The Romance Novel/Erotica Played Straight Meme

[cockhops]

THE ROMANCE NOVEL/EROTICA PLAYED STRAIGHT MEME

Romance novels. You all know them. They're the books with the embarrassingly bad cover art, usually paperback, that are either stuffed in the back of the library or on a whirling shelf at the grocery store, begging moms and grandmas to pick them up. At best, they're softcore pornography, with terrible euphemisms. At worst, they're irredeemable shlock with cliche plots that are a dime a dozen. Some are even so textbook that when you express interest in wanting to write them, the company sends you fill in the blank forms to follow. No joke.

Still, there's something charming about these cheesefests, and a lot of the time, their tropes are tropes because they're genuinely enjoyable. These meme celebrates all the glory of terrible erotic, romantic fiction - played completely and utterly straight, in all its over-the-top hot mess-ness.



HOW TO PLAY

• Comment with your character and preferences. Also, you might want to mention what prompts you're into/not into.
• Comment to others.
• Thread things out. Feel free to take these as seriously or as melodramatically as you'd like. Just have fun with them!
• Terrible smut not guaranteed.
• Shitty euphemisms not included.
• Cheesy at your own discretion.

PROMPTS

1. Naive Virginal Hero/ine: Usually a standard. One part of the couple is inexperienced, meaning that the mass of love scenes in the book are their first time.
2. The Plucky Hero/ine: Often in tandem with the above, but not always. A guy or gal who's really a go-get 'em type, most likely paired with a stick-in-the-mud.
3. The Mousy Hero/ine: Again, one part of our romantic duo is a shy violet type, sometimes a teacher, a librarian, or another repressed yet sexy profession.
4. Cold Heart Melted: The person you've fallen in love is wounded by their past, but you know there's good inside. Can you heal them with your love?
5. Rough Bad Boy: He (or she's) a cheater, a seducer, a no-good crook - except towards the one person they want to be faithful to, but push away.
6. Boss/Secretary: Sometimes, things get a little hot when you're bent over those copy machines.
7. Makeover: You used to be a plain Jane; now, you're smoking hot and getting the attention of somebody you never thought would look your way.
8. Your Best Friend's Sibling: Your best friend's been with you through thick and thin. Still, they'll totally kill you if you slept with and/or seduced their brother or sister.
9. Your Sibling: In romance novels, everything's fair game. Though this cliche usually involves step or adopted siblings, blood relations are pretty common, too.
10. Love Triangle: No need to clarify this one. So, are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?
11. Revenge: You wanted to ruin this person by making them fall in love with you, screwing them - literally - and then leaving them. Of course, you didn't account for your own feelings...
12. Feelings for Your Best Friend: You've loved this person platonically for years, but you never saw what was right in front of you.
13. A Helping Hand: Someone comes to you for help attracting the apple of their eye. You help out and end up wanting you "project" instead.
14. Period Romance (aka Bodice Ripping): ...as in time period, not that other period. Whether it take place during the middle ages, Regency England, pirate ship...times, or the frontier, these are always adventures.
15. Mistaken Identity: Wait, they think I'm who? Well, they care for me, so I'd better keep pretending. But what about when they find out?
16. Guardian/Ward: Usually combined with the age difference trope, but always involves a person who's known and taken care of someone for a long time desiring them.
17. Arranged Marriages Turned Real: You two were put together by others, and now the feelings you thought would never come are growing real.
18. Marriage of Convenience: Semi-related to the above, but actually entered for mutual benefits. Still, the growing attraction part remains.
19. Time Travelling: A hero/ine from the future falls into the past and is attracted to someone there, though eventually, they know they must leave. Can also be a hero/ine from the past falling into the future, but this is less common.
20. Gay Subgenre: This deserves its own prompt due to its rising popularity. Here, there's a whole sexual taboo. Undoubtedly, the most popular facet of this is the open gay guy/closeted "straight" guy pairing.
21. Fantasy: Dragons, barbarians, witches, wizards, and sex.
22. Supernatural: Vampires, werewolves, psychics, gargoyles, DARK SIDED and the humans they love.
23. Sci-Fi: Sexy aliens and sexy planets. Also, sex pollen. Or dystopian dark futures with lots of sex.
24. Secret Baby: Remember that person you slept with years ago? Yeaaaaaah, they had a kid.
25. Noble Savage: This one is kind of iffy these days, but it continues to be popular. Basically, there's a relationship between two people/beings of different races/species that is considered different and is therefore eroticized. Often involves being more in touch with nature and freedom from society.
26. Yes Means No: This is the convention of romance novels most often criticized. One side of the couple is too forceful and doesn't take no as an answer, yet the other party usually ends up loving it.
27. Country Mouse, City Mouse: A city slicker moves out to the country where they meet a sexy farmer or cowpoke who at first doesn't trust them, but through horse riding and camping out, the sexual tension grows.
28. Teacher/Student: Another power and age difference trope that is prominent in both erotica and the more "romance" based fare.
29. Social Inequality: Rich/poor, most likely, though other hierarches are sometimes used.
30. Age Difference: In general. Often combined with self-loathing, experience difference, and the cliche of "waiting until they're of age so it's okay."
31. Reunion Romance: You were with this person before, but you broke up. Now, through serendipity, you've reacquainted. Will the old flame flare up?
32. Suburbia: White picket fences are presented as cathartic and can even get the most wild soul to settle down with a good hearted woman or man. Plus, lots of sex in beds.
33. Sexy Single Parent: They have such a good heart, but their dick ex-lover left them with a house full of kids. Can you score with that total MILF/DILF and win them over?
34. Bondage: FIFTY SHADES OF - sorry. Yes. Bondage. Nuff said.
35. The Evil Ex: Drama! Your lover's ex is back in the picture and ruining your life - often the time in unneedlessly dramatic ways.
36. Steamy Doctors and Nurses: The display educational skeleton isn't the only one getting a whole lot of bone. That new mysterious doctor is leaving a trail of broken-hearted nurses behind him.
37. Affair: You're not getting it at home, so you've fallen into seeing someone else. Things get twisted when you realize that the person who's ring your wearing is not who you want to spend your time being with.
38. Love to Hate: Oh my gosh, I just can't stand that jerk! They're so- so- sexy! Hmmm...maybe they're not so bad...
39. Royalty: Princes, princesses, and sultry sultans who come to sweep us normies off our feet. How can we resist?
40. Raising an Adopted Child: Somehow, the two of you have been roped into raising this kid - don't ask me whose - together. Now, you have to spend a lot more time together, maybe even moving in together, and...
41. The Nerd and the Football Star: High school is like its own world, and relationships across cliques are not allowed. Popular kids can have anyone they want, so why would they go for the geek?
42. Against All Odds: Nobody says you two will work out, but you'll be damned if you'll let that stop you from trying. And trying. And trying. And coming back to try again, because the sex is good.
43. Stockholm Syndrome: You've been kidnapped by the big bad, and you're...doing better than expected. Actually, you may not want to leave.
44. Misunderstanding: Oh, no! I totally heard my love saying they don't want to be with me! I know what I heard! No, your mindblowing sex doesn't prove anything!
45. Mail-Order Bride: You were picked out in some fashion by your lover. At first it was business, but now, things are serious.
46. The Happy Ending: Yay! You've overcome all the hurdles, defeated the enemy, and now you get to have the rest of your life filled with love and sex.

Comments

Wally West | Young Justice | OTA

[sciencewhizard]

Kyle Rayner | DC Comics | OTA

[ionizer]

Chon McAlister//Savages M/F

[1st_fuckyou]

Dean Winchester|Supernatural|F/M, (slash for castmates)

[impala_is_my_baby]

Ana Clark, Dawn of the Dead 2004, F/M (Cross canon is love)

[igothim]

Mary Margaret Blanchard/Snow White | Once Upon a Time | OTA

[forgottensnow]

Mary Campbell (Winchester) | Supernatural | ota

[exhuntress]

hi

[1st_fuckyou]

ooc like to give this a spin?

43

[1st_fuckyou]

[Chon had really liked Mary, they had been together forever. But when his more tenacious, more savage ways began to come to the fore, especially with his pot business and the people they had to deal with all the time?

Well, Mary thought it would be best to leave him instead.

That wasn't acceptable to him, he loved her, worshipped her. He still can remember the day that he brought her to his home and put her in that special room. Being an ex Navy Seal certainly helped him plan it all, and to put it all together to perfection!

He knew she would come back around, all he needed was for her to see how well he treated her and loved her! Now, Chon was violent against men, and woman--neither mattered to him. Yet, when they were close to him, like Ben, like O. Yeah, he would never hurt Mary either. He made sure to treat her extremely well. After a while he began to take her out for dinner or a movie. Yet, she wasn't allowed to leave his and Ben's house in Laguna. She had the beach, and he would take her too it whenever she wanted to go there? Shopping at the mall too! But she was never allowed to leave him!]

[OOC let me know if I need to change or fix this?]

rise kujikawa | persona 4 | ota

[photoshoots]

Farah || Legend of Queen Opala

[matureegyptian]

Tear Grants ♪ Tales of the Abyss ♪ F/M

[melodie]

Jowan | Dragon Age | OTA

[ttlynotabloodmage]

10/16/20 Let's go, go, go!!

[lovingvambrace]

It had seemed as though Solona would never leave the small alcove where she had been studying with Jowan. Cullen had stood at stern-faced attention for so long that his feet and lower back were aching from the pressure of his armor. As always, he endured the whispers behind his back from the other apprentices. There's the templar again, the one with the crush on Solona. Why can't he leave her alone?

If only it were that simple. He endured her shy smile, offered one in return, but it was tearing him up inside to live this lie day after day. Yes, let them think it was the Amell girl who held his heart, because the truth? It was too much to bear and something he could never countenance being discovered.

So he suffered in silence and prayed that one day, just maybe, Jowan would take his head out of the clouds and somehow see the truth of things. After all, they had nothing but time.

the boss ★ saints row ( f/m )

[singsalong]

4 or 5 /feels dirty

[vengeance_driven]

She stood out like an ivory silhouette in the dimly lit parking garage, flecked with bullet holes and dark blood, and he watched her from his end of the blood spattered pavement. Even with the clang of bullets still ringing in his ears he could hear his heart thump in his chest, astounded by this incredible display of feminine prowess.

Niko had to introduce himself.

He crossed over to her carefully, dodging slumped bodies and the occasional dismembered body part or wayward entrails so that he wouldn't get his workboots dirty. It was imperative that he make the best impression.

"Excuse me," he said, as he came within earshot. "I couldn't help but notice how quickly you replaced your clip." She was elegant and sharp-eyed and had hands as nimble as a silk weaver. It was impossible to hide the fact that he was enamored, the intensity wore plainly on his scruffy face.

Orihime Inoue | Bleach | F/M

[leekspins]

(OOC: Almost all of these are fine! Orihime can easily be aged up to at least age 18. Wouldn't mind trying #43 even, maybe light #34. Combination scenes are fine too. Bonus points for rough passionate bodice-ripping sex.)

Stiles Stilinski | Teen Wolf | M/M pref but I won't deny him some girl action.

[runboyrun]

[tsunwolf]

[ooc: I rolled a 16. So, how do you feel about an AU-ish thing with Stiles as the Spark/Emissary and Derek as his guardian/protector? Maybe with a living Hale pack, and hijinks ensue? I'm open to other ideas too. <3]

rose tyler, DR WHO.

[ofearth]

[denary]

What ever it is Rose may be expecting when she finally is escorted into the room that The Doctor is currently sitting in, he is pretty certain it isn't this. Wrists tied in silk and slung up on the metal bars of the four poster bed he lay on, he couldn't help but notice that who ever had decorated this room had pulled out all the stops. Sheer silks hung from the iron bed in soft waves, letting light filter over his prone body in sunset golds purple and oranges through the delicate fabric. Everything about the room screamed British Raj (possibly, oh, early 1900s?), from the lush curtains and plants, to the rugs on the floor and silk comforter he lay on. Even the soft white cotton he wore felt authentic, the only thing that gave away that they were on an alien planet was the dark black wall across from him, the slight glean on the surface belaying the fact that it was viewing glass. No doubt, despite how empty his room currently was, there was a nice crowd on the other side, awaiting the final 'performer' to arrive.

"Bloody hell." The Doctor had long since given up on squirming free of his restrains, and instead focused on trying to slow down his hearts, control his reactions, not panic Rose when she finally did walk in on this scene with it's obviously blatant meaning. Entertainers, they had said, why not agree with them if it meant getting past the guards and into the compound? He couldn't possibly have known. Really he couldn't have.

There's the sound of the door opening and the Time Lord glances over to see his best friend and companion standing there with a guard on either side of her, and he wiggles his fingers at her in a bright hello, despite their bound state. "Oh Rose! There you are. I can explain."

Oliver Queen | Arrow | M/F

[arrowings]

hi

[igothim]

ooc: Is this okay? I'll roll, and start. Just wanted to make sure? If not, I understand.

Evan Quinn | OC | Het

[to_look_back]

Miles Riordan | OC | OTA

[savedmysanity]

Daniel Lancaster | OC | OTA

[full_of_stories]

Shockwave | Transformers Animated | OTA

[magnushammered]

Fracas the Vehicon | Transformers Prime (OC) | OTA

[redshirtrobot]

6

[deceptionshark]

[Megatron had never thought that having this strange relationship with a Vehicon would be so interesting. He tries to keep it a secret, of course, as what would a Warlord want with someone as pointless and meaningless as Fracas? Well, that's the question of the hour isn't it?

Of course, Megatron stands to lose absolutely nothing due to this little game of theirs. He can't say the same about Fracas, but he finds he can't bring himself to truly care.

He grins to himself as he enters the room where Fracas is currently working, the vehicons salute him but he ignores them as he scans the room for that one...]