the awkward smut meme

[inlovememes]

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?! How It Works: * Post. * Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there. * Enjoy! I. LOCATION! 1. The Beach! Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!! 2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower! This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open. 3. On Random Furniture! Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table. 4. The Bathrooms! Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up. 5. The Car! Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back. 6. The Movie Theater! Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh. 7. The Great Outdoors! I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had. 8. In An Airplane! Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS. 9. WHERE AM I?! DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own! II. OOPS? 1. Injury! Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me? 2. Timing! ....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime? 3. Interruption! OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom! 4. Awkward Bodily Functions! ...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest! 5. Calling Out the Wrong Name! Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs. 6. Failed Experimentation! Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry. 7. Just Plain Fail! Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs? 8. Oh Shit! DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own! III. OBSTACLES! 1. Stress! It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way? 2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation! Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere! 3. Inexperience! Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about - 4. Location! Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE! 5. Mood-Killer! I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :| 6. Surprise! Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar? 7. How The Hell Do I Say This?! Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time? 8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby! DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!

Comments

Richie Gecko | From Dusk 'Till Dawn: The Series

[icansee]

Clara Murphy | Robocop (2014) | OTA

[seestheman]

(Willing to consider non-canon shipping, just ask first!)

Murasakibara Atsushi | Kuroko no Basuke | OTA

[basketbara]

[equivalences]

[ ooc: Vaaain. I want to smut with you but I have no idea how to get to the smut part. Maybe it could be an established dating/relationship thing? I kind of like the Random Furniture prompt + the Injury prompt. Maybe they could fall off something or hit something ... or hit each other by accident. What do you think?? ]

[basketbara]

[ Injury prompt can be a given for them, I think! I like both of these prompts a lot...

I doubt Atsushi would care about any furniture but maybe he could knock Ed's watch off a table or counter or something or they knock something else over? Totally game for injury in some way shape or form. He can smack Ed into a wall or maybe Massivesnackybara can get cut by something or hurt by Ed's automail hand somehow... ]

stefan salvatore | the vampire diaries | ota

[angelus]

Merlin | BBC Merlin

[wizardwhowaits]

Chiyo Sakura | Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun | OTA

[polkadotribbons]

[Expect comedy.]

Quick question first

[kingofshotas]

(( Just how horrible and horribly awkward sexy attempts do you want this to be? ))

[polkadotribbons]

[Chiyo's life is a comedy of failed shojo dreams and expectations that are quickly lowered. In short her love life must be equally horrible.

I'm giving you leave to be as terrible as you like, more or less.]

3-6-4 then!

[kingofshotas]

[ Man. Both of Chiyo's regular life and her love life must be in all sorts of crazed messes by now ever since she met this little self-proclaimed king. And his odd as all hell suggestions on what to do together that maaaaay be intentionally making her even more miserable for his own amusement.

For tonight's challenge though? Experimenting in the dining room with the table cloth, window curtains, and other kinds of cloth some how tied up around certain body parts of her body to have her suspended in the air! Things were starting to get really hot and steamy here now that he had started to slide his hands on her body to start loosening up certain clothing, but-- ]

Huh... did I just hear the doorbell? Were you expecting company other than me this late at night?

[polkadotribbons]

[From dick pics to drunken shenanigans, it's been a non-stop rollercoaster. How this mess started was unfathomable as much as the other ones had all been. Still, there was some fun to maybe be had. Not that she was a thrill seeker of any kind but there had to be a silver lining here, right?

... Well, until the doorbell at least. Chiyo's head shoots up.]

No, I--

[WAIT A SECOND.]

She wouldn't come over this late to collect her umbrella though...

[... Oh god she did, didn't she. The doorbell has no progressed to banging and 'Oooooi, Sakuraaaaa.'

Chiyo hangs her head now.]

Keith Goodman/Sky High | Tiger & Bunny | OTA

[efflations]

[Could also have superpowers messing things up because why not?]

Bruce Banner l MCU l ota

[wearebothangry]

2-1/8! Hope you don't mind?

[backstab]

Fuck! [The table has just collapsed beneath them. Solid mahogany, and they'd managed to slam right through it. Makes sense - enhanced Russian supersoldier strength plus Hulk is bound to equal smashed furniture. Fortunately there's no sign of the green guy - Natasha is pretty sure he'd tear her in half - but still, this had been kind of fun up til now. She'd enjoyed getting under his skin, getting him all riled up, even if it had been kind of scary. She'd found the threat of danger exciting. Up til they'd gotten a bit too carried away and ended up on the floor, surrounded by splinters.]

You okay, Bruce?

Oh I love this

[wearebothangry]

[Bruce groans and looks around them. The table is done and they hadn't gotten to the good part yet. Well he misjudged that by a lot didn't he. Sitting up he smiles at her.]

I might be picking wood slivers out of my ass for a month but I'm fine how about you?

I couldn't resist

[backstab]

At least it wasn't the window. [She sits up, running a hand through her mussed hair, and touches her tongue to a spot of blood on her lip. She isn't sure whether it's hers or his.]

This was a terrible idea, wasn't it?

Ha!

[wearebothangry]

I would answer that question with a big fat yes. And the window would have been worse...even though the public has seen me naked more than I care to think about it.

[He runs his hands through his hair and laughs long and hard.]

I hope this doesn't turn you off the idea of sex with me...Tony has five bucks riding on us um...finally doing it.

Castiel l Supernatural l ota

[kingofheaven]

Natasha Romanoff | MCU | F/M

[backstab]

River Song (Doctor Who)

[riverborntorun]

Let's just wing it. First time (for the Doctor) go.

[comeonthensexy]

The winds on this planet blows cold. In fact, it seems everything on this planet is cold, from the winds to the animals to the colours ... It's absolutely gorgeous, yes, and the fact is he didn't actually plan for them to end up outside for an extended amount of time. The thing about him and plans, though.

They never really happen the way he thinks they will.

So they've been outside for a few hours at this point and the cold is even starting to get to him. And how did they get so far from the city anyway? This is a pain.

"I could really use that old scarf right now," he says, blows on his hands and rubs them furiously over his arms.

[riverborntorun]

What she feels for this man must be love. What other explanation is there for the fact she keeps following his plans, hoping one actually pans out as expected?

The planet is beautiful. But the awe was overwhelmed by the cold for her about twenty minutes ago. "If you'd stuck to the allotted path we wouldn't be out this far, you know," she crossed her arms in front of herself, thankful she'd at least one little extra layer beneath her jacket.

"Oh, that old thing is still in one piece after last time? Sturdy fabric," she commented airily, glancing over at him. "....Potential spoiler," she amended soon after. Not the worst of her slip-ups, certainly, but the flush of her cheeks wasn't solely from the chill. There was a tinge of embarrassment at nearly spoiling a private moment.

"We can't stay out here, unless your idea of a date is catching your death of cold." She rubbed her own arms now. "Even if we can just get out of the way of the wind that'll be a big help."

[comeonthensexy]

The Doctor couldn't even manage a proper response to that. He just gaped, and stared. They used the scarf for ... what? Honestly, he didn't want to ask. He'd never actually thought to use it ... Whatever.

He shook his head, and looked around, his gaze sticking in a cliff.

"Hang on, I'll get up there and see if I can find a way to the city," he said and started off towards it. "Oh, also." He raised a finger. "Alloted paths are dull."

[riverborntorun]

River rolled her eyes and tapped her foot impatiently on the ground.

"And what am I supposed to do in the meantime, huh?" She called out, throwing her arms to either side of her. "Wait here and freeze my arse off?"