3. Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
a) I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
b) [ Text him. ]
b) [ Text him. ]
In your drunken glory you promised me tongue, 12 naked photographs, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i. i'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ii. i came at you with raw feelings
1▬ girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
2▬ i am currently eating pure cake frosting... i am not sure how i was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
3▬ let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
2▬ i am currently eating pure cake frosting... i am not sure how i was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
3▬ let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
1. All I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed.
2. Just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude I haven't seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that I'm covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while I try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and I'm apologizing.
3. I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass.
4. Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language.
2. Just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude I haven't seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that I'm covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while I try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and I'm apologizing.
3. I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass.
4. Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language.
Does this have anything to do with the live chicken you were asking about the other day?
1. Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
2. i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
3. I'm unconstrained by sanity, physics, or my liver.
2. i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
3. I'm unconstrained by sanity, physics, or my liver.
1 - Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray!!
2 - Are you wearing clothes?
3 - Hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a waffle on your way back????? Also sorry about that!! I didn't mean to stab you!!
4 - Ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips??????
5 - Text him!
2 - Are you wearing clothes?
3 - Hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a waffle on your way back????? Also sorry about that!! I didn't mean to stab you!!
4 - Ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips??????
5 - Text him!
1. (219): The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
2. (832): Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
3. (540): Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with the others in the background trying not to laugh their asses off
2. (832): Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
3. (540): Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with the others in the background trying not to laugh their asses off
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Since when are you honest, Pariston?
[She's not even going to touch the rest of that text. Not because it doesn't anger her(it does), but because she'd rather not fall into his rhythm further.]
[She's not even going to touch the rest of that text. Not because it doesn't anger her(it does), but because she'd rather not fall into his rhythm further.]
sorry for the delay, I really needed more icons (and had to rewatch the arc for caps)
doggeddoctor
- 2014-12-01 04:27 (UTC) - Expand1. Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
2. i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
3. I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
2. i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
3. I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
However, at times that can be just a little worrying.
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