bakerstreet | The Romantic But Nonsexual Intimacy Meme

The Romantic But Nonsexual Intimacy Meme

The Romantic But Nonsexual Intimacy Meme

Intimacy is NOT necessarily about full sexual contact. Intimacy is all about two people forming a connection and bond between them. That involves becoming best friends, trusting each other, knowing each other, understanding each other. Intimacy is grown and developed, it can't be rushed.

Nonsexual forms of intimacy can add a great deal of depth and variety to fiction. On one end of the spectrum, they provide extra steps to support the journey from meeting a potential mate through romance, sex, and marriage. In the middle, they convey the import of family and professional connections, distinguishing those from more casual acquaintances. On the other end, they form much of the glue in primary relationships for people who don't base their ties on sexuality. Sex is valuable, but it's not everything.

RULES

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PROMPTS

Hair care. Brushing, braiding, washing, cutting -- all of these involve a lot of careful touching in ways that many people enjoy. Hair braiding is a bonding experience in some cultures. In fact, grooming is a bonding technique for social primates in general. People without close ties to others often treat themselves to regular salon visits as a socially acceptable way to meet the need for touch and interaction.
Shaving. This involves an unusually high level of trust, especially if the person is using a straight-edge razor or something else with an exposed blade rather than just a buzzer. Although it can apply to women, shaving is one of the few forms of physical intimacy that is most closely associated with men due to their facial hair. Initiaton into shaving is a major milestone for becoming a man, not just for boys during puberty but also for transsexuals during transition.
Bathing. This varies by culture; in America most people bathe alone but some other cultures practice communal bathing. A bath is usually more intimate than a shower, although a public bath can be non-intimate and small shower stall can be intimate. It's also different when two people wash each other (an exchange of intimacy and affection) than when one person washes someone else (more of a caretaking or protective gesture).
Feeding. A classic romantic motif involves lovers feeding each other, but it works as a way of providing and caring for someone in any context. Like bathing, it can also clue whether both parties are participating equally or one is taking care of the other (temporarily or regularly). This one has an existential flavor since survival depends on food supply.
Seeing someone without their adaptive equipment on. This includes glasses, dentalware, prosthetic limbs, a wheelchair, etc. Adaptive equipment is part of one's presentation to the everyday world, and taking it off can be as intimate as removing clothing, for many people in many contexts.
Holding Hands: There can be many reasons for this gesture. Physical closeness, offering comfort, or staying together in a crowd, all may have you reaching for someone.
Undressing someone. This can be kind of a one-way experience if the recipient isn't awake, and is often awkward for both people if they are awake. Sometimes it happens because hands are out of commission, but a more common example is someone passing out drunk. Overheating is another good reason. Different circumstances can imply different levels of intimacy.
Sharing secrets. This especially applies to talking about personal issues that aren't widely known. An exchange of secrets is a common ritual between "best friends" among girls and women, but appears elsewhere as well. Some things are only discussed among people with a common reference; veterans may be more comfortable discussing war memories with each other than civilians.
Ordering for someone in a restaurant. Acquiring food, without asking the other person what to get, shows a knowledge of their needs and desires. Providing food is also a gesture of support and sustenance.
Providing moral support at a major event. Helping someone get through a funeral, a trial, or other intense but not crisis situation is usually performed by a very dear friend. This is a situation where lovers or family members may be too close to the matter to be much use.
Crying on someone. When you cry, you tend to let your guard down. Most of the people close to you will see you cry at some point, so that can be a milestone in a relationship. Actually crying on someone, letting them hold you, is even more intimate.
Serving in a primary role for someone during a wedding. This includes the best man or maid of honor at a wedding, or stand-in for absent parents, etc. as well as the traditional family roles. One aspect of intimacy is sharing each other's lives, including ceremonies and transitions.
Comforting someone after a bad breakup. Moments of great vulnerability can bring people closer. While this role sometimes falls to family, breakup repair more often goes to a woman's female friends or a man's male friends.
Listening to someone's heartbeat or breathing. Close body contact, enough to carry soft personal sounds, tends to be comforting as well as connecting, as it touches on positive childhood memories for most people. It is shared between parent and child, sometimes between siblings, and later between lovers. Tight nonsexual partners may also do this.
Putting someone to bed. Interestingly, this activity can happen among people who are just getting to know each other -- most often if someone passes out drunk, but exhaustion can have a similar effect. It's a gesture of caring to put someone to bed rather than leave them where they drop. A milder version involves draping a blanket or coat over a person asleep on a couch or the like.
Sleeping in the same bed. This is an act of shared vulnerability and intimacy. Lovers customarily do this; so do some siblings or friends, especially as children. People may also be driven to share a bed, sleeping bag, etc. for warmth or lack of other accommodations in challenging circumstances.
Watching someone sleep. There is more vulnerability on the part of the sleeper, and more intimacy from the watcher, when only one person is asleep. Parents often watch their children sleep. Lovers sometimes do this with each other, which can be cute or creepy. It's also a guard position, useful for showing that one character seeks to protect another.
Waking someone up from a nightmare. A subtler form of rescue than more physical actions, this is still a gesture of protection and caring. It often leads to comfort afterwards. A typical courtesy between parent and child, or lovers, this can also be an early threshold for characters thrust together unexpectedly if one of them has sturdy daytime walls and a lot of issues. It is common, but often unspoken, among war buddies or veterans, many of whom have nightmares.
Sharing clothes, jewelry, other personal items. This is common between siblings or close female friends. Sometimes roommates do it too. Wearing someone else's shirt or bathrobe is typical in romantic relationships, so can suggest a similar level of intimacy even in the absence of sex.
Cleaning someone else's living space. This shows care and knowledge on the part of the cleaner, and trust on the part of the recipient. You have to know what NOT to throw away or move. It's typical of family members and roommates. Coworkers may clean each other's desk, office space, etc.
Living together. This is a big step, even if it's just for a little while. Housemates are in each other's pockets; it's hard to keep secrets. Family members and lovers often live together, but housemates who are family-of-choice form a category of their own. If you don't want a romantic partner, a permanent housemate is a good choice for someone to share your life with.
Childbirth. Attending the blessed event entails providing a lot of moral support for hours under high stress. It can create a bond with the baby as well as with the mother. When planned, this opportunity is only offered to the closest family members or friends, barring professionals. But it can happen by surprise in very awkward circumstances, a popular motif in fiction.
Saving someone's life. Quick action in a life-threatening situation demonstrates how much one person values another. This can create a strong sense of connection, and sometimes obligation. It often, though not always, entails personal risk for the rescuer. This is fairly typical for military buddies or police partners, etc.
Risking your life for someone. Placing someone else ahead of your own life shows their importance to you unequivocally. This often, though not always, involves trying to save or protect another person. While it can create a sense of gratitude, it frequently causes anger as well -- someone who loves you will generally object to you endangering yourself, even to protect them. Military and police buddies protect each other regularly.
Making emergency decisions for someone. This reveals both how well you know the person, and how much you care about them -- whether you know what they would want, and act on it even if it differs from your personal preference. Unlike some of the other options, in this one the initial action is often outweighed by the aftermath. Both characters have to deal with the results of the decisions, good or bad.
Deathwatch. Dying can be as intimate as giving birth. Staying with someone while they pass is an act of love; so is providing moral support to someone sitting deathwatch for a family member or other person. Many soldiers and police have done this for someone.

(taken from here)

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[ It's a little weird, considering her combat suit is still draped over her waist. It really hasn't occurred to her that she's essentially half-naked. ]

Yeah, well, here's the deal- if something like this ever happens again, promise me you'll do your damnedest to stay alive, and I'll do the same. As long as we're alive, we can always find each other.

How's that sound?

[ Somehow, it's slipped his mind too, since he's still thinking about their close call. He presses his forehead to hers. ]

Can't promise anything, but I'll do my best. Preeeetty sure I still owe you an act of derring-do to make us even.

And we're talking like, Indiana Jones and Flash Gordon levels of action hero awesome, here, so you know I'm serious.

[ She likes to think that she gets a lot more of his references than anyone from Athenas should have a right to- again, thank you Pandora- but every once in a while a few slip past her.

She has no idea who Flash Gordon is, but why ruin the moment? ]

Just don't go thinking I'm going to play the damsel in distress just so we can be even.

'Course not. I'm pretty sure you'd kick my ass six ways from Sunday if I even hinted at the idea.

[ He presses his lips to hers, this time, before pulling back. ]

Thanks for the save.

Any time.

[ She flashes him a quick little smirk before going back in for another kiss. She's content to let it linger until a thought occurs to her ]

... I do have one question, though.

Uh, okay. Shoot.

We are going to have a conversation with the bastard that hired us, right?

Oh, absolutely. Strong words and threatening posturing will be involved, and probably punching. I'm really feeling punchy right now.

Great. I'll hold, you punch.

[ she raises her arm, tattoos flickering for a brief second- which probably only serves to draw attention to the fact that she's standing there in her bra. And yes, Peter, in case you were wondering, those tattoos go travel from her hand, over her chest, all the way down her torso, and disappear beneath the waistband of her pants. ]

[ Guess who's just now noticing the state of Maya's undress.

Guess who's realizing how close together they are.

Guess whose eyes are tracing the lines of her tattoos, down to her hips.

Guess who's blushing. GUESS WHO'S STARING. ]

[ Gonna guess... Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter, and Peter.

Maya looks concerned for half a second before she too goes red at the realization of... all of the aforementioned things. ]

I-- uh. [ she bites her lip, watching his eyes follow the paths of her tattoos. Her brain has stalled and she has no idea how to react- why is he looking at her like that ] Peter?

[ His own brain finally kickstarts itself, and he has the decency to pull back and stare up at the ceiling, turning away to give her a semblance of privacy. ]

Sorry! I didn't-- Sorry. Um. [ He swallows, clears his throat, and finishes lamely, ] Sorry.

It's-- no, it's fine.

I'm uh, I'm flattered. [ she thinks she should be anyway. She's only ever been called attractive once- at least to her knowledge- and that was in the most backhanded way possible. (I find your physical attractiveness confusingly repulsive, was what the note had said.)

Still probably best to get dressed, so she'll try to do that. It's kind of awkward considering the state of her shoulder. ]

... Don't suppose you have a spare t-shirt?

No, sorry. Er, here--

[ He takes off his coat and holds it up to make it easier for her to slip into it -- and he's careful to keep his eyes above her neck.

Peter isn't quite sure when he became such a prude; normally he wouldn't have cared, but something about their being in a Relationship made seeing her without her top very, very different. ]

[ She slides his coat on with a murmur of thanks- it's kind of big on her, but it gets the job done. ]

There. All decent again.

[ He flops into the pilot's seat once she takes the coat, and sends up the signal -- ready for pick-up, guys, -- knowing it'll be some time yet before the Milano can rendezvous with them. He casts Maya a concerned glance. ]

You gonna be okay for a while? Gamora and them still need to finish their job before they can loop back around for us.

I'm fine. Like I said, far from the first time I've been shot.

... I guess we get our alone time after all.

[ He smirks ] Falling for your nurse, huh?

I mean, who could blame you? What with him being so damn handsome and all.

Not to mention sweet. He gave me his coat and everything.

Wow, what a great, amazing, talented, sexy guy. He deserves, like, a million kisses, and one free pass if he says something stupid.

[ She gives a little eyeroll- count on Peter to lay it on thick- but considering what they've just been through? Well, she feels a little indulgent.

Hope there's room enough for two in that chair, because she slides onto his lap ]

Only one free pass, hm?

[ If he gulps, he tries to be subtle about it. ]

Well, maybe five.

[ A pause, then, ]

No, definitely five.

... Are you honestly that worried about screwing this up?

Not-- not really.

But there have been rare occasions where I have said something that may have been misconstrued as rude. Trying to cover my bases, you know.

And there... may have been occasions where I come off as someone easily offended and quick to anger. I'm not, really, so don't worry about it.

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