bakerstreet | The Romance Novel/Erotica Played Straight Meme

THE ROMANCE NOVEL/EROTICA PLAYED STRAIGHT MEME

Romance novels. You all know them. They're the books with the embarrassingly bad cover art, usually paperback, that are either stuffed in the back of the library or on a whirling shelf at the grocery store, begging moms and grandmas to pick them up. At best, they're softcore pornography, with terrible euphemisms. At worst, they're irredeemable shlock with cliche plots that are a dime a dozen. Some are even so textbook that when you express interest in wanting to write them, the company sends you fill in the blank forms to follow. No joke.

Still, there's something charming about these cheesefests, and a lot of the time, their tropes are tropes because they're genuinely enjoyable. These meme celebrates all the glory of terrible erotic, romantic fiction - played completely and utterly straight, in all its over-the-top hot mess-ness.

HOW TO PLAY

Comment with your character and preferences. Also, you might want to mention what prompts you're into/not into.
Comment to others.
Thread things out. Feel free to take these as seriously or as melodramatically as you'd like. Just have fun with them!
Terrible smut not guaranteed.
Shitty euphemisms not included.
Cheesy at your own discretion.

PROMPTS

Naive Virginal Hero/ine: Usually a standard. One part of the couple is inexperienced, meaning that the mass of love scenes in the book are their first time.
The Plucky Hero/ine: Often in tandem with the above, but not always. A guy or gal who's really a go-get 'em type, most likely paired with a stick-in-the-mud.
The Mousy Hero/ine: Again, one part of our romantic duo is a shy violet type, sometimes a teacher, a librarian, or another repressed yet sexy profession.
Cold Heart Melted: The person you've fallen in love is wounded by their past, but you know there's good inside. Can you heal them with your love?
Rough Bad Boy: He (or she's) a cheater, a seducer, a no-good crook - except towards the one person they want to be faithful to, but push away.
Boss/Secretary: Sometimes, things get a little hot when you're bent over those copy machines.
Makeover: You used to be a plain Jane; now, you're smoking hot and getting the attention of somebody you never thought would look your way.
Your Best Friend's Sibling: Your best friend's been with you through thick and thin. Still, they'll totally kill you if you slept with and/or seduced their brother or sister.
Your Sibling: In romance novels, everything's fair game. Though this cliche usually involves step or adopted siblings, blood relations are pretty common, too.
Love Triangle: No need to clarify this one. So, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?
Revenge: You wanted to ruin this person by making them fall in love with you, screwing them - literally - and then leaving them. Of course, you didn't account for your own feelings...
Feelings for Your Best Friend: You've loved this person platonically for years, but you never saw what was right in front of you.
A Helping Hand: Someone comes to you for help attracting the apple of their eye. You help out and end up wanting you "project" instead.
Period Romance (aka Bodice Ripping): ...as in time period, not that other period. Whether it take place during the middle ages, Regency England, pirate ship...times, or the frontier, these are always adventures.
Mistaken Identity: Wait, they think I'm who? Well, they care for me, so I'd better keep pretending. But what about when they find out?
Guardian/Ward: Usually combined with the age difference trope, but always involves a person who's known and taken care of someone for a long time desiring them.
Arranged Marriages Turned Real: You two were put together by others, and now the feelings you thought would never come are growing real.
Marriage of Convenience: Semi-related to the above, but actually entered for mutual benefits. Still, the growing attraction part remains.
Time Travelling: A hero/ine from the future falls into the past and is attracted to someone there, though eventually, they know they must leave. Can also be a hero/ine from the past falling into the future, but this is less common.
Gay Subgenre: This deserves its own prompt due to its rising popularity. Here, there's a whole sexual taboo. Undoubtedly, the most popular facet of this is the open gay guy/closeted "straight" guy pairing.
Fantasy: Dragons, barbarians, witches, wizards, and sex.
Supernatural: Vampires, werewolves, psychics, gargoyles, DARK SIDED and the humans they love.
Sci-Fi: Sexy aliens and sexy planets. Also, sex pollen. Or dystopian dark futures with lots of sex.
Secret Baby: Remember that person you slept with years ago? Yeaaaaaah, they had a kid.
Noble Savage: This one is kind of iffy these days, but it continues to be popular. Basically, there's a relationship between two people/beings of different races/species that is considered different and is therefore eroticized. Often involves being more in touch with nature and freedom from society.
Yes Means No: This is the convention of romance novels most often criticized. One side of the couple is too forceful and doesn't take no as an answer, yet the other party usually ends up loving it.
Country Mouse, City Mouse: A city slicker moves out to the country where they meet a sexy farmer or cowpoke who at first doesn't trust them, but through horse riding and camping out, the sexual tension grows.
Teacher/Student: Another power and age difference trope that is prominent in both erotica and the more "romance" based fare.
Social Inequality: Rich/poor, most likely, though other hierarches are sometimes used.
Age Difference: In general. Often combined with self-loathing, experience difference, and the cliche of "waiting until they're of age so it's okay."
Reunion Romance: You were with this person before, but you broke up. Now, through serendipity, you've reacquainted. Will the old flame flare up?
Suburbia: White picket fences are presented as cathartic and can even get the most wild soul to settle down with a good hearted woman or man. Plus, lots of sex in beds.
Sexy Single Parent: They have such a good heart, but their dick ex-lover left them with a house full of kids. Can you score with that total MILF/DILF and win them over?
Bondage: FIFTY SHADES OF - sorry. Yes. Bondage. Nuff said.
The Evil Ex: Drama! Your lover's ex is back in the picture and ruining your life - often the time in unneedlessly dramatic ways.
Steamy Doctors and Nurses: The display educational skeleton isn't the only one getting a whole lot of bone. That new mysterious doctor is leaving a trail of broken-hearted nurses behind him.
Affair: You're not getting it at home, so you've fallen into seeing someone else. Things get twisted when you realize that the person who's ring your wearing is not who you want to spend your time being with.
Love to Hate: Oh my gosh, I just can't stand that jerk! They're so- so- sexy! Hmmm...maybe they're not so bad...
Royalty: Princes, princesses, and sultry sultans who come to sweep us normies off our feet. How can we resist?
Raising an Adopted Child: Somehow, the two of you have been roped into raising this kid - don't ask me whose - together. Now, you have to spend a lot more time together, maybe even moving in together, and...
The Nerd and the Football Star: High school is like its own world, and relationships across cliques are not allowed. Popular kids can have anyone they want, so why would they go for the geek?
Against All Odds: Nobody says you two will work out, but you'll be damned if you'll let that stop you from trying. And trying. And trying. And coming back to try again, because the sex is good.
Stockholm Syndrome: You've been kidnapped by the big bad, and you're...doing better than expected. Actually, you may not want to leave.
Misunderstanding: Oh, no! I totally heard my love saying they don't want to be with me! I know what I heard! No, your mindblowing sex doesn't prove anything!
Mail-Order Bride: You were picked out in some fashion by your lover. At first it was business, but now, things are serious.
The Happy Ending: Yay! You've overcome all the hurdles, defeated the enemy, and now you get to have the rest of your life filled with love and sex.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No 3, 23, 27, or 43 please.

he was practically made for this meme

[When the Condescension had said to get the Signless off the planet by any means necessary, he hadn't expected that to mean being stuffed in a frilly dress and sent across the universe as someone's ordered matesprit (he'd tried to explain again and again to the people at the 'agency' that he was male, but troll genitalia seemed to endlessly confuse them and he'd eventually just let it slide).

It had been a relief to arrive and find out he wasn't actually going to be made to be anyone's for-life quadrantmate, since the human male who'd ordered him had done it on a dare and hadn't expected a male troll to arrive in any case, but now he was stuck on a strange planet. In a dress. Things were weird. At least one of the human male's friends had taken it upon herself to make him feel a little less out of place.]

[There was really nothing but surprises for everyone involved. Junpei had taken a half-joking dare to respond to the mail-order bride ad he had received and check "surprise me". Seriously, Minako did not expect him to take it seriously. Whatever her intentions had been, though, the damage was done, and an alien had showed up at their dorm in a frilly dress, desperately trying to explain that he was, in fact, male. For his species.

Man, will she ever get used to aliens being a thing? Still, it was pretty damn cool meeting one. Despite the communications with other planets that had been established, actual contact with aliens as foreign as Alternia was not common. He was grey! And had horns! And sharp teeth! Awesome. But he was also far from home and obviously not very comfortable. Poor thing. Junpei had sort of flipped his lid, expectedly, so Minako stepped in happily to help make their new friend comfortable. She would not stand for throwing him out! She made Junpei donate some clothes for him to wear, and she had obtained a sleeping pad for him that she settled into her room.

She was eager to spend time with him and learn about him so after the chaos had settled down she had made them some basic food and settled in her room to talk.]

I hope this is all okay, at least for now. Sorry we were so unprepared!

The Romance Novel/Erotica Played Straight Meme

Genjō Sanzō - saiyuki - ota

clara oswald | doctor who

Tarvek Sturmvoraus | Girl Genius | OTA

clark kent | smallville | het

Loki Laufeyson || MCU/Norse mythology || OTA

Gretel | Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Georgia Malone - OC - Het

Evan Quinn | OC | Het

Matt Delaney / OC / Het

Abbie Jansen / OC / OTA

Maddie Graham / OC / OTA

Miles Riordan | OC | OTA

Claire Cohen | OC | OTA

Bridget Vaughn | OC | OTA

Arthur Kirkland | Hetalia | MM (though female genderbend canonmates welcome)

Minako Arisato | Persona 3 Portable | OTA

WHAT WE DISCUSSED YO Mail Order Bride/Sci-Fi

AW YEA im so pumped